From here to...well...it SEEMS like an eternity

[Alfred]

Cap Mandrake,
 
Am enjoying very much your literary creations.  Were you a script writer for MASH?
 
Nonetheless, I think you will find that Trueman was not VPOTUS in 1942.
 
Keep up the good work.  You could pitch this plot to Hollywood.  If so, which actors would you pick to play the leading characters.
 
Alfred

[Cap Mandrake]

Thanks Alfred!
[;)]


(Cont.)

<After Truman leaves the room, Marshall speaks up>

Marshall: Mr. President, I understand it is your meeting, but sir, must the Senator attend? I am concerned that his membership on the Senate War Investigation Committee might represent a conflict of interest and he has not endeared himself to many of us with his puerile interruptions. Finally, there is the issue of the new Stuart upholstery project. I cannot tolerate a bunch of grandstanding roosters in the Senate crowing about the cost of a couple of yards of leather so my tankers will having something comfortable in which to go to battle. Isn't the threat of being decaptitated by molten tungsten enough?

FDR: General, I am confused. I thought YOU asked for him to be admitted to the committee. I was surprised myself. Frankly, I think
Henry Wallace was a bit miffed over his omission.

Marshall: <A look of shock, then anger comes over his face> No sir, Mr. President! I can only surmise your secretary mistook my list of those to be ABSOLUTELY EXCLUDED from the committee to be an endorsement of Sen. Truman. <The other members shift incomfortably in their seats, wondering if they also we on the exclusion list. As a consequence, not one excuses themselves from the meeting to use the lavatory for the entire duration of the meeting, despite the fact that several are elderly and have prostate problems. They cannot risk the discussion turning to them should they leave the room.>


(Cont)

[DuckofTindalos]

Ka-Pwing! Deftly handled as always, Mandrake![:D][:D][:D]

[VSWG]

ORIGINAL: Cap Mandrake

Marshall:<The other members shift incomfortably in their seats, wondering if they also we on the exclusion list. As a consequence, not one excuses themselves from the meeting to use the lavatory for the entire duration of the meeting, despite the fact that several are elderly and have prostate problems. They cannot risk the discussion turning to them should they leave the room.>

Hilarious! [:D][:D][:D]

[Cap Mandrake]

(Cont)

FDR: Well, now that we have that issue cleared up, I don't suppose you have any other suggestions about the composition of the committee? <this time there is a real smile>

Marshall: I'd prefer not to discuss that at this time, Mr. President. <now the squirming in the room from uncomfortably full bladders becomes acutely exacerbated by the likely possibility of a future banishment. Mr. Hoover seems particularly discomfited. He is, but it has nothing to do with micturation needs or social embarassment. A new garter he secretly wears under his trousers has seriously exceeded its' design limitations, causing distress with the slightest movement>

FDR: Very well. I believe I will, at this time, exercise a Presidential prerogative. If you will excuse me gentlemen. <he picks up the Secret Service phone and speaks into it, making no effort to conceal his conversation> Yes, James, when Senator Truman returns, please inform him that no admission to the conference room is permitted without his security badge. He will protest, of course, saying that he was already in the conference and that he left his jacket in the room when I sent him out for some salty snacks and drinks. He will ask if you realize he is a United States Senator. You should be polite, but you are not to allow him back in, even if spittle gathers at the corner of his mouth and he curses your mother. Tell him it is Presidential Directive...<waves hand in air, then covers the phone and, in a remarkable example of pop-culture prescience does the Jeopardy contestant theme...'dum dum dum dum...dum Dum dum..dum Dum dum dum Dum dumdudmdum'>...ahhh....1328. Yes, 1328. Got that James? <nervous laughter in the room at Truman's soon to be predicament. Nobody gets the Jeapordy joke as television isn't even in widespread use yet, but when the President tries to make a funny, one would be well advised to laugh at it, especially when he is chanelling the Queen of Hearts from a Lewis Caroll book>...Oh, and James, please have Rogelio bring the snacks throught the East door without alerting Mr. Hoover. <the President turns to the group, obviously quite pleased with himself>...You know, the best thing about winning the Spanish American War was the great Filippino cooks who came to work at the White House. I can't wait for the salty seafood snacks. Now, who has more on this Minderbinder fellow?


(Cont)

[Cap Mandrake]

Wow...what a week. Remind me to recount later the story of my further battles with the homeowner association. Meawhile, back in Washington,
with Truman now certainly throwing a fit outside the room, the deliberations continue.

