Bring me the head of Diego Garcia...and the Mayor of Addu Atoll too!

[Cap Mandrake]

***********Bridge, USS Long Island, 06:20, June 28, 1942**********



Cpt. Coughlin, skipper:<puts a cup of Java to his lips> I can't get over how different the trees look in the this part of Panama. <He spies a group of large men with no shirts paddling an outrigger canoe toward the ship> What the Hell?

[Cap Mandrake]

I will hereby publicly admit I was wrong about the value of USS Long Island.


June 27, 1942

[Cap Mandrake]

June 28, 1942

[Mynok]

ORIGINAL: Onime No Kyo

Yes. I think I'm starting to get the hang of this stuff. Conversation yesterday;

GFU: Honey, we need to get a few bottles of wine for the Christmas parties.
Me: Does that mean you want me to go out and get a few bottle of wine for the Christmas parties?
GFU: Yes.
Me: So why didnt you just say "Honey, could you go out and get a few bottles of wine for the Christmas parties"?
GFU: Thank you for getting the wine, honey.

Truly it was only after getting married that I started to fully appreciate Admiral Farragut and his timeless exclamation, "Damn the torpedoes! Full speed ahead!"

[Onime No Kyo]

Warp drive? [X(]

[Cap Mandrake]

***********Bridge, USS Long Island, 06:20, June 28, 1942**********

Young white fellow, dressed in linen pants, sitting at stern of large outrigger canoe with 7 big Samoan paddlers: <calls up to Long Island with a megaphone which he has strapped to his head like a coxswain on a racing shell > May I speak to the Captain, please?

Cpt. Coughlin, skipper: <also using megaphone> I am captain of this vessel. What is your business?

Young white fellow, dressed in linen pants, sitting at stern of large outrigger canoe with 7 big Samoan paddlers: A pleasant 28th of June to you sir. It's the matter of the fee.

Cpt. Coughlin, skipper: What fee is that? This is a US Navy vessel.

Young white fellow, dressed in linen pants, sitting at stern of large outrigger canoe with 7 big Samoan paddlers: The toll fee, sir. $10,000.

Cpt. Coughlin, skipper: Toll? This the South Pacific. We transited international waters.

Young white fellow, dressed in linen pants, sitting at stern of large outrigger canoe with 7 big Samoan paddlers: Yes sir, normally that would be true, but you used the Panama/Samoa bypass. There is a fee. I have a contract with the Dept. of the Navy. Would you like to see it sir?.................

[Onime No Kyo]

You know what they say. Every roadtrip ends up costing more than you planned on. [:D]

[Chickenboy]

ORIGINAL: Cap Mandrake

So I am out shopping with Stalker Girl (temporary insanity...that's the best explanation I can come up with) and she shows me these Michael Kors watches. They are indeed really nice.

So I say, "Would you like something like this?"

"Oh no, I need a practical watch for everyday use."

"Then why did you show me them?"

"No I just like them."

"But you don't want one."

"No, there too much."

"But yet you showed them to me, surely there was a purpose to walking over here?"

"No, I just like them."

"What would you like then?"

"Oh, nothing, just not a vacuum cleaner."

[8|]

So I went back later to buy one. I picked one out for about $200. There was another one very similar for about $450 but I couldn't tell the difference.

"What is the difference between these too?"

"Oh, that is a a ceramic band."

"But it looks exactly the same."

"Yes."

"But why is is so much more?"

"It's supposed to be better"

"Why would I want ceramic, I have plates at home?"

"I don't know sir. I'd have to ask my manager."

"Never mind I'll take the $200 one."

"Do you have any coupons?"

<I came prepared..now I am going to score!> "Yes, I have one for 20% off on any purchase over $200."

"Oh, It doesn't work on watches."

"But it doesn't say that."

"Yes, I know but it doesn't work on watches."

"Then why did you ask if I had any?"

"Because they teach us that."

"But that's silly. It is just going to make me mad."

"I'm sorry sir. Is there anything else?"

"Well, wait, I don't think we are done with the me being mad part. This is an obvious bait and switch."

"Yes sir, this model comes with a date display."

