Goblinfest '41 (Bernie vs Goblin Xmas of '41)

mogami · Post by **mogami** » Wed May 01, 2002 5:15 am

Mogami: OK shall we continue?

Goblin: I'm Goblin damit everyone retreat as fats as possible,
throw all your grenades, pop smoke, attack, I'm Goblin damit listen too me.

Mogami: Hey your not Col Goblin

Bernie/Goblin: Yes I am....really look I"m GOBLIN DAMIT!!!!

Goblin · Post by **Goblin** » Thu May 02, 2002 3:52 am

I killed another thirty or so commandos, but they keep coming out of the hive. A large, rocky hill in the north is seeing a growing tank shoot-out. I've spotted a coupla mines in his lines with arty.
Thats all for my turn.

Goblin- A Goblin keeps it short and sweet

Bernie · Post by **Bernie** » Thu May 02, 2002 4:01 am

Originally posted by Goblin
I killed another thirty or so commandos, but they keep coming out of the hive. A large, rocky hill in the north is seeing a growing tank shoot-out. I've spotted a coupla mines in his lines with arty.
Thats all for my turn.

Goblin- A Goblin keeps it short and sweet

Those aren't mines... They're...ah...they're... Buried pirate treasure! Yeah, that's what they are! Bet you can't find any dubloons in there matey!

Arghhh, arrgg!

Goblin · Post by **Goblin** » Thu May 02, 2002 5:42 am

Buried treasure!?!? On my way! I only killed a six man SAS squad that round. I did get my first M2 75mm gun kill from my arriving Lee's, however!

Goblin- A Goblin believes bigger is better

Bernie · Post by **Bernie** » Thu May 02, 2002 6:59 am

Originally posted by Goblin
Buried treasure!?!? On my way! I only killed a six man SAS squad that round. I did get my first M2 75mm gun kill from my arriving Lee's, however!

Goblin- A Goblin believes bigger is better

Lee's? You buying more Chinese surplus, Yank?

Oh wait... Lee, he was that fellow that beat up some of your chaps... Burned a town or two I recall, much like we did Washington back in 1812. Must do that again sometime...soon.

Carry on, Yank!

Bernie · Post by **Bernie** » Thu May 02, 2002 7:09 am

<John Cleese voice>

Now wait a minute... Hold on there for a moment like a good chap, eh? Now then, Mr. Goblin, I really must ask you to stop with the bleedin' mortars and 75mm artillery already!!

Now listen here chap...

You've been firing these things at us for what? 7...9 turns now?

And have you hit a bloody thing yet???

No, of course you haven't! Oh sure, sure...you hit a couple of wandering tank crews... But that's it, right?

Now, look around you... What do you see? A little louder please, I can't hear you... What's that? A swamp? Right, a bloody great stinking, slimey, muddy SWAMP! And what is all this artillery of yours doing? It's splashing that stinking, slimey mud all over MY CLEAN TANKS!

Now, it may not mean much to you, being a Yank and all that, but we're British, we like things nice, and clean and orderly. I personally have worked night and day with my crews polishing and waxing and buffing these tanks until they just about glow in the dark, AND THEN YOU COME ALONG AND MAKE A HUGE STINKING RUDDY MESS OF THEM!!! WELL, STOP IT I SAY!! STOP IT!"

Thank you. Carry on chaps.

Goblin · Post by **Goblin** » Fri May 03, 2002 2:27 am

MWAHAAHAHHHAHAHAHAHAH!! MWWAAHAHAAHAHAHA!! My deviously dirty plan is working. A Brit tanker CANNOT fight while he is thinking about the wax job on his tank. We Americans LIKE mud! Splish Splash takin a bath, all in the mudhole tonite. The very thought of this is probably causing a shudder in the Brit units right now! Surrender, and we will let you get the soap out. If not you will all bathe in bloo... Er, MUD!

Got another umpteen Commandos and SAS and Infiltrators from the Ministry of Spic and Span.

Goblin- Cleanliness is next to Gobliness

Bernie · Post by **Bernie** » Fri May 03, 2002 4:10 am

Originally posted by Goblin
MWAHAAHAHHHAHAHAHAHAH!! MWWAAHAHAAHAHAHA!! My deviously dirty plan is working. A Brit tanker CANNOT fight while he is thinking about the wax job on his tank. We Americans LIKE mud! Splish Splash takin a bath, all in the mudhole tonite. The very thought of this is probably causing a shudder in the Brit units right now! Surrender, and we will let you get the soap out. If not you will all bathe in bloo... Er, MUD!

Got another umpteen Commandos and SAS and Infiltrators from the Ministry of Spic and Span.

