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Can Kaiser Ulver save the world from the (EU) Banana?

I have a dream. A simple dream really. It involves playing the Central Powers in GOA without getting my ass comprehensively handed to me. While I have had some success against reasonable competent players as the Entente, winning every engagement except when up against the dreaded Hjaco, I have never ever won a single game as the Central Powers except against the AI.

In short, I’m something of an incompetent in the Kaiser business. I have tried conservatively – getting squeezed slowely to death in 1917. I have tried an all-out attack on France resulting in me knocking her out only to have the Russians in Berlin in 1915. I have gone all out against Russia only to have the Americans mach into Vienna from the Balkans and Italy.

Occasionally I must confess I have entertained the thought that I may not be cut out for the role. But then I have always believed that defeat is a much better teacher the victory so by now I figure I must be getting to be something of a genius.

None the less, having exhausted all the traditional opening moves I getting desperate enough to try not one but two fairly high risk gambles. I expect The Banana was rather surprised to get the following message:



I can just imagine the reaction in London: Poor Kaiser Ulver, we always knew he wasn’t too bright but we never realised he was stark raving mad. Attacking his own side. What’s next? A German DoW on Austria?

Actually there is a method to the madness. While there are a number of fairly obvious drawbacks to an Entente Ottoman Empire – I’m sure the Banana is already plotting to have the Turks march into Berlin just to complete my humiliation. – There is one huge advantage:

As long as I don’t attack Benelux the BEF will not be released, ever. Obviously Britain will still enter the war and I’ll have to content with the Royal Navy and Air Force, while British laboratories are busy developing high-tech French tanks and everyone is fielding British-build guns and gorging themselves on Commonwealth grown wheat shipped on British ships.

Non the less I won’t be seeing British troops on the west front and I feel it may be worth the drawbacks. In any case I’m desperate knowing full well I have little chance of winning a traditional game against the experience of the Banana.

I have given some thought to whether this is a gamy exploitation of the rule but, on reflection, I don’t think so. In a situation where Germany respect Benelux neutrality and the Entente is perceived as the stronger military side on land – as they likely would be with the Ottoman and Italy firmly in their camp – I can easily imagine Britain deciding to content herself with committing her fleet and material resources to her allies but being unwilling to incur the social cost of expending millions of lives and mobilizing a conscripted army – I will, after all, still face a few British corps railed in from the Middle East and lots of British production lend-leased to her allies.

All in all I think this is a reasonable historical what-if.Admittedly not allowing the Greatest Sea power in the world to move by sea sounds a bit silly but I considered it representing political restrictions – No Entente Cordinale in this timeline?

Clearly a Central Power DoW vs the Ottoman in turn 1 has to be assumed to represent a different political lead-up to the war and not an actual German attack on the
Ottomans but that is a flight of fancy I find acceptable.

The one serious problem with this novel strategy is that Britain will be able to send Food and IP points to Russia. Now Russia will be able to fully utilize her vast manpower reserves and not have to worry about losing some forward food producing areas early on. Forcing Russia into revolution will likely be very difficult. Also, will the BEF be realeased only if CP declares war on Belgium or Holland or will a TE declaration of war on either of them do the job?

It will be interesting to see how this strategy plays out.

The Austrian set-up could be considered something of an all-out gamble. A gamble I lost in that I, foolishly, assumed Russia would set up fairly conservatively fearing a Drach Narch Osten” opening move. I deployed some 80% of Austrian combat power against Italy knowing one never gets a better chance for a cheap knockout blow against her then in August of 1914.



August 1914 setup: Yes – that is the entire Austrian army you are looking at and yes, counting on a thin cavalry screen and a few fort garrisons to keep the Russian bear at bay turned out to be a mistake.

If the CP declaration of war on the Ottomans likely stunned the world I doubt anyone was surprised that the Kaiser declared war on the backstabbing Italians who refused to honor their Alliance to the Central Powers. I’m the Kaiser, I know the whole would is out to get me and you are all against me. I was obvious that the Italians were just waiting for the right moment to stab me in the back.

Militarily the attack was a smashing success. So much so that it quickly became obvious that I’d made a major mistaking overcommiting 6 German corps to the attack. 2-3 would have been more then enough and I could really have used them elsewhere as the Entente went into all-out offensive mode to take advantage of my Italian distraction.