"No, not "date". I said "bait". You can't promise one thing in an ad and then change the rules at the time of purchase. That's called "bait and witch". It's an old fraud. You aren't really going to pull that on me 2 days before Christmas are you?"

"Yes, I think we are. I'd have to ask my manager, though........."



I lost that fight as well. I wanted the damn watch and if I go over to Nordstrom's it is just going to be 20% more. After all, am I really going to get bent over $40? That's like 10% of a speeding ticket around here. Merry Christmas Macy's and kiss my ***.

Wow. Well done, Cap'n. You didn't say anything about the 'extended service warranty' on the $200 watch for a mere $75 more. I mean, if you love her you'll want to protect this 'investment', right?[8|]

[Cap Mandrake]

ORIGINAL: Chickenboy

Wow. Well done, Cap'n. You didn't say anything about the 'extended service warranty' on the $200 watch for a mere $75 more. I mean, if you love her you'll want to protect this 'investment', right?[8|]

Do you think I am some kind of idiot?


I bargained them down to $70 on the extended service contract and it covers Electromagnetic Pulse Damage from nuclear weapons too (except in case of war). I almost felt guilty it was so easy.

[Onime No Kyo]

There's a line from Life of Brian in there somewhere....

[Itdepends]

Funny- I didn't think of Life of Brian when I read this page of posts, but the Holy Grail sprang to mind.

Run awaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaay!

ORIGINAL: Cap Mandrake

Retreat from Moscow

[LoBaron]

ORIGINAL: Onime No Kyo
OK, so let me make sure I understand. "Sodded off" man sunk. "Buggered off" means left the immediate area in some direction other than straight down.

As a non native speaker I am not sure I got that correct either.

"Sodding off" concerning naval warfare could mean both going down (technical) and up (spiritual/combustional), which is probably what Hiryu did.

So, from what I read, I think "Buggering off" means a hasty leave on the horizontal plane.

Nice battle...

[Alfred]

ORIGINAL: Cap Mandrake

***********Bridge, USS Long Island, 06:20, June 28, 1942**********

Young white fellow, dressed in linen pants, sitting at stern of large outrigger canoe with 7 big Samoan paddlers: <calls up to Long Island with a megaphone which he has strapped to his head like a coxswain on a racing shell > May I speak to the Captain, please?

Cpt. Coughlin, skipper: <also using megaphone> I am captain of this vessel. What is your business?

Young white fellow, dressed in linen pants, sitting at stern of large outrigger canoe with 7 big Samoan paddlers: A pleasant 28th of June to you sir. It's the matter of the fee.

Cpt. Coughlin, skipper: What fee is that? This is a US Navy vessel.

Young white fellow, dressed in linen pants, sitting at stern of large outrigger canoe with 7 big Samoan paddlers: The toll fee, sir. $10,000.

Cpt. Coughlin, skipper: Toll? This the South Pacific. We transited international waters.

Young white fellow, dressed in linen pants, sitting at stern of large outrigger canoe with 7 big Samoan paddlers: Yes sir, normally that would be true, but you used the Panama/Samoa bypass. There is a fee. I have a contract with the Dept. of the Navy. Would you like to see it sir?.................

At first I thought the young white fellow, dressed in linen pants, was going to hold up the heads (or scalps for our American friends) of the Japanese capos brought by the 7 big Samoan paddlers in exchange for the reward.

BTW, will there be a fee charged for the Samoan haka to be performed for the American tourists? Also has M&M Enterprises imported sufficient kava to fuel the festivities when the last of the LYBs are ejected?

Alfred

[Itdepends]

ORIGINAL: LoBaron
As a non native speaker I am not sure I got that correct either.

"Sodding off" concerning naval warfare could mean both going down (technical) and up (spiritual/combustional), which is probably what Hiryu did.

So, from what I read, I think "Buggering off" means a hasty leave on the horizontal plane.

They can both used in the same context- i.e. a less polite way of saying- please remove your soldiers, ships and implements of war from my immediate vicinity.


EDIT: actually I'm being too specific- it's got bugger all to do with implements of war and the general gist is get thee hence from my sight.

[Ossian]

I think they should all just be thankful he isn't speaking Weegie. The LYB may have found Navajo unbreakable but nobody would have got Weegie.

Merry Christmas ya mad rockets!