(cont)

Hoover: I can take that, Mr. President. Here's what we have on him. He is currently in the custody of Scotland Yard and is being transported to Perth. Their aim is to bring him out around the Cape of Good Hope as, with Japanese carriers about in the Indian Ocean, there is no other safe route. Their primary interest in him is for his alleged participation in the Nazi spy ring of Dagmar Wynter, but interestingly, after his arrest, I have received no further complaints of false war reports. He is represented by the law firm of Dewey, Cheatham and Howe whose specialty is the representation of the wealthy in foreign adoptions and copyright law. We have discovered a likely connection to Sargeant Minderbinder in Gilroy, Calif. An Australian Lt., a pilot, hs funded an election campaign to elect Sgt Minderbinder to the Congress for the Gilroy district. The young Lt. is apparently quite skilled at betting on the horses and has garnered quite a following for Sgt. Minderbinder by funding public work projects around town. These consist mostly of murals with sayings such as "The Color of Scarcity is Green" or "Live Better, Start a Company". Sgt. Minderbinder is quite beloved even though he has never been to the town. By all accounts, he may unseat the sitting Democrat.

FDR: A most clever strategy. I should like to have him as an ally. Please continue.

Hoover: Yes sir. We did find one existing FBI inquiry on him, a very curious matter titled "G0-GAN". Even more curiously, the entries are dated April through August..of 1942 and always have the appendix "(a)" after the date! I believe this to be some kind of inside prank by disgruntled FBI agents. I have therefore ordered that all future FBI hires be practicing Mormons. Adm. King, has Adm. Spruance ever gone missing to your knowledge or has he taken an interest in native costumes of the South Pacific?

Adm. King: No, I am quite sure I would have known of something like that. Mr. President, I should like to add that, even though the false reports have caused some confusion and, naturally have irritated local commanders, they are occaisionaly quite prescient. Take, for example, the report from USS Detroit on Feb. 15. Shortly after dawn on that morning, she reported an attack and heavy damage by Japanese carrier planes while standing off Palmyra. Naturally, this caused quite a stir at CentPac. Search assets were sent to locate the enemy vessels and rescue the crew of Detroit. The Detroit was found to perfectly intact. The false report was traced to a radioman aboard Detroit who reports that he was paid in cash to report the messages contained in a large Manila envelope marked "M&M Enterprises". Most curiously, however, even though Detroit was undamaged, search efforts the next morning DID reveal a Japanese carrier task force SSE of Palmyra. I believe Gen. Marshall has other examples of false reports which seem to predate real events.


(cont)

[Cap Mandrake]

(cont.)

Marshall: Yes Admiral, I do. This comes from ABDA. Again from the 16th of February. A small paper in Soerabja published a report of the fall of Menado, in Sulawese. It proved completely false, much to the consternation of Gen. Wavell, but the VERY NEXT day, Menado DID fall in a fashion similar to that described in the article. It is as if the report were shifted in time and, consequently, offered valuable intelligence reagrding enemy intentions. Admittedly, this would take some study to hone our ability to separate the wheat from the chaff, but I would strongly advocate for the trade for Sgt. Minderbinder.

Adm. King: I concur. We mustn't underestimate the ability to feed the enemy false information via this route, as well. He could be a valuable double agent.

FDR: I am inclined to agree, though I am not sure 'double agent' is the correct terminology. I suspect 'broker' might be more accurate.
I, for one, don't blame the man based on the information so far. He seems rather more the entrepenuer. After all, that is what we are fighting for, Capitalism, eh?

Hull: Sir, wasn't it Democracy, Mr. President?

FDR: Oh come now. Let's be honest. Its about Capitalsim, but we can't tell old Joe Stalin can we? <nevous laughter> Very well then, I will speak to Mr. Churchill and we all shall be in the news business. By the way, if Truman should ask, tell him we talked about baseball after he left.

All: Yes sir. <Stimson timidly raises his hand>

FDR: Yes, Henry. What is it? We haven't heard from you.

Stimson: Yes, Mr. President. I just wanted to know..if I may...if I might use the restroom?

[Cap Mandrake]

....when it absolutely, positively has to be there in about 2 years.

I was moving a damaged Dutch Naval Base unit across Oz. I guess I had "allow replacements" on.....DOH!





*************Charter Towers Aerodrome, Queensland, Australia, Feb., 22, 1942 (b)*********


Lt. Col. Van Meter, CO., 3rd Dutch Naval Support Bn: What shall I do with a fixed 150 mm coastal defence gun 100 km from the nearest body of water? We've orders to move to Cairns. Can't you just ship it to Cairns?

Netherlands Ex Driver (wearing orange shorts, cap and shirt: Afraid not Colonel. The delivery order says 3rd Dutch Naval Base Bn. There would be nobody there to sign for it.

Lt. Col. Van Meter: Look, can't you just do doorside drop off?

