Bring me the head of Diego Garcia...and the Mayor of Addu Atoll too!

[Crackaces]

ORIGINAL: sprior

Oh that's right, here we are fighting a battle in Australia and you mention convictions. How culturally aware of you. How would you like it if you lived in a country that had convicted criminals shipped to it as a punishment? Oh wait... oops, sorry.

Sproir:

A little story. On a flight with an old boss who is from England -- we encouter AUS Customs in Sydney. Standard question; " "Have you ever been convicted of a Felony" He cannot resist; "I did not know that was still a requirement..", Just under four hours later we clear customs and miss our domestic flight to Melbourne.

Those Aussie custom guys have no sense of humor [;)]

Ok back to the movie script ..

[sprior]

Of course, this means there are 21K fewer LYB's to defend Darwin

When I saw them at Sharon Daly my first thought was "Good they've put their little yellow heads further into the noose". Maybe they just don't get what we're trying to do.

[Cap Mandrake]

ORIGINAL: Nemo121

Or an offshoot: "Speed: Adventures of a Contretorpilleurs off French Indo-Chine"

History schmistory. Just put a plucky American on board to continually grumble about the cheese-eating surrender monkey of a Captain and then, when they sink ( just after he's sketched a picture of some broad in the nip ), have him make his way back to the states, take command of the Missouri, shoot down Yamato and b*tch slap Tojo personally and then take the Japanese surrender in Tokyo Bay.... all the while telegraphing the love of his life who used to be engaged to his best buddy, before he died at PH. Have Matt Damon write the script and that friend of his star and you'd have a hit. Of course you'd have to have Michael Explosion Bay to direct. Can't have a good historical war movie otherwise.

What about the Engima machine? Shouldn't he capture that too?

Casting of Kate Beckinsail is also a good idea to cover up any script deficiencies.

[sprior]

ORIGINAL: Crackaces

ORIGINAL: sprior

Oh that's right, here we are fighting a battle in Australia and you mention convictions. How culturally aware of you. How would you like it if you lived in a country that had convicted criminals shipped to it as a punishment? Oh wait... oops, sorry.

Sproir:

A little story. On a flight with an old boss who is from England -- we encouter AUS Customs in Sydney. Standard question; " "Have you ever been convicted of a Felony" He cannot resist; "I did not know that was still a requirement..", Just under four hours later we clear customs and miss our domestic flight to Melbourne.

Those Aussie custom guys have no sense of humor [;)]

Ok back to the movie script ..

Heard at just about every Ashes game (to the tune of "we all live in a yellow submarine"), "You all live in a convict colony, convict colony, convict colony"

[sprior]

What about the Engima machine? Shouldn't he capture that too?

Casting of Kate Beckinsail is also a good idea to cover up any script deficiencies.

I think he should be gay too. Does Kate do Bulgarian Airbags? If so, concur.

[witpqs]

ORIGINAL: Nemo121

Or an offshoot: "Speed: Adventures of a Contretorpilleurs off French Indo-Chine"

History schmistory. Just put a plucky American on board to continually grumble about the cheese-eating surrender monkey of a Captain and then, when they sink ( just after he's sketched a picture of some broad in the nip ), have him make his way back to the states, take command of the Missouri, shoot down Yamato and b*tch slap Tojo personally and then take the Japanese surrender in Tokyo Bay.... all the while telegraphing the love of his life who used to be engaged to his best buddy, before he died at PH. Have Matt Damon write the script and that friend of his star and you'd have a hit. Of course you'd have to have Michael Explosion Bay to direct. Can't have a good historical war movie otherwise.

Of course, in a vein of dramatic personal growth, The American holds the dying French Captain and only then realizes the Captain's bravery and dedication to duty struggling with the gut-wrenching command decisions he had to make no matter how they made him look. The American suffers massive angst and stuff as the Captain dies amidst the floating, flaming wreckage and carnage. And when he does bitch-slap Tojo he cries "THIS is for Captain Monkey YOU BASTARD!!!" Only at the end do we learn that his love-interest (former friend's fiance) has spent the war in an internment camp as she immigrated from Japan when she was 17, one month before the war began.

[witpqs]

ORIGINAL: sprior

What about the Engima machine? Shouldn't he capture that too?

Casting of Kate Beckinsail is also a good idea to cover up any script deficiencies.

I think he should be gay too. Does Kate do Bulgarian Airbags? If so, concur.

Kate can be the nymphomaniac prostitute/camp follower who spices up about 70% of all scenes.

[Cap Mandrake]

Only at the end do we learn that his lover-interest (former friend's fiance) has spent the war in an internment camp as she immigrated from Japan when she was 17, one month before the war began.

I actually have a copy of the 1943 "Hot Girls of Manzanar" calender.

[Cap Mandrake]

You can tell most of the girls were cold in the pictures...

[sprior]

You mean they weren't just pleased to see the photographer?

