Official Dare!!!!

[Bernie]

Originally posted by Mogami
Oh Sam-I-Am Boobyska bringing a knife to a gun fight is not wise. The 5079th Penal....err Guards infantry Bn will collect your little swords and pistols and helmets and have a big sale after victory parade in MockBe. You must have be in jungle too long and the sun has baked your head. We are not the little wooden shoe wearing Dutch boys you beat up on Java. Nor or we the little naked China soldiers who give you such nightmares. We are Red Army we eat little monkey boys like you for breakfast.

What is all that smoke wwaaayyyyyy back from front line for? It will blow away hours before I can get that far. Trying to cover your reteat? Discrace? Dishoner? silly words how about Dead and dismembered? After we capture Tokyo we are going to stuff the emperour down the barrell of one of our mighty battleship guns and fire him off toward moon, so don't worry about what he thinks. But time for talk is over my women mortar crews are upset with you making fun of them doing laundry. Hurry up and advance I'll meet you halfway and we can get this over with.
You will recognize me easy I am big Russian Bear riding on T-34

And we are the Imperial Japanese Army. We have fought the Americans and killed them, taking many of their war machines for our own. We have fought the Australians, and done the same. You may be surprised by what you find when you stop cowering in your holes and come out to fight. Yes, you are a big Russian bear riding on a T-34... Just another circus animal act.

[mogami]

HA should have known you would not be using those Japanese sardine cans. Funny I look at battles IJA fought against AMericans and wonder who survived to transfer this equipment.

Bring on your captured toys 'Mogamis Flying Jap Killing Circus' is in town. Watch out you don't get stepped on by the Elephants

[Bernie]

Originally posted by Mogami
HA should have known you would not be using those Japanese sardine cans. Funny I look at battles IJA fought against AMericans and wonder who survived to transfer this equipment.

Bring on your captured toys 'Mogamis Flying Jap Killing Circus' is in town. Watch out you don't get stepped on by the Elephants

Elephants are no match for flamethrower carrying engineers on a Banzai rampage.

[Bernie]

Aha! I found you! Some of your drunken infantry men stumbled out of a bar near the hills on the northern island, directly into the path of a group of innocent Japanese tourists riding motorcycles. Being the uncultured louts they are, the infantry responded by opening fire on the innocent tourists, killing several. The remaining tourists regrouped and fled. They returned to our lines to tell their story. Many of the soldiers under my command are members of various Tokyo Motorcycle Clubs and are quite angry with you over this. They vow vengence and have asked that I bring over many of their brothers from the mainland. I will consider this.

[mogami]

Oh my now I am scared. Japanese bikers are all mad at me. I have thrown several cases of beer and funny smelling cigarettes out in front of my lines. That should stop any attack from them. Also Olga the mortar girl has put on her leather's. I have installed red flashing lights on my tanks to scare the rest of your biker punks into hiding.

[Bernie]

Originally posted by Mogami
Oh my now I am scared. Japanese bikers are all mad at me. I have thrown several cases of beer and funny smelling cigarettes out in front of my lines. That should stop any attack from them. Also Olga the mortar girl has put on her leather's. I have installed red flashing lights on my tanks to scare the rest of your biker punks into hiding.

Again your vodka swilling troops have attacked an innocent Japanese motorcycle tour group! They even smashed their cameras! I can no longer resist the pressure from my own troops. Several companies of their friends are on the way.

[mogami]

We offer discounts to tourist groups. Don't forget to visit the souvenir shop for postcards. Your familles will want to know where you were lost so they can build the proper monuments. (little statues of Jap running away while on fire would be accurate) If you refuse to pay our tour guides you will be severly punished. This area is now part of the glorious Union of Soviet peoples Republics. You are in violation of our immigration laws having no visas. We must deport you. But first we have to compact you down to sizes that will fit in very small envelops.
No more Mister Nice Guy with you.

[Bernie]

Originally posted by Mogami
We offer discounts to tourist groups. Don't forget to visit the souvenir shop for postcards. Your familles will want to know where you were lost so they can build the proper monuments. (little statues of Jap running away while on fire would be accurate) If you refuse to pay our tour guides you will be severly punished. This area is now part of the glorious Union of Soviet peoples Republics. You are in violation of our immigration laws having no visas. We must deport you. But first we have to compact you down to sizes that will fit in very small envelops.
No more Mister Nice Guy with you.

We have heard that Intourist was less than friendly. Now you get to see what happens when tourists strike back.

[Bernie]

Originally posted by Mogami

No more Mister Nice Guy with you.

So, now you fire mortars at our peaceful motorcycle tour group parked outside the tiny inn near the pond? This is the "friendly" Russians? As you have noticed already, our artillery is powerful. Ask the crew of the tank that fired on us...when they can hear again!

