From here to...well...it SEEMS like an eternity

[Cap Mandrake]

Good to hear that John. Thank you for your kind comments and the enjoyable contest.

[Cap Mandrake]

Bet you though I was talking about the Stuart...right?


So I am driving up the coast toward Monterey with stalker girl and the hotel we booked in Cambria had a continental breakfast. So I get the bright idea to grab some bagels and peanut butter and apples to make peanut butter and honey and apple sandwiches for lunch somewhere in Big Sur. I know it sounds terrible but they are good. So we go to a little country store and stalker girl buys some bottled water and then right after she is done I come up to the counter with a squeeze bottle of honey and I set it down to get ready to pay for it. The male clerk in his forties or late thirties looks down at the isolated bottle of honey then looks up at me with an odd look ...then looks over my shoulder then starts giggling at me with 3 missing teeth like one of the mountain boys from Deliverance...."Hehe, hehe...that will be 4.23...hehe, hehe". I give him the money and make sure to count change and I am thinking, "Wow...when cousins marry...Holy Hell".

When I get out the car stalker girl is yucking it up. It seems she was standing behind me when I bought the stuff and he looked right at her and apparently deduced we were together and that is when he started giggling. What a prevert the guy was.

Of course..we did have some honey left over after the sandwiches.

[DW]

ORIGINAL: Cap Mandrake

Bet you though I was talking about the Stuart...right?


So I am driving up the coast toward Monterey with stalker girl and the hotel we booked in Cambria had a continental breakfast. So I get the bright idea to grab some bagels and peanut butter and apples to make peanut butter and honey and apple sandwiches for lunch somewhere in Big Sur. I know it sounds terrible but they are good. So we go to a little country store and stalker girl buys some bottled water and then right after she is done I come up to the counter with a squeeze bottle of honey and I set it down to get ready to pay for it. The male clerk in his forties or late thirties looks down at the isolated bottle of honey then looks up at me with an odd look ...then looks over my shoulder then starts giggling at me with 3 missing teeth like one of the mountain boys from Deliverance...."Hehe, hehe...that will be 4.23...hehe, hehe". I give him the money and make sure to count change and I am thinking, "Wow...when cousins marry...Holy Hell".

When I get out the car stalker girl is yucking it up. It seems she was standing behind me when I bought the stuff and he looked right at her and apparently deduced we were together and that is when he started giggling. What a prevert the guy was.

Of course..we did have some honey left over after the sandwiches.

Soooo...

You're saying the inbred toothless guy was right...

Thanks for clearing that up. [:)]

[bradfordkay]

"It seems she was standing behind me when I bought the stuff and he looked right at her and apparently deduced we were together and that is when he started giggling."

Stalker Girl was probably standing behind you and pantomining pouring the honey all over her chest...

[tabpub]

OAHU
In a deep, dimly lit, dank bunker somewhere on the military preserve:
 
Un-named Rating: Commander, we're getting some weird traffic on PURPLE lately.
 
Joe Rochefort: Well, talk to me boy....
 
Rating: It seems that there has been a coup in Tokyo. The Burma Area commander has been shot and the head of the military junta has resigned.
 
Rochefort: And...
 
Rating: Well, all we have right now is that the new junta consists of two new officers; we don't have their real names yet, but the diplomatic codes for them are "Squid" and "FireEmperor".
We will have to do some more work to break down their proper names.
 
Rochefort: Great. Now I have to go wake up the old man. It's bad enough that the Brits are getting all the press lately while we are stood down for the moment....now this comes thru....new juntas are always flexing their muscles to show that they are in control....I am sure that this means something will heat up somewhere soon.....

[Cap Mandrake]

************Australia Command, "Rail Command Car", 220 mi SW Darwin, Derby to Darwin "Railway", Feb. 12, 1942******



Gen. Blamey: <speaking to his intelligence aide> Rochefort, Rochefort? Does that sound like and American name to you?

Aide: No sir, sounds a bit French to me.

Gen. Blamey: PRECISELY! Lord knows I have heard enough about Le Triomphant bearing an unfair burden in that little fracas off Darwin, but now...some chap named Rochefort reading Jap intercepts? Can we trust him?

Aide: Yes sir, I think we can. He seems to have a good group about him.

Gen. Blamey: Right...then if there really is a new command in place perhaps we should re-evaluate our vulnerabilities.

Aide: Vulnerabilities, sir?

Gen. Blamey: Yes, like this very rail line we are riding on? What if the Japs went after this?

Aide: Ummm...I shouldn't worry about that oo much, sir.

