From here to...well...it SEEMS like an eternity

[Moondawggie]

ORIGINAL: Cap Mandrake

So here is the deal. Monday, my Mayan housekeeper called, she couldn't work. No problema. That's what I thought. It seems, however, as is often the case, I forgot to consider logistics.

Here it is Friday and I am pretty much out of underwear. I am down to a pair of skivies with Santa Claus and his reindeer drinking egg nog. I am resigned to drive extra careful today lest I get into an auto accident.

Here are some solutions I have considered:

1) Read the instruction manual for the washing machine.

2) Go commando

3) Buy some new chones.

I am leaning strongly toward option 3. Does anyone know a good underwear store?

Mandrake my boy, you have clearly lost those lady-killer instincts of your 20s.

You gather the used briefs up, then drive over to the local Laundromat; look helpless, and then let the nearest SoCal blonde hottie assist you with the vexing task of placing quarters into the machines to buy detergent and start the washer/dryer. And then you get her phone #.....an old Med School technique!

But wait! [:-] Perhaps I am wrong! [X(] Naaah! [:@]

Stalker Girl would kill you!

Oh well, maybe she could show you how the washer works? [:)]

Or else you could rinse them out in "Del Mar..."

[BrucePowers]

I wonder how close to del mar the house is?[:D]

[Cap Mandrake]

*******USAAF base, Dodge City, Kansas, June 26, 1943*******

Two privates pull guard duty. They are shockingly unkempt. Each holds a cigarette. Behind them, on the Kansas prarie, are no less than 4 10,000 ft concrete runways along with paved taxiways, hardened reventments, a fire station, a massive fuel depot, a dozen pristine fueling trucks and row after row of 300 yard long warehouses. What is lacking is the sound of mechanical or human activity. The cicadids are out and a half dozen species of frog can be heard at a nearby vernal pool.

Joe: Willie, do ya think the Japs will ever come here? Think how valuable this place would be to 'em.

Willie: Nah. I don't think they have it in 'em any more.

Joe: Maybe, but I bet this place is worth 10,000 or 15,000 points.

Willie: 10,000? Are you crazy? Hell, Frisco can't be more than 2 or 3 thousand and look at all the stuff there.

Joe: Hell, I don't know. What gets me is why they built the Goddamend place.

Willie: Yeah. Bet somebody's cousin owned the property. 5 'll get ya ten.

Joe: Ya know, ya do have somthin' there. We should call...oh what the Hell is his name...the skinny guy from Missouri with the glasses.....

[Cap Mandrake]

ORIGINAL: rtrapasso

Victoria's Secret... might be a bit kinky for your tastes, though... [:'(]

OK..I checked it out at Main Place Mall. All female salespeople...cute too. And the paintings on the wall were fantastic! I found a "Jungle Feline" set I really liked but they threw me out when I asked if I could try them on.

[Cap Mandrake]

ORIGINAL: marky

lol Cap its not that hard. just chuck em in set it to wash warm measure sum detergent put it in measure sum softener put it in wait till its done and then put em in the dryer[:D]

OK..since the shopping thing didn't go so well, I'm going to give it a try on your advice. I set the size to large, filled up the tank, tossed in about 20 pair. I didn't have any laundry detergent or softener like you said so I just put in about 2 cups of liquid dish soap. It smelled good. I figure that should take care of it. Thanks man!

If this works out maybe I can let the houskeeper go. She would be disappointed but at least my brandy bottles would last longer.

[BrucePowers]

Trust me on this one........KEEP THE HOUSEKEEPER[:D]

[BrucePowers]

Also are you ready to start bailing soap suds out of you laundry room[:D]

[BrucePowers]

But most important....Does your homeowner's association allow soap suds on the lawn?[:D]

[Cap Mandrake]

My Mayan housekeeper is similarly dangerous to clothes. I have a pair of wool slacks that now have a 29 inch waist and are 3/4 length

[Cap Mandrake]

..

[HMS Resolution]

Hot damn! Looks like you got a fight on your hands.

[FOW]

San Jose is one huge stride into a Jap hornets nest. Those C-47 pilots will be earning their combat pay for the next few days and weeks.

