Matrix Games Forums

ORIGINAL: Chickenboy

ORIGINAL: sprior
At least the toerag has his head screwed on right

Well, this is breaking news! That must be easier to swallow then. Marginally.

That doesn't make him good enough; in fact I'm not sure what would.

ORIGINAL: sprior
At least the toerag has his head screwed on right, studying maths at uni, he's got a placement year with a UK high street bank as a risk analyst.

Yes, that does seem imply at least a rudimentary understanding of responsibility and ambition which is not universally present in Millenials.

ORIGINAL: Cap Mandrake

"knackered" [:D] Ah, the mother tongue has no shortage of funny specialty words.

After a tough series..."New York Knickerbockers Nearly Knackered"

After a honeymoon for Keira..."Knightly Knocked-up Nightly, Kanckered"

Or, after a sustained air battle..."Noumea Night-fighters Newly Knackered"

Better correct the typo before you get sued Cap. I'm pretty sure Keira doesn't have any kanker lesions since the Daily Mirror has not reported it so. And isn't the word spelled with a "c".

ORIGINAL: BBfanboy

ORIGINAL: Cap Mandrake

"knackered" [:D] Ah, the mother tongue has no shortage of funny specialty words.

After a tough series..."New York Knickerbockers Nearly Knackered"

After a honeymoon for Keira..."Knightly Knocked-up Nightly, Kanckered"

Or, after a sustained air battle..."Noumea Night-fighters Newly Knackered"

Better correct the typo before you get sued Cap. I'm pretty sure Keira doesn't have any kanker lesions since the Daily Mirror has not reported it so. And isn't the word spelled with a "c".

[:D] Oops. After a honeymoon, more likely than a canker would be a chancre, which is a painless ulceration associated with syphilis. Or the more prosaic friction burns.


At Harbor General in Torrance (one of the LA County hospitals) there was an "Infection Control Nurse" named "Ms. Shankur".

As a joke people started paging her overhead all the time "Nurse Shankur, please rerport to receiving" or "Nurse Shankur, please report to the rear loading dock".

Pathetic? Perhaps, but the operator was clueless and you were stuck there for days at a time with beets served at every meal, including breakfast.

They also served something called "City Chicken" in an opaque grey MSG gravy. There was a rumor it was actually pigeon.

In Massachusetts there is a town called Holden. Sometimes at a crowded restaurant or really any venue with gullible enough staff, you might hear a page for "Dick Hertz from Holden". [:D]

ORIGINAL: witpqs

In Massachusetts there is a town called Holden. Sometimes at a crowded restaurant or really any venue with gullible enough staff, you might hear a page for "Dick Hertz from Holden". [:D]

[:D]
I always thought it was something in the scrotal sac turning blue that caused pain. Never tried throttling Johnston. [8|]

"Red Vulva, please report to Southwest baggage claim for your package"


Bart once called Moe's Tavern and asked Moe to page Seymore Butts.


Ah, but we digress. What of New and Improved New Caledonia? I predict carnage. Vewy, vewy dangerous.

N&INC

If the 125 AV of 8th Marine get ashore safely, 4th IJA will have difficulty. If not, it will be ugly. Even a badly disrupted 4th Div should have the power to overwhelm the existing defenders. We could lose 6000 troops and 50+ planes..or the 4th Div could require help.,

****************FOB Royal Hawaiian*************


FAM: <sampling cheese and olive platter> Damn! You guys have a great happy hour! 45 cents for a cheese and olive plate. You can't beat that.
This is one is really good. What do you call it?

Waiter: That's imported, aged Swiss, sir.

FAM: Good thing we aren't fighting the Swiss, eh?

Waiter: Yes sir. Good thing. Even so, it's getting hard to procure.

FAM: Well, it's worth it. Say, what do they do with the cheese that was in the holes?

Disaster avoided at Noumea! News at 11!

****************************January 17, 1942(e)************************


N&INC: Take that Tojo! 51 pairs of coke-bottle glasses damaged. Ha!

ight Naval bombardment of Noumea at 115,160

Allied Ships
CA Chester
DD Rathburne
DD Lawrence
DD King
DD Ward

Japanese ground losses:
51 casualties reported
Squads: 0 destroyed, 6 disabled
Non Combat: 0 destroyed, 2 disabled
Engineers: 0 destroyed, 0 disabled

Not sure how 2 cruisers do less damage. Maybe the ROE's

Night Naval bombardment of Noumea at 115,160

Allied Ships
CA Australia
CA Chicago
DD Preston
DD Maury
DD McCall
DD Mugford
DD Blue

Japanese ground losses:
39 casualties reported
Squads: 0 destroyed, 3 disabled
Non Combat: 0 destroyed, 4 disabled
Engineers: 0 destroyed, 0 disabled

What about the carriers? The sun is up...surely..ah, there it is. 4 x 3200 ton AK's headed to Norfolk from Noumea attract quite a bit of attention.
No torps. Maybe the carriers are too far from Noumea to attack?

