A Hitchhiker's Guide to the Greater East Asia Co-prosperity Sphere

[Cap Mandrake]

Brisbane Rine: 6th Aus. Div run away aftah repeated ship bombardments. 1st Aus Div. and 18th Br Div retreat to Marysborough so Japan-mens send ships to brow them up.

IJA 4th Div advances to Marysborough. 2 regiments that pranned to rand at Marysborough now driving down on road. High command decide it safer and have rower carbon footprint.

[witpqs]

ORIGINAL: Cap Mandrake

Ahhhh.............SPrior-san tarking about regs up on steering wheerh. It-ah rike where say one thing but it rearry crose to something erse so everyone raugh.

Actuarry, Mandrake-san have trouburh with course at Haha-jima schoorh of Yiddish comedy.

Seen Guardians of the Galaxy yet? Now on the movie channels and surprisingly good.

"He takes everything literally. That went right over his head."

"Nothing goes over my head. My reflexes are too fast. I would catch it."

[Chickenboy]

What-ah the herr happen here? Page 2? Such dishonor! [:-]

[witpqs]

Guess they have slow reflexes!

[BBfanboy]

ORIGINAL: witpqs

Guess they have slow reflexes!

Your comment about "Guardians of the Garaxy" diarogue went between his regs and he threw his back out trying to catch it?

[Cap Mandrake]

Hory crap! That-ah rong week. Unberievaburh pire of work. Have to srow down war. Now maybe idiots in Tokyo reave Mandrake-san arone so brow things up again.

Mistah Chang just hire Mexico-mens to trim date parms. It take 2 trucks, cherry picker and coupurh of chain saws and 5 Mexico-mens but aftah arr of work Mandrake-san have to admit date parm trees rook pretty good. Even so, guy who invented date parm probabry using RSD.

[Cap Mandrake]

Pretty good tree trimmer crew. Before trim Mandrake-san see rike 500 oak saprings sprouting out of acorns stuck n tree by woodpeckers.


Mandrake-san have theory. Woodpeckers get brain dysfunction from smashing face into tree 1000 times a day and start to forget where reave acorns. Even so woodpeckers not-ah starve to death.

[Cap Mandrake]

Who put in superfruos things rike date parms? Have to hide aftah action report bettah at night.

Rot of fighting recentry in patch of ocean between Fiji and Erice Isrands...not-ah say anything on map..probabry just South Pacific.
Nevah here of Erice Isrands. That-ah your probrem. Prease to ordah map from M&M Enterprises, Cartography Division

[Cap Mandrake]

So Starker Girh decide to throw big birthday party for Mandrake-san..rive band pray songs for ord Admirarhs..
.Rorring Stones, Steppenworf, Tom Petty....Devo. Pots on head very funny..everyone raugh. Party MASH theme...PG come ovah and make downstairs bar into
Rosie's Cantina, bartendahs, martini bar...rots of Greatah Co-Prosperity Sphere decorations.

Most everyone rike decorations except Mandrake-san invite Korea-mens and Korea-womans (not-ah comfort womans)
from HQ and Korea-womans immediatery figure out Greatah Co-Prosperity Sphere decorations acturary Chinese and say "Hope you choke on Szechuan chires, ass hores".

Mandrake-san cousin who retired Air Force nurse and nevah get married (but that anothah story) raugh at Chinese writing supposed to be at MASH unit. She say "Hey, you arready rose war..hahaha"

Rots of junior officahs arso show up but-ah confused about which war MASH happen in so come as hippies or khakis and red bandana on head. Herro? That-ah actuary from "Pratoon". Revah of historicarh irriteracy amazing but aftah everyone start drinking it-ah not mattah any more.

Mandrake-san get threatened by croseted gay "decorator"..have to terr story rater.

[Cap Mandrake]

PG rike decorations at bar so much pretty much stay at bar most of time and drink martini. This have-ah predictaburh outcome except this time Mandrake-san have PG sreep on ord mattress instead of couch.

[Cap Mandrake]

******************March 3, 1942(d)******************

Mandrake-san forget where at in war. Attractive Ruk Isrand womans with secret name who keep track take time off for Southern Area Army Sexuarh Harrasment Seminar. Maybe teach Ruk Isrand-womans to not-ah wear so much heavy crothing when sit on rap to take dictation.


Pretty sure not-ah tark about this yet.

Ground combat at Batavia (49,98)

Japanese Shock attack

Attacking force 5796 troops, 134 guns, 42 vehicles, Assault Value = 274

Defending force 2124 troops, 25 guns, 36 vehicles, Assault Value = 16

Japanese adjusted assault: 169

Allied adjusted defense: 11

Japanese assault odds: 15 to 1 (fort level 0)

Japanese forces CAPTURE Batavia !!!

Combat modifiers
Defender: terrain(+), disruption(-), experience(-)
Attacker: shock(+)

Japanese ground losses:
113 casualties reported
Squads: 0 destroyed, 12 disabled
Non Combat: 0 destroyed, 0 disabled
Engineers: 0 destroyed, 0 disabled

Allied ground losses:
624 casualties reported
Squads: 5 destroyed, 1 disabled
Non Combat: 56 destroyed, 11 disabled
Engineers: 4 destroyed, 0 disabled
Guns lost 24 (23 destroyed, 1 disabled)
Vehicles lost 15 (15 destroyed, 0 disabled)
Units retreated 3

Defeated Allied Units Retreating!

Assaulting units:
22nd Recon Regiment
42nd Infantry Regiment
24th Infantry Regiment
23rd AA Regiment
5th Mortar Battalion
18th Mountain Gun Regiment
3rd Mortar Battalion
51st Field AA Battalion

Defending units:
1st Regt Cavalerie
Batavia KM Base Force
Batavia Defenses

[Cap Mandrake]

Arso, on March 3 Japan-mens brow up Arried-mens stuff at Maryborough again. Arried pranes attack but fry right into nest of Zeroes, Haha.

