From here to...well...it SEEMS like an eternity

[Cap Mandrake]

Ever wonder why the "Calculating Spoilage" step takes so long?


************SEAC HQ, Ledo, India, 19:20: October 31, 1942************

General Pownall scans a daily inventory, a growing frown on his face.


General Pownall: These Plaster of Paris numbers are bad enough, but, honestly, I am at a loss to understand how 3 Catalina aircraft could spoil in one 24 hr. period.

Major Bean-Counter: It's the humdidity, sir.

General Pownall: Bah. And look at these potato figures. These figures from one day could dwarf the Irish potato famine. This MUST be in error. I shant countenance sloth in my command. Send these back. I want a complete reinventory by 23:00 tonight. Every unit, every ship, every squadron.....

[USSAmerica]

ORIGINAL: Cap Mandrake

Ever wonder why the "Calculating Spoilage" step takes so long?


************SEAC HQ, Ledo, India, 19:20: October 31, 1942************

General Pownall scans a daily inventory, a growing frown on his face.


General Pownall: These Plaster of Paris numbers are bad enough, but, honestly, I am at a loss to understand how 3 Catalina aircraft could spoil in one 24 hr. period.

Major Bean-Counter: It's the humdidity, sir.

General Pownall: Bah. And look at these potato figures. These figures from one day could dwarf the Irish potato famine. This MUST be in error. I shant countenance sloth in my command. Send these back. I want a complete reinventory by 23:00 tonight. Every unit, every ship, every squadron.....

Cap, it may be time to invest in a faster computer. [:D]

[DuckofTindalos]

And a dictionary... What's "humdidity"?[:'(]

[rtrapasso]

ORIGINAL: Terminus

And a dictionary... What's "humdidity"?[:'(]

It's a word used to keep the Spelling Police occupied and feeling useful!! [:'(]

[Grotius]

"Humdidity" is the past tense of "Humdoity," of course.

[bobogoboom]

ORIGINAL: rtrapasso

ORIGINAL: Terminus

And a dictionary... What's "humdidity"?[:'(]

It's a word used to keep the Spelling Police occupied and feeling useful!! [:'(]

Cause they already gave up on fixing the spelling on the thread[:D]

[Moondawggie]

"Humdidity?"
 
"Humdoity?"
 
Hey, whatever it is, it absolutely ruins PBYs within 8 hours
if they are located in the Eastern hemisphere.  We're talking hangar queens only, here. 
 
You can look it up!
 
It's in the M&M Enterprises "Maintenance and Salvage/Scrap Sales Manual, version 1942.10"
 
The reference has been preserved for all rin the "Milo Minderbinder Almost Presidential Library Official Records,"
convieniently located in beautiful Rio Linda, California, Milo's adopted birthplace.
 
BTW, don't hesitate to pick up lunch when you visit there at the nearby "M&M KFC/MacDonald's/Taco Bell/
Burger King/Arbys/Dominos/Pizza Hut/Wendys Galleria"...It's always 2 for the price of 1 on Tuesdays! 
 
 
 
 

[Cap Mandrake]

ORIGINAL: USS America

Cap, it may be time to invest in a faster computer. [:D]

As Admiral Someriville might say...."BUGGER". No wonder nobody thought it was funny. Am I the only one waiting for the damnable "Calculating spoilage" step? I am so humiliated, I am going to put on my cool Members Only jacket and go out clubbing.


In reality I do have a faster computer (dual core, gigs of ram..yada, yada, yada) but I cant find my WITP disk so I cant move the game to the new computer

[Cap Mandrake]

Acting Ad Hoc Pro Tempore Editor's Note: Greetings all. Allow me to introduce myself. I am the fabled Egyptian Girl, not the two-time winner of the Santa Anita Handicap, but the graduate of Bryn Mawr hired by Gen. Marshall. Nobody here on the editorial staff wanted to take over the position since the disappearnce of Gen. Marshall and two of his colleagues. Everyone thought it would be OK for me to take the job because it is generally agreed that I am very attractive to men, especially since I had my upper lip waxed and I am a skilled belly dancer.

A number of readers have inquired about disappearances of the editorial staff. For now, the best we can say is the disapperances are accompanied by a loud "POOF" sound and seem to have the common theme that the Editors involved were correcting a grammatical or spelling errors at the time of their disappearance. For this reason, and at the advice of D,C & H, we are recommending that readers offer grammatical or spelling corrections only at their own peril.

Another clarification is in order. Group Captain Mandrake is most decidedly not a member of the editorial board. There was some discussion of severing his affiliation with the thread but all such deliberations were indefinitely tabled when several board memebers found dead fishes wrapped in newspaper in the front seat of their cars. If anyone does see him, please don't tell him this. Instead, please have him call the board secretary as soon as possible. It seems that Gen. Marshall's list of those who were NOT to be invited to the Christmas Party was mislabled in a clerical error and Grp Cpt Mandrake received an invitiation.

