Matrix Games Forums

ORIGINAL: Onime No Kyo

Dont remember if I mentioned it, but a few weeks ago I hit a deer on the highway. The stupid animule darted out in front of me and I couldnt avoid him. Banged up my fender, etc, etc....

Anycase. I'm sitting at work today and I get a phonecall from Officer Somethingorother from the NY State Troopers.

Him: Do you have hunting licence, sir.
Me: No. Why do you ask?
Him: Were you driving on such and such a highway at such and such a time and date?
Me: I may have been. What is this about?
Him: You are required to report to the local trooper barracks and fill out a statement.
Me: Of what?
Him: To explain leaving the scene of a crime. We have witnes statements and camera footage of you striking a deer and leaving.
Me: Is the deer pressing charges?
Him: This isnt funny sir. You are in violation of the Highway Hunting law which was passed by the State Legislature on May 15th.
Me: Pardon my ignorance but what does this saw say?
Him: That persons knowingly striking an animal in the roadway who do not carry a valid hunting license are in violation of state hunting regulation and must pay the applicable fine. From what we have seen on the camera footage and garnered from witness statements, the deer you struck would warrant at least a $850 violation.
Me: So the implication is that I struck this deer on purpose.
Him: We have camera footage showing you swerving into it.
Me: Perhaps I should hire an attorney.
Him: First I would suggest that you come down to the barracks and speak to Sgt. <insert the name of my soon to be dead friend here>.

My friend, who I always knew was completely insane, got his boss's brother (whom I've never seen and wouldnt recognize his voice) to call me. The guy was doing good too. Now I need to figure out a way to get back at the little rat bastard. [:D]

ORIGINAL: Walloc

So Chickenboy are you a vikes fan?

Want to know if the universe is "even'ed" out tonight?

Rasmus

'fraid not. I grew up for 5 years in Dallas-my self-referred 'football formative years'. There are no others other than the boys of cow, men of moo (Dallas Cowboys for you Euros out there).

ORIGINAL: Historiker

ORIGINAL: Onime No Kyo

Dont remember if I mentioned it, but a few weeks ago I hit a deer on the highway. The stupid animule darted out in front of me and I couldnt avoid him. Banged up my fender, etc, etc....

Anycase. I'm sitting at work today and I get a phonecall from Officer Somethingorother from the NY State Troopers.

Him: Do you have hunting licence, sir.
Me: No. Why do you ask?
Him: Were you driving on such and such a highway at such and such a time and date?
Me: I may have been. What is this about?
Him: You are required to report to the local trooper barracks and fill out a statement.
Me: Of what?
Him: To explain leaving the scene of a crime. We have witnes statements and camera footage of you striking a deer and leaving.
Me: Is the deer pressing charges?
Him: This isnt funny sir. You are in violation of the Highway Hunting law which was passed by the State Legislature on May 15th.
Me: Pardon my ignorance but what does this saw say?
Him: That persons knowingly striking an animal in the roadway who do not carry a valid hunting license are in violation of state hunting regulation and must pay the applicable fine. From what we have seen on the camera footage and garnered from witness statements, the deer you struck would warrant at least a $850 violation.
Me: So the implication is that I struck this deer on purpose.
Him: We have camera footage showing you swerving into it.
Me: Perhaps I should hire an attorney.
Him: First I would suggest that you come down to the barracks and speak to Sgt. <insert the name of my soon to be dead friend here>.

My friend, who I always knew was completely insane, got his boss's brother (whom I've never seen and wouldnt recognize his voice) to call me. The guy was doing good too. Now I need to figure out a way to get back at the little rat bastard. [:D]

I am very appreciative of these sorts of shenanigans. Good on him.

The following questions were set in last year’s GCSE examination in England.

These are genuine answers from 16 year olds, not very bright, but entertaining, 16 year olds.

