Matrix Games Forums

ORIGINAL: sprior

Those awards in full:

The full list of 2013 Ig Nobel winners:

Medicine Prize: Masateru Uchiyama, Gi Zhang, Toshihito Hirai, Atsushi Amano, Hisashi Hashuda (Japan), Xiangyuan Jin (China/Japan) and Masanori Niimi (Japan/UK) for assessing the effect of listening to opera on mice heart transplant patients.
They are, after all, the littlest heart transplant patients. Unless they are working with shrews now.

Psychology Prize: Laurent Bègue, Oulmann Zerhouni, Baptiste Subra, and Medhi Ourabah, (France), Brad Bushman (USA/UK/, the Netherlands/Poland) for confirming that people who think they are drunk also think they are more attractive.
{Staring in mirror not listening.}

Joint Prize in Biology and Astronomy: Marie Dacke (Sweden/Australia), Emily Baird, Eric Warrant (Sweden/Australia/Germany], Marcus Byrne (South Africa/UK) and Clarke Scholtz (South Africa), for discovering that when dung beetles get lost, they can navigate their way home by looking at the milky way.
...candy bar. They follow the nearest Milky Way candy bar.

Safety Engineering Prize: The late Gustano Pizzo (US), for inventing an electro-mechanical system to trap airplane hijackers. The system drops a hijacker through trap doors, seals him into a package, then drops the hijacker through the airplane's specially-installed bomb bay doors through which he is parachuted to the ground where police, having been alerted by radio, await his arrival.
Parachute?

Physics Prize: Alberto Minetti (Italy/UK/Denmark/Switzerland), Yuri Ivanenko (Italy/Russia/France), Germana Cappellini, Francesco lacquaniti (Italy) and Nadia Dominici (Italy/Switzerland), for discovering that some people would be physically capable of running across the surface of a pond - if those people and that pond were on the Moon.
Assuming they could hold their breath while running.

Chemistry Prize: Shinsuke Imai, Nobuaki Tsuge, Muneaki Tomotake, Yoshiaki Nagatome, Hidehiko Kumgai (Japan) and Toshiyuki Nagata (Japan/Germany), for discovering that the biochemical process by which onions make people cry is even more complicated than scientists previously realised.
They should have joined the drinking group.

Archaeology Prize: Brian Crandall (US) and Peter Stahl (Canada/US), for observing how the bones of a swallowed dead shrew dissolve inside the human digestive system.
Spend enough time digging in a cave, any excuse to stay in the lab will do.

Peace Prize: Alexander Lukashenko, president of Belarus, for making it illegal to applaud in public, and to the Belarus State Police, for arresting a one-armed man for applauding.
More heroic than you might think. They had to keep him under constant visual surveillance to get the goods on him.

Probability Prize: Bert Tolkamp (UK/the Netherlands), Marie Haskell, Fritha Langford. David Roberts, and Colin Morgan (UK), for making two related discoveries: First, that the longer a cow has been lying down, the more likely that cow will soon stand up; and second, that once a cow stands up, you cannot easily predict how soon that cow will lie down again.
Predicting how soon that cow will wind up in my lunch hamburger is a snap.

Public Health Prize: Kasian Bhanganada, Tu Chayavatana, Chumporn Pongnumkul, Anunt Tonmukayakul, Piyasakol Sakolsatayadorn, Krit Komaratal, and Henry Wilde (Thailand), for the medical techniques of penile re-attachment after amputations (often by jealous wives). Techniques which they recommend, except in cases where the amputated penis had been partially eaten by a duck.
Those fowl ducks.

ORIGINAL: zuluhour

I blame it on the peanut smugglers screwing around with the budgie pirates.[:D]

ORIGINAL: Cap Mandrake

Hory Crap! A whole page of edge-of-your seat storytelling has been lost by the data center crash. Next time they should get waterproof servers.

Damn, it was brilliant, too. [:)]

ORIGINAL: Cap Mandrake

Hory Crap! A whole page of edge-of-your seat storytelling has been lost by the data center crash. Next time they should get waterproof servers.

Damn, it was brilliant, too. [:)]

ORIGINAL: sprior

ORIGINAL: Cap Mandrake

Hory Crap! A whole page of edge-of-your seat storytelling has been lost by the data center crash. Next time they should get waterproof servers.

Damn, it was brilliant, too. [:)]

Our intricate, beautifully planned offensives to clear Burma, the PI and Taiwan lost forever. We should have taken a copy. Now we'll just have to go back to battering head-on.