From here to...well...it SEEMS like an eternity

[DuckofTindalos]

A "drak" future?[:'(]

[Cap Mandrake]

ORIGINAL: Terminus

A "drak" future?[:'(]

Congratulations! Terminus has correctly identified the author of the passage.......Bram Stoker
[:'(]

[USSAmerica]

Nah, Terminus is just another word for spellcheck. [:'(]

[Cap Mandrake]

**********Meeting of Steering Committee, Operation You Know What, SEAC HQ, Ledo, January 18, 1943*********




......

Staffer 1: Right, may we have the Secretary read back the last resolution, then?

Secretary: <barely concealing his annoyance...no..I would say it was more in the vein of barely restraining himself from calling all of them "bloody useless twits"> RESOLVED: THAT THE STEERING COMMITTEE OF OPERATION YOU KNOW WHAT DOES HEREBY RESOLVE TO FORMALLY SUSPEND DELIBERATIONS UNTIL 14:00 HOURS ON THE 18TH OF JANUARY, NINTEEN AND FORTY THREE, ANNO DOMINI, IN ORDER TO TAKE A LUNCHEON REPAST."

Staffer 1: That sounds superb! Any comments?

Staffer 3: What about the use of the lavatory, then? The resolution is silent on that.

Staffer 1: Good point. Suggestions?

Staffer 2: I would also feel better if we clarified that.

Staffer 3: Very well, I move we be permitted to take a luncheon repast AND use the lavatory...if needed, of course.

Staffer 2: Point of order, Mr. Chairman. I believe this will have to be a modification of the motion before us rather than a new motion, unless the Major wishes to withdraw his motion and reintroduce it as a separate resolution after we act on the one before us..............



Sentry 1: <As a whispered aside to the sentry beside him. They stand some 20 feet from the conference table> Bloody useless twits is wot I say. The resolution is silent on the issue of which hand to wipe his bloody arse with too. Wot do you think?

Sentry 2: Oh, they are bloody useless twits alright.

Sentry 1: No, I meant about Operation You Know Wot.

Sentry 2: Ah, yes. Well if you ask me, if we are looking for a more "energetic remedy" then I say we bypass Mandalay and Rangoon and come at them by sea. What 'as the bloody Royal Navy been doing lately?

Sentry 1: My thoughts exactly! Moulemein then or Tavoy, perhaps?

Sentry 2: Steady on, mate. Tavoy is within range of your A6M2 flying out of Bangkok.

Sentry 1: So is Moulemin.

Sentry 2: Is it then? Well, in any event, I favor Moulemein as the landing forces could use rail transport to quickly seize the crossings over the Salween.

Sentry 1: Wot good would that do? They shant 'ave any locomotives or rolling stock. 'ave you any idea what the port facilities at Moulemein are like?

Sentry 2: Paragraph 24, Section A, Naval Treaty of 1925. ....Let's see. <pullls out a dog-eared paperback copy>...yes, "in the event of a capture of a rail hex, the previous owner of the hex shall provide locomotives, rolling stock, service facilites and unlimited coal supplies sufficent to transport up to 2000 vehicles and 100,000 men along with their logistical tail up to 60 miles in 2 day..."

Sentry 1: Bloody 'ell! That is one bloody great loophole. What about Andaman? Isn't there a Daitai of Sallys there?........

[Moondawggie]

Once again, it looks like the senior enlisted ranks have a much better grip on reality than the REMF staff officer talent.

Kind of reminds me of my own 5 years of active duty out in the WestPac and the IO in Uncle Sam's Canoe Club (but hey---I was out of the loop; just the Medical Officer!)

I bet it was like that for the Greek rowers discussing strategy the night before Salamis, too.

Academics: If you know it, you do it. If you don't, you teach it.

Medicine: If you know it, you do it. If you don't, you administrate it.

Military: If you know it, you do it. If you don't, you become a staff officer.

Some things never change...

