Dogpile on the Wops: The High Bodycount Road to Nowhere

[PimpYourAFV]

The Italians Drop the Gloves



This is a picture story of my battles. Our brigade is helping the Germans to purge the world of those less cool. First fight is an advance on Krakow, Poland.

Points are set in on the preference screen to 1700 for Italy and 2500 for the enemy with AI advantage turned on. The enemy will be further boosted on our defend/delay missions to Hard (x2 points). If we more or less survive, this hard bonus may also be applied to our attack missions. This will ensure the Italians are brutally outnumbered by odds of up to 9:1 in the beginning and getting worse for us as more and more of our units cannot be rebuilt and the enemy gets upgrades. Hence the 'dogpile' effect.

This is a Gentlemen's War so ettiquettes will include:
1) No mines will be used by Italy but the enemy can use them.
2) We will not employ more than 4 artillery pieces.
3) The enemy will be allowed to deploy and form up before we take him under fire. This means no preliminary bombardments or other unnecessary nastiness.
4) POWs will all be entered into traditional Roman gladiatorial arenas which provides a much more fullfilling and healthy evening entertainment than the allied favorites of porno, drugs and whorehouses.

Here is a picture of the Italians just starting their first action. We spent our entire support package of 672 points on infantry and camels and they are all put on AI control as well as our core infantry, camels and cavalry. I am controlling our 10 armored units (2 cars, 2 inf tanks, 2 tincan tanks and 4 flametanks) and the guns. I will upgrade 2 of the flametanks to regular tincans I think M 11/39 or something. Just infront of us is a line of Polish skirmishers who were unlucky enough to catch a few direct rounds from our cannon. In return their riflefire picked off several guncrew causing some panic.

Camel Troops lead our attack towards the outskirts of Krakow.

[Mau Fox]

Those camels look indeed gorgeous ...

[PimpYourAFV]

Ya, the camels are specially groomed and have colorful ribbons tied up in wonderful bows. The decoration paid off in the following battle.

The Italian infantry is 50% Abyssinians and 50% dubat colonial troops. The African Zulus are happily joining our army to get revenge against the British for the zulu war over a century earlier. Our cavalry are also Africans and are well-armed with rifles and swords.

The next picture is the situation in mid-battle. The packs of Polish skirmishers were massacred where they stood by combined camels, cavalry, infantry and armor stampeding over them. It was good for morale to be able to butcher the enemy in our baptism of fire.

Then came the telegram from the Poles. It read, "Okay, you had your shot, stinky wops. Now it's our turn up to bat."

And up to bat they went. Our horde of African troops were then treated to a unending blaze of fire from the Poles hiding behind every tree backed up by cannon and tanks on the hills above. In desperation to avoid a massacre on our side, all 10 armored units were gathered and sent to smash through the middle of the enemy. Eight tanks were destroyed and the 2 survivors were sent sweeping up through the north to help the infantry grab that objective. They were also destroyed on route. The crews that made it out of the tanks were all machinegunned to death.

In the picture you can see the destroyed and abandoned Italian armor where they were hit. The white mouse pointer is indicating the Polish TKS tank in the middle of the area which imposed its will on the entire attacking force. The hills above are bristling with enemy cannon and tanks but don't show in the picture cause all of the Italian units are too suppressed to see them. Most of the Polish infantry were slaughtered during our advance but all our troops are being held off by endless artillery shells raining down on them as well as the cannon and machinegun from the hills above. It is a true stalemate which lasted about 20 turns with virtually no movement at all, just endless casualties from the rain of steel hitting the angry Africans.

[PimpYourAFV]

The camel troops finally made it through the storm of artillery shelling, cannons and machinegun fire to make it to the town just in time to be bombarded by my own artillery. Despite the agony, the fantastically brave camels took the middle town area and destroyed several cannon while the infantry following behind took out the TKS tanks.

In this picture, each column of smoke coming from the African infantry assembly area indicates a burning tank hulk. Note the fresh Polish tanks to the north of the town. They will send many a Zulu to meet the veterans of Islandwhana.

[PimpYourAFV]

As I was saying... look at where those tanks are now and check the text at the bottom to see the carnage. The Polish tanks rammed their way into the town to retake the objectives as well our own troops butchered each other while trying to hit the tanks. Our camel troops get a generous 2% chance to successfully assault a tank. One Polish tank crew popped out for a look around and got their heads shot off.

