From here to...well...it SEEMS like an eternity

Post descriptions of your brilliant successes and unfortunate demises.

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rtrapasso
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RE: Everyone into the pool!

Post by rtrapasso »

Capt. Brinker, KNIL:Barkeep! Another for us. So this horse walks into a bar...and the bartender says.......

... "Hey, buddy, why the long face?"
qgaliana
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RE: Everyone into the pool!

Post by qgaliana »

Speaking of the pool:
 
My grandfather was Belgian born and a landed immigrant in canada when the war broke out and Belgium collapsed shortly therafter. There were no phone calls, or mail, just some officials at the door that hauled him off in handcuffs to serve in whatever passed for the remains of the Belgian military. [X(]
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rtrapasso
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RE: Everyone into the pool!

Post by rtrapasso »

ORIGINAL: qgaliana

Speaking of the pool:

My grandfather was Belgian born and a landed immigrant in canada when the war broke out and Belgium collapsed shortly therafter. There were no phone calls, or mail, just some officials at the door that hauled him off in handcuffs to serve in whatever passed for the remains of the Belgian military. [X(]

Did this happen in Canada??[&:]
qgaliana
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RE: Everyone into the pool!

Post by qgaliana »

Yup in Canada - that's the family lore passed downthrough the womenfolk. He never said one word about the war when I knew him.
Cuttlefish
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RE: Intercourse....economic, I mean

Post by Cuttlefish »

A battered and far-traveled letter reaches Auckland:




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AU Tiger_MatrixForum
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RE: See you in Bataan, bud.

Post by AU Tiger_MatrixForum »

ORIGINAL: Cap Mandrake
ORIGINAL: AU Tiger

I hate to bring this up so long after this conversation transpired, but I am slowly catching up on the thread and stumbled across this. The quote was of course from Maj. Harry Carlyle (sp?) in the movie. Cornelius Ryan wrote all of his books based on oral history interjected with historical record. Not being able to find my much-read copy of "A Bridge Too Far", as I recall that quote was based on personal accounts of Red Devils who were present, and I do remember looking that part up in the footnotes. The movie was incredibly accurate in portraying the book - a top billing in my video library.

And thanks for the info on the HA's. My next house will have a two-car garage for my building an airplane, and I don't want some LA Times reading closet fascist nixing my plan for a house with a garage that will never host an automobile.

Cool idea about the airplane. Make sure the wingtips fit through the garage door. Of course, if I tried that, a group of brown shirts would sneak in at night and finish the matter. When I was a kid one of our remote neighbors had a sailboat hull propped up on a frame in his backyard. Every weekend he would sand 1 sq foot of hull. He never finished. I'm not sure but I believe he, personally, may have caused the HA movement to be born[:D]

[:D]
I have a next-door neighbor who has been excavating a 30 ft. French drain for about two years now, and has enough flat river rock piled in his weed-infested backyard to construct about 100 ft. of the Great Wall. I have contracted a fencing company to block the view of his yard with an idea of selling my own house. The guy doesn't work as far as I can tell, and has a gray ponytail down to his belt (if he wore one), and his wife is a cross-eyed psychologist (literally). I need to check his mailbox to see what newspapers he subscribes to. [:-]

My motivational video for the airplane I will be building in about 12 months:
http://images.rvproject.com/movies/sharpie.wmv

Any ideas on paint schemes would be greatly appreciated. To my eyes it resembles a P-39 a little.
"Never take counsel of your fears."

Tho. Jackson
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AU Tiger_MatrixForum
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RE: LadySmith

Post by AU Tiger_MatrixForum »

ORIGINAL: Cap Mandrake

Editor's note: As certain elements or the narrative are fictionalized to some degree, the reader should not take all statements or actions of historical figures portrayed here as being strictly historical. When an error or omission is found, we will try to inform the reader. For eg., we have discovered the "LadySmith" handgun was not introduced until 1989. Everything else looks pretty good so far. Thank you.

rt;

Corazon is (was) kinda cute. Now I feel bad.

Corazon's nose was remarkably non-Filipina looking. Could she have been a plant?
"Never take counsel of your fears."

Tho. Jackson
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Nemo121
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RE: LadySmith

Post by Nemo121 »

Corazon's nose was remarkably non-Filipina looking. Could she have been a plant?
 