Gen. Blamey: Of course YOU won't. That is my job, son. That's why they pay me the big bucks. Say, I think I'll take a look outside and have a smoke while I think this over.

Aide: NO! I mean...no, sir. That..would be a very bad idea because of......the......locusts..that's it!

Gen. Blamey: Oh Good Lord. I'm not worried a bout a few grasshoppers.

Aide: It's bad sir. One of the sentries was set upon, they ate his exposed flesh down to the sinew in mere seconds.

Gen. Blamey: Good Lord! That is positively Bibilical. Perhaps I will have that smoke at my desk.......

[BrucePowers]

[:D]

[Cap Mandrake]

********SEAC HQ, Imphal, February 12, 1943*********


Meeting of all commands subordinate to SEAC.

Mountbatten: Right, well thank you all for coming on such short notice. Please feel free to ask question. I want this to be informal but I did want to say a few words to get the ball rolling, so to speak. Firstly, I would like to thank you all for your hard work on Operation Splendid. We have really cracked open the Jap sardine can with...

Staffer 1:<raises hand and squirms in his seat> Ummm...ummm

Mountbatten:<he is slightly annoyed because he didn't really expect anyone to have the temerity to take him up on his offer of questions right in the middle of bloody patrician pep talk..after all, truth be told, that is why WC sent him, it sure as Hell wasn't to paint all the bloody ships pink, he thinks to himself "bloody commoners have no sense of decorum..still, the chap does have a nice firm bottom..perhaps?">

What is it Colonel?


Staffer 1:Sorry sir, but it's you know what. Should we be saying that? It's the secrecy sir.

Mountbatten:Colonel, the whole point of secrecy is to conceal the operation BEFORE it takes place. We have the bulk of 12th Army and 200 aircraft ashore at Moulmein. The Japs can scarcely have failed to notice. Now..where was I? Ah, yes, I was saying the whole thing has gone swimmingly. Most energetic! I have spoken with the PM myself. He is delighted. The operation has been so successful, in fact, that, based on evidence form our American cousins, it appears the junta previously in charge has been replaced..sort of a palace coup.

USAAF liason:<raises hand. Admiral, Did you just say "jun-ta"?

Mountbatten: yes, Colonel, "jun-ta".

USAAF liason:Forgive me Admiral, but what on Earth is a "jun-ta"?

Mountbatten:Why, a military government..I suppose it generally connotes usurpation by force."

USAAF liason:Ahh, I believe you mean "hoon-ta", Admiral. It is from the Spanish.

Mountbatten:Colonel, when Spain joins the war perhaps we will worry about that. In the interim we shall speak the King's English in my command.

USAAF liason: Very well, sir, then I shall have to ask for clarification.

Mountbatten: <patrician vernier beginning to wear thin> On what topic, Colonel?

USAAF liason: Well sir, take for example the term for the resolution of a novel, or for that matter, a battle after the crescendo has been reached.

Mountbatten: "Day-noo-mah", you mean?

USAAF liason: Precisely, sir. Even though it from the French, it is still the King's English. Why isn't it "Duh-now-ment"?

Mountbatten: Look, it just isn't, alright? It's "jun-ta" and it's "day-noo-mah". That is just the way it is. Now, could we please get on with the agenda?

Staffer 1: Sorry sir, I believe I can answer the Colonel's question. Properly, "denoument" is italicised, indicating it is a foreign word, and, therefore retains the foreign pronunciation.

Staffer 2: It most certainly is not! Besides, there is no verb "italicise".

Staffer 1: Indeed there is.

Staffer 2: No there isn't. It is a untidy Americanism.

USAAF liason:<stands abruptly..> Look pal. I'll show you untidy. your face will be unitdy after I get done with you......

[Cap Mandrake]

Feb. 12:

Tavoy falls. Unladen transports begin to make the sprint back to Chandpur and Ceylon to bring up support troops. The Japs have put bombers at Pagan and have reoccupied Andaman airfield. More work for 10th Air Force. Victoria Point may have been evacuated too. The Jap 60,000 troops blocking the rail line West of Myitkyina are driven across the river and into the jungle. They will no longer be an offensive threat and will have to bushwhack across country to get out of the trap. Some of the 5+ Jap divisions on the Burma road appear to be pulling out too. Their position is untenable in the long run. They can be partly supplied by air or via rail and trail from Rangoon but it would be suicide to send supply convoys to Rangoon now. The best hope for the Japs trapped in Burma, I think, is to bully their way out via the Rangoon to Rahaeng road. They will have to get past 2 Commonwealth divisions and will have to shock attack across a river.

