Bring me the head of Diego Garcia...and the Mayor of Addu Atoll too!

[Cap Mandrake]

************Mandrake FOB*************


Newly minted 8 year chica old riding new bike (one of SG's adopted kids): How come it doesnt hurt when you ride a bike?

FAM (wingman): <Now..my first thought is this is one of her "old man" gags. When we went to California Adventure she ran out in front of us and proclaimed "Make way--Old man comin' through!". I am, however, seized with another possible explanation.

Do you mean me or boys in general?


Newly minted 8 year chica old riding new bike (one of SG's adopted kids): Boys.

FAM (wingman): That's what I thought you meant. Well, you are supposed to sit on your butt.

[Cap Mandrake]

More filler:

Staff at work are enrolled in an "Employee Fitness Program". They all got pedometers which are capable of data uplinks and they get a small financial reward for getting over 5000 steps per day. I see 'em all walking around the hall twirling the pedometers on the uplink cable like little propellers (it tricks the little acclerometer inside). One employee actually broke her pedometer taping it to a ceiling fan. [:D]

Not only has it not changed exercise levels, I think it has lowered productivity because you cant do your work right when your are doing the propeller thing.

My guess is this is not going to work.

[Chickenboy]

ORIGINAL: Cap Mandrake

More filler:

Staff at work are enrolled in an "Employee Fitness Program". They all got pedometers which are capable of data uplinks and they get a small financial reward for getting over 5000 steps per day. I see 'em all walking around the hall twirling the pedometers on the uplink cable like little propellers (it tricks the little acclerometer inside). One employee actually broke her pedometer taping it to a ceiling fan. [:D]

Not only has it not changed exercise levels, I think it has lowered productivity because you cant do your work right when your are doing the propeller thing.

My guess is this is not going to work.

Yes. I'm thinking of taking up smoking so that I can 'quit' in 2013. Heap big Employee Fitness Program bonuses for stopping smoking based upon the calendar year.

So...start now and quit in early 2013. Of course, come 2014, the year we make contact with certain healthcare legislation, all bets are off. I may have to rethink my financially unwise decision to never to have been hooked on methamphetamine. Can you imagine what the bonuses will be for giving that up? "Looks like I picked the wrong week to quit sniffing glue!"

[Chickenboy]

Oi! Lord Admiral! How's the foot? Bring back any memories?

http://www.military.com/video/operation ... 169489001/

[sprior]

I'm not even going to tell you what the misfire drill was.

[Chickenboy]

Get another boat?

[Cap Mandrake]

The turn is in but I'm at work so I have to pretend I'm working.

Wierd thing happened yesterday. This 16 year old comes in for a sore wrist and I just happen to discover he is using every drug of abuse ever discovered except magic mushrooms and that is only because he doesn't hang out with Phil Jackson.

His mom tells me he is abusing a Coricidin product. I can't remember what exactly is in it (Dextromethorpan) so I turn to a trusted medical source (Google/Wikipedia) and I find this amazing story about Duane Allman and the Coricidin bottle.



In 1968, Gregg Allman went to visit Duane on his 22nd birthday. Duane was sick in bed. Gregg brought along a bottle of Coricidin pills for his fever and the debut album by guitarist Taj Mahal as a gift. "About two hours after I left, my phone rang," Gregg states. "Baby brother, baby brother, get over here now!" When Gregg got there, he found that Duane had poured the pills out of the bottle, washed off the label and was using it as a slide to play "Statesboro Blues", an old Blind Willie McTell song that Taj Mahal covered. "Duane had never played slide before," says Gregg, "he just picked it up and started burnin'. He was a natural."[citation needed] The song would go on to become a part of the Allman Brothers Band's repertoire, and Duane's slide guitar became crucial to their sound.

Naturally, after this fortuitous discovery, I had to listen to an hour's worth of Allman Brothers songs on U-tube and was late getting home so SG was seriously ticked.

SG: Where the Hell where you? Trading WWI Siegfried Sassoon poems with the lab supervisor again?


FAM: But wait, your not going to believe what happened. You know who Duane Allman is, right?


SG: No.

[Cap Mandrake]

Yesterday was teen day. Today it's mostly babies. I like the babies better.


FAM: Did you have any other questions? (This is a patient statisfaction question. I went to a seminar to teach me to not be such an ass hole. Normally, you get away with this...but not this time.)


Overwordly teen: Yes, I wanted to know if you thought ass hole bleaching was safe?


FAM: I'm sorry?


Overwordly teen: You know, bleaching your butt hole so it isn't so dark.


FAM: <thinking to myself..."Sweet Jesus where have I been?> Bleaching?


Overwordly teen: Yeah, bleaching.


FAM: Hmmm. well I'll have to do some research. Can I get back to you on that?