[Cap Mandrake]

San Jose is not the prize. [:)]

Here is the situation in the PI, June 29, 1943:

Mindoro: A bit over 3,000 Japs are ashore and are certainly disorganized after several hundred of them were pulled out of the water and were subjected to 12 Pdr. fire during landing. They are opposed by most of 2 brigades of 6th Aus. ID and a Bn. of the KNIL Barisan Regt., plus the veterans of the Akita attack and support troops. The Australian and Dutch troops on Mindoro are somewhat disorganized after an Allied counterattack on the 27th achieved 1:1 odds but inflicted more casulaties on the attackers than the Japs. Even so, I don't think the Japs will have the forces to evict us and we are in control of the airfield. The Jap troops nwo on Mindoro might have been better employed garrisoning San Marcelino. The PT boats at San Jose are retreating back to Jolo with their tails between their legs to refuel. The Jap carriers and heavy forces are retiring to Formosa. There may be a small window of opportunity to get troops into San Marcelino (Luzon), which is still ungarrisoned. To that purpose, one RN crusier and 4 DD's have embarked about 500 troops of 7th ID at Jolo and will move today to San Jose and the air umbrella there. The plan is then to move on to San Marcelino on the night of June 30/July 1 to put the troops ashore. Of course, this is risky. I am sure Formosa has plenty of Bettys and there are powerful Jap surface forces about...not to mention the carriers. we shall see. Did I mention everyone is a volunteer?

Tacloban(Leyete): A build-up of Allied forces continues here. The Japs have a full combat brigade so this will not be easy. I have one Aus brigade ashore and am bringing an armoured regt. via LCT from Cagayan. The bombers at Cagayan will attmept to soften up the Japs before an attack.

Reinforcements: US 32nd ID is passing Kai Island now. US 41st ID is nearing Sydney (3 weeks away from the fighting). Two more RN DD's are with 32nd ID. There is another Aus. Armoured Regt at Jolo as well as the bulk of Aus. 7th ID.

[Canoerebel]

June 29, 1943, and you're in the central Philippine Islands...the Japanese Empire is in deep, deep do-do.

[Cap Mandrake]

Speaking of deep, deep do-do. [;)]





GLOSSARY:

Marsh Tit Force: 2/12th Australian Infantry Battalion & 2/4th Field Company (Qld/Tasmania), Royal Australian Engineers (NSW), (7th Aus. Div)

Task Force Orange: HMS Frobisher, USS Boise, 4 x DD

do-do: A colloquialism for excrement of almost any species of animal, though seldom applied to aquatic animals whose excretions lack structural integrity in the aqueous setting. A noted exception are a number of whale species who excrete extremely persistent intestinal products, some of which are curiously used in the fragrance industry (ambergris). This material can be quite valuable. Readers are, however, advised to use extreme caution in the collection of bouyant "do-do" as misidentification can have serious health consequences. Particular caution should be used if there are cruise ships or surfers in the vicintiy. Also if you are near a Mexican coastal town of any size I would just put the whole idea out of your head.

San Marcelino: An Italian restaurant in Queens and also a town in Western Luzon which really should be in the Bataan hex but it seems there was a small error made in the M&M Enterprises map of the area. In July of 1943(b) this area contains a level 5 airfield but almost no port facility even though San Marcelino is right next to Olongapo, which was, by the way, purposely misspelled "Olongapoo" in the Minderbinder for President jingle. Where was I? Oh, yeah, Olongapo is famous because it used to have lots of "dance clubs" because it is right next to Subic Bay, which was a pretty good size port, even in 1941.

[HMS Resolution]

Subic Bay was apparently nicknamed "Pubic Bay", for reasons I'm sure I can't fathom.

[Cap Mandrake]

*********Aus. 7th Infantry Division HQ, Jolo, Dawn, July 2*******

Sparks: Come in Marsh Tit, this is Eagles Nest, over?

Gen. Allen, CO of the division: <worry lines furrow his brow> Again.

Sparks: Come in Marsh Tit, this is Eagles Nest, over? <The radioman unkeys the mic to the sound of superheterodyne hiss. There is nothing from San Marcelino. After some 20 seconds of silence he speaks again>
I don't think the force is with us, sir.

[Cap Mandrake]

Wow..what a couple of weeks. My daughter graduated from UCLA and I was doing stuff around the house for a big party and riding herd on the plumbing gang that could not shoot straight and then....I spilled diet coke into my keyboard. I installed the emergency back-up but I think the primary is going to need rinse and hold in the dishwasher.

