spouse issues?

[cdbeck]

That's awfully cynical Hertson!

Personally, I am for getting to know the person long term before you get married, that way compromises can be met and you run less of a risk of getting "culture" clashes. My wife and I were together for NINE YEARS before we got married and lived together for two of those years. Granted, we are high school sweethearts, and the waiting was more to get us in the right position, financially, educationally, and emotionally, than anything else. I think too many people date for less than a year and then rush down the aisle, never having actually cohabitated to find out the quirks, likes, dislikes of the other person. When I first met my wife, she thought my computer gaming was juvenile and a waste of time (although she tolerated the PnP RPG and boardgaming sessions I hate in college much more). But being together long long term (nine years) meant that she had to accept that I liked to do these things and that I needed time to do them. Likewise, I had to accept that she was a vegetarian and I needed to reign in the meat eating when I was with her. I also had to play the dutiful boyfriend, escort her to places I might not want to go, do dishes when asked, clean house, do laudry. It wasn't an easy process, and it took time to build compromise. I don't believe that you find a person that immediately "fits" like a puzzle piece, I think that relationships are like two trees planted close that start with some branches crossing - they need time and eventually the two trees grow together into one.

Funny, now my wife eats meat (in fact, she likes her steaks nearly raw), and LOVES certain types of boardgames that she wouldn't try in college (particularly Carcassonne, Settlers, Puerto Rico, and Agricola, but she will play and enjoys Battlelore and Memoir '44). With time and compromise, you will be surprised what can happen. Now she still doesn't like computer games very much, but she is very fond of the Wii. It is all about salesmenship, getting to know one another better, and a clear statement that certain things you do are part of who you are and that you respect the way she is, so she should respect they way you are.

SoM

[oldspec4]

ORIGINAL: sabre1

If you want my opinion, and I'm sure you don't but after "three", you are going to get my opinion anyway.  Dump the wife, it only gets worse, problem solved.

Haven't made it to three but my first was for luv and the second for good times (a flight attendant). If I ever try a third it will be for money. I'm gettin' too old to start the financial thing over again.

[sterckxe]

ORIGINAL: SS Hauptsturmfuhrer
Do you married gamers reckon it is worth getting married? 

Define "worth" [;)]

You find someone you like - she likes you - you hang-out a lot - you move in together - then you start thinking that the combined income makes you able to buy/build your own place just like the both of you like it - and it's easier to get a loan if you're married - and it's easier on the kids too if mommy and daddy have signed this piece of paper - and soon you'll think "why not ?"

I can't speak for others, but in my case it just sort of happened, it was the logical thing to do, didn't surprise anyone.

ORIGINAL: SS Hauptsturmfuhrer
My friend is married and he goes through hell whenever we try to set up a pen & paper RPG or boardgame session with some friends. 

Frankly, this is not a wargaming thing, chances are he'd get the same kind of heat if he was into fishing. Personally I'd dump someone like that in an instant. That's why I possitively recommend people live together before getting married - you get to see the real person then. My wife knew I was into wargaming long before we even started to live together and my bi-weekly gaming sessions are just that : an evening out with the guys, just like someone else goes to a football game.

ORIGINAL: SS Hauptsturmfuhrer
My point of view is that getting married is like some kinduv religious experience based on tradition rather than on any practical logic (other than spousal tax benefits). 

It's actually the reverse over here - if you marry, your taxes go *up* due to the combined income getting taxed at a higher scale and most people are a-religious so that's not it either.

I think it's more like putting a verbal agreement on paper kind of thing. You just have to watch out you're not signing a blank check though [;)]

Greetz,

Eddy Sterckx

[Kuokkanen]

I wonder why Marc got married and how does he get along with wife and games... Please, tell us!

[sterckxe]

ORIGINAL: Matti Kuokkanen
I wonder why Marc got married and how does he get along with wife and games... Please, tell us!

You'd need to ask him, but I guess it was just so to have an EXTREMELY cool name for a wargamer.

I mean : Marc von Martial - how can you beat that [:D]

Greetz,

Eddy Sterckx

[hadberz]

It's your hobby, that should be enough. Just don't let it be the only thing you do, in other words spend time doing what she wants even if its boring.

[Jeffrey H.]

Marriage is not about gaming. I think us gamers tend to blur the lines on that one. Gaming is a hobby and one that can become so obsessive that a man will lose sight of more important parts of life. Marriage is about a partnership for life and always has to be at the top of the list in terms of importance.  

[Prince of Eckmühl]

ORIGINAL: mantrain

Just wondering if anyone has issues from wife re- game play. My wife would rather me wnot playing and does not understand the redeeming value of these games. It's just "killing soldiers." How do you guys explain it, to get the wife in line with the "higher cause."? thanks.

Find yourself a copy of this and play a few hands with your wife:

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Nuclear_War_(card_game)

Then recount to her an old saying, "to people who feel, life is tragic, while to those who think, life is funny." Explain to her that it's a better world when we analyze warfare rather than engage in it. Conversely, having to "feel" for all those who have suffered its wrath is far too great a burden for you, her husband, to bear. This hobby of yours is emotional armour in a world where thinking about warfare will always be preferable to living it.

PoE (aka ivanmoe)

[andym]

Just offer to buy her a new pair of shoes and a handbag from time to time.........sorted!

[mikul82]

ORIGINAL: Jeffrey H.

