Franko starts an 80 year war... (PBEM WC)

[TimeTanker]

I don't need no stinkin' city.

My own imagination throws up enough road blocks to keep me busy.

We now return you to your regularly scheduled contest between Spain and the Netherlands. Underwater Artillery duels.

[Curieus]

How do you mean underwater? The sluices (sp?) in the dikes are still closed [just wait for that you evil spaniards, just when you have won, you drown. I could say "life is a bitch and then you die, but i think someone on this forum has a better description ] No this is a mere refreshment of a parched land, we could use it, after all only 49 mm of rain fell yet this week

As for that artillery duel, nothing much is going on. I removed 3 spanish offenders and that is all.

On the bright side, an AA gun of mine introduced a spanish AC crew to the delights of sunbathing during drizzle rain.
The main advantages being not having to use any sunblock due to the 8/8 cloud cover and not getting too warm due to watercooling.
I hope to meet them soon in our generous guest reception area (POW camp) where we can babble (interrogate) with them about how spanish engineering seems to be soooo superior (as if) that they feel the need to teach russians how to build AC's by copying the designs. (Chevrolet, yeah right!)

Many t(h)anks to Goblin for showing how to use subliminal messages. I am still learning.

Sincerely
Col. van Bolhuis

[Curieus]

With a bitter look Col. van Bolhuis surveys the carnage. "Those 210mm guns should be outlawed under the convention of Geneva. They are evil, Our 15 cm guns are just peashooters compared with those.
Scratch one MC squad for at least half of the remaining battle. Well on te bright side we liberated a couple of thoroughbred Andalusian horses. Seems like the riders felt like doing something else, they just dispersed!;) "
Meanwhile this battle is turning into one big game of hide and seek, but then without the seeking :rolleyes:
While the dutch troops are trying to (foolishly ) advance through a torrential downpour of metal, the insolent and cowardly spanish only dare to take long range potshots.
Typical...:p

[rbrunsman]

Colonel, if you stop raining metal on my head my infantry may get to advance more than the 25 meters they gave up when they ran away from your barrages.

Fine thanks I get for leaving an AC out for you to look at. You shot him! The crew was so surprised that they were hit that they decided to step out for a moment to see if that AAA actually scratched the paint.

My Topos (or should I say the few that made the trip) were so excited about drawing first blood in close melee that they decided valour was better than discretion and dropped a satchel charge on that unwitting infantry squad that was standing next to them. Unfortunately, as soon as that happened all hell broke loose with all those other Dutch troops taking exception to the affront. I don't expect to hear from my Topos again. I am putting them in for whatever decoration the Spanish give for bravery (posthumously, I'm sure). Stupidity does not disqualify one for a medal does it? :rolleyes:

Not my horses.... Noooooo..... If you want me to seek, you have to let me get closer.

[rbrunsman]

Finally! We have inflicted some actual direct fire casualties upon the Dutch. Granted, they were mortars in direct fire. (Small pleasures, I take what I can get.)

My cavalry in the south are the only troops actually moving forward and they managed to kill a recon squad and route another. I'm very proud of them.

My tankers and AC troops apparently can't hit anything. They are too interested in climbing out of their units to look at the scratches the Dutch are making in their newly painted vehicles. Now if I could just convince them to get back in and man their weapons. Perhaps it was that they hopped out to see what all the screaming was about as my infantry, cavalry and Motorcycles go running by, in the wrong direction. That's what they get for playing hot potato with 150mm Dutch arty!

As for my special forces: my second, and therefore last (maybe?? ), Topos infiltrators showed up and dropped a bomb in the lap of one of those hated x3MG motorcycle squads. I don't expect to see them again either. Their families back in Morrocco will be very pleased with the lovely medals (posthumous) they will receive to place next to the pictures of their dearly departed.

Bring it on Colonel! See if you can catch me. You might be able to stop my men from running the wrong way.

[Curieus]

You can now send medals to the family members of this topos sqauds personnel. But you don't fool me, there is at least one other squad around...

Oh yeah, since that mortar destroyed some wheels of mine, i decided to get some new wheels from the closest availble dealer.
What would you think? It took some loud nocking to even open the door. Then some MG to convince them to trade and stop looking. Worst part of it: Those Chevrolet wheels don't fit!!!
Well i'll have to investigate whether other chevrolet wheels do fit

I saw you are offering at least one on sale in the south too now.

[Curieus]

Another destination for those left over Topos Medals. But you still don't fool me.
You still are around :rolleyes:

I stop firing artillery for one round, after your non-stop pitifull complaining that my artillery is killing you. And what do i get?

