Jokes about weapons

[Kuokkanen]

I am sure there have been made jokes about some weapons. Does anyone know any? I'll start with BattleMechs

While racing light mechs, Urbanmech comes in second place, but only because it ran out of ammo.

This might need bit explaining. Urbanmech is in light weight category (up to 35 tons), but it is well armoured and armed for its weight, but it is extremely slow.

Head tech gets confused and mounts legs on Scorpion tank while putting treads on Scorpion 'Mech. No one really notices.

Scorpion is name for light tank but it's also name for four-legged BattleMech.

[SireChaos]

There are two about the real-world ground attack aircraft, the A-10 Warthog.
 
The first is that it is so slow, in place of the speed indicator it has a calendar.
 
The second explains that the back window of the cockpit has been armored, in order to protect the pilot against birds overtaking the aircraft that might crash into that window.

[Kuokkanen]

Now this is what I am talking about! Here's another one about A-10

Let's face it, the A-10 doesn't 'fly'; it stares down gravity until it runs into a corner sobbing and then, due to sheer badassery, the air decides to get out of its way.

[SireChaos]

ORIGINAL: Matti Kuokkanen

Now this is what I am talking about! Here's another one about A-10

Let's face it, the A-10 doesn't 'fly'; it stares down gravity until it runs into a corner sobbing and then, due to sheer badassery, the air decides to get out of its way.

That reminds me... (stolen from another forum):

"Helicopters don´t fly. They beat the air into submission."


Not sure if this counts as a joke, but there is the opinion of - IIRC - U. S. Grant about muskets:

"At 125 yards, you can shoot these at somebody all day, and he won´t notice."

[Barthheart]

"The M-16 is designed to pin a man down behind a tree at 200 yards.... the FN C1 is designed to cut through the tree at 1000 yards."

Words of my Sargent during rifle training at basic....

[Neilster]

"Helicopters are 50,000 mechanical parts flying in close formation."
"Helicopters are 50,000 mechanical parts arranged around a hydraulic leak."

I like the late WW2 German army joke about aircraft.

"If it's green, it's British. If it's silver, it's American. If it's invisible, it's the Luftwaffe"

Cheers, Neilster

[Twotribes]

The joke Marines have about the Ch-46 Helicopter is " If it isn't leaking fluids, LAND QUICK."

The joke being that if it is not leaking all over, it is out of fluids and will crash.

[Twotribes]

My dad was army, he eventually retired after 22 years service. I was Marine Corps. When I forst joined we had the M16A1 rifle. I qualified on it at Camp Pendleton in Boot Camp. The range there goes to 500 meters ( or did when I was there anyway) When I told my dad my best line on the range was the 500 meter range he told me that was impossible because the army said the M16A1 had an effective range of 460 meters. Now that was a GOOD Joke.

[shunwick]

I would just like to point out that there is no truth whatsoever in the rumour that the British Ministry of Defence refered to the decision to join the Americans in Afganistan and Iraq as the British Army's Modernization and Reequipment initiative.

Neither is it true that British Army units in Iraq refer to American ammo and supply dumps as MaRs Bars.

Best wishes,

[ilovestrategy]

ORIGINAL: Twotribes

My dad was army, he eventually retired after 22 years service. I was Marine Corps. When I forst joined we had the M16A1 rifle. I qualified on it at Camp Pendleton in Boot Camp. The range there goes to 500 meters ( or did when I was there anyway) When I told my dad my best line on the range was the 500 meter range he told me that was impossible because the army said the M16A1 had an effective range of 460 meters. Now that was a GOOD Joke.

[:D][:D][:D][:D][:D][:D] I am laughing now at the comp because I qualified on the M16A1 at Camp Pendleton also in 85.

That joke about the invisible Lutwaffle was hilarious!

[105mm Howitzer]

Did we have the same Sargeant during basic? Or maybe it's something the older NCO's have been taught to say. Whatever the case, it works

ORIGINAL: Barthheart

"The M-16 is designed to pin a man down behind a tree at 200 yards.... the FN C1 is designed to cut through the tree at 1000 yards."

Words of my Sargent during rifle training at basic....

[105mm Howitzer]

Come on people, no jokes about Italian WW2 tanks? 1 speed forward and 5 for reverse.

[mlees]

Does anyone remember the following?:
 
When talking about the F4 Phantom II, it was said that that aircraft proves that anything could fly if you had enough brute force thrust behind it.
 
Was the F4 considered ugly when it first came out? I know that it's a heavy aircraft...

[chief]

The one I remember best was when flying home on leave on/in an Air Force C119, Flying Boxcar.
 
"This is the pilot speaking, if you hear the alarm bell, bail out, because by the time you hear it I'll be gone"
 
and I dare say he meant it.

[Kuokkanen]

Wikipedia

The first C-119 made its initial flight in November 1947, and by the time production ceased in 1955, more than 1,100 C-119s had been built.

Those things are still in use? [X(]

What kind of weapon is FM C1? I can't find anything about it [8|]

[Barthheart]

FN C1 is the Canadian Armed Forces version for this:

http://world.guns.ru/assault/as24f-e.htm

Wonderful weapon... but heavy..... at least I remember it being heavy when I was a scrawny little 18 yr old....

[cdbeck]

What does "Maginot Line" mean in French?

"Speed bump ahead."

SoM

[Bazooka Bob]

This is clean.  Do you know what is long and hard and full of seamen?
 
A submarine.
 
Do you know the difference between the Marine Corp and the Boy Scouts?
 
The Boy Scouts have adult supervision.[8D]

[SireChaos]

Just read this one...
 
Inspired by the P-47 (which was large and heavy for a fighter, and needed a long runway), one pilot said "If the Army built a runway that goes all the way around the world, Republic [the manufacturer of the P-47] would design an aircraft that cannot take off from that runway."

[gunny]

Sterling Submachine Gun
 
We were told the best way to clear a room of enemy during close quarter fighting with this weapon was to cock it, throw it in the room and run away. 
 
True story, I was on the range , got the order to fire single shot with the sterling, 5 round per exposure. I squeezed the trigger and released, Braaap! All 30 rounds gone. Ofcourse the range control officer was freakin hehe