I hired this young couple to restain my kitchen cabinets. The young woman was seriously hot. Easily the best looking painter I have ever seen. I had to literally leave the house when she climbed up the stepladder to stain the high cabinets as I was drooling all over the work area.

Wesley Clark was the speaker at my daughter's graduation. What an ego that guy has.[:D]

Am currently negotiating pre-nup with stalker girl. We are hung up on Section XII/A, "Avocations and Hobbies". I proffered 21 hrs per week for WITP/AE. She countered with 45 minutes and a demand I have to watch "Dancing With the Stars" with her at least 3 times per month during the season. That is quite a gulf. I am now advocating 6 party talks.

[Cap Mandrake]

****Aboard a B-25J of 90th BS(M), USAAF, Angels 6, 7 miles South of San Jose harbor, Mindoro, 19:50, June 27, 1943*****

Tall, hirsute USAAF Cpt.: I don't see any Jap ships. Maybe we got the wrong island. Bombardier, do you have anything?

Bombardier: Negative on the ships captain. It's socked in pretty good.

Tall, hirsute USAAF Cpt.: What about that flashing light? That has to be a Jap destroyer or something.

Bombardier: Negative on the light Cpt. I don't have target ID. That is a violation of ROE.

Tall, hirsute USAAF Cpt.: R-O-WHAT!

Bombardier: ROE, sir. Rules of engagement. Request go around sir.

Tall, hirsute USAAF Cpt.: Go around, my ass. You are new to this bird. The Rule of Engagement aboard my plane is to not give the Japs two tries to shoot me. Make your target that destroyer searchlight.

Bombardier: But sir, what about friendlies?

Tall, hirsute USAAF Cpt.: Friendlies? Are you kidding me? We have nothing but PT's here. Put your bombs on that destroyer so we don't have to come back here tomorrow. THAT IS AN ORDER GOD DAMNIT!

Bombardier: Acknowledged, sir, but I must formally protest.

<tracers begin to surge wildly through the low clouds>

Tall, hirsute USAAF Cpt.: Protest all you want, just drop the Goddamn bombs before we have to pick plexiglass out of your head. <the ship bumps from a nearby AAA burst. The Captains voice rises an octave> SHOOT DAMNIT! THOSE SONS OF BITCHES ARE TRYING TO KILL ME!.................

[Cap Mandrake]

****Reparations Tribunal, Government of the Pillipines in Exile, Jolo, June 30, 1943******


Plaintiff's Atty.: Your Honor, The Historical Preservation Society of Mindoro names, as defendants, Mr. Franklin Roosevelt, General Marshall, General Short of Southwest Pacific Command, General Kenney of Fifth Air Force, Colonol Cathcart, commanding officer of <consults notes> 90th Bombardment Squadron, United States Army Air Force and the men and officers of 90th Bombardment Squadron. We allege that by design or neglect, said defendants did cause the destruction of the 355 year old Spanish lighthouse at San Jose on the evenening of June 27, 1943.

USAAF Counsel: <forgets himslef briefly> Phhht. Your Honor that is prepsoterous.

Judge: <looks sternly at the young lawyer> Lt., you may think it funny to destroy an historic buidling but I grew up on Mindoro and I can tell you it was a beautiful buidling and played a large role in the entire identity of the city adn island. <tears begin to stream down his cheeks>

USAAF Counsel: <soto voce to aide> I think we are in trouble.

Judge: What is that, Lt.? Do you have something to say to the Court?

USAAF Counsel: Well, Your Honor, it is the position of 5th Air Force that collateral damage is inevitable in wartime, and, although unfortunate, is necessary to evict an evil occupier of this land.

Judge: The Empire of Japan is not a party to this case.

USAAF Counsel:Maybe they should be, Your Honor.

Judge:Don't be impertinent with me, Lt.

USAAF Counsel: I am sorry, Your Honor, but the idea of holding individual enlisted men and junior officers culpable for actions taken in the heat of battle is outlandish. There must have been 150 planes involved in that attack. Can you imagine the effect on morale?

Judge: Let them have Parchisi boards then.


Plaintiff's Atty.:Your Honor, regarding the 90th Bombardment Squadron, we do have an eyewitness.......