Netherlands Ex Driver: No sir. I'm afraid that neighborhood is not rated for doorside drop off.

Lt. Col. Van Meter: What neighborhood is that?

Netherlands Ex Driver: Australia, sir.

Lt. Col. Van Meter: Australia isn't a neighborhood, its an entire continent. The entire continent of Australia is not rated for doorside drop off?

Netherlands Ex Driver: Well, sir, we don't deliver here very often.

Lt. Col. Van Meter: I shouldn't wonder. But, honestly, let's examine this rationally, who is going to take an 8 ton gun without wheels?

Netherlands Ex Driver:Sorry sir. Regualtions you know.

Lt. Col. Van Meter: Regulations? Look, my men have just come out of Java on a 30 year old freighter with Jap dive bombers overhead. Don't tell me about regulations.

Netherlands Ex Driver: Sorry sir. I've my job to worry about.

Lt. Col. Van Meter: <rubs temples, grimmacing> Very well, how about this? Cant you just wait 4-5 days till we get to Cairns?

Netherlands Ex Driver: Sorry sir. I've a schedule to keep.

Lt. Col. Van Meter: SCHEDULE! SCHEDULE? THIS ORDER IS DATED MAY 1939! YOU ARE 2 1/2 YEARS LATE AND NOW YOU ARE GOING TO GIVE ME GRIEF OVER 4 @##$%!%! DAYS!?

Netherlands Ex Driver: Well, sir. There IS a war on.

Lt. Col. Van Meter: <his Northern European face is now quite flushed with a Southern hemisphere Summer and no small measure of anger> Look, what if I order a delivery to Cairns, could you do that then?

Netherlands Ex Driver: Certainly, sir. We aim to please. <with total earnestness>


Lt. Col. Van Meter: Bloody fantastic! How do I do that?

Netherlands Ex Driver: Well, you need only contact corporate
headquarters, give them your specifics and pay the delivery fee.

Lt. Col. Van Meter: Magnificent! How do I reach them?

Netherlands Ex Driver: No. 32, Zuyder Zee Ave, Amsterdam.

Lt. Col. Van Meter: Superb! Can I order by phone then?

Netherlands Ex Driver: Yes, of course, but not today.

Lt. Col. Van Meter: Ah, yes, Sunday in Europe. Tomorrow then?

Netherlands Ex Driver: Sorry sir. Not likely.

Lt. Col. Van Meter: Why is that then?

Netherlands Ex Driver: Why, its the war sir. The Nazis occupied Amsterdam. We are closed for the duration of the war, sir. Much too dangerous.

Lt. Col. Van Meter: <he becomes quite crimson, nearly matching the driver's uniform> Why didn't you tell me that earlier, then?

Netherlands Ex Driver: Why, you never asked sir.

Lt. Col. Van Meter: OH DEAR GOD! JUST GIVE ME THE DAMNABLE FORM TO SIGN!

Netherlands Ex Driver: <smiles broadly while offering the form to sign> Where would you like it, sir?

Lt. Col. Van Meter: Like what?

Netherlands Ex Driver: Why, the gun sir?

Lt. Col. Van Meter: Do you really think it matters? <recognizes the futility> Oh, very well, just put it on the side of the runway closest to the ocean.

Netherlands Ex Driver:Which ocean would that be sir?.....

[Cap Mandrake]

when the Japs got near MacArthur's San Miguel Brewery...the defence stiffened

[Cap Mandrake]

SCENE: Feb. 26, 1942, Aboard a train in the Outback, headed toward Perth. The car is empty except for Staff Sgt. Minderbinder and Inspectors Wight and Pound of Scotland Yard. The prisoner is shackled. We join them in friendly conversation despite the chains.

MM: How good is your pension? Are you set up well?

Wight: It is fair, though not overly generous. I shouldn't complain given the sacrifices of our men in the military.

Pound: I have a son at Oxford. I shan't be retiring any time soon.

MM: Right, so let me ask you boys. Have you ever heard of the pyramids?.......

<10 minutes later>

Pound: Let me see if I understand. We each buy one share at $20 and pay that to you, then we each sell two shares for $20, keep
$10 for each share sold and give the other $10 for each share to you?

MM: Precisely! In that way, your original investment will be recouped after only two sales. Then when your two investors sell their shares, you will receive $80. You keep $40 and send the remainder to your investor parent. Before long, your greatest exertion will be making frequent bank deposits.

Wight: Its brilliant! Count me in! <plunks down $20>

Pound: I am in as well. Can you imagine how many will be sold in Australia alone? <does the same>

Wight: It might be 20 miliion!

Pound: It is a very large number, but I don't believe the population is that high.

Wight: Oh, I'm quite sure it is.

Pound: No it isn't.

