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ORIGINAL: zuluhour

Fortunately the finance office next to mine has a fair share of peanut smugglers.

Just for that, I wish that the finance office be acquired by the Qatari Sovereign Wealth Fund and that they institute a new dress code involving the wearing of burkhas AND that they reset the thermostat to 80.

Important safety tip. Never, EVER send Kittyhawk III's on a sweep mission over a base which you believe has no fighters. If there aren't any fighters then why are you sending them. I there are fighter there then why are you sending them?[:)]

Recent ships (and boats) with Poseidon adventures.

ORIGINAL: Cap Mandrake

Important safety tip. Never, EVER send Kittyhawk III's on a sweep mission over a base which you believe has no fighters. If there aren't any fighters then why are you sending them. I there are fighter there then why are you sending them?[:)]

For the pumpkins! [:D]

http://www.youtube.com/watch?feature=player_embedded&v=p2-_uVy3r1Q (Requires sound on.)

Cap Mandrake - its almost as if you are trying to prevent a certain Lt(jg) from ever having an opportunity to enter politics in the 50s(c)...

ORIGINAL: Argos

Cap Mandrake - its almost as if you are trying to prevent a certain Lt(jg) from ever having an opportunity to enter politics in the 50s(c)...

I will admit we have been rough on PT boat crews...but not as bad as AM crews, LCT crews and Sea Bees.

By ra way. Why is Formalhaut 4 points?

Was she designed by the Queen's impaired cousin or something? A sentimental thing?

For a good time Google RNN Formalhaut. [:D]

Fluc you. Now that IS classic

ORIGINAL: topeverest

Fluc you. Now that IS classic

That is one of the best gags I've heard in a long time. Problem is one runs the risk of severe sanction to tell it. I don't think it is fair that jokes based on accents are inherently deemed racist unless the joke teller belongs to the group in question. It's like the gag from Seinfeld where Jerry suspects his dentist of converting to Judaism for the jokes. [:D] Neither are the rules transparent.

For eg., you can safely tell this old Woody Allen joke in any crowd:

"Jewish women don't believe in sex after marriage" [:D]

but you will get b****-slapped if you try:

"What do you call a Vietnamese guy with 3 dogs?"

"A rancher" [:D]

They both seem like good jokes to me. They are both based on cultural generalizations, which is what makes them funny. Can you get away with the first one because Jews have all been to the Haha-jima school of Yiddish Comedy? Or is it that the listener can't be sure if the joke-teller is Jewish? Does it have to do with integration or power in society?

If you listen to the HR nimrods one must not tell any joke that makes any cultural, national, religious or sexual (the sexes) reference. What does that leave? Puns? Pie-throwing?

ORIGINAL: Cap Mandrake

ORIGINAL: topeverest

Fluc you. Now that IS classic

That is one of the best gags I've heard in a long time. Problem is one runs the risk of severe sanction to tell it. I don't think it is fair that jokes based on accents are inherently deemed racist unless the joke teller belongs to the group in question. It's like the gag from Seinfeld where Jerry suspects his dentist of converting to Judaism for the jokes. [:D] Neither are the rules transparent.

For eg., you can safely tell this old Woody Allen joke in any crowd:

"Jewish women don't believe in sex after marriage" [:D]

but you will get b****-slapped if you try:

"What do you call a Vietnamese guy with 3 dogs?"

"A rancher" [:D]

They both seem like good jokes to me. They are both based on cultural generalizations, which is what makes them funny. Can you get away with the first one because Jews have all been to the Haha-jima school of Yiddish Comedy? Or is it that the listener can't be sure if the joke-teller is Jewish? Does it have to do with integration or power in society?

If you listen to the HR nimrods one must not tell any joke that makes any cultural, national, religious or sexual (the sexes) reference. What does that leave? Puns? Pie-throwing?

Many years ago during the age of live Television, the great Edwared R. Murrow interviewed the Polish flying Ace Gabby Zabreski.

Morrow: Thank you coming to our show today Mr. Zabreski. Can you tell us what your most difficult mission was.

Zabreski: It was late in the way and three Fokkers dove on me out of the Sun.

Morrow ( Slightly Panicked): Excuse me Mr. Zabreski, I just want to inform our audience that Fokker is a German aircraft manufacture. They brought a Tri-moter D-3 to the New York Worlds Fair. Please continue.

