A Hitchhiker's Guide to the Greater East Asia Co-prosperity Sphere

[Cap Mandrake]

*****************Aboard I-30, small cove, Socotra, Dec. 15, 1941(d)***********


<A small launch approaches the sub, crewed by a group of tall, thin men and carrying a huge load of Qat>

Captain Ito: Hory crap! You guys rearry skinny.

Head of skinny guys: Yes, this stuff nasty habit. Wreck teeth and make you not hungry but keep you going. Mistah Milo tell us to
bring stuff here. Top dollar.

Captain Ito: So stuff rearry work? And a rot cheaper than rhino horn too. It-ah work for size too?

XO of skinny guys: <whispering> what the Hell is he talking about?

Head of skinny guys: Who the Hell knows. We ask Milo.

[Cap Mandrake]

..

[Cap Mandrake]

*******251st Speciarh Interrogations Unit, Malay national paark, west of Mersing*******

<A Malaysian park ranger is tied to a chair>

Captain Ogata: I make this easy for you if you terr us where Sumatran Rhino rive.

Park Ranger Uhh, Sumatra?

[Cap Mandrake]

************Dec 16, 1941(d)*********


Fiji: At odds with conventionarh wisdom, we terr Nagumo to stop being sissy-boy and attack something. This time he risten to orders. Kates onry pranes that can fry that far. Captain of Pensacora probabry very rergious.

Morning Air attack on TF, near Suva at 132,160

Weather in hex: Light cloud

Raid spotted at 37 NM, estimated altitude 14,000 feet.
Estimated time to target is 15 minutes

Japanese aircraft
A6M2 Zero x 37
B5N2 Kate x 35

No Japanese losses

Allied Ships
xAK Admiral Halstead, Bomb hits 3, heavy fires, heavy damage
CA Pensacola

Aircraft Attacking:
9 x B5N2 Kate bombing from 9000 feet *
Naval Attack: 2 x 250 kg SAP Bomb
13 x B5N2 Kate bombing from 11000 feet *
Naval Attack: 2 x 250 kg SAP Bomb
13 x B5N2 Kate bombing from 11000 feet *
Naval Attack: 2 x 250 kg SAP Bomb

And, in afteroon he forget to say prayers.

Afternoon Air attack on TF, near Suva at 132,160

Weather in hex: Heavy cloud

Raid spotted at 25 NM, estimated altitude 14,000 feet.
Estimated time to target is 10 minutes

Japanese aircraft
A6M2 Zero x 37
B5N2 Kate x 57

Japanese aircraft losses
B5N2 Kate: 1 destroyed by flak

Allied Ships
xAP Bloemfontein, Bomb hits 2
CA Pensacola, Bomb hits 3, heavy fires, heavy damage
AP W.A. Holbrook, Bomb hits 3, on fire
xAP Republic, Bomb hits 1, on fire
xAK Coast Farmer, Bomb hits 4, heavy fires, heavy damage
xAK Meigs, Bomb hits 4, heavy fires
AGP Niagara, Bomb hits 4, heavy fires, heavy damage
xAP Chaumont, Bomb hits 3, heavy fires

51st Navarh Guard turn on warp drive and reach Nadi but staff frunkie forget to crick unroad button. Pensacora not-ah much threat but Le Triumphant is just 40 mires away. Japan-mens have 2 destroyers as SCTF at Nadi. I bereive Le Triumphant has some pretty good guns but most rikery 2 destroyers can drive her away from Nadi.

[Cap Mandrake]

Nagumo can reach position 120 mi NE of Suva by morning. This shourd scare away Le Triumphant when sun come up but DD's at Nadi have to stand fast untirh then. Most rikery damaged Arried ships run SW or South or pehaps disband to port.

Carriers need to be in postion to cover approach of amphbious groups for Samoa in 1-2 days.

[Cap Mandrake]

Manado: Despite the fact that 800 Japan-mens were swimming in water rast night, Japan-mens take base. They use radio to order 800 new pairs of Fruit of Room.

Ground combat at Manado (75,99)

Japanese Shock attack

Attacking force 1024 troops, 12 guns, 0 vehicles, Assault Value = 51

Defending force 1670 troops, 18 guns, 3 vehicles, Assault Value = 47

Japanese adjusted assault: 60

Allied adjusted defense: 17

Japanese assault odds: 3 to 1 (fort level 1)

Japanese forces CAPTURE Manado !!!