No, definitely a mammal.
John Dillworth: "I had GreyJoy check my spelling and he said it was fine."
Well, that's that settled then.
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rtrapasso
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RE: LadySmith

Post by rtrapasso »

ORIGINAL: Nemo121
Corazon's nose was remarkably non-Filipina looking. Could she have been a plant?

No, definitely a mammal.

[:D] [:D]
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Cap Mandrake
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Rendezvous

Post by Cap Mandrake »

************Radio Room, USAAF aerodrome, Auckland, May 18, 1942*******


<Yossarian hands over a case of Dewar's>

Yossarian:Here. Compliments of Milo. What did you say your name was, son?

Radio Operator: Sparks, sir.

Yossarian:No, I mean your real name. All radio operators are named sparks.

Radio Operator: Yes, sir, Sparks, sir.

Yossarian: No, no, I know everyone here calls you Sparks, but what did your mother call you, son?

Radio Operator: Oh, she is still alive, sir. She has a bit of the rheumatism, but she is still kickin'.

Yossarian: <rubs temples> Very well, what does your mother call you?

Radio Operator: Mostly, she just calls me "son', sir.

Yossarian: Right, but I mean when she is mad at you, what does she call you then?

Radio Operator: Well, sir, she almost never is mad at me. Now my brother. She is mad at him all the time. One time...

Yossarian: Look. Pretend, for the sake of discussion she was..I mean is mad at you. What would she call you to get your attention?

Radio Operator: Ah, she would call me 'Junior', sir.

Yossarian:<closes eyes, takes off cap and rubs scalp> OK. What does your mom call your dad, son?

Radio Operator: She doesn't, sir.

Yossarian: What do you mean she doesn't?

Radio Operator: She doesn't. He's in jail sir. Sometimes she does say things like 'your bastard father', so, even though she doesn't say that to his face, I guess she calls him 'bastard'.

Yossarian: <makes moaning sound> Look. How about this? Does your dad have any relatives still alive that aren't in jail?

Radio Operator:Oh, yes sir. There is his cousin Ellie and his Aunti Em and...

Yossarian: Fantastic! Now, if they were to visit him in jail, what would they call him?

Radio Operator: Oh, 'senior", sir. They just call him 'senior'.

Yossarian: <pauses> Very well, what did your dad's mom call him when he was a....

Radio Operator:Oh, she is still....

Yossarian: STOP! STOP! STOP! Forget I asked. Does your dad have a birth certificate?

Radio Operator: Well, yes, I do believe he may.

Yossarian: Great! Now, I want you to think very carefully. What do you think would be the first name on his birth certificate?

Radio Operator:Why, 'Sparks', sir. Just like me. That's why my mom calls me 'Junior', don't you know.

Yossarian:Do you mean to tell me your name really is Sparks?

Radio Operator: Yes, sir. Funny, eh? My drill instructor at Fort Dix didn't think it was too funny though. I wanted to be in the Infantry but he told me, "OK Sparks", he said "Sparks" real slow like, "OK Sparks", he said, "you smartass, you wan't to be a radio jockey so God Damned bad get out of my God Damned platoon". He said "God Damned" just like that sir. I don't beleive he was the church going type, sir.

Yossarian: I imagine you're right, but I can understand his sentiments as well. Look, Cpl., this has been a lovely chat, but I do need to send along Milo's message.

Radio Operator:Yes, sir. Thank you sir. And the message?

Yossarian: <reaches into pocket> Right.

Radio Operator: <begins keying> R-I-G-H-T

Yossarian:No, no, not yet!

Radio Operator: N-O-N-O-N-O-T-Y-E-T

Yossarian: STOP!

Radio Operator:S-T-

Yossarian:<reaches over the counter and grabs the key> No, no, no. Cpl., I haven't started reading the message yet.

Radio Operator: Ah, sorry sir.

Yossarian: Look, when I am ready, I will say meassage follows then you start keying, understood?

Radio Operator:Yes sir. When you say "meassage follows then you start keying, understood", that's when I start transmitting.

Yossarian:No, no, no! When I say "message follows', period!

Radio Operator: "message follows, period". Roger that, sir.

