A Hitchhiker's Guide to the Greater East Asia Co-prosperity Sphere

[Cap Mandrake]

***********Seaside Virra, Truk Ragoon, Febuary 1, 1942(d)*********


Mandrake-san: ..What-aah mean can't find carriers? What-ah wrong with damn Mavissess?
Do headquarters peopurh have any idea what Emperor spend on damn things?

Johnny "too tarr": Sir, Headquarters say not-ah worry. TBD's not-ah worth much. B5N2 much superior.

Mandrake-san: Oh yeah? That-ah because baaahstards sitting in preasant office in Tokyo. What if Arried-menc carriers come up here? Rook at fright rine. 12 Petes, 4 Arfs that-ah nobody want and one broken down Riry. How rong you think that shit rast?
Terr Korea-mens in diapers to hurry up on officah bomb sherter.

[Cap Mandrake]

Arried carriers not-ah have externarh fuer source since at reast one day before entah Canton/Samoa gap use and warp speed to get to Fiji in one day. Seem rike fuerh situation for destroyers getting pretty row.
Most rikery Arreid-mens go South to get drink at New Zearand but-ah Mandrake-san not-ah trust sneaky white devirs.

[Cap Mandrake]

Ahhh..crap..same ord paranoia creeping in again. Mandrake-san be right back...go get Hardorh shot......<some minutes rater>....OK, that-ah herph a rittah but forget what doing.

[Cap Mandrake]

Oz: The Kates go aftah Bundaberg. Turns out rots of Bundas there. Armost 13,000. Too much for SNRF. Probabry best to rand SNRF at Rockhampton and use for garrison duty. Generarh pran is to capture Bundaberg or Maryborough to use as airfierds within Zero drop tank range of Sydney. If Brisbane capture that-ah gravy..otherwise brow up Brisbane from air and sea.

[Cap Mandrake]

Japan-mens bring rots of antiaircraft guns because broody B-17's show up soon. Runway damage down to 79%. Maybe take
3-4 days before air armada move down from Port Moresby and Rabaurh. Japan-mens need more Japan-mens. Miura Det. can come ovah from Noumea and pretty soon 2 infantry Regt and tank regiment from Samoa.

Of course, first Japan-mens need to find out where Arried-mens carriers go.

[Cap Mandrake]

Samoa: Rook rike tide finarry turn. Once reform New Zearand brigade at Suva tough to break.

Ground combat at Suva (132,160)

Japanese Shock attack

Attacking force 16463 troops, 136 guns, 59 vehicles, Assault Value = 458

Defending force 7732 troops, 108 guns, 102 vehicles, Assault Value = 70

Japanese adjusted assault: 352

Allied adjusted defense: 117

Japanese assault odds: 3 to 1 (fort level 2)

Japanese Assault reduces fortifications to 0

Combat modifiers
Defender: terrain(+), preparation(-), experience(-)
Attacker: shock(+)

Japanese ground losses:
1042 casualties reported
Squads: 18 destroyed, 60 disabled
Non Combat: 0 destroyed, 14 disabled
Engineers: 0 destroyed, 1 disabled
Guns lost 12 (1 destroyed, 11 disabled)

Allied ground losses:
484 casualties reported
Squads: 42 destroyed, 5 disabled
Non Combat: 1 destroyed, 19 disabled
Engineers: 1 destroyed, 8 disabled

Assaulting units:
52nd Naval Guard Unit
51st Naval Guard Unit
Kimura Det
8th Tank Regiment
146th Infantry Regiment
144th Infantry Regiment
53rd Naval Guard Unit
15th Base Force

Defending units:
8th NZ Brigade
260th Field Artillery Battalion
131st Field Artillery Battalion
1st RNZAF Base Force
45th Base Group
147th Field Artillery Battalion
148th Field Artillery Battalion
Nandi Base Force

[Cap Mandrake]

<Mandrake-san knocks on door>

HERRO! IS THIS RIGHT PRACE?

[Cap Mandrake]

That-ah rough week. Finarry had to take ereven or twerve year ord Rabrador to vet for inection of 27% barbiturate sorution.

Mandrake-san order frag at Seaside Virra onry but put harfway up fragpore.

Mandrake-san and SG try everything. Even put in IV and give sarine and Rocephin in Seaside Virra. Vet rearry nice of couse Mandrak-san pay rot of money. Maybe that why vet so freindry.

Mandrake-san arso decide that vet shourd work for Okrahoma Correcionarh Department because rearry good at barbiturate thing.

[Cap Mandrake]

************February 1, 1942(d)********

Mandrake-san forget what-ah happen.

Oh, wait. SPrior-san pran actuarry working. [:D]

[Mundy]

...