Morning Air attack on TF, near Noumea at 109,163

Weather in hex: Light cloud

Raid spotted at 19 NM, estimated altitude 13,000 feet.
Estimated time to target is 6 minutes

Japanese aircraft
A6M2 Zero x 30
B5N2 Kate x 30
D3A1 Val x 35

Japanese aircraft losses
B5N2 Kate: 1 damaged
D3A1 Val: 1 damaged

Allied Ships
xAK Talune, Bomb hits 10, and is sunk
xAK Koomilya, Bomb hits 11, and is sunk
xAK Mangola, Bomb hits 7, and is sunk
xAK Kauri, Bomb hits 11, and is sunk

Oops. Some staff retard left the cruisers on "remain on station"?

Naval bombardment of Noumea at 115,160

Allied Ships
CA Chester
DD Rathburne
DD Lawrence
DD King
DD Ward

Japanese ground losses:
7 casualties reported
Squads: 0 destroyed, 0 disabled
Non Combat: 0 destroyed, 1 disabled
Engineers: 0 destroyed, 0 disabled

CA Chester firing at 4th Division
DD Rathburne firing at 4th Division
DD Lawrence firing at 4th Division
DD King firing at 4th Division
DD Ward firing at 4th Division


--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Naval bombardment of Noumea at 115,160

Allied Ships
CA Australia
CA Chicago
DD Preston
DD Maury
DD McCall
DD Mugford
DD Blue

Japanese ground losses:
14 casualties reported
Squads: 0 destroyed, 2 disabled
Non Combat: 0 destroyed, 0 disabled
Engineers: 0 destroyed, 0 disabled

Well, well...where is the afternoon attack? Whoa..there is none. Now, come on USMC..right off the landing craft and to the foxholes...


Ground combat at Noumea (115,160)

Japanese Deliberate attack

Attacking force 13160 troops, 117 guns, 16 vehicles, Assault Value = 378

Defending force 6974 troops, 176 guns, 80 vehicles, Assault Value = 147

Japanese adjusted assault: 101

Allied adjusted defense: 205

Japanese assault odds: 1 to 2 (fort level 2)

Combat modifiers
Defender: terrain(+), preparation(-), experience(-)
Attacker:

Japanese ground losses:
484 casualties reported
Squads: 1 destroyed, 51 disabled
Non Combat: 0 destroyed, 3 disabled
Engineers: 0 destroyed, 6 disabled

Allied ground losses:
180 casualties reported
Squads: 0 destroyed, 8 disabled
Non Combat: 1 destroyed, 1 disabled
Engineers: 0 destroyed, 10 disabled

Assaulting units:
4th Division
Maizuru 2nd SNLF
21st Air Flotilla
24th Special Base Force
25th JNAF AF Unit

Defending units:
8th Marine Rgt /3
804th Aviation Engineer Battalion
198th Field Artillery Battalion
21st MAG
64th Coast AA Regiment
3rd Marine Defense Battalion
Noumea Base Force

Ahhhh...that is nice. The entire 4th Div stuck in the jungles of New and Improved New Caledonia. The Marine Def Bn at Koumac has already started down the road to La Foa to close up behind them as they have left no rear guard. Of course, they can probably beat us there if they choose to retreat..and there might already be help on the way but this will take a lot of WJD resources to fix

Construction of an airfield has already started on Tanna and some infantry is being flown into Norfolk Is by the one working transport in theater

ORIGINAL: Cap Mandrake

Construction of an airfield has already started on Tanna and some infantry is being flown into Norfolk Is by the one working transport in theater

LCOL Morales-Downy: Listen up men! To be totally fair, we are assigning the troop loads for Norfolk Island by lottery. The RSM and his Warrant Officers will bring handfuls of straws to all 5386 of you and each of you will take one. There are 13 short straws in the mix and those who draw these will be on the first flight to Norfolk Island. There you will dig foxholes for all 5386 of us and the next day dig latrines. The day after that you get to go hunting or fishing for food!

Assuming the aircraft manages the round trip without mechanical failure, we will repeat the process again for the next group of 13. If all goes well we should all be together in ....[pretends to be calculating in his head but really did it on paper beforehand] a bit over 400 days ... perhaps longer if we have to use the aircraft to fly in food or bullets.

Oh, and if you have noticed that no officers are participating in this lottery, do not be concerned. I shall personally supervise the drawing of straws in the officers' mess. Carry on, RSM!

Yes, but they have enamel ashtrays!