The real man test

[robpost3]

The Real Man Test

1. Alien beings from a highly advanced society visit the Earth, and you are the first human they encounter. As a token of intergalactic friendship, they present you with a small but incredibly sophisticated device that is capable of curing all disease, providing an infinite supply of clean energy, wiping out hunger and poverty, and permanently eliminating oppression and violence all over the entire Earth. You decide to:

A. Present it to the President of the United States.
B. Present it to the Secretary General of the United Nations.
C. Take it apart.



2. As you grow older, what lost quality of your youthful life do you miss the most?

A. Innocence.
B. Idealism.
C. Cherry bombs.



3. When is it okay to kiss another male?

A. When you wish to display simple and pure affection without regard for narrow-minded social conventions.
B. When he is the pope. (Not on the lips.)
C. When he is your brother and you are Al Pacino and this is the only really sportsmanlike way to let him know that, for business reasons, you have to have him killed.



4. What about hugging another male?

A. If he’s your father and at least one of you has a fatal disease.
B. If you’re performing the Heimlich maneuver. (And even in this case, you should repeatedly shout: "I am just dislodging food trapped in this male’s trachea! I am not in any way aroused!"
C. If you’re a professional baseball player and a teammate hits a home run to win the World Series, you may hug him provided that:
1. He is legally within the base path,
2. Both of you are wearing protective cups, and
3. You also pound him fraternally with your fist hard enough to cause fractures.



5. Complete this sentence: A funeral is a good time to...

A. ...remember the deceased and console his loved ones.
B. ...reflect upon the fleeting transience of earthly life.
C. ...tell the joke about the guy who has Alzheimer’s disease and cancer.



6. In your opinion, the ideal pet is:

A. A cat.
B. A dog.
C. A dog that eats cats.



7. You have been seeing a woman for several years. She is attractive and intelligent, and you always enjoy being with her. One leisurely Sunday afternoon the two of you are taking it easy-you’re watching a football game; she’s reading the papers-when she suddenly, out of the clear blue sky, tells you that she thinks she really loves you, but she can no longer bear the uncertainty of not knowing where your relationship is going. She says she’s not asking whether you want to get married; only whether you believe that you have some kind of future together. What do you say?

A. That you sincerely believe the two of you do have a future, but you don’t want to rush it.
B. That although you also have strong feelings for her, you cannot honestly say that you’ll be ready anytime soon to make a lasting commitment, and you don’t want to hurt her by holding out false hope.
C. That you cannot believe the Jets called a draw play on third and seventeen.



8. Okay, so you have decided that you truly love a woman and you want to spend the rest of your life with her - sharing the joys and the sorrows, the triumphs and the tragedies, and all the adventures and opportunities that the world has to offer, come what may. How do you tell her?

A. You take her to a nice restaurant and tell her after dinner.
B. You take her for a walk on a moonlit beach, and you say her name, and when she turns to you, with the sea breeze blowing her hair and the stars in her eyes, you tell her.
C. Tell her what?



9. One weekday morning your wife wakes up feeling ill and asks you to get your three children ready for school. Your first question to her is:

A. "Do they need to eat or anything?"
B. "They’re in school already?"
C. "There are three of them?"



10. When is it okay to throw away a set of veteran underwear?

A. When it has turned the color of a dead whale and developed new holes so large that you’re not sure which ones were originally intended for your legs.
B. When it is down to eight loosely connected underwear molecules and has to be handled with tweezers.
C. It is never okay to throw away veteran underwear. A real guy checks the garbage regularly in case somebody-and we are not naming names, but this would be his wife-is quietly trying to discard his underwear, which she is frankly jealous of, because the guy seems to have a more intimate relationship with it than with her.



11. What, in your opinion, is the most reasonable explanation for the fact that Moses led the Israelites all over the place for forty years before they finally got to the Promised Land?

A. He was being tested.
B. He wanted them to really appreciate the Promised Land when they finally got there.
C. He refused to ask for directions.



12. What is the human race’s single greatest achievement?

A. Democracy.
B. Religion.
C. Remote control.



How to Score...

Give yourself one point for every time you picked answer "C."

A real guy would score at least 10 on this test.

Give yourself a bonus 5 points for knowing the Alzheimer’s joke.

[Twotribes]

Hey I got a 17 ).

[parusski]

Hmmm, I too scored 17. I feel really smart and superior.

[SMK-at-work]

Stupid Americentric test!![:D]

[ravinhood]

It's kind of funny I picked many "C's" because I am known for not following the crowd, yet, anyone who picked a lot of C's is clearly following the crowd. Then it hit me, the real answer was not doing the questionaire at all to be a real man.

[Brigz]

This was multiple choice? I answered CHERRY BOMB! to all the questions.[&:]

[Arctic Blast]

Odd...I read the same test as you, yet my answer to every single question was "Boobs!"