[PimpYourAFV]

At the exact same time the Polish armor attacked the centre town area, in the south, a powerful Polish infantry force took back an objective set while a lone, and very brave, camel squad tried to hold the fort. That camel squad was shot up by the Poles and then finished off by my own artillery providing 'support' fire. The objective the Poles are securing was previously taken over by an Italian special forces squad which fought to the death trying to hold it earlier. They sold their lives dearly.

[PimpYourAFV]

Here is the scoreboard. The soft vehicle losses for Italy are odd cause I only have 2 trucks and they are among the few survivors. I think the camel squads may be considered 'soft vehicles', oddly enough. Many core units were wiped out and we may be going into the next battle with no armor. Not a single tank crewmember survived the battle.

The camels were the best performing units on the Italian side and were vital to the both the initial assault and in breaking the stalemate, and then finally in holding off the enemy counterattacks. More of these brave, pretty animals will have to be used in the following battles.

[forgorin]

You should change the name to "Wops get pummelled by everyone". Even the old ladies who were walking across the street with their walking crutch could beat your pathetic excuse for an army.[:'(]

[PimpYourAFV]

ORIGINAL: forgorin

You should change the name to "Wops get pummelled by everyone". Even the old ladies who were walking across the street with their walking crutch could beat your pathetic excuse for an army.[:'(]

Coincidentally, that's exactly what Hitler screamed at me. Actually, he yelled so loud that the speaker in the ear component of the phone was blown and all I could hear thereafter was static mixed with a hysterical murmer coming from it.

Next up, the Germans will take over the assault on Krakow and leave us with a 2-bit sideshow battle of defending Lodz. I think their strategy was for us to bleed ourselves on the Polish defenders while wearing them down so that the Germans can deliver the finishing blow and steal all the bragging rights for it.

No worries cause we will fight anyone anywhere. The next battle is set to hard(x2) and we are hunkering down in the town awaiting the storm.

[forgorin]

Lets hope that ths storm isn a kill eh![:'(]

[PimpYourAFV]

forgorin, maybe when the Poles come to smash us, the wops will drop their rifles and throw up their hands begging, "Don't shoot! I only make 9 bucks an hour!" [&o]

Note to readers: Thanks for keeping this picture story thread clean. More than a few people seem to be reading this so I should explain my motives in writing this story. Most of the forum regulars told me in stronger than reasonable terms that my unique stories and ideas are not welcome on this forum. I strongly urge those who share this culture to push the green button at the bottom of this post so that you need not see any more of my posts. I'm writing this story so a couple of my friends here in Japan can see the pictures of my battles, as well perhaps to provide a little color amongst the eternity of gray to innocent passerbys. Some forum users have also sent me PMs supporting my postings. For myself, I want to keep an organized record of my battles. Another reason I write the stories of my battles is for the benefit provided by generating fresh, new story ideas each time. Coupled with playing chess, writing stories is a great mental exercise to complement cardio and weight training.

With the paperwork done... let's get back to the story! [:)]


A brief look at some core Italian forces


This picture is of an Italian main battle tank, armed with a single 13mm machinegun. These tanks are made from recycled washing machines. Few of these clunkers make it to the battlefront because of attrition caused by potholes, children's toys left on the road etc during deployment. One machine was reported to have broken down when a dog barked at it.




The following picture of the African zulu troops named Dubat Infantry. Dubat is pronounced as 'Dubya' just the same as the middle name of the famous President Bush. Therefore, they are nicknamed 'Bushes'. And just like the American President, they do an excellent job with all they set out to do. Armed with rifles and swords they are fearsome soldiers. Their rifles are the same black powder rifles the Zulu swindled from the British camp at Islandwhana in 1879. Each man is only issued one round for his rifle. There are 4 reasons for this:
1) The black powder ordinance is in short supply after 127 years.
2) There is a high chance on the first shot the ancient gun will backfire and mangle the user's face and hands.
3) There is an even higher chance the powerful recoil will dislocate the shoulder of the user.
4) The Zulus still don't know how to use rifle sights.





II. Battle of Lodz

We Italians are defending the town of Lodz from the invading Polish army. Their aggression must be punished.

Before the battle starts, the Italian troops, camels and cavalry, mostly Africans, with a small number of Italian Blackshirts guarding the Italian support units, all stand at attention before the Colonel. We have only 3 tanks for this fight after the hardfought battle before Krakow where hundreds of our brave troopers died in a heroic charge against the city. Fought to a draw, the Poles have their own share of cuts and scrapes to lick. They will never underestimate us again.

next up is the fight...