Meanwhile 2 Indian divisions (plus an armoured brigade to come)drive down the coast road. The question becomes whether to push for Bangkok or drive down the Malay Peninsula toward Singapore and grab some airfields to threaten Palembang. There is a shortage of garrison troops to leave behind as 12th Army advances South. I may have to find some volunteers from Australia. 12th Army HQ is moving to Tavoy to draw supply South. One tank brigade and one Indian Inf. Brigade are to try to take Rahaeng and see if they can move down the rail line to Bangkok.

Jap Paras dropped on Nicobar and captured 16 Coronados still under warranty...not to mention a couple of hundred KNIL engineers. [:@]

[witpqs]

Quite a splendid operation, Cap.

[Cap Mandrake]

ORIGINAL: witpqs

Quite a splendid operation, Cap.

Do you really mean "splendid" or was it merely "swimming"? Be honest. [;)]


The combined arms threat of gophers, rabbits and my mow and blow team chopping off my sprinkler heads has conspired to beat up my front yard grass this Summer. Rather than wait for a letter from Frau Braun and the HA, I decided to get a new CO2 canister for my pellet gun (for the rabbits...not Frau Braun) and repair my sprinklers (for Frau Braun..no the rabbits.

So, on a hot Saturday I put on some shorts, water sandals, took my shirt off and stuck a couple of screwdrivers and some channel locks in my pocket and went out to repair and tune the sprinklers. I was going back and forth to the back to turn off the main valve and on the second or third loop I was coming down my driveway when a Sheriff patrol car pulls up and stops abruptly. I figured he was going to cite the neighbor kid for riding a skateboard without a helmet, instead he comes around his car quickly and heads right for me.

I am thinking..."donations???" "Hey, what's up?". I ask as I walk toward him.

"Wait right there sir!", and he unsnaps his gun holster. [X(]

"Whoa..this is pretty aggressive fundraising", I think to myself as I come to a stop. "Oh wait, he must think I am a prowler", I decide. "What is going on?", I ask out loud.

"I don't know, why don't you tell ME what is going on?"

"Man, I am just working on my sprinklers. It's my house man."

"Do you have anything in your pockets?"

"Just some tools." I pull out a screwdriver. Even tough I am 25 feet away he flinches a bit. "Oh SHIT!", I think, "this guy is jumpy..I am seriously missing something here."

So he has me throw down my screwdrivers and wrench and he has me put my hands behind my back and he frisks me right at the edge of the driveway while the people going down the street to the open house gawk. Then he announces, "You are not being arrested but I am going to put you in the car until I find out what is going on."

At this point the absurdity of the situation has worn off and now I am just getting annoyed. "You do realize I live here. I own the place." At this point his backup up pulls up and jumps out of his car looking like he just mainlined a double espresso and I decide maybe I should just get into the car. So I do and they lock me in. Then the first guy gets in the car I am in and starts to call in to the dispatcher. Meanwhile, I am looking at his dispatch computer screen from the back seat......."blah, blah, blah....14....blah, blah, blah..."

The light goes on and I suddenly find myself saying..."PIZZA!"

"What is that?"

"Pizza, I said. The pizza guy does the same thing."

"I'm sorry, what did you say?"

"What address are you looking for Deputy?"

Loooooooong pause....."This isn't 14?"

"No this is 20, they are out of sequence."

"Oh.....sorry....."<turns red>"no wonder you didn't know what was going on?"

"Yeah...no wonder........"

[witpqs]

Suggest a 12 gauge for Frau Braun. 00-buck at least. And HOA reps need to be field dressed right away or they get really gamey.

On second thought, maybe that's what was going on down at #20?

[Andav]

Are you sure this whole screwdriver incident was not some sort of Stalker Girl Cops and Robbers fantasy?

Walter

[Cap Mandrake]

ORIGINAL: witpqs
And HOA reps need to be field dressed right away or they get really gamey.

What do I do with the gut pile? I have to believe there is some kind of HOA rule against that.

[Cap Mandrake]

ORIGINAL: Andav


Are you sure this whole screwdriver incident was not some sort of Stalker Girl Cops and Robbers fantasy?

Walter

Wait, if that were true, wouldn't she have to be in the dream...errr...I mean..story?

BTW, did I mention after the Deputy got back out of the car he suddenly started singing....."Young man, there's no need to feel down..."?

[Cap Mandrake]

The new Junta offered to make Burma a demilitarized zone and return the land to its native peoples so that they might live is pastoral bliss. We declined...of course.

