[:D]
I am the very model of a modern
Major-General,
I've information
vegetable,
animal, and
mineral,
I know the
kings of England, and I quote the
fights historical
From
Marathon to
Waterloo, in order categorical;
I'm very well acquainted, too, with matters
mathematical,
I understand
equations, both the simple and
quadratical,
About
binomial theorem I'm teeming with a lot o' news,
With many cheerful
facts about the square of the hypotenuse.
I'm very good at
integral and
differential calculus;
I know the
scientific names of beings
animalculous:
In short, in matters
vegetable, animal, and mineral,
I am the very model of a modern Major-General.
I know our mythic history,
King Arthur's and Sir
Caradoc's;
I answer hard
acrostics, I've a pretty taste for
paradox,
I quote in
elegiacs all the crimes of
Heliogabalus,
In
conics I can floor peculiarities
parabolous;
I can tell undoubted
Raphaels from
Gerard Dows and
Zoffanies,
I know the
croaking chorus from
The Frogs of
Aristophanes!
Then I can hum a
fugue of which I've heard the music's din afore,
And
whistle all the
airs from that infernal nonsense
Pinafore.
Then I can write a washing bill in
Babylonic cuneiform,
And tell you ev'ry detail of
Caractacus' uniform:
In short, in matters vegetable, animal, and mineral,
I am the very model of a modern Major-General.
In fact, when I know what is meant by "
mamelon" and "
ravelin",
When I can tell at sight a
Mauser rifle[*][/link] from a
javelin,
When such affairs as
sorties and surprises I'm more wary at,
And when I know precisely what is meant by "
commissariat",
When I have learnt what progress has been made in modern
gunnery,
When I know more of
tactics than a
novice in a
nunnery—
In short, when I've a smattering of elemental
strategy—
You'll say a better Major-General has never sat a-
gee.
For my
military knowledge, though I'm plucky and adventury,
Has only been brought down to the beginning of
the century;
But still, in matters vegetable, animal, and mineral,
I am the very model of a modern Major-General.
* ^ Originally "
Chassepot rifle" [:D] Sorry , but you guys asked for it. Any more poetry will be duly punished with more HMS Pinafore. [:D]