Q. Name the four seasons
A. Salt, pepper, mustard and vinegar

Q. Explain one of the processes by which water can be made safe to drink
A. Flirtation makes water safe to drink because it removes large pollutants like grit, sand, dead sheep and canoeists

Q. How is dew formed
A. The sun shines down on the leaves and makes them perspire

Q. What causes the tides in the oceans
A. The tides are a fight between the earth and the moon. All water tends to flow towards the moon, because there is no water on the moon, and nature abhors a vacuum. I forget where the sun joins the fight

Q. What guarantees may a mortgage company insist on
A. If you are buying a house they will insist that you are well endowed

Q. In a democratic society, how important are elections
A. Very important. Sex can only happen when a male gets an election

Q. What are steroids
A. Things for keeping carpets still on the stairs

Q. What happens to your body as you age
A. When you get old, so do your bowels and you get intercontinental

Q. What happens to a boy when he reaches puberty
A. He says goodbye to his boyhood and looks forward to his adultery

Q. Name a major disease associated with cigarettes
A. Premature death

Q. What is artificial insemination
A. When the farmer does it to the bull instead of the cow

Q. How can you delay milk turning sour
A. Keep it in the cow

Q. How are the main 20 parts of the body categorised (e.g. The abdomen)
A. The body is consisted into 3 parts – the brainium, the borax and the abdominal cavity. The brainium contains the brain, the borax contains the heart and lungs and the abdominal cavity contains the five bowels: A, E, I, O and U

Q. What is the fibula?
A. A small lie

Q. What is the most common form of birth control
A. Most people prevent contraception by wearing a condominium

Q. Give the meaning of the term ‘Caesarean section’
A. The caesarean section is a district in Rome

Q. What is a seizure?
A. A Roman Emperor.

Q. What is a terminal illness
A. When you are sick at the airport.

Q. What does the word ‘benign’ mean?
A. Benign is what you will be after you be eight

Q. What is a turbine?
A. Something an Arab or Shreik wears on his head

Q. In a democratic society, how important are elections
A. Very important. Sex can only happen when a male gets an election

Or when a women gets a vibrator. [:'(]

Good morning friends.

Hi all,

Good morning!


Leo "Apollo11"

Hi all,

Even since we got home from our summer vacation 10 days ago it is constantly raining and raining and raining... [:(]

True fall although it is early September... [&:]


Leo "Apollo11"

Hi all,

Guys have you noticed that we didn't see "T" for some time (i.e. after he got his contract)?


Leo "Apollo11"

Morning men.

ORIGINAL: Onime No Kyo

ORIGINAL: sprior

Hint: Just ask Sprior when was the last time that the reds(Notthingham Forests) was in premier league.

Hey, low expectations avoid disappointment!

Were you a Cubs or a Bears fan when you lived here? [:'(][:D]

Both. And now I continue that tradition by supporting Notts Forest and Notts County Cricket Club.

ORIGINAL: Onime No Kyo

ORIGINAL: sprior
...A Dutchman...

William? Was he really all that Dutch?

William Henry of Orange was born in The Hague in the Dutch Republic on 14 November 1650. He was the only child of stadtholder William II, Prince of Orange, and Mary, Princess Royal. Mary was the eldest daughter of King Charles I of England, Scotland and Ireland, and sister of King Charles II and King James II & VII.

Born in Holland, Dutch dad.

ORIGINAL: Onime No Kyo

ORIGINAL: Grollub

Sadly, I won't argue that ... [:D]

I see youre not a fan of obvious retorts. [:D]

Which obvious retort was that? [:)]

Watch out for a new virus!

Techie stuff:

Win32/Visal.B is a new worm that is currently propagating using mass emailing, and copying itself to local drives and network shares. Please note: the worm does not leverage a vulnerability in a specific product, but rather, uses a social engineering technique called URL obfuscation to trick a user to launch a malicious SCR file.

Human speak:

A fast-moving email worm that began spreading on Thursday has been able to affect hundreds of thousands of computers worldwide, anti-virus provider Symantec warned.

The email arrives with the subject “Here you have.” An executable screensaver that's disguised as a PDF document then tries to send the same message to everyone listed in the recipient's address book. The .scr file is a variation of the W32.Imsolk.A@mm worm Symantec discovered last month.

In addition to spreading through email, it can propagate through mapped drives, autorun and instant messenger. It also has the ability to disable various security programs.

ORIGINAL: sprior

Watch out for a new virus!

Techie stuff:

Win32/Visal.B is a new worm that is currently propagating using mass emailing, and copying itself to local drives and network shares. Please note: the worm does not leverage a vulnerability in a specific product, but rather, uses a social engineering technique called URL obfuscation to trick a user to launch a malicious SCR file.