Italian Front at the end of the July/August 1914 turn: I think he’s dead Jim.

Given my over commitment Against Italy my Western front setup was purely defensive. I’m a bit of a coward: If I was the French high command, knowing I’d never see the BEF, I’d protect my corps as if they were my favorite teddy bears. I figured the risk of the French actually launching an offensive in the West was minimal given how I’d massively weakening France with my opening move whilst strengthening Russia. The cost of removing the BEF is after all virtually unlimited arms, grain and an Ottoman expeditionary corps in the East.

Basically I was expecting “all quite on the western front” except for my siege artillery hammering his forts in preparation for my post-Italian offensive.



August 1914 initial West front deployment: Hoping the French will actually advance into artillery killing ground or waste ammo bombarding my cavalry screen or fortresses

I was genuinely shocked to see the French briefly pull a plan 17 offensive. I have no clue what the Banana was thinking. Seems to me the worst thing for France now is increasing attrition. Trading Russians for Germans/Austrian? Great!! Trading unsupported French? Not a good idea

In any case he pulled back after pushing back my cavalry and making a few futile attacks on my forts. I came out with a nice edge on the attrition but it was generally peanuts on both sides compared to the historical slaughter.

This was the first GOA game I’ve ever played where Germany, and I’m pretty sure France and Russia, could completely replenish the turn one battlefield losses.




End of first turn: The French attacked!!! In the south as well but he has pulled voluntary back.

Meanwhile God only knows how the Austrian southern command is holding out against the Serbian hordes: Must be the smoke and mirror trick of all time: Perhaps they are waiting for Ottoman reinforcements?



Austrian Balkan Setup. No wait!! It may be the situation after the first turn? Or is this a historical pre-war map? Talk about all quiet on the front. I’m sure the Serbians would bombard me if only they could find somebody to shoot at. I think it is a brilliant defensive stratagem I’ve come up with.

Among the good news: The Americans seem to be understanding with regard to my measures for national self-defense.



Yes Mr. President. The Anglo-French-Italian-Russian-Ottoman alliance attacked us unprovoked when we were forced to take measures against the terrorist state of Serbia in response to them murdering our crown prince. We appeal to the good graces of the United States as a mediator in this terrible crisis before more lives are needlessly lost. Perhaps your state department could help us negotiate an honorably end to the Austrian-Italian hostilities?

All in all it has been an August 1914 with remarkably few casualties. Well, unless you are an Italian I suppose.



I’m ahead by one point!!! Victory must be right around the corner.

Edit: No I’m behind by one point. I’m doomed. Doomed I tell you!!!!!!!

Your screen shots are a pretty good intelligence source for your opponent to estimate your troop dispositions.

Its a few turns out of date.

But... yeah.  When it goes attritional and it doesn't change much it might be an idea to save the screenies for the post mortem.

ORIGINAL: EUBanana

Its a few turns out of date.

But... yeah. When it goes attritional and it doesn't change much it might be an idea to save the screenies for the post mortem.

I shall have to rely on you being a gentleman, sir

It’s always a bit of a balancing act. Personally I don’t think “old” data is terrible useful as I tend to move my troops around a lot, but then, I always lose as the Central Powers.

On the other hand I really enjoy getting a discussion going about the game. I, for instance, have no clue what you think you are doing on the Western Front. My intelligence tells me you are getting several French Army corps slaughtered to no discernable purpose. Drawing attention away from your master stroke somewhere else? One interesting aspect of this game is the pervasive sense of paranoia one feels – I keep expecting to se a Russian million man push against East Prussia, an Ottoman drive toward Vienna and/or a French supported Serbian drive into Southern Austria. In my mind your forces are everywhere and the French offensive has got to be part of a cunning plan to draw my forces away from the critical sector.

In any case if you feel I’m unfairly disadvantage myself feel free to reprocicate. Love to hear something about your thinking once the operational plans are no longer, well operational.



September 1914: The French offensive gain ground but if German military intelligence can be trusted at a cost of close to 2-1 in losses.

In the NoV/Dec strategic phase my diplomatic overtures for peace with Italy are successful. It doesn’t exactly come as a great surprise but it is still nice to get it over with.