[Nemo121]

Who needs to capture it? Due to his Polish heritage he invented it and, in a tragic twist of fate, used the Enigma machine to break the Japanese codes but due to government red tape ( that should get the Republicans to go and see the movie ) his warning arrived too late to save his friend at PH. How ironic.

witpqs,
Hmm, for that to work though the Captain couldn't be French. Aha, I've got it. He could just be a French Canadian who also volunteered and so wasn't REALLY a French eating surrender monkey... There could be flashbacks to scenes during the movie showing the captain's love of bacon, syrup and an egalitarian health care system which the audience would then recognise as presaging his Canadian-ness.

[Smeulders]

You're all overthinking the script, the most pressing question is: what camera angle to use for the explosions ?

[Cap Mandrake]

Admiral Lord Sprior;


I have an idea for the next turn. How about the inscrutable and annoying little yellow baaaaahsterds send in a small destroyer raid after our carriers. 3 Jap DD's are spotted by the escorting surface group of 2 BB's a CL and 5 DD/DE. They are detected on radar, tracked carefully on a closing course and then...when they are spotted at 8000 yds., the Allied surface commander orders a retreat. Sort of like this.

Night Time Surface Combat, near Port Hedland at 57,128, Range 26,000 Yards

Japanese Ships
DD Asashio
DD Hatsuharu
DD Myojinami

Allied Ships
BB Pennsylvania
BB Idaho
CL Adelaide
DD Caldwell
DD Cummings
DD Cushing
DD Perkins
DE Pillsbury



Reduced sighting due to 3% moonlight
Maximum visibility in Clear Conditions and 3% moonlight: 8,000 yards
Range closes to 21,000 yards...
Range closes to 16,000 yards...
Range closes to 11,000 yards...
Range closes to 8,000 yards...
CONTACT: Allies radar detects Japanese task force at 8,000 yards
Allied TF attempts to evade combat
Range increases to 9,000 yards...
Range increases to 10,000 yards...

Skip on down..

Range increases to 26,000 yards...
Range increases to 26,000 yards...
Allied Surface Combat TF evades combat

[Cap Mandrake]

Then..just to prove how inscrutable and and annoying they really are...the LYB's send in a second DD group. While the surface covering force is busy retreating from the Combined Fleet, the second DD force sneaks in among the carriers..only this time it is Tahiti Night on Formidable and the flight deck is lined with tiki torches. Also, the World Series has started so all the ships have their radars turned off so they can try to get the Dodger game broadcast from Pearl.

Tsuga puts a torp into Formidable, simultaneously extinguishing all the tiki torches and putting a real damper on the soire. Just so it doesn't sound too improbable, San Juan lands one round on Tsuga as the Japs escape.

Night Time Surface Combat, near Port Hedland at 57,128, Range 4,000 Yards

Japanese Ships
DD Kuri
DD Tsuga, Shell hits 1, on fire

Allied Ships
CV Yorktown
CV Illustrious
CV Formidable, Shell hits 1, Torpedo hits 1
CA Pensacola
CA San Francisco
CA Canberra
CLAA Atlanta
CLAA San Diego
CLAA San Juan
DD Meredith
DD Gwin
DD Monssen
DD Duncan
DD Lardner
DD Mustin
DD Shaw

[Cap Mandrake]

************October 11, 1942***********

Oz: Jap 20th Div attacked the small force defending Daly Waters and was repulsed...for now. We are going to lose the town but it is impossible to supply anyway. We were using it to support a Brewster recon group only. Wyndham field was crushed by 44 B-24 sorties with heavy aircraft losses on the ground. Only 3 Zeroes rose in CAP. The air battle appears won over Wyndham but it will require continued attacks to keep it suppressed. Broome was pounded by 44 B-25/B-17 sorties. Continued Tacair attacks at Port Headland.

[Mynok]

Tiki night on Formidable? Baseball?

Surely you meant grog night and a game of rugger.

[sprior]

Every night is grog night.

[FOW]

Just who do you have in charge of your ACTFs and SCTFs ???

BBs that run away and CVs that sail around in blissful ignorance. Those admirals must have low aggression and naval characteristics - but VERY high 'ineptitude' ratings*





* ratings: that's as in scores - not the people occupying the lowest position in the navy rank hierarchy. Just wanted to clarify as I know Cap will spin an amusing yarn around any ambiguous phrases [;)]

ps. Oh drat, did I just mention 'sailors' and 'lowest position' in the same sentence [X(]

[Chickenboy]

ORIGINAL: FOW

Just who do you have in charge of your ACTFs and SCTFs ???

BBs that run away and CVs that sail around in blissful ignorance. Those admirals must have low aggression and naval characteristics - but VERY high 'ineptitude' ratings*





* ratings: that's as in scores - not the people occupying the lowest position in the navy rank hierarchy. Just wanted to clarify as I know Cap will spin an amusing yarn around any ambiguous phrases [;)]

ps. Oh drat, did I just mention 'sailors' and 'lowest position' in the same sentence [X(]

Yes, but isn't Sprior in charge of the Royal Navy?

[Cap Mandrake]

***********Bali Hai Dance Club, Perth, October 11, 1942, 19:20********

Man in fine linen slacks: Idi, we need to move these tiki torches pronto.

Idi Amin Dada: Sure boss. How much?

Man in fine linen slacks: Sell 'em for $1 with the purchase of a Bacardi 151 Mai Tai. When word gets out about Formidable, we won't be able to give 'em away....