Matrix Games Forums

Here's one of my favorites:

http://miljokes.com/a/apr03/170403.htm

Military Automated Artillery Support Request Line

Ever wonder how the trend of replacing human customer service representatives with computers could affect the military. Here's the result. Picture troops under fire, desperately needing artillery support, making a phone call and hearing the following:

Thank you for calling the 26th Division's automated artillery support request line. Please be assured that we will attempt to assist you with all available resources in the shortest time possible. For air support, please call the U.S. Air Force at 1-800-BOMBNOW. [In enemy language: If you are a member of the [enemy country] army, we will not be able to assist you. Please contact your own army's artillery support request line at 1-800-DIEYANK]

If you are attacking a fixed enemy position, please press 1. If you are engaged in mobile defense, please press 2. If you are defending a fixed position, please press 3. If you are setting up a hasty defense or are about to be overrun, please press 4. If you wish to cancel a prior fire mission request, please press 5. Press the star key at any time to return to the main menu.

Please select the type of fire mission you would like. If you would like 81 mm. mortars, please press 1. If you would like 105 mm. howitzers, please press 2. If you would like advanced munitions, such as fuel-oil explosives or scattering mines, please press 3 to speak with one of our soldier advocates. If you would like to request the use of chemical or nuclear weapons, please press 4 and hold the line. The Secretary of Defense will speak with you as soon as possible.

Enter the map coordinates of the target you would like to strike, followed by the pound sign. Please remember to verify your coordinates and remember that your request may take several minutes to process. [Beep-beep-beep-beep-beep-beep-beep] You have entered co-ordinates 323451. If this is correct, please press 1.

Thank you. Please enter your battalion pass-code, followed by the pound sign. As soon as we verify your pass-code, we will begin processing your request. If you have forgotten your pass-code, please contact 1-800-WE-FUBAR to get a temporary pass-code. Please enter your passcode now. [Beep-beep-beep-beep-beep]

Thank you. [Pause] Your pass-code has been verified and your request will be processed. We strongly suggest that you and your comrades take cover as soon as possible. Thank you for using the 26th Division's artillery request support line.

ORIGINAL: Smiffus64

try the language preferences on the google page. read carefully

Elmer rocks [:D]

ORIGINAL: denisonh

ORIGINAL: dtravel

Waddayamean, "before returning". There's nothing IN Texas to return to! (One of these days I have to remember to annoy everyone on the board by posting my travelogue from my roadtrip vacation at the beginning of the year. You might find the Texas section enlightening. [:'(])

I kinda find the Texas Hill Country one of best places in the US. I plan to go back and retire there eventually.

Nothing to return to my a$$.[:'(]

There is a hill in Texas????? [X(]

I must have missed it. As far as I could tell, the highway construction crews must have thrown a party at the end of each month. 'Cause that was when the foreman let them change direction by a few degrees. [:D]

ORIGINAL: steveh11Matrix

Did as you said...looks like it's fixed already! [:(]

Works with google.ca too. And that was a special website designed to catch the web spider. After closing the page you get bounced to online casino site. Clever, very clever.


SPOILER WARNING.


These Weapons of Mass Destruction cannot be displayed
The weapons you are looking for are currently unavailable. The country might be experiencing technical difficulties, or you may need to adjust your weapons inspectors mandate.

french military victories

http://www.google-watch.org/newsday.html

My NOD32 antivirus detect the http://www.albinoblacksheep.com/flash/footy
contains the Win32/TrojanDownloader.Rameh.C trojan please be careful.[:-]

ORIGINAL: RevRick

you can see a lot of that stuff at albinoblacksheep.com

Try www.albinoblacksheep.com/flash/footy

stupid, silly, but fascinating...

I really wish to think that Trojan in the the link above was there by accident... [:-]

You might find the Texas section enlightening. [:'(]

251 posts so now I'm a hero?

I gladly pass that accolade on to all US veterans and especially those from TEXAS.

ORIGINAL: dtravel

ORIGINAL: denisonh

ORIGINAL: dtravel

Waddayamean, "before returning". There's nothing IN Texas to return to! (One of these days I have to remember to annoy everyone on the board by posting my travelogue from my roadtrip vacation at the beginning of the year. You might find the Texas section enlightening. [:'(])

I kinda find the Texas Hill Country one of best places in the US. I plan to go back and retire there eventually.

Nothing to return to my a$$.[:'(]

There is a hill in Texas????? [X(]

I must have missed it. As far as I could tell, the highway construction crews must have thrown a party at the end of each month. 'Cause that was when the foreman let them change direction by a few degrees. [:D]

There are mountains over 8k (in feet, not that metric thing) high in texas, unfortunately for me they're 450-500 miles away.

Aaaahhh, interstates don't go THROUGH the hill country, only around it.

God only knows if the interstate driving Yankeees actually visited the Hill Country, then we would have MORE visiting that wouldn't leave. That is Austin's major problem, vistors that stay and don't leave.

