8/17/41

[Preuss]

Good morning, workers, soldiers, and other members of the Soviet State...Radio Moscow bringing you the newest news from the front where the minions of Generalfeldmarschall von Techex are pushing forward rapidly.

Before we get to the frontal reports, I bring news of the latest efforts from the department of dirty tricks:
Last week we reported that German shepherds were being trained to eat their meals under the front glacis of tanks while carrying heavy packs that would soon be laden with explosives.
The operation began as a local attack by the 10th tank division supported by the 151st and 44th Rifle divisions. Almost 500 newly trained shepherds accompanied the force of 300 tanks and their escorting infantry. The target was an overextended division of the 2nd Panzerarmee.
At first, all seemed to go well as the Fascist invaders were caught totally unprepared. At the command "release the hounds", all hell broke loose. Seeking their meals, the dogs ran as fast as the heavy packs of explosive on their backs would allow to the nearest tank...all of which were ours. Within moments the attacking force, containing some of the best of our tankers were immolated in their own funeral pyres. General Pavlov, who instituted this program blames the disaster on the fact that German dogs were being used. A few others have voiced opinions that maybe it was because of the type of tank being used in the dog's training cycle. The program is currently on hold pending debate by the staff at Stavka.

now...on to news from the Front:

Leningrad front: The first assaults made by the Germans in this area have been bloodily repulsed despite the fact that over 400 fascist bombers took part in each action. Newly trained air units have been rushed to the area to stem the tide.

Kalinin Front: Despite our foe being at the end of his supply lines, he has advanced 40 miles past the initial line of impenetrable obstacles.

Western Front: The Germans continue to push forward, having dislodged the remnants of the Army which made the "dog assault".

Moscow Front: General Vasilievskii has been relieved for insubordination being replaced by general Govorov who was in turn replaced by General Eremenko.

Orel Front: Masses of reinforcements have been moved in to hold against the bloodthirsty invader.

Voronezh Front: Standing by waiting the initial onsalught of the enemy, also heavily reinforced.

Kharkov Front: After a few heavy attacks by the enemy, have been forced to withdraw further eastwards.

Southern Front: Holding the enemy west of Rostov

Air Front: Group II has begun the new training regimen as Group I prepares to do battle with the Hun in the skies over Leningrad. It is expected that great amounts of German aluminum will find it's way into our aircraft factories.

Production Front: Yak I production reaches 109 machines per week. Due to many factories being hastily railed to the Urals, t-34 production is only 97 machines per week.

Allied Front: The first Valentine tanks and Hurricane fighters are now reaching the front as paltry numbers of them have begun to reach our ports. With no Fascist on their territory, one would think the western allies could spare a little more.

Technologik Front: Experiments with bats reveal some potential to due serious damage to the enemy. More reports on this fascinating plan will be brought to you next week.