Thinz2 vs Zuluhour

[Alfred]

<Scene: small school hall near HQ Zuluhour. On stage a giant map of Burma with what looks like a completed noughts and cross written on the map. Sitting at a small table before the map are two of the leading TWITs, Knee Jerk and Firstthought. Before them on the table are stacks of books leaving only their eyes to be seen by the public. In the body of the school hall are 5 rows of 10 wooden seats, of which 49 seats are empty>

Firsthought: Gentleman ...

Knee Jerk: < leans over to his left and whispers in ear of Firstthought>

Firstthought: Oh yes <picks up gable in right hand first and then stands. His Adam's apple is now visible. Raises right hand above his head. Gable is now level with Rangoon on map behind him. With serious concentration (and tip of tongue poking out) brings gable down on stack of books. A cloud of dust is seen to rise. The force of the downward action is so great the gable slips out of his hand and strikes Knee Jerks left ear. A howl of pain escapes and reverberates within the school hall> Order, order. I hereby declare open the inaugural public meeting of the Ledo Investigating Committee. Officiating are chief TWITs Firstthought and Knee Jerk. Member of the public is reminded that evidence presented to this Committee will be sworn on the Bible ...

Knee Jerk: <leans over to his left and whispers in ear of Firstthought>

Firstthought: Ahem, slight correction ... evidence will be sworn on the Koran, apparently Gideons don't deliver Bibles to school halls, only to hotel rooms. Is the member of the public ready to provide his evidence now?

Member of the public: <stands up, looks around school hall> Is there a power point available?

<General commotion as there is no one available to find a power point, as both Firstthought and Knee Jerk are busy looking through the stacks of books on the table to find the Koran. I hear the dear reader ask why is a power point required. Well, even though it is December 1942, the member of the public is quite prescient and intends to present his evidence using Microsoft Power Point>

<to be continued ... the evidence, not the scene>

Member of the public aka Alfred

[DOCUP]

Another not so gentleman arrives late to the party.&nbsp; He quietly takes a seat in the back looking around the school room.&nbsp; Watching Firstthought and Knee Jerk.&nbsp; Thinking to himself that they look alot like his TWITS (Dimwit and Bubba).&nbsp;

[Alfred]

Do you think we might overload the TWITs logistical resources now that there are two members of the public present.

Alfred

Edit: hey, is your Dimwit somehow related to HQ Zuluhour's Dimwhit.

[DOCUP]

I think twin brother.&nbsp; Father was called Dimwit also.&nbsp; Kinda like the Jack Schitt family.&nbsp; Have you heard about them.&nbsp; Here is there story.
&nbsp;
Disclamier.&nbsp;
&nbsp;
Jack Schitt is the only son of Awe Schitt.

Awe Schitt, the fertilizer magnate, married O. Schitt, the owner of Needeep N. Schitt, Inc. They had one son, Jack.

In turn, Jack Schitt married Noe Schitt. The deeply religious couple produced six children: Holie Schitt, Giva Schitt, Fulla Schitt, Bull Schitt, and the twins Deep Schitt and Dip Schitt.

Against her parents' objections, Deep Schitt married Dumb Schitt, a high school dropout.

After being married 15 years, Jack and Noe Schitt divorced.

Noe Schitt later married Ted Sherlock, and because her kids were living with them, she wanted to keep her previous name. She was then known as Noe Schitt Sherlock.

Meanwhile, Dip Schitt married Loda Schitt,

And they produced a son with a rather nervous disposition named Chicken Schitt.

Two of the other six chidren, Fulla Schitt and Giva Schitt were inseparable throughout childhood and subsequently married the Happens brothers in a dual ceremony.

The wedding announcement in the newspaper announced the Schitt-Happens nuptials.

The Schitt-Happens children were Dawg, Byrd, and Horse.

Bull Schitt, the prodigal son, left home to tour the world.

He recently returned from Italy with his new Italian bride, Pisa Schitt.

[Alfred]

Hey, you lifted that straight out of The Bold and the Beautiful. Or was it Dallas?