[cdbeck]

I have to agree with Ravinhood, real men wouldn't even read the test. They are off reading a magazine article about Classic cars playing baseball... well at least looking at the pictures (real men can't read, as they only took 7 consecutive periods of shop class every year of Primary and Secondary schooling).

SoM

[Brigz]

ORIGINAL: Son_of_Montfort

I have to agree with Ravinhood, real men wouldn't even read the test. They are off reading a magazine article about Classic cars playing baseball... well at least looking at the pictures (real men can't read, as they only took 7 consecutive periods of shop class every year of Primary and Secondary schooling).

SoM

Well then I guess I'm pretty close to being a real man. I couldn't get past question number 2. CHERRY BOMB!

[JudgeDredd]

wtf is a cherry bomb?

[Twotribes]

A very small stick of dynamite or a very large fire cracker, depending on your point of reference.

[JudgeDredd]

Still none the wiser [&:]

[mlees]

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Cherry_bomb

[Knuckles_85]

Even though an M80 is more effective

[Brigz]

ORIGINAL: JudgeDredd

wtf is a cherry bomb?

Cherry bombs are part of American popular culture. You know what a firecracker is? Well a cherry bomb is like a very big firecracker. They are round, as the above post shows, and are usually of a red color, thus the name. They have a very potent expolsive force and can be quite dangerous if used carelessly. They are totally illegal but like many things are reddily available on the black market (i.e., under the table at many small stores or just from some local fireworks pusher).

When I was a kid I lived in Texas for about five years and every 4th of July and Christmas/New Years, fireworks stands would open up for a couple of weeks and we would spend just about every cent we had buying firecrackers and bottle rockets (most of these things are illegal now). But if you were able to get your hands on a cherry bomb or two then that was a big deal. M-80's were also very popular. That's a thing about twice as powerful as a Cherry bomb. It looked like a tube about two inches long and about a half inch in diameter with a fuse sticking out of the side. Another cool thing about Cherry bombs and M-80's is that they are water proof and you could set them off under water for even more fun.

I don't know about the UK, but in the US, adolescent boys going around blowing up everything they could think of was a big deal and a rite of passage. It was a lot of fun as long as you didn't get hurt or set something on fire.

[robpost3]

I don't know about the UK, but in the US, adolescent boys going around blowing up everything they could think of was a big deal and a right of passage. It was a lot of fun as long as you didn't get hurt or set something on fire.

[:)]
Nicely said...
before computers most kids spent those 8-10 hours making sh*t up...pickup baseball or football in lots or fields, hunting, playin army with pop or grandads old gear, "dirt bombs" as grenades, soap box, bmx, pushin each down suicide hill in homemade racers, cheatin death left and right...my Italian friends were very proud of the "Dago Bomb" they made...More powerful than a blockbuster, M80 or cherry bomb, able blow a trash can to crap!
Ahh! the good old days!
well they do say god looks out for drunks and children, god must a sure been lookin out for us kids!

[Arctic Blast]

Hmmm...JudgeDredd's lack of knowledge on what can be described as 'novelty explosives' have me questioning whether he is, in fact, in personal, physical possession of a vagina.

[Brigz]

ORIGINAL: Arctic Blast

Hmmm...JudgeDredd's lack of knowledge on what can be described as 'novelty explosives' have me questioning whether he is, in fact, in personal, physical possession of a vagina.

Whoa!!! They don't call you Arctic Blast for nothin. That was cold!!

I'm unfolding my lawn chair, crackin open a beer, and sittin back and waitin for the fireworks show to start.[X(]

[cdbeck]

These days M-80's and Cherry Bombs are mere shells of what they used to be. Something about stupid kids holding them in their hands (contrary to most popular belief, just holding them in hand when they went off resulting usually in minor painful burning, it was the stupid kids that clamped their hand down on them that blew off fingers, kinda like how a topedo hit UNDER the ship focuses all the force up into a knife like blow). Now all they do is pop, and many Cherry Bombs are not waterproof anymore [X(]!

I was in the habit of using a metal implement to scoop out the white powder that provided the thrust for bottle rockets. You could collect that stuff and with a mere match could create a mini jet of flame anywhere (with a satisfying cloud of smoke)! It was also great as an igniter for other firework components (most of the chemicals that create the crackles and colors require a seperate flame to ignite them that is more powerful than the common match). Of course, standing over this white powder to throw a match on it was never the brightest idea...

Ah... the good old days of pointing lit Roman candles at coffee cans full of gasoline... [8D]

SoM

[Twotribes]

My oldest brother was in the habit of putting .22 shells under a can or metal cup and hitting them to fire them. This worked well till one flung the cup into his face and the casing became lodged in his hand...... What was even more fun was him trying to explain to Dad how it was a simple accident.