November 1914 – YES!! One down five to go.

The great surprise is that the French continue their plan 17 offensive undaunted by losses. Very French, élan and all that, but unless my intelligence is widely wrong, rather expensive. Eventually I feel compelled to counterattack before he gets to dig in to his new positions.



November 1914: Butchers bill is beginning to come due – can France afford this?

France is doing fine. No worse than they usually manage anyway. They don't feel very bled to me! I think a lot of those casualties are Italians, who have been killed to the last man.

The offensive has come to a pause anyway, on both eastern and western fronts, as the German army seems to be coming back from Italy, and the Entente is running up against his forts.

Aerial recon over the Western Front tells me that the Germans are not getting away with it scot free.

Regarding a million Russians, well, they are on their way as best they can manage. [:D]

ORIGINAL: EUBanana

France is doing fine. No worse than they usually manage anyway. They don't feel very bled to me! I think a lot of those casualties are Italians, who have been killed to the last man.

Aerial recon over the Western Front tells me that the Germans are not getting away with it scot free.
[:D]

I’m always vary of trusting battle reports but if they can be believed France have suffered about 120 strength losses on the West front, inflicting about 70 on the Germans.

This remains peanuts compared to historical French losses of course but then this is a very unusual Great War we are fighting with extraordinary light loss all around so far.

There may also overly optimistic counting on the part of junior officers. On the other hand your losses jumped from 668,000 to 1,002,000 after the Italian campaign was essentially over; only a relatively minor mob-up attack on Venice was launched in the Sep/Oct turn and the East front was mostly manoeuvre warfare with very small skirmishes pushing cavalry screens around.

Of course while the French attacks were trying up German reserves the Russian steamroller was busy, well, rolling. By some miracle the Austrian border forts held out but their lines of communication was getting rather precarious.



November 1914: The East front on the day Italy surrendered. Somebody plug that hole!!!

I think the Russian situation is in general quite good though I will most likely be drawing back in over exposed areas.  I am generally happy to concede a hex or two of ground if it is necessary.

The Triple Entente just declared war on Bulgaria.  British, Ottoman and Serb forces are already stacked up on the border ready to roll!  [:D]

Regarding the initial French offensive I must confess to having been put in an unfamiliar position.  The lack of French siege artillery was a bit of a shock for starters, somehow I always assumed they started with one when they didn't.  Which meant French advancing was always going to be limited.

The goal of the assault was merely to push you some hexes away from Paris anyway, and its probably bought me one hex extra to fight over.  The trenches have been dug as well, so I think the early war snap offensive phase is over pretty much.

The Russian assault did better but I was diverted from my original objective of Brunn by German reinforcements and it turned into a general assault, with me trying to cut the forts off.  But while the Eastern Front didn't have many CP forces, it had enough to saw that off.

For now.

Status at the end of 1914:



Well basically I feel I’m screwed. But then I always feel screwed as the Kaiser from the moment I have to figure out how to deploy my troops. The situation at the end if 1914 is that I have avoided any disasters anywhere but on is under pressure everywhere.

At sea I’ve been a miserable failure. The Austrian have had undisputed control of the Eastern Med for 2 turns but still having no luck finding the unescorted British shipping. My Subs have inflicted a few hits but certainly failed to sink any transports. If they are that hard to find I’m tempted to attempt to break into the North Atlantic with German shipping.

On the West front I hold a French hex and he holds a German hex with both sides having suffered remarkable light casualties although France is bleed somewhat more.

In the East it looks pretty bad with the Russian in position of a precious Austrian grain hex and generally having penetrated well into Austria although I did manage to see off the threat of encirclement with a few spirited counterattacks.

The total unmitigated disaster is the Entante attack on Bulgaria that will soon allow a British/Ottoman drive in support of Serbia. I have no idea where to find the troops to plug the gap.

Advice is most welcome. Hmm perhaps I should consult Hjaco?

I find it really hard to be the Central Powers.  It is possible to win as them but its such a slender possibility.

My last game was as the CPs, its still ongoing, its currently 1919 and they are hanging by a thread, though ahead on points for now.  Question is if they can cling on by a fingernail till the closing bell or not.