[PimpYourAFV]

Our defences are arranged in a circle-the-wagons pattern because we are unsure of which side the enemy will attack from. We suspect the east so most of our defences as well as a line of barbed wire have been placed to defend against that direction. The northern objective is in a thick forest and is held by Dubat Bushes and a couple of tanks. In the centre of the map are our main defenses and HQ post in town square. The artillery and camel reserves are also there. The artillery is next to the HQ post in wooden buildings along with a machinegun nest which together with reserves will form a last redoubt in case the enemy is exceedingly lucky in penetrating our rock solid main line of defence on the hill to the east. The main line is pumped up with 2 machinegun nests, an antitank gun, and 3 heavy AA guns. African soldiers in sandbag defensive rings form a bufferzone infront of the line. Retreating soldiers from the east will join this band of steel to further reinforce it while a camel platoon stands ready along with wagons and trucks behind the hill to offer further assistance which most likely won't be necessary.

A main line of defense on a hill separates the town square from the eastern town which is held by Abysinnian troops and a couple of ATR squads. The eastern town area is expected to fall and all the men there to fight to the death in a glorious defensive action. The southern part of town is defended by blackshirts, ATRs and an AA gun. Our Italian infantry, cavalry and camels are on AI control so that they will rush on their own initiative to retake any objective area captured by the enemy. A certain accident would upset this very logical plan.

Polish artillery announced the opening of hostilities by dousing our own artillery and main line of defence with a peppering of shells. Two of our guns were panicked leaving us with only the 2 remaining guns to answer with. Their placement of artillery fire could not have been more precise. Then masses of Polish infantry slammed into the eastern town area.

And there was a firefight!

The first violent round was fought and many fine soldiers on both sides became casualties in the smokefilled shoot-out. Polish infantry rushed into the buildings our troops were fortified in and they slaughtered each other with pointblank gunfire. Several times during the mayhem, African and Polish officers were seen dancing around the collapsed walls clanging away at each other in heated swordfights.

Pushed out of the buildings, they took it outside and had a streetfight. Outnumbered, our forward defences of fortified Africans in the eastern part of town were all overrun and the surviving Abysinnians ran pellmell back to the temporary safety of the town square. Very temporary apparently.

At the same time as the eastern area of town was hammered by enemy infantry, a swarm of Polish tanks swept around the southern flank of the town easily eliminating the brownshirts and ATR teams there, and sliced into the soft underbelly of our position. The Poles displayed a fantastic understanding of British military tactics by employing the well-proven Nelsonian tank-of-the-line manoeuvre. What works well with huge wooden sailing ships against French and Spanish armadas will obviously work well with tanks too.



Next picture shows the southern area of town... well what's left of it. Nelson's tank-of-the-line formation can easily be seen stabbing upwards near our artillery position while a smaller armored force continues along the southern road to machinegun our artillery crews to death at close range.

Meanwhile a wagon burns alone in the middle of town square. Later after the battle, the scene of this lone burning wagon would be made into a famous oil painting used on many postcards and hanging on Italian restaurant walls.

[PimpYourAFV]

The Polish armies also bash our northern defensive area after blasting our troops with heavy, accurate artillery fire. Tanks burn and there are screams of soldiers from both sides being shot, roasted and chopped up among the thick spruce forest. Until these battles, it had seemed beyond improbable that Africans and Poles would ever be caught up in such a gruesome mutual slaughter of each other.



The enemy tanks somehow have made it up the hill of our main defensive line. No worries, we have plenty of reserves and rear area support fire to handle them.

Then occurred an accident which only is what makes real stories like this so much more astonishing that fiction could ever be.

Colonel Naumann, commander of the brigade had ordered pizzas to be delivered to his staff by a local Polish pizza take out shop named 'Poopolas'. The pizza delivery boy arrived at Naumann's HQ post in town square on horseback with the pizzas just as the Polish tanks were reaching the top of our defensive hill. At this time, the camels were being prepared for possible counterattack duty.

Anyways, the courier dismounted and handed the pizza boxes over to Naumann and asked him, "Will that be cash or charge it to your credit card sir?"

Unfortunately all the gunfire and snorting of the camels made it difficult for Naumann to hear him well so he bellowed back at the courier, "Cash or what!?!"