[Cap Mandrake]

***********10th USAAF HQ, Dacca, January 18, 1943**********



Gen. Chennault: <reading communique> "MORE ENERGETIC REMEDY? MORE ENERGETIC REMEDY?" Goddmaned, cretinous, pinheaded pencil-pushers. <turns to aide> YOU, what haven't we bombed recently?

Aide #1: Ummm...Pagan, sir?

Gen. Chennault: Pagan, where the Hell is that?

Aide #1: Burma, sir.

Gen. Chennault: Any Jap planes there?

Aide #1: Intelligence estimates a small number of recon aircraft, sir.

Gen. Chennault: Screw that. Does that sound energetic to you? Let's break something. Ideas, people. I need ideas.

Aide #2: How about Andaman, sir? It's been a least a month since we attacked there. Last I head they had a Daitai of bombers, Sallys I think, and some zeroes.

Gen. Chennault: What the Hell is a "Daitai"?

Aide #2: It's Japanese, like squadron, sir.

Gen. Chennault: <approaches the aide> Major, do I look Japanese to you?

Aide #2: No sir, not at all.

Gen. Chennault: Good, then I don't want to hear any more Goddamned Japanese around here. I don't want to hear one more Goddamned word of Godamned Japanese until the last Godamned little yellow bastard left standing is told where to sign the Godamned surrender document. Is that Godamned clear? <scans the room for the appropriate signs of assent>

Good! Now somebody show me where that soon to be Hell-hole Andaman is on the map.......

[Moondawggie]

Omigosh, Mandrake! Fot a guy in the field, there's only thing worse than advice from an in-theater staff officer: some strategic and tactical instructions from the Pentagon, instead.

I can see why Chennault is disturbed. I just hope Yossarian hasn't been transferred up to the CBI theater...there are fragile fish populations endemic to the the Andamans who get disturbed and quit feeding when loud noises and transient high pressure waves occur nearby.

[Cap Mandrake]

********5,000 ft over the Bay of Bengal, 5 m NE Andaman Island, 16:20, January 18, 1943**********


Lt. McClelland was initially not pleased to be assigned to reconnaissance duty. He could never get past the idea of a genealogical burden and imagined every decision made by someone else over his carreer was tied to something that happened almost 80 years ago. Even so, he was very pleased when his group was equiped with the new, experimental F-5A, a twin seat recon version of the P-38 which bulged with new cameras. He was the first to fly one in the PTO on a combat mission. The F-5A had been rushed into production to accomodate the court-mandated SPCA ride-alongs. He had such a ride-along today, the fellow must have weighed 125 soaking wet and possesed a neck like an egret. It was much too thin and capable of improbable movements. He even blinked his eyes like a bird. It was unnerving, which is a bad thing when you are flying over an island with a bunch of angry Japs that have just had their tranquility ruptured by 100+ heavy bombers of the 10th Air Force. There was a wheezing sound coming over the intercom. He turned off the com to the back-seater. This was serious business. He adjusted his altitude to get under some clouds and the base came into view. There were several oil tanks burning and dozens of damaged planes, perhaps as many as 50, Zeroes, Sallys and another medium bomber he could not identify. What was missing was any AAA fire of Jap fighters aloft. He goosed the throttle to max and prepared to start the motorized camera banks.

In the back seat, the wheezing sound turned to quiet sobs as the observer counted at least 3 dead specimens of Balaenoptera edeni and perhaps a dozen spinner dolphin. He tought to himslef,"Can't those guys hit anything? I am going straight to Gen. Chennault when I get back. This MUST stop!"

[Cap Mandrake]

What is with the Royal Navy Admirals in this game? Looks like Willis is going to be supervising dredging operation at Chandpur form now on.


******Aboard HMS Warspite, 190 miles NNE Akyab, Course 135, speed 24 kts, 19:40, January 18, 1943*******


Admiral Algernon Willis is just finishing a delicious plate of Thai food in his cabin. He sits pensivley, an opened fortune cookie on the table. There is a knock on the door.

Admiral Willis: Enter!

Ship's Captain: <opens door> Sir, we have some splendid news from Colombo. They have just broadcast the signal "Icarus". That means the American raid on Andaman must have succeeded. The air threat has receded.