Egyptian Girl

PS. My cosmetologist calls the little strip of wax from my upper lip a "carpet sample".

PPS. The new Editorial position is still open. The recommendations of a number of readers were very kind but the candidate will not return our phone calls. The Board has voted to add a 401-K plan which will vest after 5 years should the candidate survive that long

[Cap Mandrake]

**********SEAC Radio Tent, 21:30, October 12, 1942************


Major Bean-Counter: The Ge-gege-ge-general didn't bu-bububu-buy the hu-huhu-humdididity ssss-s-story on the Catalinas. S-sss-s-s-s-send this n-nnnn-nnn-now........ <radio operator looks at his watch>

[USSAmerica]

ORIGINAL: Cap Mandrake


In reality I do have a faster computer (dual core, gigs of ram..yada, yada, yada) but I cant find my WITP disk so I cant move the game to the new computer

BUGGER![:D]

[Reg]

ORIGINAL: Cap Mandrake

ORIGINAL: USS America

Cap, it may be time to invest in a faster computer. [:D]

In reality I do have a faster computer (dual core, gigs of ram..yada, yada, yada) but I cant find my WITP disk so I cant move the game to the new computer

You'd better hope you don't have a hard disk crash........ [:(]

[BrucePowers]

Either that or find the disk.

[DuckofTindalos]

ORIGINAL: Cap Mandrake

ORIGINAL: USS America

Cap, it may be time to invest in a faster computer. [:D]

As Admiral Someriville might say...."BUGGER". No wonder nobody thought it was funny. Am I the only one waiting for the damnable "Calculating spoilage" step? I am so humiliated, I am going to put on my cool Members Only jacket and go out clubbing.


In reality I do have a faster computer (dual core, gigs of ram..yada, yada, yada) but I cant find my WITP disk so I cant move the game to the new computer

Hey, you yada-yada-yada'ed over the best part!

[BrucePowers]

But he can't use it[:D]

[rtrapasso]

He could use one of those transfer programs.

[BrucePowers]

Maybe now he will ask, "What transfer programs?"......[:)]

[Alfred]

Cap Mandrake,
&nbsp;
Seeing we seem to be in a bit of a hiatus, I'm curious as to what is the current situation with that Dutch BF stranded at Charters Tower.&nbsp; You remember, the one that received, at a most inconvenient moment, a coastal gun ordered months before when the unit was in the DEI.&nbsp; Has the unit gone native?&nbsp; Is it working on some top secret project for M & M Enterprises?
&nbsp;
Alfred

[Cap Mandrake]

ORIGINAL: Alfred

Cap Mandrake,

Seeing we seem to be in a bit of a hiatus, I'm curious as to what is the current situation with that Dutch BF stranded at Charters Tower. You remember, the one that received, at a most inconvenient moment, a coastal gun ordered months before when the unit was in the DEI. Has the unit gone native? Is it working on some top secret project for M & M Enterprises?

Alfred

Dang! I forgot completely about that.
[font="Arial"]
*****From the Townsville Bulletin, August 16, 1942******

Today, citizens of Townsville witnessed a sight which will not soon be exceeded in its epic scope. Shortly after sunrise, two massive, 150 mm coastal defence gun complete with their heavy 1 inch steel casemates were rolled into town. They were suspended on a series of rolling balsa wood logs. Even more remarkable were the nearly 300 Polynesian men in loincloth pulling the great guns along with massive sisal ropes. Several dozen bare-breasted young Polynesian women greased the logs with pig fat. At the front, was a bare-chested European in Polynesian garb. Though the guns belonged to the Dutch 3rd Naval Defence Battalion, which is to stationed 7 miles South of Townsville, the young man with the blond beard directing the Polynesians spoke a European language unfamiliar to me. Later, the newspaper received a copy of a book with the picture of the blonde European on its cover....[/font]

[Cap Mandrake]

*********10th Air Force HQ, Dacca, November 1, 1942*************


Gen. Chennault: When is 307th Bomb Group due to arrive? It seems to me they completed their ferry hop to Vladivostock two weeks ago.

Deputy CO:Indeed they did, sir. It's the Russians, sir. They have held things up for a mandatory safety inspection. It seems they have been going over the B-24 with a fine tooth comb.

Gen. Chennault: Safety inspection my ass. Your typical Commie bastard has no initiative. It's been beat out of them. My guess is they are, as we speak, expropriating the hard work of the Consolidated Aircraft Corporation. I bet they remove everything that isn't riveted to the fuselage. In two years, they will introduce the Ilyushin 24.

Deputy CO: Do you really think so sir?

Gen. Chennault: I know it. Have you seen the crap they fly? <looks pensively out a window> We will have to fight the Commies some day and they will fight us with our own innovations. Still, it can't be helped. First things first. We need the 307th here and a trip across two oceans would take months. Is there anything else?

Deputy CO: Yes sir. It seems they have confiscated a number of items <looks at his clipboard>....what they termed "imperialist contraband"....