Matrix Games Forums

ORIGINAL: witpqs

ORIGINAL: Chickenboy

ORIGINAL: Cap Mandrake



Did something like this happen already? I'm serious. I can't be sure if I am stealing material from previous WWII's at this point.

What? Wisecracks? Jokes about VD? Yes.

Please consider diversifying your banality portfolio to include more of the underrepresented fart jokes subset, Cap'n. As equity investors in your enterprise (I own 2 shares for 25% apiece as well as a controlling position in coral bomb manufacturing subsystems), we are anxious to see you keeping pace with WWII(c) AAR market conditions.

+1 on the fart jokes. They're always a hit.

ORIGINAL: Chickenboy

ORIGINAL: witpqs

ORIGINAL: Chickenboy


What? Wisecracks? Jokes about VD? Yes.

Please consider diversifying your banality portfolio to include more of the underrepresented fart jokes subset, Cap'n. As equity investors in your enterprise (I own 2 shares for 25% apiece as well as a controlling position in coral bomb manufacturing subsystems), we are anxious to see you keeping pace with WWII(c) AAR market conditions.

+1 on the fart jokes. They're always a hit.

Yes. And if you can work them into the context of a head and shoulders technical pattern for the SPY, whilest simultaneously advising us about the Tojo IIa aircover over Mandalay, that would be most helpful and contemporary.

ORIGINAL: witpqs
Maybe one astute flight leader over Mandalay has figured out that if he orders his flight to roll first and then break big wind as they pull back on the stick they will increase the Tojo's dive speed by 10kph... a significant tactical improvement.

ORIGINAL: Cap Mandrake

ORIGINAL: witpqs
Maybe one astute flight leader over Mandalay has figured out that if he orders his flight to roll first and then break big wind as they pull back on the stick they will increase the Tojo's dive speed by 10kph... a significant tactical improvement.

*********************Heaven, May 17, 2012, AD********************

Sir Isaac Newton: <throws down ethereal mouse...but it goes right through cloud..later striking a believer in Islam some 25 Earth minutes later in Bangladesh...who, of course, ascribes it to "God's will"> No, no, no, NO, NO!!!!

It is just going to bounce off the pilot's seat and cancel out!

ORIGINAL: Cap Mandrake

ORIGINAL: Cap Mandrake

Adak: Pvt. Lefkowitz suffered mild frostbite to his male member while trying to take a leak outdoors at night. This prompted a warning lecture from the Chief Medical Officer with graphic pictures.
There were a few wisecracks but there was also quite a bit of squirming in seats. The slides were actually from a VD lecture but pretty much everyone fell for it.

Did something like this happen already? I'm serious. I can't be sure if I am stealing material from previous WWII's at this point.

ORIGINAL: Cap Mandrake

Fart jokes? Hey, that's a great idea. I wonder if Admiral Lord SPrior has some Royal Navy fart jokes? They must be a central concern on submarines.

ORIGINAL: witpqs

ORIGINAL: Cap Mandrake

ORIGINAL: witpqs
Maybe one astute flight leader over Mandalay has figured out that if he orders his flight to roll first and then break big wind as they pull back on the stick they will increase the Tojo's dive speed by 10kph... a significant tactical improvement.

*********************Heaven, May 17, 2012, AD********************

Sir Isaac Newton: <throws down ethereal mouse...but it goes right through cloud..later striking a believer in Islam some 25 Earth minutes later in Bangladesh...who, of course, ascribes it to "God's will"> No, no, no, NO, NO!!!!

It is just going to bounce off the pilot's seat and cancel out!

Not after the field mod!

ORIGINAL: sprior

ORIGINAL: Cap Mandrake

Fart jokes? Hey, that's a great idea. I wonder if Admiral Lord SPrior has some Royal Navy fart jokes? They must be a central concern on submarines.