Admiral Willis: Has it? Take a look at this. <he hands him the fortune from the open cookie..it reads "you will be receiving unexpected visitors">

Ship's Captain: <reads it quickly> But sir, that could mean a thousand things, moreover it is just a fortune cookie.

Admiral Willis: Perhpas, but why did I open it on this night? And what of the code word, Icarus. Why was that code word selected?

Ship's Captain: But sir, it's just a code word. It might have been Zeus or Promethius.

Admiral Willis: Aha! But it wasn't Zeus or Prometheus was it? That is exactly my point. Perhaps someone was trying to tell us something. My mind is made up. Make our course for Chandpur. Akyab will have to wait.

[bradfordkay]

Uhhh... did you send them to a point in the ocean to wait for the air raid to take out the&nbsp;airbase but forgot to set them to "Patrol, Do not retire"? [;)]

[Cap Mandrake]

ORIGINAL: bradfordkay

Uhhh... did you send them to a point in the ocean to wait for the air raid to take out the airbase but forgot to set them to "Patrol, Do not retire"? [;)]

Why sir! Surely you do not mean to imply a failure of higher command authority? <Nixonian beads of sweat breaks out on upper lip and several milimeters of carefully applied Aluminum Chloride are nearly overwhelmed by a sudden rush of eccrine activity>

I believe the good Admiral had explicit orders to bombard Akyab. Upon his return to Chandpur, his TF was a "surface combat" TF. TF's that complete bombardment change to a surface combat mission, is this true for TF's whose Admiral loses his nerve after opening a particularly worrisome fortune cookie?

BTW, given the neutralization of the Jap air threat from Andaman and Rangoon, what is the best way to achieve a daytime bombardment of Akyab without wasting ammo at night and without remaining on station at Akyab. Could I sortie from Chandpur at cuise speed and set for bombardment of Akyab?

BTW...I have to admit I may have done exactly what you described, but I am still going to try another Admiral..lr even a Captain with some brass ones. Fortunately, no animals were harmed during the bombardment of Akyab. [:D] Parenthetically, the RAF bombers tasked with bombing the ground troops at Akyab stayed home at Chandpur as well. [:@]

[Cap Mandrake]

The movement of sealift capacity to Darwin required the neutralization of the big Jap air bases at Lautem and Koepang. This has been a slow process over a month after the arrival of the P-38. Quite a number of P-38 have been lost but an even larger number of Jacks and Tonys have been destroyed. The Japs are no longer contending the airspace over Lautem and Koepang on a daily basis but instead have based at least 50 Tonys at Dili, out of P-38 range. Aru airfield has only a few recon aircraft. Babo is also a level 4 field and is currently out of P-38 range. Rather than send the heavies up to Babo without escorts to protect them from the Tonys, a combined RN, USN CA, CL force was sent in to bombard. They had so much fun they stayed to long and were pummeled by Sallys from Amboina the next day. No ships were lost, but 1 CA and 3 CL's will have to visit the body shop. Fortunately, this seemed to turn the tide (along with raids by the B-24's at Darwin on unportected airfields--forcing the Japs to disperse their Tonys). He is not contending the skies over babo at this time though he might surge in aircraft if the field is repaired.

HMS Prince of Wales has been found and she (along with soem USN DM's are on their way to Darwin (the long way). When Perth finally falls, there will be 4 veteran divisions, 2 Armoured Brigades and 4 Infantry Brigades freed up for fun and games.

Main striking power in Northern Oz consists of ca. 150 USAAF Heavies (17's and 24's), 100 P-38's, 60 x USAAF and RAAF and NEIAF B-25's

[witpqs]

The F-5A had been rushed into production to accomodate the court-mandated SPCA ride-alongs.

[Cap Mandrake]

**********Eastern Fleet HQ, Office of Planning and Logistics and Matters of That Sort, Colombo, Ceylon, January 21, 1943*******


Admiral Phillips: So help to understand Sargeant. General Pownall sent you two as a planning liason group because his staff were busy?