Marriage is not about gaming. I think us gamers tend to blur the lines on that one. Gaming is a hobby and one that can become so obsessive that a man will lose sight of more important parts of life. Marriage is about a partnership for life and always has to be at the top of the list in terms of importance.  

I'm fairly certain you mixed "marriage" and "games" up there...

[;)]

(not married btw) My girlfriend likes games as well, though not wargames and nowhere near the extent that I do, she's used to my wargame marathons as I'm used to her Sid Meier's Pirates and Tetris marathons.

Nothing like that look from her of trying to act interested but totally confused while in the room with me playing Europa Barbarorum- "Baby check this out, my epilektoi hoplitai just held the line while my hippeis cavalry totally crushed the Roman flank!". I just get the nod and "oh yeah, that's cool..." when in reality she has no idea what I'm talking about. After showing her Pirates!, I couldn't get her off of my computer for the week until I installed on my laptop for her to play it there instead.

I still don't understand what it is with girls and Tetris or Spider Solitaire though. Sure, they're each fun as a quick time killer, but for hours on end? How??

[Chad Harrison]

ORIGINAL: SS Hauptsturmfuhrer

. . .

Do you married gamers reckon it is worth getting married? 

. . .

As has been mentioned above, video games/board games/pen and paper and so on are a hobby. No different than being a sports fan, or a TV fan, or a book fan, or a movie fan. Its what we do in our free time. Its something fun that we look forward to as an escape from the hardships of life. I dont care who you are, you need your 'crash' time. Games just happen to be what we choose to fill that time.

This is just my two bits, but concerns about gaming should not hold you back from seeking a spouse. If you have other reasons, thats fine and none of our business. Not to mention, its most likely a much larger, personal decision that anyone is 100% entitled too. But your hobby and your spouse can certainly co-exist and that should not be a concern going into a relationship. As long as your hobby is in moderation [:)]

As for marriage in general, I have been married for nearly eight years and have three kids. Best decision(s) I have ever made in my life. My wife and my kids are my best friends.

Again, just my opinion.

Chad

[E]

ORIGINAL: Jeffrey H.

Marriage is not about gaming. I think us gamers tend to blur the lines on that one. Gaming is a hobby and one that can become so obsessive that a man will lose sight of more important parts of life. Marriage is about a partnership for life and always has to be at the top of the list in terms of importance.

What's the matter with you?! Do you realize what you're saying?! Snap out of it man!

[Gem35]

Co-dependant wives will give you grief about playing games, spending time with friends or (insert activity here).
I feel sorry for those of you who have this problem.
I divorced it 10 years ago. Problem solved.
A truly working and loving marriage seldom will have these types of problems because both are independant, not co-dependant.[:)]

[sabre1]

Yep Gem35, that was my last one, a Co-dependent Borderline personality.  I was lucky to get out alive (literally).  I must say it cured me for life.  I now trust no one of the opposite sex. 

[BoredStiff]

ORIGINAL: sabre1

Yep Gem35, that was my last one, a Co-dependent Borderline personality.  I was lucky to get out alive (literally).  I must say it cured me for life.  I now trust no one of the opposite sex. 

That also explains your screenname and avatar.

[SS Hauptsturmfuhrer]

Lots of good and bad experiences posted.  I guess it just matters how close the woman's interests and thinking style are to the man's.   I only ever met one who was similar to me and like the first time we met at her friend's house she said she was totally into martial arts.  I asked her to show me her goods and then we were like sparring and wrestling for the next hour while her friends watched in shock and awe.  Then she took me to a jujitsu class and I started learning MMA with her.   Soon after that she broke up with her boyfriend and the situation developed from there. 

[NefariousKoel]

ORIGINAL: Gem35

Co-dependant wives will give you grief about playing games, spending time with friends or (insert activity here).
I feel sorry for those of you who have this problem.
I divorced it 10 years ago. Problem solved.
A truly working and loving marriage seldom will have these types of problems because both are independant, not co-dependant.[:)]

The first is painful, the second that you put forth is a business partnership.

Either way, they got papers on you. I'm not impressed with either, as Hertsie alluded to.

[Grell]

ORIGINAL: mantrain

Just wondering if anyone has issues from wife re- game play. My wife would rather me wnot playing and does not understand the redeeming value of these games. It's just "killing soldiers." How do you guys explain it, to get the wife in line with the "higher cause."? thanks.

My wife doesn't care if I play all day because I've got HD and it keeps my mind off it.

Regards,

Grell

[SS Hauptsturmfuhrer]

ORIGINAL: Grell

ORIGINAL: mantrain

Just wondering if anyone has issues from wife re- game play. My wife would rather me wnot playing and does not understand the redeeming value of these games. It's just "killing soldiers." How do you guys explain it, to get the wife in line with the "higher cause."? thanks.

My wife doesn't care if I play all day because I've got HD and it keeps my mind off it.

Regards,

Grell

What his HD? I'm abreviationally challenged. I tried to figure it out and all that comes to mind is Hoover Dam but I doubt that's it.

[Zap]

ORIGINAL: mantrain

Just wondering if anyone has issues from wife re- game play. My wife would rather me wnot playing and does not understand the redeeming value of these games. It's just "killing soldiers." How do you guys explain it, to get the wife in line with the "higher cause."? thanks.

Tell her, these games are really Learning history about men who served there country. The lessons you are learnig by your hobby teach you much better than a TV war movie would do. Tell her, the hobby has increased your patriotism. Tell her, by playing these games you feel that your appreciation for your freedoms: right to worship, right to pursue happiness, family values has and will continue to increase.