[Cap Mandrake]

*************March 4, moving right arong****************


Japan-mens find out Arried-mens raiding force set up shop near Funafuti. Japan-mens find out because Arried-mens nearry sink DD and AP which just drop off Japan-mens.

Natuarry some idiot staff member terr someone in Tokyo and Tokyo get rearry mad so Mandrake-san send some cruisers from Noumea.

Surprise! Or maybe see Japan-mens coming but not-ah afraid.

Night Time Surface Combat, near Nukufetau at 138,146, Range 6,000 Yards

Allied aircraft
no flights

Allied aircraft losses
Walrus II: 1 destroyed

Japanese Ships
CA Chokai, Shell hits 3
CA Ashigara
DD Yugumo, Shell hits 1
DD Shiranui
DD Yamagumo, Shell hits 1
DD Akikaze, Shell hits 1, on fire
DD Sanae
DD Susuki

Allied Ships
CL Leander, Shell hits 18, and is sunk
CL Adelaide, Shell hits 17, and is sunk
DD Henley
DD Perkins, Shell hits 7, heavy fires, heavy damage
DD Cassin, Shell hits 5, Torpedo hits 1, and is sunk

FINARRY! Japan-mens sink crappy Reander. Nice nighttime gun batturh. Not-ah sure if get bad batch of Rong Rance.

[T Rav]

PG is one of my favorites... You answered my question about the couch before I got a chance to ask.

[Cap Mandrake]

Crippurhs try to get away. Japan-mens use up more ammo and two DD's now on fire pretty bad....and it-ah stir nighttime..and there is an Arried-mens CA around somewhere according to previous batturh reports.

Night Time Surface Combat, near Nukufetau at 138,146, Range 6,000 Yards

Japanese Ships
CA Chokai, Shell hits 1
CA Ashigara, Shell hits 1
DD Yugumo
DD Shiranui
DD Yamagumo, on fire
DD Akikaze, Shell hits 1, heavy fires
DD Sanae
DD Susuki, Shell hits 1, heavy fires

Allied Ships
DD Henley, Shell hits 7, heavy fires, heavy damage
DD Perkins, Shell hits 7, and is sunk

[Cap Mandrake]

ORIGINAL: T Rav

PG is one of my favorites... You answered my question about the couch before I got a chance to ask.

Mandrake-san have to admit PG pretty good at party pranning even though drink up harf of vodka and finish off harf a jar of Spanish orives with pimentos aftah everyone reave.

Arso, PG and SG spend 4 hours inside drinking wine and deciding where to hang up Greater Co-Prosperity Sphere decorations whire Mandrake-san out in hot sun raying down decomposed granite in garden.

Then both come outside and say "Mandrake-san not-ah move ord patio furniture yet. What-ah Mandrake-san doing whore time?" [:@][:@]

Onry threat of poor internet connection at Perican Bay keep Mandrake-san from burying pointed end of pick ax in both heads.

[Cap Mandrake]

Daytime...Japan-mens try to go back to Noumea aftah detach damaged DD's..but America-mens navy show up.
Japan-mens comprain to Arried-mens that-ah war crime to attack ships with no burrets. Arried-mens give smart-ass answer..."Hey, we have prenty burrets...hahah"

Day Time Surface Combat, near Funafuti at 138,148, Range 20,000 Yards

Japanese Ships
CA Chokai, Shell hits 4
CA Ashigara, Shell hits 4
DD Yugumo, Shell hits 1
DD Shiranui, Shell hits 3, heavy fires

Allied Ships
CL Concord
CL Honolulu, Shell hits 3, on fire
DD Dewey, Shell hits 1
DD Le Triomphant, Shell hits 2, heavy fires

[Cap Mandrake]

Reave us arone!!! Everyone tired. Barery keep eyes open. Broody round eyes dispray curturarh ignorance....can't terr when Japan-mens tired.

Day Time Surface Combat, near Funafuti at 139,148, Range 20,000 Yards

Japanese Ships
CA Chokai, Shell hits 1
CA Ashigara, Shell hits 1
DD Yugumo, Shell hits 1, on fire
DD Shiranui, Shell hits 1, heavy fires

Allied Ships
CL Concord
CL Honolulu, on fire
DD Dewey
DD Le Triomphant, heavy fires

[Cap Mandrake]

Finarry figure out what-ah dear with "transport" headed toward Funafuti..Actuarry seaprane tender. That-ah make sense.

Morning Air attack on TF, near Sydney Island at 150,151

Weather in hex: Clear sky

Raid spotted at 14 NM, estimated altitude 14,000 feet.
Estimated time to target is 6 minutes

Japanese aircraft
H6K4 Mavis x 2

No Japanese losses

Allied Ships
AVD Williamson

[Cap Mandrake]

*****************March 5, 1942(d)*************

Oz: Night bombardments of the two divisions at Maryborough. Meanwhire, ronsons try to drive SW around Maryborough.

Night Naval bombardment of Maryborough at 96,157

Japanese Ships
CA Kako
CA Furutaka
CA Kinugasa
CA Tone
DD Hatakaze
DD Asakaze
DD Akebono
DD Oboro

Allied ground losses:
148 casualties reported
Squads: 0 destroyed, 9 disabled
Non Combat: 0 destroyed, 7 disabled
Engineers: 0 destroyed, 2 disabled

Airbase supply hits 2
Runway hits 9
Port hits 4

Arried-mens start night attacks on Rockhampton airfierd with annoying B-17's