From here to...well...it SEEMS like an eternity

[Onime No Kyo]

[:D][:D][:D]

[Moondawggie]

So, here's a little story about prenuptial agreements and estate planning told to me by my own DC&H-style attorney after the finalization of my own divorce dust-up:

This guy walks into a bar.

He tells the barkeep, "I have a sad story."

The Bartender says, "Tell me about it, Mac. I never heard one of those before!" [>:]

So the guy goes, "I found out I was going to inherit a fortune when my sickly father died, so I decided I needed a woman to enjoy it with. [:)]

So, one evening I went to a singles bar and I spotted the most beautiful woman I'd ever seen. [;)]

So I walked over to her.

"I may look like just an ordinary man," I said to her, "but in a few weeks, my father will die, and I'll inherit 20 million dollars." [8D]

"She was impressed, and she went home with me that evening. [:D]

Three days later, she became my stepmother."

"Women are so much better at estate planning than men." [8|]

[Cap Mandrake]

A good looking 20 something guy is in a bar and a seriously well maintained early 40 something cougar comes up and says, "Hey, you have a good look, would you be into some mother-daughter action?"

The guy thinks to himself, "MAN! If she looks this good what must her daughter look like?" Naturally, he consents and they leave together. When they get to her place she suggests he make a drink. He obliges and she puts on some Brubeck. He thinks of the Lou Gehrig line, "I am the luckiest man alive".

When she is done with the CD she calls out, "MA! HE'S HERE"

[Cap Mandrake]

********Aboard HMS Victorious, XXXXXXXXXXXX, March 21, 1943*********

Cdr. Bond stands at the front of the briefing room and directs his pointer toward a diagram of the Seafire cockpit. As he points out each item the young pilots respond.

ALTIMETER!

AIR SPEED INDICATOR!

COMPASS!

MANIFOLD PRESSURE!

OIL PRESSURE!

Cdr. Bond: <smiles broadly> SPLENDID! ABSOLUTELY SPLENDID! Now let us try this. <he flips to the next diagram>

Class: ASS! <Sqdn Ldr Bond buries his face in his hands and the group begins to murmur>

Sub Lt. Crandall: No wait! I think that's a hole in the ground...........

[Cap Mandrake]

*******Aboard HMS Victorious, after the disastrous training session****

Two Sub Lt.'s lean against a rail and have a smoke.

Sub Lt. Stevenson: Ian, I have been meaning to ask. How, exactly did you get a kill without any missions? Dewey, Cheatham and Howe?


Sub Lt. Crandall: No mate. A nasty business in a pub. The magistrate gave me two choices, Fleet Air Arm or Air Transport Auxilliary......

[Cap Mandrake]

The Fleet Air Arm has had almost no losses since the fight off Perth. Despite this, I go to the well one time and this is what they send, pilots with a criminal background and wet-behind-the-ear newbies who will be more of a threat to the flight deck crew than they will the Japs. [:@]

[Cap Mandrake]

*******Sitrep Siam and Burma: March 21, 1943*********

The Burma Railway is now clear of Japs all the way from Myitkyina to 60 mi. NW of Rahaeng. As Rangoon is now secure, construction engineers have been dispatched to repair to destroyed harbour facilities. The Japs have reiforced Bangkok. There are now over 20 units there with at least one combat brigade. Rahaeng is held firmly by 2 2/3 Indian divisions and an Indian Tank Brigade. Over 100,000 (5 divisions and 500 tanks) Japs have crossed the Salween at Rahaeng but are unable to dislodge the defenders (apparently due to poor supply status). Without resupply, their only hope is to infiltrate around the defenders to the East toward Luang Prabang throught the mountains or SE through the jungle toward Pisanuloke. To counter this escape option, I have ordered the Indian Tank Brigade at Rahaeng first Southwest..then East across the river to cut off the route to Pisanuloke. I can't yet do anything about the route to Luang Prabang. I dare not attack yet as , if the attack succeeds, they will likely retreat to the SE and escape. Too bad Eisenhower is hogging all the airborne troops.