It is a game of "Whack-a-mole" with the Burmese airfields. We bomb Pagan and the next day there are Jap bombers at Akyab. Mandalay also has a bunch of Jacks now. The longer range USAAF fighters are mostly tied down protecting all the ships still slowly unloading at Moulmein (and the airfield itself). The RAF fighters can't fly in to Moulmein because of range. Also the Generalissimo wants the P-38 squadron back for China ops and his is right. I loaded a couple of Spit squadrons aboard transports and will try to get them in to Moulmein. I also ordered a Hurri Squadron to "upgrade" to Beaufighters so they can fly in. The RN carriers sortied from Ceylon to escort the third wave of troops (45th Ind. brig., Malaya Army HQ and RAF and RN support troops)into Moulmein. The veteran 3rd Indian division just arrived in Karachi and can join the fight within two weeks when there is sufficient sealift capacity. Transports exiting Moulmein have to run the gauntlet between Andaman and Akyab so those airfields have to be continually suppressed. That is the price of surprise and pushing the limit a bit.

On the Burma railway North of Mandalay, an Indian Division and the Chindit Brigades joined 7th Armoured and 18th UK and will launch their attack toward Mandalay within days.

The Japs appear to be fortifying Bandou on the Kra Peninsula. I had hope to capture Songkhla to have the good airfield but that may not now be possible. Bangkok has 14,000 troops and 180 Jacks and Tonys.

[Cap Mandrake]

Honorary Visiting Editor's Note:

Good Morning readers. I am very honored to be asked to act as Visiting Editor for the period covering January 20th through February 15th of the narrative. Let me start with the most recent posting. A caption reads "..the treat [sic] to Malaya is clear to both sides. Songkhla is a level foru [sic] airfield....".

Aside from the very obvious elementary spelling errors, there is the question of the use of "Malaya" instead of the more often used "Malaysia" among colonials of the time... <POOF>

[USSAmerica]

Mandrake, who are the lucky fellas left holding the bag after the Japanese junta?&nbsp; [:D]

[tabpub]

Oh, they are...<wait, I'm not Mandrake....that's his rice bowl>....

Meanwhile----

Washington DC
Pentagon
Feb 15, 1943

Tall Patrician-looking Admiral: <COUGH>....I hate the smell of new paint....and where are we?....I get lost in this place....

Aide: D Ring sir. Your office is in E Ring, overlooking the river; one more cross-corridor and we are there.

TPAdm: <shakes newspaper in hand vigorously> OK! First thing is put in a call to Chet Nimitz and find out what's up! Look what Meyer is putting in his rag of a paper now!!
<shoves Washington Post headline up in aides' face>

Aide: <reading headline out loud> Where oh Where is the US Navy?! ....I don't understand sir; did we misplace our ships?

TPAdm: NO! I can't believe that you are related to me in any manner! My sister must have dropped you multiple times on that excuse for a head that you have there!
He says that the Army is fighting in North Africa, the Air Corps is bombing German territory now and the British...BRITISH MIND YOU, are making the biggest amphibious operation of the war!! Bigger even than our Fiji landings were!! And there has been no action by our Navy since...well, that debacle of getting 3 cruisers sunk there a while back....At this rate, the Japs will offer terms soon; and the Brits will accept if they get their stuff back!!

Aide: Sir, wouldn't we get our stuff back too? That would be good....no more Pacific war and no more losses there...wouldn't it?

TPAdm: NO! IT WOULDN"T DO!! We have megatons of ships to build yet; from Carriers to PT Boats! Thousands of Navy planes! This war MUST extend to 1945 for us to reach the full potential of our strength! If it ends, so ends the construction; we won't need that much to beat the Nazis. Hell, even the Air Corps would be bigger than the Navy! They might ask to be separated from the Army and get their own seat on the JCS! CHRIST, I don't want that buddy of Mitchell's on any staff I am on....I get sick just seeing him during joint planning conferences....

So, get on the horn to Nimitz and tell him that "Jugular" is a GO.....start the wheels moving and line up the dominoes....<arrives at office in E Ring> and get the cleaning detachment in here....there's still dust EVERYWHERE!!

[Cap Mandrake]

ORIGINAL: USS America

Mandrake, who are the lucky fellas left holding the bag after the Japanese junta?  [:D]

Here are the intrepid souls: tm.asp?m=1889358

Don't underestimate the appeal of special parking places and guaranteed start times on the golf course....then there is the undying gratitude of the Emperor too.