I type into the chart. "Pt has questions about skin bleaching". Then I go to my trusted medical source <Google/Wikipedia>. Sure enough there is a Wikipedia entry for "anal bleaching". There are numerous other Google hits but Wikipedia looks safer so I link to it. SANTA MARIA! DO NOT DO THAT AT WORK!

[BBfanboy]

The creativity of human depravity never ceases to amaze me!
Do you have to be an ***hole ot set up a bleaching "studio"?

[witpqs]

Sounds like a sequel to Space Balls. "I'm surrounded by ..."

[:D]

[Chickenboy]

Cap'n-you may also want to look up safety of superficial application of irridium paint. You know-the kind they have on gunsights for 'glow-in-the-dark' ease of targetting. Something tells me that's the next logical step for these ***hole bleaching parlors-as a service add-on. [X(]

[Cap Mandrake]

Evidently, I have been leading a sheltered life. One of the internists at work opened up a laser cosmetics practice. She is a somewhat conservative Korean woman. I think I'll ask her at lunch if she wants anal bleaching referrals.

She would probably aspirate her kimchi.[:)]

[Cap Mandrake]

Map of the Celbes Sea, Southern Mindanao and Palau.

[Cap Mandrake]

LYB transports at Palau are poorly guarded. It's almost as if they are baiting us to attack.[:)]

Very tempting to send a couple of CL's and DD's up there.

Djangas looks to be ungarrisoned so likely 503rd PIR will drop there tomorrow. Another day or recon first.

Probably will just bypass Talaud-eilanden and build an airstrip at Sangi.

[Cap Mandrake]

Portland (damaged by two different sub attacks) is at 66% flotation damage. She will try to make that little burg North of Brisbane.

[Cap Mandrake]

ORIGINAL: sprior

I'm not even going to tell you what the misfire drill was.

What if we ask nicely?

[Cap Mandrake]

I am determined to land on Mindanao if just for the entertainment value and I don't have the patience to wait for the intermediate bases to be built up. Here is the plan. It is now D-Day -2

D-Day -1 ............Sea Bees begin embarkation at Ternate for transport via LCT to Dejangas. A different Bn of Sea Bees lands at friendly dot hex of Sangi (160 mi from Djangas) and begins to chop down the taro plants for a quick grass strip. this will be used to provide LRCAP over Djangas until the airway there can be ready. elemetns of RCT at Boela begin emarkation aboard APD's for fast transport to Djangas.

D Day ...........Air drop Djangas (503rd PIR from Ternate). Djangas falls as there is no garrison.

D-Day +1/2......First Sea Bees arrive Djangas with a fleet minesweeper for in-course refueling and PT boats for escort. There can be now air escort as Ternate is too far but that is why we an extra "motivational" push is being made. If they have a sufficient garrison at Davao, JJ may dispatch part of the garrison to march part of the garrison to Djangas. Unless it is armor, I don't think it can be there until D-Day +7 at a minimum. Construction begins on airstrip at Djangas.

Night D-Day 2/3........Fast transport taffy from Boela arrives with perhaps a Bn of infantry but light on heavy weapons.

D-Day +3......Remainder Sea Bee bn arrives Djangas by LCT along with some Beach Engineers. Air supply drops from Ternate.

D-Day +5......Airstrip ready at Sangi (maybe). First, low tonnage AK's arrive Djangas with amphbious supply loads. LRCAP from Sangi. CD guns arrive Sangi. Remainder of RCT arrives via amphibious load. CL/DD SCTF on station at Djangas. JJ airfield at Davao is degraded somehow...haven't quite worked that out. Maybe B-25's from Ternate plus two nelwy arrived USN fast BB's which will motor up from Sydney.


D-Day +6/7....Airstrip ready Djangas. Camel nose in tent. Next stop Cotobato and Jolo.


What could go wrong?

[Chickenboy]

What's going on with your furtive Sumatran assault? Although anal bleaching habits of contemporary teens is fascinating, might we have some insight into this 'big jump'?

[Cap Mandrake]

Forces are accumulating. One brigade is already in Ceylon. The assigned British Div and 6th Aus Div are in the IO somewhere (heading to Ceylon). 7th Aus is rounding the SW tip of Oz.

The RN CV (Formidable I think) is 21 days out from Cape Town via the Atlantic.

Colorado is almost repaired and is assigned to the attack (She's in Cape Town too)

Yorktown has a boo boo from a Jap torpedo and is being patched up in Sydney. Wasp is at Sydney for minor repairs.

Repulse and PoW are going to come up with one of the troop convoys from Perth. 3 CVE's are moving with the troops transports as ASW carriers.


All 3 divisions have to get to Ceylon, disembark, rest up and finish prepping. It is a loooooong way from Darwin to Ceylon if you have to circumnavigate Oz and divert into the Western IO. If we wait for Yorktown (which is advisable) then we are least 50 days out. I don't know if ALSP wants to wait for the AP-APA upgrade in April.

[Cap Mandrake]

That's why an attack is needed in the PI. We can't talk about body orifices for 50 game turns.