Sentry #1: Yes sir. They are still waiting on the latest edition of Robert's Rules of Order to be flown in from Alexandria.

Admiral Phillips: Alexandria? The one in Egypt you mean?

Sentry #2: Yes sir. 'at's the one sir. Apparently 8th Army 'as a spare.

Admiral Phillips: Do you mean there isn't a proper copy in all of India?

Sentry #1: Yes sir. It seems the Colonial Governor's copy is outdated.

Admiral Phillips: What about our cousins?

Sentry #1: Cousins sir?

Admiral Phillips: Yes, the Americans. What about 10th Air Force?

Sentry #1: 'ave you met General Chennault, sir?

Admiral Phillips: Ah, yes, I see your point. Honestly, some times I don't know how they expect us to win a war. Biplanes flying from our carriers. Fighters with canvas skins. Every month they want us to send destroyers to Gibraltar and we haven't the proper number here.

Sentry #2: Yes, sir, 'aven't the proper number sir.

Admiral Phillips: Well, there is no point in grousing, is there, musn't grouse, bad for morale. Don't you agree Sargeant?

Sentry #1: Yes sir, bad for morale sir.

Admiral Phillips: Right, so please, have a seat you two and let's talk shop. <the Liason Group form SEAC sit down> Let me recapitualte. The General wants to move 3 infantry divisions, an armoured brigade, most of the old Malaya Command HQ, a regiment of combat engineers and an entire aviation regiment and he wants them to embark from four different ports, assemble and approach the landing zone undetected, then disembark in a sand-bar plagued estuary with silt-laden beaches under the threat of enemy air activity? Do I have that right?

Sentry #1: Almost sir. There are to be FOUR infantry divisions, 3 Indian and one British.

Admiral Phillips: OH DEAR GOD! Can you imagine the amount of curry we shall have to bring along? <keys intercom to his aide> Commander, please get in touch with Mr. Subramanian regarding the Sandwich Surprise franchise in Delhi. Tell him I will have to push back our meeting till February. I am going to be busy. Thank you. <rekeys the intercom> And, Commander, please get in touch with that wholesale spice merchant from Bombay, the Sikh chap, you know the one.............

Sentry #1:

[Cap Mandrake]

**********Main wharf, Dunedin Harbour, Dunedin, South Island, New Zealand, January 21, 1943***********


It has been months now since the apparent threat to New Zealand from a Jap invasion has abated. Dunedin has become a backwater. Aukland is busy in support of the American invasion of Fiji, but Dunedin is a forgotten outpost now. There are no search planes, no ships, no subs, not even a derelict minesweeper left over from WWI..nothing. In fact, the ANZAC band company that was shipped down here as an emergency infantry force has literally been forgotten. It seems someone in Aukland forgot to file a form 324/17A (Emergency Deployment of Musicians or Press Relations Troops out of Command Authority).

Also forgotten (purposely it seems) is the tall American in a General's uniform with a very odd penchant for bolo bats and a birthmark in the shape of Corregidor on one of his butt cheeks (I forget which one).

The tall American in the General's uniform is standing before the assembled band. It seems in their rush to war, they forgot all their sheet music and they really only know about 3 tunes cold, non of which suit the tall American. He is endeavoring to teach them a march by some guy named Suzy, or something like that. He, of course, has not the slightest understanding of music.


Tall American in the General's uniform: No, no, NO! I have told you guys a dozen times, more emphasis on the fifth "duh", then the next one is a little bit lower, not quieter, but not as high, soundwise I mean. And you with the brass plates, can you do your thing on the tenth 'duh"? And you with the little flute, I need you to be a little higher, about 50%.

1st piccolo: Do you mean a fifth sir?


Tall American in the General's uniform: No, I said 50%. Didn't you guys have to take any math in New Zealand? All right then! From the start. Watch my hand! <just then the woman who has been standing behind him gooses his muscular buttock with the little map of Corregidor..apparently, it's on the right. He raises his hand in surpise, then quickly grabs her hand. The band leaps into action then quickly tapers off in a cacophonous fashion, confused by his "instruction">

<He turns to her in a bit of a pique and whispers> Look, damnit, can't this wait?