Come Mr. Russian Bear....we have the land you want...take it from us, if you can.

[Bernie]

Mogami-san, it is still not too late to surrender. Even your computer knows better than you do. One of our radio units intercepted a message from your computer pleading with you to surrender. A screen capture of the message is below.

Again you attack our motorcycle tour groups! They were innocently sitting by the side of the road fixing a flat tire when your butchers slaughtered them!

In retalliation we are now bombarding the troops you have placed in that area, and we have destroyed the bridge behind you so you cannot retreat. You only have two choices now, surrender, or die.

[mogami]

destroyed the bridge so we can't retreat? Have you been smoking pineapples or did a falling coconut land on your head.

My troops know better then to think of retreating (4 platoons of NKVD bringing up rear) Yes you have lots of arty. I have lots of infantry. Russian infantry, they don't worry about no stinkin arty it only makes them angry. I see your mighty Tuna fleet coming down the river. I will arrange a nice reception for them.
If I can stop laughing over retreat suggestion. Tonight my troops and I will have a good laugh while we eat your supper and drink your beer. I might try to capture a tuna boat so I can go fishing.

[Bernie]

Originally posted by Mogami
destroyed the bridge so we can't retreat? Have you been smoking pineapples or did a falling coconut land on your head.

My troops know better then to think of retreating (4 platoons of NKVD bringing up rear) Yes you have lots of arty. I have lots of infantry. Russian infantry, they don't worry about no stinkin arty it only makes them angry. I see your mighty Tuna fleet coming down the river. I will arrange a nice reception for them.
If I can stop laughing over retreat suggestion. Tonight my troops and I will have a good laugh while we eat your supper and drink your beer. I might try to capture a tuna boat so I can go fishing.

So, Russian dog, you now threaten our peaceful fishing fleet?
You have been drinking vodka in the hot sun too long if you think you can defeat us!

I had my spies looking for information about you. They returned with a videotape and a book. Very interesting material this "Jungle Book". You are the skinny little boy with rags and now you work for the cartoon bear Baloo, no Mowgli? You learn Army training from elephant, yes? You fight German Tiger with fire, yes? Very tricky you are, but we fix you good. We have "Jungle Book" now and know all about you!

[mogami]

'Jungle Book' is a peice of English propogada for exploiting poor backwards nations. Much like your Japanese colonial projects.
The Great Russian people will liberate all the oppressed.

You fight like you think this is France 1916. and now you try to Kipple me. Well we soon give you lesson from another Jungle book soon you will be sayng "you Tarzan me Jane" While Olga the mortar girl spanks you with her cartridge belt. You have many strange and exotic toys roaming around in jungle but i see no organization or purpose. My men find poor isolated Japs sneaking around and kill them. You Tuna fleet must have found a good spot for catching tuna's why don't they come on down the river? You blow up bridges thinking i might actually be sitting on them, but have you noticed a unit can just walk across the river. (I know my men better then you, and I know they can not walk on water) I am going to send borders to capture those little boats.

[Bernie]

Originally posted by Mogami
'Jungle Book' is a peice of English propogada for exploiting poor backwards nations. Much like your Japanese colonial projects.
The Great Russian people will liberate all the oppressed.

You fight like you think this is France 1916. and now you try to Kipple me. Well we soon give you lesson from another Jungle book soon you will be sayng "you Tarzan me Jane" While Olga the mortar girl spanks you with her cartridge belt. You have many strange and exotic toys roaming around in jungle but i see no organization or purpose. My men find poor isolated Japs sneaking around and kill them. You Tuna fleet must have found a good spot for catching tuna's why don't they come on down the river? You blow up bridges thinking i might actually be sitting on them, but have you noticed a unit can just walk across the river. (I know my men better then you, and I know they can not walk on water) I am going to send borders to capture those little boats.

You want a tuna boat, you come take. We show you what we do to pirate.

Olga spank with cartridge belt? Maybe we have fun with Olga later when we capture her. We let her spank you for your troops.

So, Mogani, when you going move your tanks? You not afraid of little yellow men with knives are you? What can we do to your big, bad T34's and 122's? Scratch paint job? Come out and play Mr. Bear. Maybe we put T34 turret on tuna boat when we salvage what is left of you force.

[Goblin]

Soviet General: "What do you mean you can't move your tanks?! I want them crushing the Japanese yesterday!"

Comrade Colonel Mogamiev: "Comrade General, I mean the tanks cannot move, they appear to be immobilized!"

SG: "Eh?"

CCMogamiev: "It seems the peoples quartermaster did not rate grease as a high priority item, and the tank treads have rusted!"

