Matrix Games Forums

U.S. Army believed they had too many officers and decided to offer an early retirement bonus.
They promised the officers who volunteered retirement a bonus of $ 1.000 for every inch measured in a straight line between two points on his body.
The officers were free to choose what those two points would be.

The first officer who accepted asked that he would be measured from the top of his head to the tip of his toes.
His measurement was 72 inches and he went out with a bonus of $ 72,000.

The second officer who accepted was a little smarter and asked to be measured from the tip of his outstretched hands to his toes.
He walked out with $ 96,000.

The third was an old warrant officer, a real grizzly bear. When they asked how he would like to be measured, he replied
"From the tip of the penis to my testicles."

They wondered if maybe he would not reconsider its dimensions, and talks about the nice big bonuses the previous two officers had received.
But the old officer insisted, and they decided to let him have his measurements done as he wished. The measurement was performed by a medical officer.

The doctor came and gave the officer the order to "drop 'em", which he did.
The doctor puts out the measuring tape at the tip and begins to measure down when he suddenly exclaims ..
- "Oh my God! Where are your testicles?"
- "In Vietnam."

ORIGINAL: jeffk3510

We're 2-3 weeks out from Wheat Harvest in Kansass. Wouldn't mind rain, sick of this damned heat.

ORIGINAL: jeffk3510

It was 40 this morning, and now it is 70-75ish I think. I am blown away the planters are just now being broken out. Corn nation wide was 65% planted vs 85% this time last year according to USDA...USDA puts out numbers to fit their needs if you ask me.

Corn is already 5-6 inches high here. Dryland is struggling already with lack of rain.

ORIGINAL: Terminus

I had to change a lightbulb over my bathroom sink today. When I unscrewed the old one, I dropped it, and it bounced off the sink, high enough for me to actually catch it in the air. Beats sweeping up glass shards...

ORIGINAL: Mynok


All you have to do is take your shoes off and walk through it. You'll find all the shards very quickly. [;)]

ORIGINAL: Terminus

I had to change a lightbulb over my bathroom sink today. When I unscrewed the old one, I dropped it, and it bounced off the sink, high enough for me to actually catch it in the air. Beats sweeping up glass shards...

ORIGINAL: USS America

ORIGINAL: Terminus

I had to change a lightbulb over my bathroom sink today. When I unscrewed the old one, I dropped it, and it bounced off the sink, high enough for me to actually catch it in the air. Beats sweeping up glass shards...

Nice! Buy a lottery ticket! [8D]

ORIGINAL: Terminus

I had to change a lightbulb over my bathroom sink today. When I unscrewed the old one, I dropped it, and it bounced off the sink, high enough for me to actually catch it in the air. Beats sweeping up glass shards...