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as it turns out was the good General's half brother by another mother on his daddy's......

side. Of course, you might sensibly ask how come Roy Rogers wasn't Roy MacArthur? This is a good question. Family lore has it that Arthur MacArthur Jr. was polishing his..... Medal of Honor from the Civil War one night, when after a 4th brandy, he crept unsteadily up behind the family maid, Miss Rogers and.....

and the maid promptly said "do you vant to roll in zese hay?" ala Terri Garr in Blazing Saddles. Unfortunately the moment was ruined when someone said "Frau Blucher!" spooking the horses....

...Schwarzenegger'd his way into her heart. Before you knew it, the maid had a little...

...boy named Richard.  At a loss for a last name, she gazed around her bedroom, spied the tag on her Simmons Beauty Rest mattress, and said, "Eureka!  I know what I'll name him!"  She promptly ripped the tag off the mattress, blissfully unaware that by doing so she had just....

broken the law according to the now discarded tag....

ORIGINAL: BrucePowers

broken the law according to the now discarded tag....

Mrs. Rogers' neighborhood wasn't all hunky-dory it seemed. For that night was a dark and stormy one. Suddenly, a shot rang out...

...as the Simmons Company's private security team blazed into action. Formed to handle exigencies just like this one, the team was armed with....

small shot glasses that were projected out of smoothbore bamboo stalks from the Greater East Asia Co-Prosperity Sphere locations......

oddly enough, only pillows and with no real culprit in sight they all engaged in a pillow fight "Threes Company Style" with Hugo the shop foreman claiming that he and only he, could be Chrissie. This caused a disturbance in the local Mattress Warehouse Workers of America shop meeting where the union president a miraculously reanimated Jimmy Hoffa claimed...


Doh! too late again...![:@]

(But use it anyways)

"I HAVE RETURNED!".....

ORIGINAL: Cap Mandrake

"I HAVE RETURNED!".....

The Hoffa-zombie declared. "BRAINS!...", it continued. At that moment, behind the Hoffa-zombie, something stirred...

..it was the Simmonds Company security team! They had returned to the van to rearm with half a dozen Type 89, 50 mm Grenade Launchers which had recently been purchased from an arms reseller with an abundance of confidence, a silk Hawaiian shirt and a last name that sounded vaguely..well...you know. Tragically, on the crate had been stenciled the words, "Jap Knee Mortars (One Dozen)".....

opening the crate they found a life size blow up doll of Pee Wee Herman and a note......

ORIGINAL: LST Express

opening the crate they found a life size blow up doll of Pee Wee Herman and a note......

...an IOU signed by the late Hoffa-zombie for 3 quarts of vaseline. The funny thing about the note was ...

ORIGINAL: Chickenboy

ORIGINAL: LST Express

opening the crate they found a life size blow up doll of Pee Wee Herman and a note......

...an IOU signed by the late Hoffa-zombie for 3 quarts of vaseline. The funny thing about the note was ...

It was written on the hairpiece of the late Mel Torme which oddly enough was found to hold ink as well as your average Hallmark Card. In addition, the note described the secret operational plans of.....

"Operation PT-109" and read "Talk to that bastard Castro about those sons of bitches the...."

<Aside: You know someone is going to think this is all made up if Mel Torme is already room temperature and Roy Rogers is a bastard infant in swaddling clothes>

We can't let facts get in the way of a good story, carry on! [:D]

Now for something completely different...

A Nun, a Hooker, and your best friends Mom walk into a morge to view..