[Cap Mandrake]

********Aru Island Airfield (under construction), March 21, 1943******

Col. Irvine hops out of his jeep before it has even stopped and fairly runs up to the young Lt. in charge of an engineering crew. There is a large stack of corrugated, zinc-plated drainge pipe and a large crew excavating a trench across the runway.

Col. Irvine: Lt., WHAT THE HELL ARE YOU DOING? FILL THAT BACK IN AND GET THIS DAMN PIPE OUT OF HERE.

Lt. Browbeaten: But sir, the plans call for 12 inches of pea gravel, twin 18 inch corrugated and a cap of 36 inches of compacted clay.

Col. Irvine: THOSE ARE THE OLD PLANS, LT.! IF WE STOP ******* AROUND, WE CAN HAVE THIS THING DONE BEFORE THE SPCA SENDS ANOTHER **** ****. NOW, GET THAT CRAP OFF MY RUNWAY. <he walks over to the plan table and draws a big, red "x" over the drainage plans..in the margin he writes "FLAT, JUST ******* FLAT"...he turns to a sentry nearby>

YOU THERE! I DON'T WANT THAT BRAUN WOMAN ANYWHERE AROUND HERE. IS THAT CLEAR?.........


**********************

Meawhile, Operation Inchworm is on hold pending completion of the runway. The Japs have abandoned Babo airfield for now but have major fighter forces and at least 50 Bettys at Amboina. It is hard to hide 450 aircraft, 120+ ships and 150,000 troops at Darwin.[;)]

[Onime No Kyo]

Ooooooh, he'll be sooooory................ [X(]

[Onime No Kyo]

ORIGINAL: Cap Mandrake

The Fleet Air Arm has had almost no losses since the fight off Perth. Despite this, I go to the well one time and this is what they send, pilots with a criminal background and wet-behind-the-ear newbies who will be more of a threat to the flight deck crew than they will the Japs. [:@]

Have you considered that the smart FAA pilots have gotten themselves transferred to someplace where they might actually see women while you wernt looking?

[Cap Mandrake]

ORIGINAL: Onime No Kyo

Have you considered that the smart FAA pilots have gotten themselves transferred to someplace where they might actually see women while you wernt looking?

Transfered to where, Gibraltar [:)]

I realize Ceylon is not San Diego or Hawaii or Fiji or Perth or even Bremerton, but it is a beautiful place and the women are very freindly.

[Onime No Kyo]

I rest my case.&nbsp;[:D]

[witpqs]

ORIGINAL: Cap Mandrake

...

When she is done with the CD she calls out, "MA! HE'S HERE"

Wife loved that one and came back with one she just heard:

A long married couple is present for the husband's day in court after he got caught foolishly shoplifting a can of peaches.

"How many peaches were in that can you stole?" asked the judge.

"Eight, I believe, Your Honor."

"I sentence you to eight weeks in the county jail. That's one for each peach in that can."

The man's wife stands up. "Your Honor, he stole a can of peas, too."

[Cap Mandrake]

ORIGINAL: witpqs

....
The man's wife stands up. "Your Honor, he stole a can of peas, too."

There is a long tradition in the English common law that a man's wife
cannot be compelled to testify against him. Of course, if she volunteers....

***********Sitrep, Burma and Siam, March 23, 1943************

More Burma Area Army stragglers crossed the Salween at Rahaeng, suffering heavy losses but also disrupting the planned move of 254th Indian tank brigade to the SW. With a break in the weather, RAF heavies from Chandpur hit Jap troop concentrations near Rahaeng hoping to slow their escape. 7th Armoured and the two fresh Indian Divisions (3rd and 44th) recently landed at Moulemein have now closed on the BAA rearguard just north of Rahaeng and should be able to brush them aside today, opening a rail link from Rangoon to Rahaeng.

A single Jap unit has advanced on the 26th Indian Div. guarding the road from Tavoy to Bangkok. 26th will counterattack today.

The Jap defenders of Lashio are getting pounded by RAF and UAAF medium bombers from Impahl. Opening the Burma Road from the Lashio terminus appears the easiest route.

110 USAAF heavy bombers now stationed at Moulemein pounded Andaman Island with the first break in the weather for a week. 60 Jap bombers (Sallys and Helens) and Jacks were destroyed on the ground to the loss of 2 B-24's. That should be the end of the Andaman nuisance for a bit.