ORIGINAL: dtravel

ORIGINAL: denisonh

ORIGINAL: dtravel

Waddayamean, "before returning". There's nothing IN Texas to return to! (One of these days I have to remember to annoy everyone on the board by posting my travelogue from my roadtrip vacation at the beginning of the year. You might find the Texas section enlightening. [:'(])

I kinda find the Texas Hill Country one of best places in the US. I plan to go back and retire there eventually.

Nothing to return to my a$$.[:'(]

There is a hill in Texas????? [X(]

I must have missed it. As far as I could tell, the highway construction crews must have thrown a party at the end of each month. 'Cause that was when the foreman let them change direction by a few degrees. [:D]

ORIGINAL: denisonh

Aaaahhh, interstates don't go THROUGH the hill country, only around it.

God only knows if the interstate driving Yankeees actually visited the Hill Country, then we would have MORE visiting that wouldn't leave. That is Austin's major problem, vistors that stay and don't leave.

You're calling me a Yankee? Boy, are you confused! [&:]

As for the hill, in a place as flat as Texas one would expect to be able to see a hill (if there was such a thing as your theoritical "Texas Hill"). Somewhere on the horizon if nothing else. And where did you get the silly idea that interstates don't go thru hill country and mountain ranges? [&:]

[;)]

I did not necessarily call you a Yankee, although your ignorance with respect to Texas geography would lend credence any such inference.[:'(]

ORIGINAL: dtravel

ORIGINAL: denisonh

Aaaahhh, interstates don't go THROUGH the hill country, only around it.

God only knows if the interstate driving Yankeees actually visited the Hill Country, then we would have MORE visiting that wouldn't leave. That is Austin's major problem, vistors that stay and don't leave.

You're calling me a Yankee? Boy, are you confused! [&:]

As for the hill, in a place as flat as Texas one would expect to be able to see a hill (if there was such a thing as your theoritical "Texas Hill"). Somewhere on the horizon if nothing else. And where did you get the silly idea that interstates don't go thru hill country and mountain ranges? [&:]

[;)]

You would have to have some geography in Texas before I could be ignorant of it. [8|]


(Just because it can be hard to be sure in this medium, we are both clear that this is just in good fun and not to be taken seriously?)

ORIGINAL: denisonh

I did not necessarily call you a Yankee, although your ignorance with respect to Texas geography would lend credence any such inference.[:'(]

ORIGINAL: dtravel

ORIGINAL: denisonh

Aaaahhh, interstates don't go THROUGH the hill country, only around it.

God only knows if the interstate driving Yankeees actually visited the Hill Country, then we would have MORE visiting that wouldn't leave. That is Austin's major problem, vistors that stay and don't leave.

You're calling me a Yankee? Boy, are you confused! [&:]

As for the hill, in a place as flat as Texas one would expect to be able to see a hill (if there was such a thing as your theoritical "Texas Hill"). Somewhere on the horizon if nothing else. And where did you get the silly idea that interstates don't go thru hill country and mountain ranges? [&:]

[;)]

No harm no foul, so they say, so all in good fun.

Of course it should be noted that Texas is one of the more geographically diverse states in the US, not all of it good of course (Obviously the only part you have been in!)[:'(]

ORIGINAL: dtravel

You would have to have some geography in Texas before I could be ignorant of it. [8|]


(Just because it can be hard to be sure in this medium, we are both clear that this is just in good fun and not to be taken seriously?)

ORIGINAL: denisonh

I did not necessarily call you a Yankee, although your ignorance with respect to Texas geography would lend credence any such inference.[:'(]

ORIGINAL: dtravel



You're calling me a Yankee? Boy, are you confused! [&:]

As for the hill, in a place as flat as Texas one would expect to be able to see a hill (if there was such a thing as your theoritical "Texas Hill"). Somewhere on the horizon if nothing else. And where did you get the silly idea that interstates don't go thru hill country and mountain ranges? [&:]

[;)]

(Just wanted to make sure.)

Actually, I drove all the way across Texas on my road trip. Three days of nothing. No way that's natural, you guys must have bulldozed the entire state flat. (Geographically diverse! HA! Come out here, you want diverse. [8D])

ORIGINAL: denisonh

No harm no foul, so they say, so all in good fun.

Of course it should be noted that Texas is one of the more geographically diverse states in the US, not all of it good of course (Obviously the only part you have been in!)[:'(]

ORIGINAL: dtravel

You would have to have some geography in Texas before I could be ignorant of it. [8|]


(Just because it can be hard to be sure in this medium, we are both clear that this is just in good fun and not to be taken seriously?)

Diversity: Da longer you verk here, de verse it gets.

ORIGINAL: Tankerace

Diversity: Da longer you verk here, de verse it gets.

Be there, done that. Whadda ya think was a major contributor to my nervous breakdown?