Alfred

[DOCUP]

I don't know where the TWITS found it. [:D]&nbsp; There everywhere on the net right now.&nbsp; They can't seem to concentrate.&nbsp; But we are upping Zulu's post count.[8|]

[Alfred]

I know, you're not fooling me. The boss is out of the room.

Alfred

[DOCUP]

This Thread is borked!!!! [:D] Where is Zulu and his TWITS? I will call SGT Stubby to find Zulu.

[zuluhour]

Sorry, took all the TWITS out for a cocktail up the street. They don't take up much room.

[Alfred]

Somehow, with the benefit of the mental picture conjured up of the school hall near HQ Zuluhour presently occupied by the TWITs conducting the Ledo Investigating Committee inquiry, I have great difficulty imagining Firstthought and Knee jerk drinking a coctail. A soda yes; a martini I can't picture.

Alfred

[zuluhour]

The TWITs lean towards bloody marys on Sunday evenings with a propensity for ale on Saturdays. On billiard night the little liars will drink anything, but they do have an affinity for Hendricks with a splash of tonic and a hint of lime.

[DOCUP]

Your right Alfred the Boss was away.

[zuluhour]

Zulu HQ: note: all present are sober and accounted for. After a libation or three with my brother "whore" in law last night, I sat down with several TWITs whom were still concious, and concocted a new plan. Before I detail to much, I should note the original plan was to take Kviang and Manus from SoPac and Tarawa from CenPac. The idea was to bypass all the little airfields, minefields and what I supposed was heavily defended islands. Four full Divisions were 100% prepped for the operations along with support etc..One of the Divisions, the 27th, was wiped out in a single day of carrier Ops from the Kido Butai, which I now know to be slipping into SoPac 640nm west of Gardner Island at extreme range of my Cats based there and Ndeni's Cats which are only scouting out to 480nm in a random arc. Okay, back to the revisions made last night with help of Ogle (very busy at the bar) and G&d Damn it. G*d Damn it just reminded me I do not have the turn and we are not completly sure what we did. The concensus seems to be that we changed the target for 1st Amphib, 2nd Marine Div, 1-USMC raider Bn, 2-field artillery units, 2-Flak units, 3-seabee outfits, and base force to KiraKira. The idea (last night) was to get a foothold in the southern Solomons where we can get some measure of air superiority and starve Tulagi, Lunga Point and Munda to facilitate rapid capture of these malarial infested paradises. Forward thinking leads me to believe I can subdue Rabaul enough from here to grab Kviang in the summer and starve Rabaul for as long as it takes. I think Kviang would make a great forward area dive bombing school. I would like to advance the second part of the plan, the taking of Tarawa from CenPac, however I have no clue, as my clueless TWIT has reminded me, of what in hell we ordered people in Hawaii to do!

CenPac: There is a IJN SCTF off (?) (thanks clueless!) .....perhaps Gardner.....Island support vessels ordered to southwest at flank....(we think)

SoPac: I just told you. I am however considering sending all the heavies to Sydney to train for thirty days. Two reasons: One: I have no objective at present which requires their kind of treatment. Two: The replacement aircraft for both types are in short supply and I will need them soon. I will need to get support ships, mine sweepers and PTs to help clear harbor defenses on Guadalcanal as I intend to rid the invasion area of the small suface forces I have spotted at Tulagi and Lunga Point. I had hoped my CVs could do this chore but....and I have to organize the xAPs and xAKs needed to ensure I get the most boots I can ashore quickly.

Burma: tangled little web here, I'll post more on the this theater soon. I did send four more transport squadrons from the east coast to India along with some subs.

China: I am half tempted to let Half baked try his TWIT ideas here. The situation in the south has stabalized somewhat. I hope I do not misjudge how much time I have to take replacements at Chungking.

[Alfred]

zuluhour,

Are you singlehandedly trying to bring down the American unemployment rate?

First, you identify the follow TWITs employed at HQ Zuluhour

• Knee jerk
• Dum Dum
• Dimwhit
• Firstthought

Now you have identified the following additional TWITs

• Ogle
• G&d damn it
• Half baked

That means you now have a full team to fully challenge Snow White's 7 dwarves team to a tug of war match. Probably could also challenge Santa's reindeer team.