Human speak:

A fast-moving email worm that began spreading on Thursday has been able to affect hundreds of thousands of computers worldwide, anti-virus provider Symantec warned.

The email arrives with the subject “Here you have.” An executable screensaver that's disguised as a PDF document then tries to send the same message to everyone listed in the recipient's address book. The .scr file is a variation of the W32.Imsolk.A@mm worm Symantec discovered last month.

In addition to spreading through email, it can propagate through mapped drives, autorun and instant messenger. It also has the ability to disable various security programs.

ugh another hacker trying to leave his mark no matter how fleeting on this world.

ORIGINAL: Apollo11

Hi all,

Even since we got home from our summer vacation 10 days ago it is constantly raining and raining and raining... [:(]

True fall although it is early September... [&:]


Leo "Apollo11"

I wish it would rain here my lawn is dead

ORIGINAL: Onime No Kyo

Dont remember if I mentioned it, but a few weeks ago I hit a deer on the highway. The stupid animule darted out in front of me and I couldnt avoid him. Banged up my fender, etc, etc....

Anycase. I'm sitting at work today and I get a phonecall from Officer Somethingorother from the NY State Troopers.

Him: Do you have hunting licence, sir.
Me: No. Why do you ask?
Him: Were you driving on such and such a highway at such and such a time and date?
Me: I may have been. What is this about?
Him: You are required to report to the local trooper barracks and fill out a statement.
Me: Of what?
Him: To explain leaving the scene of a crime. We have witnes statements and camera footage of you striking a deer and leaving.
Me: Is the deer pressing charges?
Him: This isnt funny sir. You are in violation of the Highway Hunting law which was passed by the State Legislature on May 15th.
Me: Pardon my ignorance but what does this saw say?
Him: That persons knowingly striking an animal in the roadway who do not carry a valid hunting license are in violation of state hunting regulation and must pay the applicable fine. From what we have seen on the camera footage and garnered from witness statements, the deer you struck would warrant at least a $850 violation.
Me: So the implication is that I struck this deer on purpose.
Him: We have camera footage showing you swerving into it.
Me: Perhaps I should hire an attorney.
Him: First I would suggest that you come down to the barracks and speak to Sgt. <insert the name of my soon to be dead friend here>.

My friend, who I always knew was completely insane, got his boss's brother (whom I've never seen and wouldnt recognize his voice) to call me. The guy was doing good too. Now I need to figure out a way to get back at the little rat bastard. [:D]

Outstanding! [&o][&o][&o][:D]

Good Friday morning - Tithe.&nbsp;[&o][&o][&o]

ORIGINAL: USS America

ORIGINAL: Onime No Kyo

Dont remember if I mentioned it, but a few weeks ago I hit a deer on the highway. The stupid animule darted out in front of me and I couldnt avoid him. Banged up my fender, etc, etc....

Anycase. I'm sitting at work today and I get a phonecall from Officer Somethingorother from the NY State Troopers.

Him: Do you have hunting licence, sir.
Me: No. Why do you ask?
Him: Were you driving on such and such a highway at such and such a time and date?
Me: I may have been. What is this about?
Him: You are required to report to the local trooper barracks and fill out a statement.
Me: Of what?
Him: To explain leaving the scene of a crime. We have witnes statements and camera footage of you striking a deer and leaving.
Me: Is the deer pressing charges?
Him: This isnt funny sir. You are in violation of the Highway Hunting law which was passed by the State Legislature on May 15th.
Me: Pardon my ignorance but what does this saw say?
Him: That persons knowingly striking an animal in the roadway who do not carry a valid hunting license are in violation of state hunting regulation and must pay the applicable fine. From what we have seen on the camera footage and garnered from witness statements, the deer you struck would warrant at least a $850 violation.
Me: So the implication is that I struck this deer on purpose.
Him: We have camera footage showing you swerving into it.
Me: Perhaps I should hire an attorney.
Him: First I would suggest that you come down to the barracks and speak to Sgt. <insert the name of my soon to be dead friend here>.

My friend, who I always knew was completely insane, got his boss's brother (whom I've never seen and wouldnt recognize his voice) to call me. The guy was doing good too. Now I need to figure out a way to get back at the little rat bastard. [:D]

Outstanding! [&o][&o][&o][:D]

+1. [:D]

Morning tithe.