More complaining on how you are suppressed and even worse:
Next to that already known 210mm regiment and 100 mm regiment (actually 105mm) a complete and fresh 152mm regiment opens fire.
That is reaaaally the way to let me stop firing my artillery

Well anyway, i sent my written reply to your forward tank. Nailed through the armour somewhere.
Sheesh what an abomination, a PzKfw I with a 20 mm L55 cannon. The tank looks definitely unbalanced now.

[rbrunsman]

I was just cleaning out the last odd rounds from the tubes of those 210s. The 150s haven't been used yet because I failed to check the range of the batteries when I purchased them and what do I discover in round one? If I fire at maximum range I can just about reach my own front lines!:eek: That last barrage from them just slipped out. They were only to be used if the battle started going poorly for me. I was using delayed preplotting just as you do, Colonel. Except I forgot to adjust fire for them. Your own 150s are doing quite well enough on their own without me blasting my own men. :rolleyes:

I swear that was the last Topos squad to infiltrate into those rocks in your rear area. But you are welcome to continue blasting away with your satchel charges to roust out anyone that I may have misplaced in there.

On a positive note for my otherwise suppressed or retreating men, my Light Cav. in the south is making up for the sad showing their northern brothers are making. They blasted a wagon, an infantry squad and a gun crew. And what do they get for their valorous behavior? A stroll in a minefield!:eek: Now that's just not nice. I would never use mines. They are so inhumane (as opposed to 210mm arty, at least you can hear it coming before you get blasted to bits).

My "tanks" in the north did however convince one Dutch "tank" crew (we use the word "tank" broadly in the Dutch and Nat. Spain Armies) to exit their vehicle to inspect the scratches on their paint.

In summation Colonel, I must congratulate you on suckering me into advancing on you with your allegations of cowardice on the part of my men. No sooner do my "tanks" come over the hills than your AAA blasts a hole in one of them! ("Now," General Bob thinks to himself, "what can I do to take care of that AAA that is in cover on the far hillside blasting away at my precious tanks?" "Of course," the General says to himself, "I've got it!" And he reaches for the field telephone to order more artillery!!):D

[Curieus]

Off course there are mines in the south.
I know that woods are an excellent defensive terrain, but not when you have troops armed and motivated like mine :rolleyes:

The same whacky general that stripped the complete dutch infantry of machineguns in order to put them on motorcycles also dismantled a stack of 1870 gun grenades and planted them in the ground. He hoped for little grenade. And what do you know? This time he was right :p

As far as you tank is concerned, i agree that blasting it was a mistake. I should have waited . But the cries of terror of that bycicle infantry squad you drove past were so hartbreaking that i decided to help them. They took the message to hart and fled the moment the tank brewed. You probably still can see them.
So blame it on them, not on me

[rbrunsman]

You would think I'd have learned after the first "one shot one kill" episode with that AAA. But, no, I had to peak over that hill one more time just to be sure and what happens? "Two shots, two kills.":mad:

I, on the other hand, have taken ~20 shots from <10 range and I've only managed to get one tank crew to bail.

Oh well, we play the hand we're dealt. My gunners must be drinking/smoking something. You can lead a horse to water, but...

In the south I found another landmine (the hardway). This made such an impression on the retreating bicycle squad and tank that were in view of this tragedy that they some how rallied and took shots at my poor light cav.

We have quite a large force of Dutch making a move in the north. And the Colonel is doing a fine job of walking his arty right in front of his advance. We'll just have to see when (if:rolleyes: ) I bring the hammer down and crush that advance.

The middle VHs are still the same, I hold them with men that are suppressed and pinned and waiting for the next volley of 150s to arrive. They're beginning to get the impression that the Dutch are rather inhospitable.

[Curieus]

I haven't looked at the turn yet, so i will not speak about this turns "Landwirtschaftskraftwagen" kills (i assume wer are talking about those unbalanced PzKfz I 20L55) but that first tank killed by AA fire did not die at the first shot. It took at least 3 shots to convince him

[Curieus]

He probably is still sleeping away his hangover. He probably was celebrating. Ugh those copied russian model armoured cars really did a number on what the english call an "infantry tank". Three or four Carden-Lloyds destroyed.

That is just war, but some things are war crimes. Two groups of recon troops executed the incapacited crew of an AT gun. Shooting the wounded is an offense against the Geneva convention. So we executed the guilty recon squads

I expect rbrunsman to break through in the north. His southern probe is probably a bit demoralised now. 5 casualties from Arty.
Meanwhile his 210 mm continues murdering me.
A small advise to my opponent. In the north, near your Chevrolet AC's, that 100 mm voley was almost correct. 200 mm more east would even have been better

[rbrunsman]

More disinformation from the Colonel about me breaking through in the north. I stick my nose out through the smoke with an AC and what do I get? An AT Rifle and 75mm welcome. No thank you. I'm not going over there. You come over here!:D

As for the rest of the battlefield, we seem to have pounded each other into submission. No one is moving anywhere that I can see.