Three eskimoes in an igloo:

Eskimo 1: It's so cold in my ilgoo that my pee freezes nebore it hits the ice
Eskimo 2: Mine is so cold that when I take a dump the turds shatter when they hit the ice
Eskino 3: Look! (pulls back seal skins to reveal 4 brown rings)
Eskimo 1: So?
Eskimo 3 peels off a ring and throws it into the fire and it goes "thhhhppphhhhhhht"

ORIGINAL: Cap Mandrake

ORIGINAL: Cap Mandrake

Thanks to the Accountable Care Act (and other do-gooders) we now have an "electronic medical record". Sure it sounds cool but what it really does is take all the work that we used to give to staff and hand it back to the doctors. Even worse, you can't just throw **** away like a mail carrier. Everything gets documented and recorded.

A verbal order turns into something from the 8th level of Hell with 2**X emails (where X=the number of employees).

Today I get this "task" marked with an urgent button. It is the 6th message in a string of communication. It reads "Doctor Mandrake; Mrs. McGuillicuty wanted you to know that Lisbeth had a reall big bowel movement today" [8|]

What the Hell am I supposed to do with that? Send cigars? Throw a baby shower?

In the end I resisted entering a snarky comment and just typed "Noted". Then I hit the very satisfying "Done" button and sent the message string to the 9th level of Hell.

ORIGINAL: Argos

ORIGINAL: Cap Mandrake

Thanks to the Accountable Care Act (and other do-gooders) we now have an "electronic medical record". Sure it sounds cool but what it really does is take all the work that we used to give to staff and hand it back to the doctors. Even worse, you can't just throw **** away like a mail carrier. Everything gets documented and recorded.

A verbal order turns into something from the 8th level of Hell with 2**X emails (where X=the number of employees).

Today I get this "task" marked with an urgent button. It is the 6th message in a string of communication. It reads "Doctor Mandrake; Mrs. McGuillicuty wanted you to know that Lisbeth had a reall big bowel movement today" [8|]

What the Hell am I supposed to do with that? Send cigars? Throw a baby shower?

In the end I resisted entering a snarky comment and just typed "Noted". Then I hit the very satisfying "Done" button and sent the message string to the 9th level of Hell.

During my Montana days there used to be a standing meeting for Fridays at 4 at a local drinking establishment. Several of the regulars were local large animal vets and one the head of county health so we heard about a range of adventures complaints similar to the Captain's.

One day we were all highly entertained at a page that came in for the on-call guy. Mind you this was a while back so you had to scroll to get the whole message. It read -

"Client name (XXX)XXX_XXXX Emergency - Horse is..." scroll pager here

"dead."

ORIGINAL: sprior

A midwife is walking past the hospital staffroom, when she hears two African doctors talking, "I'm telling you it's wumba: W-U-M-B-A," says the first.

"No. It's woombaa: W-O-O-M-B-A-A," says the second.

"No, no, no. Wumba: W-U-M-B-A," says the first again.

At this the nurse pops her head through the door, "I think you'll find, gentlemen, it's WOMB: W-O-M-B,"

The two doctors look blankly at her, until one of them says, "Madam. I doubt if you've ever even SEEN a water buffalo, let alone heard one fart in a mudpool,".

ORIGINAL: Cap Mandrake

"The CHP is reporting 8 injuries and 3 fatalities, 2 of them serious." [:D]

ORIGINAL: Chickenboy

ORIGINAL: Cap Mandrake

"The CHP is reporting 8 injuries and 3 fatalities, 2 of them serious." [:D]

No-the third fatality could have been a clown. That wouldn't have been serious. Alternatively, the third fatality could have been a mime. That would have been cause for celebration. Again, not serious.

ORIGINAL: Argos



[:D]

After one of the big earthquakes the local news stations go into continuous coverage mode and the "anchormen" with the helmet hair have to go off teleprompter. Instead, they get updates via earpiece from their director or just have to keep talking when they have already said everything they know 6 times.


After the Northridge quake in '94 I was watching the live news and the helmet-hair dude announced;

"The CHP is reporting 8 injuries and 3 fatalities, 2 of them serious." [:D]




I actually saw the same broadcast. The joys of off script 'journalists' almost match those of sports figures sharing their thoughts...