Matrix Games Forums

Posted: **Fri Mar 30, 2018 10:25 pm**

[:D]

Posted: **Fri Mar 30, 2018 11:07 pm**

ORIGINAL: Zorch

From https://www.strategypage.com/humor/arti ... 020524.asp

The New Call for Fire Procedure for the Army of One

Picture troops under fire, desperately needing artillery support, making a cellphone call and hearing the following:

Thank you for calling the 25th Infantry Division's automated artillery support request line. Please be assured that we will attempt to assist you with all available resources in the shortest time possible.

For air support, please call the U.S. Air Force at 1-800-BOMBNOW.
For naval gun fire, please call 1-888-SEASICK.
If you are attacking a fixed enemy position, please press 1.
If you are engaged in mobile defense, please press 2.
If you are defending a fixed position, please press 3.
If you are setting up a hasty defense or are about to be overrun, please press 4.
If you wish to cancel a prior fire mission request, please press 5. Press the star key at any time to return to the main menu.
If you are using a TA-312, remain on the line and one of our customer support counselors will be with you shortly.

Please select the type of fire mission you would like.
If you would like 81 mm or 4.2 inch mortars, please press 1.
If you would like 155 mm howitzers, please press 2.
If you would like advanced munitions, such as fuel-oil explosives or scattering mines, please press 3 to speak with one of our soldier advocates to complete our brief Advanced Firepower Usage Survey.
If you would like to request chemical or nuclear weapons, please press 4 and hold the line. The Secretary of Defense will speak with you as soon as possible.

Enter the map coordinates of the target you would like to strike, followed by the pound sign.
If you need to enter map grid designations, please use the star for a "q" and the pound sign for an "i."

Please remember to verify your coordinates and that your request may take several minute to process.

[Beep-beep-beep-beep-beep-beep-beep-beep]
You have entered co-ordinates 32364519.
If this is correct, please press 1.
If this is incorrect, please press 2 and re-enter the coordinates. Thank you.
Please enter your battalion, company and platoon passcodes, each followed by the pound sign. As soon as we verify your passcodes, we will begin processing your request.
If you have forgotten your passcode, please contact 1-800-IFORGOT for a temporary passcode.

Please enter your passcode now.
[Beep-beep-beep-beep-beep-#, beep-beep-beep-beep-#, beep-beep-beep-beep-beep-beep-#]

Thank you. [Pause] Your passcodes have been verified and your request will be processed.

We strongly suggest that you and your comrades take cover as soon as possible.

Thank you for using the 25th Infantry Division's artillery request support line and have a nice day.

Thank you for calling the 25th Infantry Division's automated artillery support request line.
Press 1 for English....

Posted: **Sun Apr 01, 2018 5:39 pm**

ORIGINAL: geofflambert

So there's this ad now with this lady saying something like "So, finding the right bra is pretty much impossible".

I agree, but I'd sure like to try. Of all the things I could have done with my life, I could've been the guy that screened the models for this commercial. Why, oh why, didn't I think of that while I was in High School or College?

Dilly Dilly ......

Posted: **Sun Apr 01, 2018 6:40 pm**

ORIGINAL: scout1

ORIGINAL: geofflambert

So there's this ad now with this lady saying something like "So, finding the right bra is pretty much impossible".

I agree, but I'd sure like to try. Of all the things I could have done with my life, I could've been the guy that screened the models for this commercial. Why, oh why, didn't I think of that while I was in High School or College?

Dilly Dilly ......

I can think of several things to say, but most of them would get me banned from this august forum. [:D]

Why is the model sitting half dressed on a bed? They could have just as easily made their point with a low cut dress at a party.

Posted: **Mon Apr 02, 2018 4:26 am**

Yours is not to question why?
Yours is but to do or dye.

Or bleach, whatever the case might be.

Posted: **Mon Apr 02, 2018 4:53 pm**

ORIGINAL: geofflambert

Yours is not to question why?
Yours is but to do or dye.

Or bleach, whatever the case might be.

I get it - you're curious (see other thread) whether she is a natural brunette.

Posted: **Wed Apr 04, 2018 1:16 pm**

ORIGINAL: Zorch

ORIGINAL: geofflambert

Yours is not to question why?
Yours is but to do or dye.