Goblin- Cleanliness is next to Gobliness

BBC News Special Report:

Sources close to the Ministry for Clean Armor say that the ministry is outraged and incensed over the Americans refusal to halt their mud splattering attacks on our tanks. Accordingly, the ministry has asked for a special appropriation with which to buy material to put a stop to the Americans. A source at 10 Downing confirms that a delegation met with the PM and left with his enthusiastic support.

We switch you now to a BBC camera crew somewhere behind enemy lines where they've just filmed some remarakable footage of the 20 new 8" batteries the ministry purchased and, reserved exclusivly for counter-battery fire, as they attack the American gun emplacements.

Bernie · Post by **Bernie** » Sat May 04, 2002 6:45 am

(Said watching pieces of tank fly through the air)

So, those are Lee's, eh chap? They don't seem to stand up well to 8" guns, do they?

Goblin · Post by **Goblin** » Sat May 04, 2002 7:19 am

They do seem to be standing up to everything else, though.

We have the armor duel in the south swamp still going. On a large hill in the north, we now have a tank on inf/tank fight going, with me advancing far enough to find infantry. In the center, along an east/west road, we are having one heck of a shootout with my Lees, against Marm-Herr 37mm, Crusaders, and 2# AT guns. There was one three inch DP gun, but I am willing to wager that it has been abandoned by now. A second 3 inch DP gun has LOS on that northern hill, and has taken a coupla pot shots at me. The center battle is taking place in and west of a small, sparse town. There are dead tanks EVERYWHERE!!

Goblin- A Goblin wants his mommy

Bernie · Post by **Bernie** » Sat May 04, 2002 8:52 am

Originally posted by Goblin
They do seem to be standing up to everything else, though.

We have the armor duel in the south swamp still going. On a large hill in the north, we now have a tank on inf/tank fight going, with me advancing far enough to find infantry. In the center, along an east/west road, we are having one heck of a shootout with my Lees, against Marm-Herr 37mm, Crusaders, and 2# AT guns. There was one three inch DP gun, but I am willing to wager that it has been abandoned by now. A second 3 inch DP gun has LOS on that northern hill, and has taken a coupla pot shots at me. The center battle is taking place in and west of a small, sparse town. There are dead tanks EVERYWHERE!!

Goblin- A Goblin wants his mommy

Yes indeed, dead tanks all over the map... Quite a few of them seem to have 8" holes through the hatch though.

My chaps are holding their own against the American assault, though his Lee tanks with their dual guns are making things a bit sticky. Not quite cricket to sport two major guns on a tank, but those Americans do tend towards excess, don't they?

As Goblin said, on the north hill there's a bit of a tank vs infantry battle brewing, one which my infantry seems to be winning with the aid of 3" mortars and 8" arty. In the southern swamp areas what had been a hard push by the Yanks has fizzled to a limp, dead Stuarts littering the landscape, victims of our 3lb and 3.7 lb guns.

The center battle is the most interesting. Our layered defense seems to be working well. American Lee's waddled directly between a pair of pre-plotted arty hexes (placed just for that purpose) allowing massed 8" and 25lb artillery to whittle down their ranks. 2lb AT guns then took over, backed by 3" AA guns pressed into AT duty and well supplied with AP rounds. A few 40mm AA units sprinkled in, some 3" mortar equipped Bren carriers and infantry with AT rifles, RPG's and 2" mortars round out the ambush. If the Yanks keep coming they'll soon hit the rest of the layers, and there will be more than a few American tank crews walking home.

Oh, a special bit of recognition to the Marm-Herr, 37mm equipped APC's brought in from North Africa for this battle. Their accuracy is wonderful, much to the lament of a few Yank tankers.

Keep coming Yank. There's some ladies back here that are hot to meet you...all of them named Matilda.

Getting a little short of AP rounds yet? You've been using an awful lot of them on unarmed tank crews. Not that your little 37mm guns can hurt a Matilda, but I'd hate for a rude salute to be the only thing you had left to fire at them.

Goblin · Post by **Goblin** » Sat May 04, 2002 6:15 pm

Ok, I can see where this is gonna get me. I believe the order is about to go out to withdraw behind the lines. Then, you can play at our playground, complete with special toys!

Lost a Stuart to a 3"DP. I see yet another commando unit! I have killed a coupla hundred of them so far, and it has been a while since one popped up!

My tanks have 50 or so AP left each, so don't you worry none.

I do appreciate the concern. You Brits always did care so much. Until you went all power hungry and tried for world domination! We and the nice Nazi's and Japanese will stop you, and then let the Germans organize tour groups to the Tower, equiped with nice Japanese camera's.

Goblin- A Goblin loves a tour

Bernie · Post by **Bernie** » Sun May 05, 2002 4:26 am

Originally posted by Goblin
Ok, I can see where this is gonna get me. I believe the order is about to go out to withdraw behind the lines. Then, you can play at our playground, complete with special toys!

