spouse issues?

[mantrain]

Just wondering if anyone has issues from wife re- game play. My wife would rather me wnot playing and does not understand the redeeming value of these games. It's just "killing soldiers." How do you guys explain it, to get the wife in line with the "higher cause."? thanks.

[SLAAKMAN]

Tell her you consider them to be works of art and that she should try them herself. [:D] Maybe you could spice it up by playing together naked! [X(]

[junk2drive]

We have a spare bedroom with two computers. We dislike most of TV nowadays and listen to talk radio online while doing our computer things. She plays games on Pogo while I play my games and surf.
 
She knows where I am.
She sees what I see and can read what I read, so no wondering what I'm up to or with who.
 
Trick of the trade, when she speaks, pause whatever you are playing, turn away from the screen and listen. Don't talk, just pay attention.

[cdbeck]

ORIGINAL: junk2drive
Trick of the trade, when she speaks, pause whatever you are playing, turn away from the screen and listen. Don't talk, just pay attention.

Absolutely imperative. This is a rule no matter what you are doing, really. One that I break more than I should. But you will never see better results than when you stop, look, and listen.

I think that leisure time, sole leisure time, is important for every relationship. People need to have their own little pursuits that exist separate of their partner. However, clearly delineating these pursuits is important, setting US time and then ME time or, like Junk said, have your ME time be together, so the partner still feel connected. It is a tricky game. Much of the time, I have lived in small New York City apartments with my wife, so we had no choice but to be in the same room when I played games!

SoM

[Perturabo]

ORIGINAL: mantrain

Just wondering if anyone has issues from wife re- game play. My wife would rather me wnot playing and does not understand the redeeming value of these games. It's just "killing soldiers." How do you guys explain it, to get the wife in line with the "higher cause."? thanks.

I thought that "killing soldiers" is the "higher cause"?
At least in comparison to getting drunk with friends or looking for new women?

[Marauders]

One should not take her moral position lightly.  I sometimes wonder about that myself - especially when it comes to my children playing wargames or watching old war movies.  There is nothing wrong with being against war on a moral level, and that could also be extended to artificial war experiences and simulations.
 
That stated, she should understand that her moral position and your's may not be the same.  Historical war simulations teach logic and can show how war can be so destructive to all involved.  Just as watching murder mysteries does not make one a murderer, playing wargames does not make one a war criminal or uninterested in the moral problems of war.
 
Good luck with first person shooters though. [;)]

[Phatguy]

Tell her that "okay, i'm dropping games and me and the boys are going to a few strip clubs  for t***ies and beer! I wanted to stay home so you knew where I was all the time but........."

[planner 3]

Mantran: If your house space is small, then use my approach.
 
New house much smaller than pre-retirement home. Requested by spouse to get a hobby, great, says I, I'll reopen my HO Railroad empire in the spare room.....[:-]no way says she, find another hobby, bought comp,[&o] found war games, found SPwaw[:D], now have 1 desk top comp, 2 lappys (his and hers), bought headset,[:)] play all I want, if  she wants something done she knows where I am.[>:] So suggest a real expensive hobby,[&:] or somthing that takes up precious room, Get the pix ?[8D]

[mikul82]

ORIGINAL: Marauders

One should not take her moral position lightly.  I sometimes wonder about that myself - especially when it comes to my children playing wargames or watching old war movies.  There is nothing wrong with being against war on a moral level, and that could also be extended to artificial war experiences and simulations.

That stated, she should understand that her moral position and your's may not be the same.  Historical war simulations teach logic and can show how war can be so destructive to all involved.  Just as watching murder mysteries does not make one a murderer, playing wargames does not make one a war criminal or uninterested in the moral problems of war.

Good luck with first person shooters though. [;)]

I'm very much opposed to war on a moral/ethical/intellectual level, yet I'm absolutely fascinated by it as well and wargames are probably my overall favorite and most played PC games. Playing a wargame feels more to like playing chess than actually witnessing many of the scenes I've read about in history books, just like a FPS like Call of Duty reminds me more of Paintballing with my buddies than anything near what I'd imagine combat would be like (closest to any sort of "combat" I've ever come is punching an unruly drunk out).

I think deep interest in (military/war themed) history is both fun and also a sort of curse to any person with even a slight sense of empathy- I find most of it horrible and depressing, I definitely never want to have any children, yet I can't get enough of it either. To me, military history is the intellectual version of something like crystal meth.

[Perturabo]

ORIGINAL: Marauders

One should not take her moral position lightly. I sometimes wonder about that myself - especially when it comes to my children playing wargames or watching old war movies. There is nothing wrong with being against war on a moral level, and that could also be extended to artificial war experiences and simulations.

What games have to do with morality?
Do wargames kill people or what?

[Capt. Harlock]

One should not take her moral position lightly.  I sometimes wonder about that myself - especially when it comes to my children playing wargames or watching old war movies.  There is nothing wrong with being against war on a moral level, and that could also be extended to artificial war experiences and simulations. That stated, she should understand that her moral position and your's may not be the same.  Historical war simulations teach logic and can show how war can be so destructive to all involved.  Just as watching murder mysteries does not make one a murderer, playing wargames does not make one a war criminal or uninterested in the moral problems of war.