The middle of the field is a mess and we each have overwatch from the hills behind our lines. Although the Colonels Dutch are coming out ahead in that regard.

We shall see if anyone is brave enough to get closer.

[Curieus]

No my dear opponent, the disinformation is purely on your side. The only two units awake (alive?? OH NO NOT MORE 210MM rounds!! Doesn't it EVER STOP ) manage to give a few potshots off without result.
And no this was not a 75 mm gun. The 75 mm gun is harrassing your scout patrol in the south.
What was firing at your AC was this genius of dutch engineering called "8 Staal". An 8 cm AT gun, designed in 1894 nontheless. Yes we dutch had some foresight . Planning for tanks in 1894 We had to get it out of the musem especially for you. Now don't you feel honoured?
Unfortunately that year is also the last time that someone modified something on that gun, so its penetration and accuracy are nearly prehistoric

But at least it gives a nice BLAM


Meanwhile both parties are still doing their best to stiffle any assault in its infancy. Rain all around. Water and Blood. HE and Steel.

[rbrunsman]

With the tanks we're both sporting in this epic battle, an AT gun with the penetration value of a can opener can do some serious damage! So I think your 8 Staal just may do the trick. At least you hit something with yours. My ATs don't hit anywhere near what they are shooting at.

..... New Orders from General Bob.....
All troops that survive this first foray of the New Spanish Empire shall be sent to Germany for proper training about how not to wet your pants and squeal like a girl as soon as the shooting starts! ---- Now get up and move forward!

This is about as exciting as watching a slap fight the way you men are behaving. It's lucky we are fighting the Dutch and not a "proper" army. :p

By the way Curieus, I just saw the new Austin Powers movie last night and they really ripped on the Dutch and Belgians. What do the Brits have against you fine folk anyway?

[Belisarius]

Originally posted by rbrunsman
By the way Curieus, I just saw the new Austin Powers movie last night and they really ripped on the Dutch and Belgians. What do the Brits have against you fine folk anyway?

Heh heh ... welcome to Europe! The Brits don't hold anything against anyone....except that they're European

[Curieus]

We had four wars with the english properly called "The english wars" of course the english call them incorrectly "The Dutch wars"
We won three and they won one. They claim they won two and lost two.
In reality the fourth one was a draw, but econically a loss for the Dutch.
But what really irks them is that we sailed into a fortified and locked harbour and towed part of the british fleet home. What we didn't need we cleaned up
(look for Chattam and De Ruyter )

The reason for those wars? They couldn't have it that we were better traders and more efficient transporters. Their colonies prefered to ship with Dutch ships since we were cheaper. So they issued a law "The navigation act" stating that goods from a country or colony could only be transported by ships from either the originating country (or mother nation) or the destination country.

And today they are jealous because despite all their "superpower" status, and special relationship thingies (read: being USA lapdog) their industry is still more antiquated that most of mainlaind industry. Of course having had a war rolling over those mainland industries did help

Btw, nothing special happened.

[rbrunsman]

Thanks for the history lesson. It's always good to understand the relationships between the Old World countries, since we are so isolated over here. You're all silly and backwards as far as we in the USA is concerned.

__________________________

I'm sorry to report that your scouts in the south won't be sending any more reports about my troop movements in those woods. And, your bicycle squads better stay on their side of your mine field if they don't want to get the same treatment those first interlopers did!

Finally, since that 8 staal was shooting so straight from the rocky hill in the north, I figured he hadn't been smoking his daily allotment of Amsterdam Hash, so I sent some 100mm smokes his way. I don't think he will be bothering any more of my troops now. :p

[Curieus]

Could you please tell me where you got that coat of invulnerability +2 you use as standard equipment on your personel and machinery? Not to mention those hats of inaccurary, several shots at 40% no hits.
Even a bounce of a 75mm AT grenade on that wimpy armour of that tiznao de apoyo.
I don't know which paint you are using, but i want a batch :rolleyes:

[rbrunsman]

You should do what I do and just walk right up next to your target and blast it to bits. --- I finally got a couple of my troops free of suppression enough to engage your men up close and personal. Say goodbye to a MC squad and an 8 staal.

And I finally spotted that d_mn AAA that has been taking shots at my armor. You can expects some "attention" in that area very soon.