SG: ":mad: "

CCMogamiev: "I have a plan to use coconut oil, and should have them up and running very soon. We have Olga the mortar girl in her Tropicana outfit to apply the oil!"

SG: ":p ! Excellent work CCMogamiev, very nicely done!"

Goblin- A Goblin loves a happy ending

[mogami]

I never said I could not move my tanks. I said I would not move them. The Soviet People do not allow for wasting of fuel. I must wait for the monsoon season heavy arty rain to end before launching my primary attack. The Japanese seem to have a Corps worth of mortar support. My men are still laughing over the Japanese blowing up the bridges crossing a stream they can wade across without getting their trousers wet. One of my Marine sqds made a very unhappy discovery last turn. Those funny looking Jap AFV's crawling all over the place can hurt when they bite. This had led me to send up a few tanks in support of forward elements. But my tankers all were chosen form Cross-eyed cossack unit and they all failed to score any hits. I have ordered my Cav company forward. We will see how these Japanese motorcycle bullies like Russian horsemen with submachine guns.

[Bernie]

Originally posted by Mogami
I never said I could not move my tanks. I said I would not move them. The Soviet People do not allow for wasting of fuel. I must wait for the monsoon season heavy arty rain to end before launching my primary attack. The Japanese seem to have a Corps worth of mortar support. My men are still laughing over the Japanese blowing up the bridges crossing a stream they can wade across without getting their trousers wet. One of my Marine sqds made a very unhappy discovery last turn. Those funny looking Jap AFV's crawling all over the place can hurt when they bite. This had led me to send up a few tanks in support of forward elements. But my tankers all were chosen form Cross-eyed cossack unit and they all failed to score any hits. I have ordered my Cav company forward. We will see how these Japanese motorcycle bullies like Russian horsemen with submachine guns.

Ah, Mogami, what a generous foe you are! Sending us lunch! My men will much appreciate the fresh horsemeat.

You do not like our mortars? That is most unfortunate since every SNLF squad has one. And every SNLF company has several dedicated mortar squads. You wish the "steel rain" to stop? It will stop when there is nothing left to shoot at.

That was a Marine squad we eliminated? It is difficult to believe. I had thought Soviet marines to be above average fighters. These were good sprinters, but not very good fighters. We eliminated a few more squads for you this time.

Your tanks on the north island have scored a kill against our captured tanks. Their guns are formidible, when the crews aim them properly. And their armor is thick also. My gunners are getting frustrated by that clunk sound they make. I think I must send my tank hunters to deal with them.

I have been reading your previous communications Mogami. I sense you are not happy to be bear. Come, surrender to us and we make you geisha. Or, if not, we make Soviet bear to monkey.

[Goblin]

Gentleman,

I am a representative from NAPO. Nations Against Propoganda Overload. We feel we should warn the two of you that your propoganda announcements are reaching a critical level. NAPO will not tolerate this. You do not want to anger NAPO. We will continue to monitor this activity. NAPO has spoken.

Goblin- A Goblin makes a line in the sand

[Bernie]

Originally posted by Goblin
Gentleman,

I am a representative from NAPO. Nations Against Propoganda Overload. We feel we should warn the two of you that your propoganda announcements are reaching a critical level. NAPO will not tolerate this. You do not want to anger NAPO. We will continue to monitor this activity. NAPO has spoken.

Goblin- A Goblin makes a line in the sand

Whew! Had me worried there! Thought you were going to say PETA for the "horsemeat" message...


NAPO, NAPO....? Sorry, I just can't seem to remember which of the Marx brothers he was...?

[mogami]

The Union of Soviet Peoples Republics does not take orders from capitolist Dog food company. Yankee go home and stay out of battle where Russians have been forced to kill little yellow misguided peoples. I must sadly report I have had to employ tanks against these Japanese they have too many machine gun/AA/cannon toting AFV on front for my infantry to cope with.
I guess I should have been wise and employed the captured german panzerfausts but silly me used only soviet equipment.
The cav company is wading across the river and will be at the front in a few turns (hint hint Tuna fleet come down river and catch the horseys swimming across) It is good thing I placed a Bn in rear since the front Bn has been exposed to massive arty barrage from early on. It is able to hold line but advance it will not do. The NKVD platoons will change that. I must take a few turns and knock out all those funny looking vehicles roaming around between the lines. I sunk one blew up one and caused a crew bail out on another. It is slow work. The Russian infantry is reforming and waiting for the 2nd Bn then we will make a bum rush for the Japanese positions and punt them back to Japan minus all their little swords and pistols (you can make a killing in Mocbe with Nambu cigarette lighters)