Aroused woman: Oh, come on Dougey, you promised.


Tall American in the General's uniform: Oh Hell! OK, EVERYONE, TAKE 10......NO, MAKE IT 30...................

[Cap Mandrake]

********On the trail from Imphal to Mandalay, January 23, 1943*************


Lt. Uppington-Smyth, 251 Coy, Royal Engineers, is reclining on his side, oblivious to the ants crawling over him. He holds a magnifying spectacle and examines a piece of slate which has chipped open.

Sgt. Bonebrake: <calls down fron the command Bren-carrier> Sir, it's Brigade again. It's the Brigadier himself, sir. He is wondering when we are going to catch up with the rest of the column. He says were at least 7 miles behind and we are supposed to be leading the column. He says he is getting pressure from Corps.

Lt. Uppington-Smyth: Please tell the General I've a specimen with fruiting bodies and if I am right about the age of the strata, it may be as much as 150 million years old.

Sgt. Bonebrake: <relays information..then nods several times> The Brigadier wishes you to know that he is in the middle of a bloody jungle and he doesn't need any more bloody fruit.

Lt. Uppington-Smyth: Did he really say "bloody", Sargeant?

Sgt. Bonebrake: Oh yes sir, quite clearly.

Lt. Uppington-Smyth: Oh dear. He must be under a great deal of pressure. Well, please tell the General this specimen has both male and female parts on the same plant. This just might be the oldest flowering plant ever discovered.

Sgt. Bonebrake: Are you sure you want me to tell him that...the part about the parts, I mean? <smiles hopefully>

Lt. Uppington-Smyth: Yes, Sargeant. Tell him that exactly.

Sgt. Bonebrake: <gleefully advises the General of the Lt's comments..then relays the message> The Brigadier suggests that if YOU wish to have any male parts at the end of the day then you should bloody well bugger the bloody specimen and get the company moving.

Lt. Uppington-Smyth: Oh, dear, are you sure he said "bugger"?...........................

[Cap Mandrake]

I don't know what the problem with 7th Armoured is. This is the second time this has happened. All the other units in the hex are set to follow the 7th Armoured but are about 3 days ahead now. [:@] It looks like 2nd Infantry will have to deal with the several hundred Jap tanks sitting on the rail line without 7th Armoured.


The "to follow" command is well and truly "buggered".

[rtrapasso]

ORIGINAL: Cap Mandrake

I don't know what the problem with 7th Armoured is. This is the second time this has happened. All the other units in the hex are set to follow the 7th Armoured but are about 3 days ahead now. [:@] It looks like 2nd Infantry will have to deal with the several hundred Jap tanks sitting on the rail line without 7th Armoured.


The "to follow" command is well and truly "buggered".

If a unit is really tired, sometimes the "following" units will outstrip the "leader"... often, however, when the "followers" reach 60 miles, they can drag the "leader" into the next hex (presumably kicking and screaming.)

[bradfordkay]

"often, however, when the "followers" reach 60 miles, they can drag the "leader" into the next hex (presumably kicking and screaming.)"

Thus the Brigadier's apoplectic orders to our studious leftenant?

[Cap Mandrake]

*************Positions of Australian 27th Brigade outside of Perth, 07:20, January 24, 1943************


Several thousand Japanese, in a goup several hundred yards wide and half a mile deep approach the brigade's forward positions. Many carry a white flag over their head. The delightful irony of the situation is not lost on the men of 27 Brigade, many of whom are survivors of the evacuation from Singapore only one year earlier.

One of the Japanese in the lead has tears on his face and in his hands, a page from the May 1928 National Geographic. It depicts the cherry blossom festival in Nagoya Prefecture. The remarkable moment is interrupted by machine gun fire from Imperial Guard Division positions 1000 yds down the line. The fire seems to be aimed at the surrendering Japanese.