Lost a Stuart to a 3"DP. I see yet another commando unit! I have killed a coupla hundred of them so far, and it has been a while since one popped up!

My tanks have 50 or so AP left each, so don't you worry none. I do appreciate the concern. You Brits always did care so much. Until you went all power hungry and tried for world domination! We and the nice Nazi's and Japanese will stop you, and then let the Germans organize tour groups to the Tower, equiped with nice Japanese camera's.

Goblin- A Goblin loves a tour

Right chap, our commando units are highly skilled at E&E (escape and evasion). Your boys pounded them a bit earlier and they went to ground, biding their time until they could sneak into your HQ, capture your command staff and torture them by making them watch all 5 gazzilion episodes of Benny Hill. If that didn't do the trick, and force them to surrender, we have issued our commandos specially edited tapes of "The Holy Grail" that continuiously loop the parts about the knights that say "Nee".

Now, on the front lines, it seems you're down to just a few dented and battered Lee's and a Stuart or two. A pity that, the Matilda crews were hoping to play with them, but at this rate it seems the 3" DP's, 8" arty, 2 lb ATG's and our infantry are getting most of the kills. Why, I looked at one of our 8" batteries just a little while ago and it showed over two dozen kills. Fine chaps those crews.

Goblin · Post by **Goblin** » Sun May 05, 2002 4:45 am

Speaking of the little trollop, Matilda, I just saw one. So did my 155mm FH's! A few battered tanks, eh? With all this smoke, its no wonder you don't realize your danger. Poor sod, you blokes are all kippered and stouted and such. You should crumpett a tea and chips a fish, or we will tally your ho and polo rugby your funny little pith hats you use for equestrian safari's with your Gurka porters.

Goblin- A Goblins had worse:)

Bernie · Post by **Bernie** » Sun May 05, 2002 8:47 am

Originally posted by Goblin
Speaking of the little trollop, Matilda, I just saw one. So did my 155mm FH's! A few battered tanks, eh? With all this smoke, its no wonder you don't realize your danger. Poor sod, you blokes are all kippered and stouted and such. You should crumpett a tea and chips a fish, or we will tally your ho and polo rugby your funny little pith hats you use for equestrian safari's with your Gurka porters.

Goblin- A Goblins had worse:)

Well Yank, it seems you were right about my not seeing all your tanks. A quartet of Lee's and a lost looking Stuart just crawled out of the smoke, directly into a minefield in front of all my remaining AT units.

Although, I may not even have to fire a shot at them if you keep pounding on them with your 75mm and 155mm arty. Just why you're doing that I find it difficult to understand, unless your finger missed the "smoke" button.

Goblin · Post by **Goblin** » Sun May 05, 2002 9:41 am

I just checked my guns, and they are all stamped 'Made in England'. Guess that explains that.

Lotta heat in the center, with those AT guns that are still alive.

The south swamplands fight has ground to a halt due to a lack of combatants.

The north hill battle has also wound down a little, though I suspect it is due to suppression on all units involved.

Goblin- A Goblin hates swamps

Goblin · Post by **Goblin** » Mon May 06, 2002 3:42 pm

My artillery crews just pulled a tarp off this pile of stuff, and found smoke rounds! This was a pretty cool thing, so they used them. ALOT of them. I always did like fog. Oughta make you 'chaps' feel right at home!

Goblin- A Goblin loves pea soup:)

Goblin · Post by **Goblin** » Tue May 07, 2002 6:17 am

I see your boys found their smoke also! I killed that Matilda that got my Lee in the smoke. I lost a Lee to a mine (your mine too!). I have lost two of my tanks to my own mines, when they decided to drive through them, instead of around them! The infantry on that big hill in the north is really giving me trouble, with yet another immobilized tank!

Goblin- A Goblin spanked Matilda good:p

Goblin · Post by **Goblin** » Wed May 08, 2002 4:25 am

Well, mines claim two more tanks that round. I got two more Matildas in the smoke. My arty had a good round that time. I can't tell whats going on, with all this smoke!

Goblin- A Goblin is blind as a bat:)

Bernie · Post by **Bernie** » Wed May 08, 2002 4:53 am

Originally posted by Goblin
Well, mines claim two more tanks that round. I got two more Matildas in the smoke. My arty had a good round that time. I can't tell whats going on, with all this smoke!

Goblin- A Goblin is blind as a bat:)

Matildas have pretty good armor, but not much punch. Took several point-blank shots at a Lee's last turn, no effect <blonk!>

Ah well, can't win 'em all.

Goblinfest '41 (Bernie vs Goblin Xmas of '41)

interview cont

A protest from the Ministry of Clean Armor

BBC News Special Report