Or bleach, whatever the case might be.
I get it - you're curious (see other thread) whether she is a natural brunette.

Oooh, which other thread? [:D]

Posted: **Thu Apr 05, 2018 8:23 pm**

Here is a human interest story: someone in Montreal stole 20000 cans of beer and some beef jerky! Why would anyone do that? Does the start of baseball season make fans thirsty? [;)]

https://www.ctvnews.ca/canada/nearly-20 ... -1.3872168

Posted: **Thu Apr 05, 2018 8:31 pm**

ORIGINAL: BBfanboy

Here is a human interest story: someone in Montreal stole 20000 cases of beer and some beef jerky! Why would anyone do that? Does the start of baseball season make fans thirsty? [;)]

https://www.ctvnews.ca/canada/nearly-20 ... -1.3872168

BBfanboy...why WOULDN'T anyone do that?

Posted: **Fri Apr 06, 2018 8:59 am**

There's no baseball in Montreal! Anymore.

Posted: **Fri Apr 06, 2018 9:04 am**

Here's a first for my backyard.

Posted: **Fri Apr 06, 2018 9:12 am**

They were too close to my window for me to open it. Here's a better pic after they moved off a bit.

Posted: **Fri Apr 06, 2018 11:54 am**

And the songbirds are saying... "The Quackers are moving in, there goes the neighborhood."

Posted: **Fri Apr 06, 2018 12:33 pm**

ORIGINAL: geofflambert

There's no baseball in Montreal! Anymore.

Speaking of Montreal. When I was a kid my family would go on vacation every August for the whole month. We went camping in nearly all 48 states plus all of the lower provinces of Canada. My parents were both ministers in the Disciples of Christ, which is protestant. Wherever we were on Sunday morning we would go to whatever church was available and we weren't particular. One Sunday morning we were in the city of Quebec and went to a beautiful old Catholic church. Out front as we arrived there were nearly a dozen young men, high school age I think, all with lit cigarettes. Each of them was wearing a black suit and white shirt with a black tie. Now everyone there spoke French and the Mass was in Latin with some French, which none of us spoke, though my Dad was a scholar in both Latin and Greek. Anyways, as we were arriving all those young men just stared at us with their mouths agape like WTF? We were dressed like tourists, in Bermuda shorts and colorful shirts. It was hilarious. [:D]

Posted: **Fri Apr 06, 2018 12:35 pm**

I believe they were staring because of what we were wearing, not because we were gorns.

Posted: **Fri Apr 06, 2018 12:44 pm**

A Gorn in Bermuda shorts? I would stare, too!![:D]

Posted: **Fri Apr 06, 2018 1:23 pm**

ORIGINAL: Lecivius

A Gorn in Bermuda shorts? I would stare, too!![:D]

I would...

Posted: **Fri Apr 06, 2018 1:48 pm**

ORIGINAL: rustysi

ORIGINAL: Lecivius

A Gorn in Bermuda shorts? I would stare, too!![:D]

I would...

So that explains the Bermuda Triangle! It's the Gorn Home Base for the conquest of earth!

Posted: **Fri Apr 06, 2018 2:02 pm**

ORIGINAL: geofflambert

They were too close to my window for me to open it. Here's a better pic after they moved off a bit.

Such a cute couple.

Thank you for sharing. [:)] [&o]

I am quite envious. [:)]

Posted: **Fri Apr 06, 2018 3:31 pm**

ORIGINAL: geofflambert

Here's a first for my backyard.

In my last job before retirement our building was in an industrial area, right next to the Winnipeg Free Press newspaper plant. One day during migration season (I forget whether fall or spring) a pair of ducks came up to the entry door which had a metal frame and the rest glass - I think they saw their reflection.
Eventually the drake put his beak up against the glass and had a good look inside. They did not get spooked by movements inside the building. I had a sack of birdseed for the quail flock that came around a lot, so I threw a couple of cups full of seed out for the mallards. Some others threw bread crusts. The ducks ate it up and left.
Next day, about the same time they were back, looking through the door glass. Before anyone had time to get more food for them, the mallard banged his bill on the glass as if to say "hurry up, servants!". [:D]

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