Zebreski: Mr. Morrow, it is a pleasure to work with someone who knows so much about aircraft, but these Fokkers were flying Messhersmits. [:D][:D]

[:D][:D]

ORIGINAL: Cap Mandrake

Some nimrod administrator with no sense of joi de vivre banned high-cleavage Halloween costumes at work. [:@] One day a year when you can get away with innuendo and pirate wench jokes and they take that away.

Didn't we decide that is why we fight? Or was that capitalism?

No, you're right. It was definitely the tits.

ORIGINAL: Cap Mandrake
What does that leave? Puns? Pie-throwing?

Hey! In defense of pie-throwing: I happen to really, really enjoy a good pie fight. It's a good way to spot communists-they're the ones that aren't laughing.

Disco, you racist baaahstard, you can't make Polish jokes.

I can however, as SG is Polish.[:D] Her bio-family were Poles from Chicago. Hilarious group of people, quite a few of them crazy as loons. Her bio grandfather actually spent time in a county lock-up in Wisconsin after he baited deer into his backyard and shot them from his rocking chair. The fine was like $500 but he refused to pay so they threw him in jail. [:D]

He died last year but they are still finding bottles of Jim Beam stashed in the crotches of trees near his house. He was hiding them from his wife. She disapproved of his drinking and he would forget where he put them.

Her bio grandmother, when her unloved husband (not the same guy) died (he cheated on her, she cheated on him and very few of the kids look like each other) she took his golf bag out to the golf course and ceremoniously hit every ball in the bag into the water and then threw the whole bag in, clubs and all. Some kind of Polish expunging ceremony, I imagine. She is the one that made up that ridiculous story about being offered up for sex to a mobster to pay off her husbands mob debt. [:D]

Chicago is right next to Indiana but it is a loooong way from Farmersburg where my grandparents lived. I am pretty sure there is not even a bar in town. Not sure anyone has sex there either.

I feel I can tell all the Polish jokes I want. Playing paintball with a bunch of them (they called themselves the All Americans [:D]) at tourney in the 90s, I was getting plastered long after my hand went up and the judge was kicking me off the field when I saw four of those Warsaw degenerates emptying their autocockers at me. I had like thirty five hits and seven welts in six seconds. I waited until the parking lot to unload. It didn't help as they had a crap load more paint. I'd sell septic tanks to their armored corps if someone hadn't beat me to it.[8D]

I would say the joke was on you, so it wasn't really a Polish joke. [:)]*

*Unless you are also Polish, in which case it was a Polish joke and you are granted unlimited access.

**********May 27, 1943(c)************

Formosa: LYB DD's probably inbound to Shaghai? I think this group was in the fight yesterday but I have to look.


Sub attack near Shaohing at 92,58

Japanese Ships
DD Tadeshiwa
DD Tanikaze
DD Hagikaze
DD Murasame

Allied Ships
SS Flying Fish, hits 4

USS Bowfin shows how it is done in the Formosa Strait. JJ is till running transports through the Formosa Strait but not tankers in a while.

Submarine attack near Taichu at 86,62

Japanese Ships
xAK Miho Maru, Torpedo hits 4, on fire, heavy damage

Allied Ships
SS Bowfin

Then the sun comes up and the dive bombers at Karenko go into action (their range was chopped to 2 hexes to avoid the CAP Hell over Takao). I think these are the two DD's spotted at Taihoku yesterday. They must be covering something.[:)] Lousy attack coordination. Likely, their commanding Air Hq hasn't yet completely arrived at Karenko (flying in from Aparri).

Morning Air attack on TF, near Taihoku at 87,63

Weather in hex: Thunderstorms

Raid detected at 30 NM, estimated altitude 15,000 feet.
Estimated time to target is 12 minutes

Japanese aircraft
A6M2 Zero x 10
A6M2-N Rufe x 3
Ki-27b Nate x 6

Allied aircraft
F6F-3 Hellcat x 28
SB2C-1C Helldiver x 9
SBD-5 Dauntless x 2

Japanese aircraft losses
A6M2 Zero: 1 destroyed
Ki-27b Nate: 1 destroyed

Allied aircraft losses
F6F-3 Hellcat: 1 destroyed
SB2C-1C Helldiver: 2 damaged

Japanese Ships
DD Suzukaze
DD Yayoi

Helpless transports in the Formosa Strait are more fun.