Come on, don't tease (or is he another TWIT not officially on the payroll for some IRS based reason) what are Half baked's ideas on China.

I'll tell you this though, which ever unidentified TWIT advised you on your planned treatment of the 4Es in SoPac deserves a pay rise. I'd fast track him on the TWIT management treadmill. That TWIT displays the potential to go far.

Regarding the move on kavieng. That is a courageous plan. Kavieng is an excellent base to have if you can keep the SLOCs to it open. If the SLOCs run along the Solomons chain that might be a difficult task if the enemy retains bases in the Solomons. Suppressing enemy bases in the Solomons solely doesn't make life at Kavieng that much easier as the latter base can be attacked from Truk and your Solomon's assets will be busy keeping the somon bases suppressed.

What will greatly assist an Allied Kavieng is if you have the western approach. Owning the western bases on New Britain and the bases on the Admiralty Islands helps a lot. I'd get some of your unemployed, or still to be employed, TWITs to start on some exploratory staff exercises.

Alfred

[zuluhour]

Alfred: I'll put the boys to work on it right away! As the next twenty four hours have the brain trust involved in making me some money, I will duly report back on their findings thereafter.

[zuluhour]

December 16th 1942

West Coast: Sub chasers spot I-3 and force her to the surface; we believe shes finished.

CenPac: SS Gar escapes an ASW attack. Off Canton Island what we thought was the Kido Buati (more later) attacks and sinks an xAP but not before the seabees reach the beach minus 5 steam shovels.

SoPac: Only annoying night raids; they do wreck some ac on the ground.

Bay of Bangal: We spot 5 more IJN fleet carriers which proceed to sink the Encounter in mid ocean. General Quarters on Ceylon.

Burma: Night raids do limited damage. They destroy some Hudsons I have been using for recon.

China: Massed raids on the Pearl River front, but no ground assault yet.

[zuluhour]

December 19th 1942

Campaign: Mucho planning at Zulu HQ.

West Coast: periscope spotted.

NoPac: Supplies reach Nome. The Twits had forgotten the place.

CenPac: Amphibious Assault at Tabiteuea (137,134) (IJN landing) Kido Butai-1 heading north west again.

SoPac: we spot a periscope and an oil slick off Ndeni. sub chasers sent to investigate.

Bay of Bengal: Kido Butai-2 vanishes. large IJN BBTF hits the Akyab with a bombardment. 19th Indian assaults again; dishes out more than it takes; supplies critical. Armor, infantry and artillery formations begin to cross the Burma frontier, its time to find out just how large the IJA army is here.

China: three days of air attacks, no ground action. The 66th is pulled out of the line to take replacements. 20th AG continues to rebuild. Anit tank guns moving to the second defense line in the south north west of Kukong.

[zuluhour]

December 20th 1942

Zulu HQ: radio silence

reports: Trusty misses KB oilers off Port Blair. Leaky IJN sub spotted again off Ndeni. APDs marshalling for amphib Op. Transport ac arriving on map to help supply China. Gardner island getting replacement PBYs tomorrow. IJN sub located off San Diego; escorts sent to investigate. LCUs (half a dozen) given knew orders (objectives). Scouring for LBUs to be used on New Guinea.

[zuluhour]

December 21st 1942

Quick update: SS Permit puts a live fish in a IJN DD in the escort screen for the oilers serving KB-2 off Port Blair. Some P40E squadrons upgrading. Watching the prep (orders) carefully on LCUs designated for new targets. The KB-2 must be somewhere in the Bay of Bengal as the oilers moved north from yesterdays spot. The Op to retake Port Blair will have to hold until the threat is known to have left the area. The LBU is enough of a problem. We know at least 150 bombers are in Burma between Moulmein and Mandalay-Prome. A fresh full Sqd of Cats reaches Gardner. Long range recon aircraft stage south to SoPac. We are going to find out what happens when prepped Regs combine into divisions as far as the prep goes.

[zuluhour]

Any guesses?