Yossarian: No, no, no. You start transmitting when you hear these two words...."message follows"...<raises eyebrows to indicate inquiry>

Radio Operator: Roger that, sir. "message follows"

Yossarian: Fantastic! MESSAGE FOLLOWS...<so far so good, but still not certain, Yossarian asks> Ready?

Radio Operator:R-E-A

Yossarian: No, no, no! <reaches over again> How about this? When I take my hand away you keep transmitting until I say "end message". Is that clear?

Radio Operator:Crystal clear, sir. <smiles broadly at his pun>

Yossarian:<pulls hand away and is gratified that Sparks waits exactly as planned. He is so excited he exclaims> There!

Radio Operator:T-H-E-R-E

Yossarian: Ahh!

Radio Operator: A-H-H

Yossarian: <shakes head then begins reading>

Ito-san;

New rendezvous at SE tip Rennel Island with M&M Clipper 18:00, May 18. Prenty Gord

Milo

<Yossarian ponders as Sparks keys the message and thinks to himself, "How will we know if he doesn't get the message"? He continues>

Please respond if message not receieved.

End message.
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Cap Mandrake
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More for Timor?

Post by Cap Mandrake »

Something may be afoot on Timor. Something which might destroy the idyllic lifestyle at Darwin, for eg. (but more likely Broome or Derby) [:)]

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Cap Mandrake
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Affine Geometry

Post by Cap Mandrake »

Ever meet someone who just didn't seem right for their job?


**********Briefing Room, No. 31 RAF Transport Sqdrn, Chungking, May 17, 1942*********


<Sqdrn. Leader Czernin leads a briefing at a blackboard>

Czernin:....now, let us suppose our planned route is Chunking to Yunan and then on to Kunming and finally, back to Chungking. On a two dimensional Cartesion coordinate system these points describe a triangle, of course. Now suppose we wish to calculate an optimal fuel load for each leg such that the transport effort by the squadron to transport aviation petrol is minimised. We can, of course, accomplish this with numerical iteration, or even with a series of differential equations, but these are not general solutions. Much more elegant would be to assume an Affine Geometry we can, with a little work, arrive at a much more general....

Pilot 1: <as an aside to his colleague> What on Earth is he going on about?

Pilot 2: I haven't the slighest.




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bradfordkay
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RE: Affine Geometry

Post by bradfordkay »

You know, Cap, I have to keep a box of tissues nearby to wipe the tears from my eyes as I read your AAR. It's a crime that you can't charge us to read this comedy... you'd probably get a bunch of us paying for a subscription...
fair winds,
Brad
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Cap Mandrake
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RE: Affine Geometry

Post by Cap Mandrake »

ORIGINAL: bradfordkay

You know, Cap, I have to keep a box of tissues nearby to wipe the tears from my eyes as I read your AAR. It's a crime that you can't charge us to read this comedy... you'd probably get a bunch of us paying for a subscription...

Very kind of you to say that bk. Thanks.

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Cap Mandrake
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Semper Fi

Post by Cap Mandrake »

After over a month of hard fighting and the eventual involvement of 5 full Jap divisions, a combat brigade, much artillery, 10-20 K Naval Infantry and the continuous employment of at least 4 Jap carriers, 2 battleships and 80+ bombers adn 60+ zeroes, Pago Pago falls.

US losses:

30,000 troops, including 2nd Marine Div
50+ P-40B's
25+ Cats and Coronados
15+ Dive bombers
1 DD, 1 TK, 2 AK's

Jap losses:

Several thousand troops (5-10K perhaps)
Several DD's damaged
A couple of small escorts torpedoed
15-20 transports sunk (most to shore battery fires)
at least 25 transports very heavily damaged (many more to sink)
perhpas 30 more moderately damaged
~20 Zeroes
~20 bombers

We nearly pulled the trigger on a massive naval effort, but with the 5 to 3 ratio in Jap fast fleet carriers and no local US bases it just didn't "pencil out". If we had lost all 3 carriers, we could have well lost the entire war.



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Cap Mandrake
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Picket duty

Post by Cap Mandrake »

************Aboard HMS Hollyhock,600 nm sw Ceylon, May 19, 1942*******

<2 sailors scraping old paint off a gun mount>

Able Rate Dugway: Barkley, what I don't understand about this duty is how we are going to defend ourself if Jap carriers show up. After all, we are much to far from Colombo for RAF support.