Morning Air attack on TF, near Taichu at 86,62

Weather in hex: Thunderstorms

Raid spotted at 14 NM, estimated altitude 14,000 feet.
Estimated time to target is 5 minutes

Japanese aircraft
A6M2 Zero x 1

Allied aircraft
P-40K Warhawk x 2
SBD-5 Dauntless x 11

No Japanese losses

No Allied losses

Japanese Ships
xAKL Kensho Maru, Bomb hits 1, heavy fires
xAK Mitu Maru, Bomb hits 2, heavy fires, heavy damage
xAK Banshu Maru, Bomb hits 4, heavy fires, heavy damage

P-47 sweep over Taihoku. Rufes? Ouch. Hardly seems sporting.

Morning Air attack on Taihoku , at 87,63

Weather in hex: Thunderstorms

Raid detected at 42 NM, estimated altitude 37,000 feet.
Estimated time to target is 12 minutes

Japanese aircraft
A6M2 Zero x 3
A6M2-N Rufe x 2
Ki-27b Nate x 4

Allied aircraft
P-47D2 Thunderbolt x 17

Japanese aircraft losses
A6M2 Zero: 1 destroyed
A6M2-N Rufe: 1 destroyed
Ki-27b Nate: 2 destroyed

No Allied losses

WJD anti-shipping attack over Karenko. Not sure who had the bombs? It doesn't work.

Afternoon Air attack on TF, near Karenko at 87,64

Weather in hex: Overcast

Raid detected at 56 NM, estimated altitude 10,000 feet.
Estimated time to target is 17 minutes

Japanese aircraft
Ki-27b Nate x 3
Ki-61-Ia Tony x 6

Allied aircraft
P-38G Lightning x 2
P-40K Warhawk x 15

Japanese aircraft losses
Ki-27b Nate: 1 destroyed
Ki-61-Ia Tony: 1 destroyed

No Allied losses

We miss Yayoi a second time.

Afternoon Air attack on TF, near Taihoku at 87,63

Weather in hex: Heavy cloud

Raid detected at 47 NM, estimated altitude 15,000 feet.
Estimated time to target is 20 minutes

Japanese aircraft
A6M2 Zero x 4
Ki-27b Nate x 3

Allied aircraft
P-40K Warhawk x 2
F6F-3 Hellcat x 11
SB2C-1C Helldiver x 7
SBD-5 Dauntless x 2

No Japanese losses

Allied aircraft losses
SB2C-1C Helldiver: 1 damaged

Japanese Ships
DD Yayoi

More carnage in the Formosa Strait.

Afternoon Air attack on TF, near Taichu at 86,62

Weather in hex: Heavy cloud

Raid spotted at 19 NM, estimated altitude 15,000 feet.
Estimated time to target is 6 minutes

Japanese aircraft
A6M2 Zero x 2
A6M5 Zero x 3

Allied aircraft
F6F-3 Hellcat x 12
SBD-5 Dauntless x 11

Japanese aircraft losses
A6M2 Zero: 1 destroyed
A6M5 Zero: 1 destroyed

No Allied losses

Japanese Ships
xAK Mitu Maru, Bomb hits 5, heavy fires, heavy damage
xAKL Kensho Maru, Bomb hits 3, and is sunk

Luzon: Two days straight of bombing over Clark and Manila have shut down the annoying CAP coming from one of these bases. Another attack by the armour West of Aparri. Weren't we going to give them some help by air today? I blame the staff.

Ground combat at 81,74 (near San Fernando)

Allied Shock attack

Attacking force 1080 troops, 0 guns, 122 vehicles, Assault Value = 82

Defending force 4062 troops, 81 guns, 0 vehicles, Assault Value = 44

Allied adjusted assault: 86

Japanese adjusted defense: 112

Allied assault odds: 1 to 2

Combat modifiers
Defender: terrain(+), experience(-)
Attacker: shock(+)

Japanese ground losses:
159 casualties reported
Squads: 5 destroyed, 4 disabled
Non Combat: 0 destroyed, 4 disabled
Engineers: 0 destroyed, 4 disabled
Guns lost 11 (7 destroyed, 4 disabled)

Allied ground losses:
49 casualties reported
Squads: 4 destroyed, 0 disabled
Non Combat: 0 destroyed, 2 disabled
Engineers: 0 destroyed, 0 disabled

Assaulting units:
2/10th Armoured Regiment
3rd NZ Armoured Sqn

Defending units:
Kure 7th SNLF
5th Makapili Regiment
40th JAAF AF Bn
22nd JNAF AF Unit
4th JNAF AF Unit
178th JAAF AF Bn