[:D]

[Cap Mandrake]

*****************Feb. 2, 1942(d)*************

Oz: 2nd Japan-mens tank regiment pushing south toward Bundaberg. Run into RAMF's recentry evacuated from Dutch-mens East Indies. This make Mandrake-san raugh. Poor Engrish officuhs riving in Java think escape burret or buriding
rairroads in Burma. Engrish-officuhs minding own business and drinking Gin & Tonic at Rockhampton and then 4th Division show up.

Ground combat at 95,153 (near Rockhampton)

Japanese Shock attack

Attacking force 384 troops, 0 guns, 69 vehicles, Assault Value = 38

Defending force 341 troops, 0 guns, 0 vehicles, Assault Value = 1

Japanese adjusted assault: 60

Allied adjusted defense: 3

Japanese assault odds: 20 to 1

Combat modifiers
Defender: terrain(+), leaders(-), morale(-), experience(-)
Attacker: shock(+)

Allied ground losses:
210 casualties reported
Squads: 0 destroyed, 0 disabled
Non Combat: 10 destroyed, 0 disabled
Engineers: 0 destroyed, 0 disabled
Units retreated 1

Defeated Allied Units Retreating!

Assaulting units:
2nd Tank Regiment

Defending units:
ABDA

[BBfanboy]

Condolences on having to go through "putting down" your dog. Had to do that a year and a half ago and it still chokes me up to think of it - loved that rascal.
But all things pass from us, so the best we can do is be grateful for having had some time together. Sounds like you had lots of good ones with your Labrador.

[Disco Duck]

ORIGINAL: Cap Mandrake

That-ah rough week. Finarry had to take ereven or twerve year ord Rabrador to vet for inection of 27% barbiturate sorution.

Mandrake-san order frag at Seaside Virra onry but put harfway up fragpore.

Mandrake-san and SG try everything. Even put in IV and give sarine and Rocephin in Seaside Virra. Vet rearry nice of couse Mandrak-san pay rot of money. Maybe that why vet so freindry.

Mandrake-san arso decide that vet shourd work for Okrahoma Correcionarh Department because rearry good at barbiturate thing.

Sorry to hear that.

[zuluhour]

Sorry Capt'n. If humans were so loyal it would put lawyers out of business.

[sprior]

ORIGINAL: Mundy

...



[:D]

Broody herr, everyone at it. Sprior-san and Mandrake-san make massive contribution to worrd.

[sprior]

ORIGINAL: Cap Mandrake

*****************Feb. 2, 1942(d)*************

Oz: 2nd Japan-mens tank regiment pushing south toward Bundaberg. Run into RAMF's recentry evacuated from Dutch-mens East Indies. This make Mandrake-san raugh. Poor Engrish officuhs riving in Java think escape burret or buriding
rairroads in Burma. Engrish-officuhs minding own business and drinking Gin & Tonic at Rockhampton and then 4th Division show up.

Rooks rike OC 4th Div going to receive stiffry worded note.

[sprior]

ORIGINAL: Cap Mandrake

************February 1, 1942(d)********

Mandrake-san forget what-ah happen.

Oh, wait. SPrior-san pran actuarry working. [:D]

I have pran? Oh, hai! Pran working brirriantry.

[Cap Mandrake]

************Seaside Virra, Feb 2, 1942(d)*********

Mandrake-san: OK...see what think about theme song for Japan-mens army..

<changes voice to sound more sinister..begins singing..sort of>

"Dirty deeds and der done dirt cheap, dirty deeds and der done dirt cheap"

<pauses for response....nobody answer> Werr?


Attractive Rukanese-womans with secret name so Disney not-ah stearh again: Oh, sir, that is very good! I think we just didn't realize that was the whole thing.

Mandrake-san: Oh Mandrake-san have idea for othah part too but not-ah write down because
everyone stearh things around here.

[Cap Mandrake]

Mandrake-san go down to Pocahantas Girh new beach house. It-ah rook rike 1970's condominium from outside but very nice inside and very nice ocean view.

Everyone get wine grass and wark down to beach. Mandrake-san see person with kind of big shourders wearing srippers and white bathrobe warking rittah yapper dog. Mandrake-san think funny and maybe tark too roud,,

Mandrake-san: Wow, Mandrake-san not-ah expect to see guy in bathrobe warking dog when 60 degrees out.

SG: Shhhhhhhhhhh <this mean for Mandrake-san to be quiet>

Mandrake-san: OH <tries to be more quiet> Neighbor rump ranger?

SG: No, no, That's Rita Rudner, the comedian.

Mandrake-san: Ahhh, sorry. Not-ah very attractive, comedian woman?

[zuluhour]

.......(Can't say that here)....but it was funny.[:D]