Wight: Do you have reference to support that?

Pound: Take a look outside. Do you see anyone?

Wight: That's not quite fair. We are in the middle of a desert.

Pound: We are in the Outback.

Wight: But isn't the Outback a desert?

Pound: No, technically I believe it is not.

Wight: It most certainly is.

Pound: Is not.

Wight: Is too.

Pound: No, no, no. It is a question of rainfall.

MM: Gentlemen, can one of you unlock me so I can use the head? <Pound begins unlocking the shackles, Milo pockets the money>

Wight: I believe it is a question of heat.

Pound: No it isn't...........

[DuckofTindalos]

Up, up and awaaaaaaay...[:D][:D][:D][:D]

[Cap Mandrake]

The Japs attack unsuccessfully at San Marcellino on the 25th. Concurrently, a planned Allied harrassment attack is launched from Central Luzon. Th 11th Philippino Army Div successfully bridges the river in it's pinning move toward Lingayen. Intel shows only 5,000 Jap troops at San Marcelino, suggesting an enemy withdrawal. The San Marcelino defenders go on the offensive but the enemy strength is proven to be at least two full brigades and losses are heavy.

Meanwhile 2 Philippino Divs. a USMC Regt and a Philippino Scouts Regt brush aside a small unit defending the highway East of Clark and turn North to bypass Lingayen.

Jap strength at Manila has grown to 50,000 (3 1/2 Div) and large reinforcement convoys are unloading at Naga. These are briefly disrupted by USN PT boats.

[Cap Mandrake]

Double post...bah..gremlins

[LittleJoe]

Give me your tears gypsy...or i will take them from you.

[Cap Mandrake]

SCENE: Primitive grass airstrip, Tomini, Sulawese, Feb 28, 1942. A wrecked Dornier patrol plane has been abandoned. Under a canvas tarp in the jungle, 8 survivors of a Dutch Air Force ground support unit prepare a hot breakfast in surprisingly good spirits, despite the fact that they are hundreds of miles behind enemy lines. In the jungle clearing, near the small airstrip, a single yellow flag flutters atop a bamboo pole. 400 m away, at the edge of the clearing, two officers stand in a small bunker with field glasses to their eyes. They stand exposed from the waist up, apparently inured to the threat of sudden death. Overhead, the groan of an Aichi D3A dive bomber grows louder followed shortly by the whine of a dive as it pitches over to attack.

Capt: This looks like the last. Its a Val. Get ready. Steady.......steady.....steady.....NOW! <two black dots drop free from the plane as the pilot begins his climb out, they wobble briefly then accelerate in a pleasing parabolic arc. They impact almost simultaneously in two muffled thuds in the wet earth. There is no explosion, only a puff of brilliant white smoke 70 m from the yellow flag> NICE! Make that 75 m Sargeant.

Sgt: Copy that. 75 m. I believe they are getting better sir.

Capt: Yes, Sgt., I believe you are right...not quite ready for prime time yet. 75 M is not good enough for a wildy manoevreing tin can. Still, it is oddly satisfying.

Sgt: Yes sir. Odd sir. <they begin walking toward the flag to inspect>

Capt: Right, now for the accounting. 12 Helens, that's medium type.. comma.. level, 8 times Kate, single engine comma ..level and 9 x dive bomber...lets see that's 12 hundred plus 8 times 75 plus 9 times <mumbles>....carry the 2....I make 2350.

Sgt: Roger that, $2,350, sir.

Capt: Good Sgt. get that off to Darwin with the scores and tell that idiot in charge now we need our mosquito netting or the deal is off. Got that Sgt?

Sgt: Yes, sir! Idiot..mosquito netting ...deal off. Roger.

<The Capt. approaches an half buried UXB. The portion above ground reads, 'Mk 82-C/13/12/42/TOWN' and on the next line "M&M ENTER" before the Sulawese mud takes over. He kicks the tail fins and a remarkably beautiful white sand issues from a broken weld. He turns back to camp for some coffee>

[VSWG]

*VSWG reminds Cap Mandrake to recount the story of his further battles with the homeowner association.&nbsp;[:)]

[Cap Mandrake]

ORIGINAL: VSWG

*VSWG reminds Cap Mandrake to recount the story of his further battles with the homeowner association. [:)]

Yes..thanks for reminding me. I just received another charming letter yesterday. I will incorporate today's conversation in a bit. Meanwhile, Gen. MacArthur complains to the the Manila Homeowner's Assn. that the neighbors are spoiling the view with all their war machines.

[Cap Mandrake]

It seems Scotland Yard always get their man....but can they keep him?

[DuckofTindalos]

"Extraordinary guile"...[:D][:D][:D]

[Cap Mandrake]

..