The courier was in a hurry to do other deliveries so he yelled back in frustration and likely some fear as well at seeing enemy tanks nearby, "Charge!!"

At that, all the camels along with their freshly mounted riders took off towards the hill to meet the tanks and were instantly churned into pepperoni by the enemy's cannon and machinegunfire. Even the courier's horse got caught up in the excitement and joined the mad dash to the slaughterhouse. With that, we lost our reserves.

Naumann asked a nearby staff officer, "You ever had pizza-on-a-pole?"

"Mmmmm no actually. Not that I remember anways."

Naumann took one of the boxes of pizza and slammed it over the courier's head with vehement force. The young man's head broke through the middle of the box and the pizza and cardboard settled about his shoulders in a sloppy ring. Naumann motioned the staff officer towards the mess saying, "Now's your chance."

While this is going on, the southern Polish armor attack advances on our artillery position. About 6 enemy tanks are blasted into scrap and their crews ripped to shreds by shrapnel. The enemy tanks then pour their fire into the Italian guncrews and into the ammo dump.

[PimpYourAFV]

Our centre is sledgehammered by perfectly coordinated Polish tanks, cavalry and infantry. We fight a desperate fight to be sure! The constant rain of artillery shells upon our positions prevents over half of our units from even firing a shot in their own defence before being butchered. But still, the Polish squads of infantry also suffer heavy losses and occasionally a tank or two boils up like forgotten ramen on the burner.

Our formidable main line of defence is overrun!! There are so many enemy tanks surging upon us that it is impossible to count them all. It seems the ground itself cannot be seen with them all.

A lone Italian tank tries in vain to protect the artillery crews who are retreating. The old clunker destroys 2 Polish tanks and then is ordered west of the town to cover the retreat of Naumann and his staff.



The central objective which was the best protected area of our defenses is now firmly in the grasp of the rampaging Poles. Still we fight on. Many people die on both sides but our lack of effective antitank defenses and stiffling suppression makes gives our enemy a solid advantage in the bloody contest. Naumann retreats his HQ staff from the collapsed buildings and they dance to the rhythm of Vickers machinegunfire while retreating.

[PimpYourAFV]

In the north, the bitter fighting in the forest continues on without any let-up. The losses on both sides are staggering. More Poles died while attacking the northern objective than they did in all the town areas. Then again, more Italians and Africans died in the centre than Poles by a stretch.



This picture shows the final part of the fighting in the western town area. The central town square is utterly purged of anyone Italian or African, at least living that is. The burning truck between the two western objectives is where Colonel Naumann and his staff were finally laid to rest by the chattering Vickers. The truck had tried, and obviously failed, to rescue the HQ staff before they perished.



The northern objective became out last redoubt. They fought almost to the last man with a few men, crazed by the unending artillery barrage and incessant fighting, dragging themselves westward.

[PimpYourAFV]

And here is the scoreboard. We successfully achieved a draw despite our positions being overrun because of the heavy Polish casualties and a couple of objective hexes were still held by us when the final round ended. Our core forces were virtually wiped out in the fighting with only 1 cavalry, 2 wagons, and amazingly the special forces squad defending the southwestern objective to the bitter end surviving.

We cannot rebuild and fight again with these losses. But there is much to celebrate. We are congratulated by Mussolini for very successfully achieving a victory by attrition with only 1211 dead versus a staggering 1514 dead Poles plus many of their limited tank forces destroyed. It will be easy now for the Germans to finish the Poles off after we have hurt them so badly. Due to our ingenius tactical skills which we displayed in these 2 battles, the Germans may again call on us again to help them lead another brigade of one of their minor partners in the near future. It feels great to know my skills are in such high demand.

[robot]

Shouldnt this all be in the AAR section are am I missing someything.

[BulletMagnet]

You're correct Robot, but the normal rules dont apply for Tokyotrollboy he can do what ever he wants. Dont dare question him or you too will be called a fat lazy boozing and smoking old guy without a clue.

[PimpYourAFV]

ORIGINAL: robot

Shouldnt this all be in the AAR section are am I missing someything.

You are missing a ' in the word shouldn't. [:'(] I was thinking to put this in the AAR section at first but decided it is way too different from the type of stories in that subforum. Kind of like an ostrich with his body buried into the sand instead of his head. If I write another story I will most probably put it in the AAR section to avoid upsetting folks.

[forgorin]

And thats it is it? Will you start another story in the ZAAR forum?