Combat modifiers
Defender: terrain(+), forts(+), morale(-), experience(-)
Attacker: shock(+)

Japanese ground losses:
24 casualties reported
Squads: 0 destroyed, 2 disabled
Non Combat: 0 destroyed, 0 disabled
Engineers: 0 destroyed, 0 disabled

Allied ground losses:
512 casualties reported
Squads: 18 destroyed, 4 disabled
Non Combat: 39 destroyed, 1 disabled
Engineers: 2 destroyed, 0 disabled
Guns lost 7 (5 destroyed, 2 disabled)
Vehicles lost 2 (2 destroyed, 0 disabled)
Units retreated 2

Defeated Allied Units Retreating!

Assaulting units:
15th Naval Guard Unit
8th JNAF Coy

Defending units:
Manado Garrison Battalion
1/12th Avn Sup Afd

[Cap Mandrake]

Hong Kong: Sonia pirots drop bombs on combat unit outisde Hong Kong. They rook hairy...rike Macaque...but many have dresses on rike womans. Very odd. Kabuki troop perhaps.

Morning Air attack on 1st Middlesex Battalion, at 77,61 (Hong Kong)

Weather in hex: Light cloud

Raid detected at 52 NM, estimated altitude 15,000 feet.
Estimated time to target is 17 minutes

Japanese aircraft
Ki-27b Nate x 12
Ki-48-Ib Lily x 15
Ki-51 Sonia x 18

Japanese aircraft losses
Ki-51 Sonia: 1 damaged

[bradfordkay]

It appears that our narrator had a very strict instructor in the French language when he was younger. Somehow he manages to handle the French pronunciation of the letter "L"... [;)]

[Cap Mandrake]

Editrix Note: A number of readers have questioned the consistency of the narrator on the pronunciation of various phonemes in both English and the romance languages.
The editorial board is of the opinion that this criticism has validity. We have also noted correct usage of the past indicative tense in English despite the shocking absence of
most articles and the painful use of other verb tenses. Rest assured we are investigating. Should a fraud be discovered the penalties will be <POOF>

[bradfordkay]

Editrix?? Does she double as a dominatrix?

CRACK!!!

"See there!! You are still mixing your verb tenses!! No get on your knees, knave!!"

[Cap Mandrake]

Secret Arried time machine experiment redacted.

[Cap Mandrake]

ORIGINAL: bradfordkay

Editrix?? Does she double as a dominatrix?

CRACK!!!

"See there!! You are still mixing your verb tenses!! No get on your knees, knave!!"

In 1943 it's OK, even respectful, to say "editrix". You try that in the offices of New Yorker now and your skin would be scratched off followed by an emasculation with a dull blade.


And there wouldn't be any black leather either.

[poodlebrain]

ORIGINAL: Cap Mandrake

The LYB's send recon aircraft to Onnekatan-jima after the bombing raids from Shemya.

Am I in the right war? How did so much activity occur in the North Pacific in 1941?

[Chickenboy]

ORIGINAL: poodlebrain
Am I in the right war? How did so much activity occur in the North Pacific in 1941?

It-ah so confusing! WWII(c) or WWII(d)? One from column A and one from column B? [&:]

[Cap Mandrake]

ORIGINAL: poodlebrain

Am I in the right war? How did so much activity occur in the North Pacific in 1941?

Hory crap! Must be secret Arried experiment with time machines again!

[Cap Mandrake]

33K white and brown devirs at Manira

24K white and brown devirs at Crark

Japan-mens move back Mavisesses to Kendari. PoW, Repurse, Boise, Houston.....gone. Rearry annoying.

Admirarh SPrior not think of anything to do with 4th Division..so we send towards Port Moresby. Arso 3 srow BB's head to Rabaul so we break
Arried airpranes at Port Moresby

[Cap Mandrake]

How to shut off sperr check? It-ah rearry crappy. Red-ah, squiggry rines arr ovah prace.

[Cap Mandrake]

Go ovah to Pocahantas Girr's house Friday for barbecue. She have rot to drink before get there. Somebody say "rets go swimming" but PG not have bathing suit..so just take off crothes.

Rearry funny. Not-ah take picture.

[Cap Mandrake]

PG's 17 year ord son get in fight with fathah...move back to her house. He not have-ah car so buy him brand new BMW 3 series coupe with brack wheers and tinted windows.


<Face parm>

[Cap Mandrake]

Moses get fire from work crew. Not-ah know what-ah happen. Maybe he drop big stone with writing? Now just one guy from Bibre work here if you not count garden-mens