[Cap Mandrake]

weegie

Weegie - A slighty derogatory term applied to people from Glasgow by the occupants of the other, more insignificant area's of Scotland. Apply tired, dated, stereotypes abouts slums to the general indifference to Glaswegians themselves who feel superior in the knowledge that anything decent/interesting culturally evolves from Glasgow and the Greater Glasgow district. Often around ten years in front of the rest of Scotand in this respect. Music, humour, restaurants superior to any of the other smaller cities; people are also friendlier and blessed with a personality, distinguishing them further from other Scots. Problems quite divided in terms of Religion, Protestant bigotry. Also Class: middle class and conforming youths Vs working class or any one who hasn't adopted the bizarre new 'posh' accent.


Teutcher: Ken, Ya weegie soap dodger eh?
Glaswegian: Away ye go out ma face Hamish and come into the 21t century if you could ya sheepshaggin' loser.

http://www.urbandictionary.com/define.php?term=Weegie

EDITOR'S NOTE: Apparently, they also do not use pronouns or complete sentences when attempting to speak the King's English

[witpqs]

ORIGINAL: Cap Mandrake

EDITOR'S NOTE: Apparently, they also do not use pronouns or complete sentences when attempting to speak the King's English

I suspect the King withheld those parts of speech from them as punishment after one of their revolts.

[Ossian]

ORIGINAL: Cap Mandrake

weegie

Weegie - A slighty derogatory term applied to people from Glasgow by the occupants of the other, more insignificant area's of Scotland. Apply tired, dated, stereotypes abouts slums to the general indifference to Glaswegians themselves who feel superior in the knowledge that anything decent/interesting culturally evolves from Glasgow and the Greater Glasgow district. Often around ten years in front of the rest of Scotand in this respect. Music, humour, restaurants superior to any of the other smaller cities; people are also friendlier and blessed with a personality, distinguishing them further from other Scots. Problems quite divided in terms of Religion, Protestant bigotry. Also Class: middle class and conforming youths Vs working class or any one who hasn't adopted the bizarre new 'posh' accent.


Teutcher: Ken, Ya weegie soap dodger eh?
Glaswegian: Away ye go out ma face Hamish and come into the 21t century if you could ya sheepshaggin' loser.

http://www.urbandictionary.com/define.php?term=Weegie

EDITOR'S NOTE: Apparently, they also do not use pronouns or complete sentences when attempting to speak the King's English

Pfft. I telt yuz, but. Pure gallus by ra way. No Christmas fur you, big man - get pure steamed intae them wee jap dobbers! Tongs! Tongs ya Bas!

[Cap Mandrake]

ORIGINAL: Ossian

ORIGINAL: Cap Mandrake

weegie

Weegie - A slighty derogatory term applied to people from Glasgow by the occupants of the other, more insignificant area's of Scotland. Apply tired, dated, stereotypes abouts slums to the general indifference to Glaswegians themselves who feel superior in the knowledge that anything decent/interesting culturally evolves from Glasgow and the Greater Glasgow district. Often around ten years in front of the rest of Scotand in this respect. Music, humour, restaurants superior to any of the other smaller cities; people are also friendlier and blessed with a personality, distinguishing them further from other Scots. Problems quite divided in terms of Religion, Protestant bigotry. Also Class: middle class and conforming youths Vs working class or any one who hasn't adopted the bizarre new 'posh' accent.


Teutcher: Ken, Ya weegie soap dodger eh?
Glaswegian: Away ye go out ma face Hamish and come into the 21t century if you could ya sheepshaggin' loser.

http://www.urbandictionary.com/define.php?term=Weegie

EDITOR'S NOTE: Apparently, they also do not use pronouns or complete sentences when attempting to speak the King's English

Pfft. I telt yuz, but. Pure gallus by ra way. No Christmas fur you, big man - get pure steamed intae them wee jap dobbers! Tongs! Tongs ya Bas!

You are right. It is worse than Navajo...and Jackspeak. It sounds a bit like Gullah.

Can we use the "wee jap dobbers" bit?

[Cap Mandrake]

OK...I am being summoned to watch Roman Holiday. Oh joy. One has to make certain compromises during the holidays. [:)]