[Onime No Kyo]

What do you mean "if"? [&:]

[Cap Mandrake]

Right here. I found him with Google [:)]

[Cap Mandrake]

***********With 251 Coy, RE, 40 Mi. S of Mandalay, March 23, 1943(b)********


A dusty Bren carrier pulls to a stop. A young Royal Engineer Lt. with a tragically disfigured face stands up in the seat and speaks to a communication crew stringing line.


Young Royal Engineer Lt. with a tragically disfigured face: I say, Private. Can you direct us to the beleaguered 7th Armoured?

Private: Beleaguered?

Young Royal Engineer Lt. with a tragically disfigured face: Yes, beleaguered as in set upon or troubled.

Private: Oh yes sir. I know what beleaguered means.

Young Royal Engineer Lt. with a tragically disfigured face: And?

Private:And what, sir?

Young Royal Engineer Lt. with a tragically disfigured face: And... where is the brigade? Where is the beleaguered 7th Armoured, Private? Men are dying, soldier.

Private: They are, sir?

Young Royal Engineer Lt. with a tragically disfigured face: Look damnit! I'll make this simple. You've heard of 7th Armoured, haven't you?

Private: Oh yes sir! Heroes of North Africa they are, sir.

Young Royal Engineer Lt. with a tragically disfigured face: Splendid! Now we are getting somewhere! Please tell me then, where are the beleaguered heroes of North Africa.

Private: I'm afraid I can't say, sir.

Young Royal Engineer Lt. with a tragically disfigured face: <pinches nose> Why is that, Private?

Private: Well sir, I can't say I have ever heard of Beleaguered 7th Armoured.

Young Royal Engineer Lt. with a tragically disfigured face: But you just told of their heroics in North Africa.

Private: Oh, you mean 7th Armoured then? Why didn't you just say so sir?

Young Royal Engineer Lt. with a tragically disfigured face: YES, YES, YES! That's them! Where are they, Private.

Private: Well, sir, last I heard they were in Siam.

Young Royal Engineer Lt. with a tragically disfigured face: SIAM? OH DEAR GOD! <turns to his driver> SGT. WE ARE TOO LATE. THEY ARE ALL POW'S!

Private: POW's sir? That is not what I heard. Try Rahaeng, sir.

Young Royal Engineer Lt. with a tragically disfigured face: Rahaeng?

Private: Yes, Rangoon, then make a left.

Young Royal Engineer Lt. with a tragically disfigured face: Splenid, Private! Splenid war we are having, isn't it?

Private:Yes sir, splendid. <column begins to pull away and the Private turns to his squadmates> Excitiable type, that Lt. Still, can't blame him after what teh Jap's did to his face....

[Cap Mandrake]

In a well-coordinated counterattack, Jap forces are pushing up from the Kra Peninsula and Bangkok.

The attack of 26th Indian runs into roughtly 3 division equivalents moving up from Bandou and planned air support is cancelled due to weather. The outcome is predictable. Quite possibly, the Japs will attack on the next day and may well succeed. Help is one the way down the coast road but it will be at least 2 days for the lead unit to arrive. The two fresh Indian divisions near Rahaeng are ordered to Tavoy.

[BrucePowers]

Things are getting interesting.........

[Cap Mandrake]

Infiltration always seemed kind of unsporting to me. The scale of infiltration in Northern Siam is breathtaking. [:)]

There are now 110,000 Japs across the Salween sneaking around on jungle an mountain trails. That would be bad news for any lizards or spiders they come across. 7th Armoured is one hex to the NE, pursuing the Jap rearguard toward Luang Prabang.

Lashio now has two Jap divisions retreated from their Burma Road offensive. The single Allied brigade at Lashio will have to wait for help or for some air support.

Allied air from Tavoy and Moulmein concentrated on the Jap offensive on the Bangkok/Singapore railway. No Jap attack today. That is good. More time for reinforcements to arrive.

Here is the situation about Rahaeng (aka Pak in modern usage..there is more than one place called Rahaeng in Thailand}. You can see what the real geography is like. It appears substantially different from the game map which is distorted by the projection.