Able Rate Barkely: Dugway. They aren't paying you to think, you silly sod. They are paying you to scrape.

Able Rate Dugway: But I don't understand. His Majesty paid good money for the Hollyhock. Shouldn't the Royal Navy be a bit more careful?

Able Rate Barkely: Look, Dugway. The Hollyhock only rates one point on the Admiral's value board. Do you know how much Indomitable is worth? I'll tell you because I seen it myself. 227! 227, Dugway. That means he would rather lose 227 Hollyhocks rather than one Indomitable. Besides, if the Hollyhock gets sunk, they will just build another.

Able Rate Dugway: Nah. You're having me on.

Able Rate Barkely: Dead serious, Dugway. Remember HMS Thanet?

Able Rate Dugway: What, that old rust bucket? Why, the Japs did us a favour.

Able Rate Barkely: I know, but they are building another just like her. Supposed to be ready in about 15 months.

Able Rate Dugway: But that's stupid.

Able Rate Barkely: Perhaps, but that is the strategy. The Americans too. The Australians. Even the Dutch

Able Rate Dugway: I still think its stupid.....<goes back to scraping> Barkley?

Able Rate Barkely:Yes?

Able Rate Dugway: Do you think Kabase is a proper name for the Captain of a Royal Navy vessel? And what is with all the green tea and the chopsticks in the mess?

Able Rate Barkely: Dugway, you think to much.

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timtom
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RE: Affine Geometry

Post by timtom »

ORIGINAL: bradfordkay

You know, Cap, I have to keep a box of tissues nearby to wipe the tears from my eyes as I read your AAR. It's a crime that you can't charge us to read this comedy... you'd probably get a bunch of us paying for a subscription...

Tears? Hell, I bloody well just nearly choked to death on my coffee!
Where's the Any key?

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bradfordkay
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RE: Affine Geometry

Post by bradfordkay »

I learned early on not to eat or drink anything while reading Cap's AAR... that's far too dangerous and my insurance company has stated that any hospitalization occurring from said practice will not be covered...
fair winds,
Brad
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Cap Mandrake
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I-125

Post by Cap Mandrake »

*********Aboard I-125, Coral Sea, 180 nm SSE Deboyne Is, 18:10, May 18, 1942**********

Captain Ito knew he was taking a chance running on the surface in daylight, but he was expecting a radio message and then there was the issue of his boat's noxious cargo, which was actually handcuffed to the deck gun at the present. It wasn't really a good solution, but the captive's emissions were sapping productivity and morale aboard his boat. Almost as bad was his incessant, mindless prattle. Capt. Ito would have to rely on the 700 miles of physical space separating his boat from the nearest Allied base in Australia. The Captain stood at his position in the sail. Even from there he could hear the General over the sound of the waves and the engines.

"What manner of men do we face such that a man of this intellect could rise to command other men", he thought to himself. "Perhaps he was injured in the head by the assault party?"

<from the foredeck there was a loud "BRAAAAP" followed by mindless laughter>

"How is this possible after two days without food?", he thought. He took a big breath and held it until he thought it was safe.

<again from the foredeck>

Captive: Hey, Ito-san. Why was Christopher Robin looking in the head?......He was trying to find Pooh. Get it? Pooh? HAHAHHAHAH

Ito: <turns to crewman on sail> Put croth on mouth. <the crewman scurries down the ladder>

Second Crewman: <clambers noisily up the ladder from the Conning Room> Radio message received sir!

Ito: Thank you. <salutes....and crewman retires. Now alone, Ito begins reading. It is oddly worded. Perhaps the radioman had trouble with the Engrish>

Right. No no not yet. St.......<long pause>

Ready. Ahh.

Ito-san;

New rendezvous at SE tip Rennel Island with M&M Clipper 18:00, May 18. Prenty Gord

Milo

Please respond if message not receieved.

End message.


Ito: Very odd. Perhaps Miro sick. Rennel Isrand. Prenty Gord. We go.
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HMS Resolution
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RE: Affine Geometry

Post by HMS Resolution »

I do believe this is Count Manfred Czernin. He fought with the Condor Legion in Spain and the RAF in the Battle of Britain, if memory serves.

ORIGINAL: Cap Mandrake


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