Bring me the head of Diego Garcia...and the Mayor of Addu Atoll too!

[USSAmerica]

Freaking fantastic!  [:D]

Edit: I actually took about 1.5 seconds while I was telling myself, "I've never seen that message in the combat report before." [&o]

[perkinh]

Thank God!! I thought i was the only one slow here. I sat dumbfounded trying to decide if he made up the story after the action report, edited the report, or if it was real. I think i am still a lot slower than you America.

[Cap Mandrake]

I almost never make anything up unless I am doing my taxes.

I left out this part from the combat report.

Day Time Surface Combat, near Horn Island at 91,128, Range 11,000 Yards

Japanese Ships
TB Hatsukari
TB Hato

Allied Ships
PT-20
PT-60
PT-116
PT-119
PT-120, Recoil damage, and is sunk
PT-122
PT-126

Lt. jg Toutant "Frenchie" Beauregard soils himself

[witpqs]

It was good to leave that out of the Combat Report. It belongs in the Combat Events Report. [:D]

[thegreatwent]

[:D]

[Cap Mandrake]

**************PT 120, near Horn Is*************

CPO Sharkey: <standing at the conning station amid the chaos> Attention Hornet base this is Hornet 1. I am reporting a Code Brown. Please advise, over.....

[Cap Mandrake]

*******Charleston City Council Meeting, Aug. 18, 1942**********


Mayor Genser: It looks like we are going to have to delay the repairs to the seawall because of funds.

Councilman Pierre Beauregard: Why don't we sell another of those mortars to that nice fellow from Fiji?

[Cap Mandrake]

OK..I conducted an inventory of USAAF heavy bombers in the South Pacific for the upcoming operation.


OZ: B-24D (44), B-17E/F (50)

Fiji: B-17E (36)

USA: Unrestricted command squadrons arriving in the next 6 days and could reach Australia by ferry hop by the start date B-24D (24)

That means potentially 110 heavies available for the offensive if Fiji is stripped.

[Cap Mandrake]

Fighter strength in OZ:

USAAF: 49 x P-40E

RAF: 31 x Hurri IIc

RNZAF: 12 x Kittyhawk 1A

RAAF: 48 x Kittyhawk IA, 30 x Beaufighter, 6 x P-39


There are 80+ Hurris (IIb/c) in RAF reserves and 50+ Kittyhawks in RAAF/RNZAF reserves.

There are 12 P-40E and 18 P-38G in USAAF inventory.

[jeffk3510]

ORIGINAL: Cap Mandrake

I almost never make anything up unless I am doing my taxes.

[:D][:D]

[Cap Mandrake]

Zuikaku and Yamashiro have probably entered the Coral Sea. What they are doing is unkown. It they are alone it would be very unwise to venture Westward near the foru US carriers at Townsville. Wasp is short of torpedoes but they are still a potent force.

Ashigara and 3 DD's sunk USS Tucker defending the transports at Horn. The transports were saved and will try to move SW.

There are Jap transports near Port Moresby.

The US carriers will move NE but stay out of Zero escort range from Rabaul.

[Cap Mandrake]

Sometimes I get a sore neck or pressure sores on my ass from spending too much time "saving the world" and I think...."Why me Jesus? What did I do to you?"...and then you see something that makes your little problems seem insignificant.

So I am walking down the horse trail trying to get the dogs to do their tootsie roll thing and I spy an open medicine bottle. It is an odd thing to be discarded like that so I pick it up and read the label....."J. Garcia, 5-2-11, Mendocino Gold (stem free), 100 gms, use as directed, refill 0, Dr. Quack, DC"

So I construct the scenario in my head......poor bastard probably had an acute attack of galucoma when he was driving to choir practice. I said a Hail Mary for Mr. Garica..well...honestly, just the first part. I couldn't remember anything after "full of Grace".

[rtrapasso]

I said a Hail Mary for Mr. Garica..well...honestly, just the first part. I couldn't remember anything after "full of Grace".

i am pretty sure this a serious sin... [:-] for your penance, say fifty "Hail Marys".

[USSAmerica]

ORIGINAL: rtrapasso

I said a Hail Mary for Mr. Garica..well...honestly, just the first part. I couldn't remember anything after "full of Grace".

i am pretty sure this a serious sin... [:-] for your penance, say fifty "Hail Marys".

Fortunately, to say the parts he knows won't take Mandrake very long at all. [:D]

[Cap Mandrake]

************M&M Enterprises, Culinary Division, Fiji, August 19, 1942*******


Man in fine linen slacks and apron: <he is working at a stove with jars of various ingredients, Agar Gum, Red Dye No. 40, Yellow Dye No. 3, Armor Beef Tallow, Xylene, 83% and others> Dagmar, does this look like melted cheese? <He holds up a wooden spoon with a string on orange caseous material still connected to the pot below>

Very attractive woman with slender neck and Teutonic fatures (whatever those are) and medium sized breasts (that should require no further explanation): Oh, Milo. <she covers her mouth and laughs>

[Cap Mandrake]

By ra way, for those who don't know, California really does have a medical marijuana law. There are now some 500 mary jane (this is what Sgt. Joe Friday used to call it) "dispensaries" in LA City alone.

We have had an extraordinary and tragic outbreak of glaucoma in the last 2 years here.

I really did find someone's medical marijuana empty on the horse trail too. It wasn't really "J. Garcia". I made that part up. [;)]

[anarchyintheuk]

I've heard it also cures scrofula and the vapors.

[Cap Mandrake]

As for taking a shortcut (like trying to get by with a 5 word Hail Mary) when doing pennance...I don't think that is a good idea. I am pretty sure you will go straight to Hell for something like that. I will admit I don't think I ever read that anywhere, but I still have a vague sense of disquietude.

[thegreatwent]

but I still have a vague sense of disquietude.

Umm... That could be just paranoia. As a peer of Dr. Quack, Dr. Frankenfurter was known to remark "I can remove the cause but not the symptoms". In any case that glaucoma outbreak seems to have stricken Colorado given the number of dispensaries that have popped up.

[Cap Mandrake]

ORIGINAL: thegreatwent

but I still have a vague sense of disquietude.

Umm... That could be just paranoia. As a peer of Dr. Quack, Dr. Frankenfurter was known to remark "I can remove the cause but not the symptoms". In any case that glaucoma outbreak seems to have stricken Colorado given the number of dispensaries that have popped up.

You could be right but when it comes to eternal damnation I can hardly be blamed for being cautious. It is just such an unpleasant idea.

As for the glaucoma outbreak in Colorado, that seems especially dangerous at high altitude with the combination of high intraoccular pressure and low atmospheric pressure. Eyeball explosions are bad for everyone. <shudders>