I do not take the position lightly, but instead firmly oppose it. To be opposed to war and not study it is much like being opposed to cancer and refusing to learn anything about modern medicine. If you turn your back on a violent man, it's not hard to guess what might happen. If you turn your back on violence itself, there is much the same risk.

One of the most idiotic editorials I've ever read appeared shortly after 9/11. The female writer admonished both Al-Queda and the US, saying "it doesn't matter who started it, people are getting hurt". But if you want to prevent a war, you need to find out who is likely to start it and why -- so it matters, it matters a lot. Likewise, if you want to stop a war, you need to make both sides understand that they're better off not fighting. Almost always this means making at least one side understand that they'll get their collective head blown off unless they stop.

[Perturabo]

ORIGINAL: Capt. Harlock

One of the most idiotic editorials I've ever read appeared shortly after 9/11. The female writer admonished both Al-Queda and the US, saying "it doesn't matter who started it, people are getting hurt".

That's pathetic. Too bad she didn't read about how Talibans made people of Afghanistan safe and happy[8|].

[Hertston]

ORIGINAL: mantrain

Just wondering if anyone has issues from wife re- game play. My wife would rather me wnot playing and does not understand the redeeming value of these games. It's just "killing soldiers." How do you guys explain it, to get the wife in line with the "higher cause."? thanks.

Spend a couple of weeks obsessively playing Left 4 Dead. Then your Mrs will be so relieved when you go back to wargames you won't have a problem any more.[;)]

[sabre1]

If you want my opinion, and I'm sure you don't but after "three", you are going to get my opinion anyway.  Dump the wife, it only gets worse, problem solved.

[NefariousKoel]

"Honey, take the kids and get the f out!  I'll send a payoff once a month so you'll leave me alone." [:'(]

Maybe you should get her a gaming computer, then get her addicted to some MMO (or Pogo, etc.) as I've seen happen regularly enough.

[Valkyrie]

ORIGINAL: junk2drive

We have a spare bedroom with two computers. We dislike most of TV nowadays and listen to talk radio online while doing our computer things. She plays games on Pogo while I play my games and surf.

She knows where I am.
She sees what I see and can read what I read, so no wondering what I'm up to or with who.

Trick of the trade, when she speaks, pause whatever you are playing, turn away from the screen and listen. Don't talk, just pay attention.

Sounds like an excellent compromise solution to me. My ex-husband, however, was too stupid to use a computer, let alone carry on any intelligent conversation so we really didn't communicate much. He did his things and I did mine... perfect relationship in some ways.

Happy to have him gone though - should have dumped him 10 years earlier after my 3rd child was born.

Still, I'd rather have a wargamer husband than a dumb jock any day.

[SS Hauptsturmfuhrer]

This topic seems to be common one with gamers.  I'm not married and don't plan to ever be but want to know why people do get married.  Do you married gamers reckon it is worth getting married?  My friend is married and he goes through hell whenever we try to set up a pen & paper RPG or boardgame session with some friends.  There are many conditions and he must endure much nagging.  My point of view is that getting married is like some kinduv religious experience based on tradition rather than on any practical logic (other than spousal tax benefits).  So like why do gamers get married? [&:]

[ilovestrategy]

ORIGINAL: junk2drive


Trick of the trade, when she speaks, pause whatever you are playing, turn away from the screen and listen. Don't talk, just pay attention.

YES!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I always go on pause and face her when talking to her and make sure she knows my full attention is on her.

[Perturabo]

ORIGINAL: SS Hauptsturmfuhrer

This topic seems to be common one with gamers. I'm not married and don't plan to ever be but want to know why people do get married. Do you married gamers reckon it is worth getting married? My friend is married and he goes through hell whenever we try to set up a pen & paper RPG or boardgame session with some friends. There are many conditions and he must endure much nagging. My point of view is that getting married is like some kinduv religious experience based on tradition rather than on any practical logic (other than spousal tax benefits). So like why do gamers get married? [&:]

Personally, I'd never defile my household by marrying with someone from an alien culture. But I do plan marrying when I'll meet a morally/culturally compatible female.

[Hertston]

ORIGINAL: SS Hauptsturmfuhrer

This topic seems to be common one with gamers.  I'm not married and don't plan to ever be but want to know why people do get married.  Do you married gamers reckon it is worth getting married?  My friend is married and he goes through hell whenever we try to set up a pen & paper RPG or boardgame session with some friends.  There are many conditions and he must endure much nagging.  My point of view is that getting married is like some kinduv religious experience based on tradition rather than on any practical logic (other than spousal tax benefits).  So like why do gamers get married? [&:]

Because none of what you actually say, while it's all undoubtably true, actually ends up being relevant. I'd love to tell you that's because of lurrrrvvve, and that meeting the woman of your dreams means you will actually want to get married, but that would be total crap. You just lose the will to resist. And don't let anyone who has been married more than a year tell you otherwise. Anyone married less than a year will still be in shock.