From here to...well...it SEEMS like an eternity

[Cap Mandrake]

A desperate attack by Jap 30th Div at Legaspi fails, this time failing to achieve even 1:1 odds. The weight of Allied air power is beginning to tell as hundreds of sorties by fighter bombers and B-25's and LB-30's are flown over Legaspi. Aus. 6th Div and one Armoured Regt. can now safely beseige Legaspi while Naga is built up. There will be no disaster in Southern Luzon...at least not for the Allies.

The Jap carriers have left, either to try a double back move or to resupply and refuel. In this window, the heavy equipment of 32nd US ID will be grought up to Naga and thence to Tuguegarao by barge. Tuguegarao airfield is now operational. Coronados now operational there can nearly reach the Japanese main islands and sea communication to Japn from the oil centers in the DEI is beginning to look sketchy.

The RN carriers are about a week out from the scene. Aus 9th ID is embarking at Darwin to be brought up to the battle area. US 41st ID is traveling in luxury via rail to Darwin and British 18th Div. is about 10-12 d out from Mindanao.

[Cap Mandrake]

..

[Cap Mandrake]

******Western Union HQ, Office of the President, 60 Hudson St., Manhattan, 08:15, July 19, 1943******

Mr. E. Higgins, President, Western Union Corp.: <stabs at a letter on fine, bond canary paper, pinning it against his antique cherry desk with a letter opener. Depesses intercom switch> GET ME THAT IDIOT, WARREN OVER IN LEGAL. TELL HIM TO GET UP HERE RIGHT NOW WITH THAT GODDAMNED M&M ENTERPRISES CONTRACT. TELL HIM WE ARE TAKING IT IN THE COLON...

[Cap Mandrake]

*******NorPAC HQ, Adak, July 23, 1943*********


Aide: <knocks on door>

Adm Theobald: ENTER!

Aide: Excuse me sir, I have some bad news about Ralph Talbot.

Adm Theobald: Oh dear God! Not another ride-along casualty?

Aide: Oh, no sir. It's just that she was sunk, along with Cushing.

Adm Theobald: <tosses his coffee cup acrss the room> Damnit! I thought you said the Jap crusiers were still at Paramashiro?

Aide: Oh, they are sir. It was the Jap shore batteries on Kiska again. Apparently someone forgot to check "escorts don't bombard" again on the orders. <flinches visibly>

Adm Theobald: DAMNIT, DAMNIT, DAMNIT! DAMNIT ALL TO HELL! CAN IT POSSIBLY BE MY ORDERS WERE UNCLEAR ON THIS? Talbot JUST arrived from San Diego and we get her sunk on her first NorPac mission!? Admiral King warned me to be careful. He said the "well is dry, Fuzzy, the well is dry". That is what he said to me. Holy Mary Mother of God. I will be lucky to get my messages returned. What of the other vessels?

Aide: Cummings with moderate damage. Whipple and Hughs are cripples and are being towed. It is not clear either will make it. <cringes again>

Adm Theobald: KISKA! KISKA! Oyyyyyyy....<he looks pale as he stands briefly then collapses>

[Moondawggie]

ORIGINAL: Cap Mandrake

****Malpractice Tribunal, Government of the Phillipines in Exile, Jolo, July 13, 1943******

Judge: <turns to Government Health Care "Expert"> You may proceed, Carlito.

Government Expert: Thank you, Tio.............

Is this foreshadowing the way health care decisons will be made in the US once ObamaCare passes? [8|]

[Cap Mandrake]

Editor's Note, Anon.:

A number of readers have made inquiries asking if a recent account of the procedings of the Reparations Tribunal, Government of the Pillipines in Exile from July 1943 were intended to demonstrate the dangers of expansive government and the risk to infringement of personal liberty. It is the opinion of the Board that the contributor of that summary lacks the cognitive depth to intentionally embed hidden meaning in his work. We have contacted the office of Senator Max Baucus (D), Chairman of the Senate Finance Committee. His office provided a statement on the matter;

"To our knowledge, no member of the Finance Committee, or staff to the committee has ever read or become acquainted with a publication entitled "From Here to..Well..It SEEMS Like an Eternity". Any similarity to the current Senate healthcare reform bill is either coincidence or is plagiarism on the part of the authors of the publication in question. Speaking of plagiarism, it seems quite a coincidence to us that a character played by Ernest Borgnine appears both in the film after which the title is apparently taken and the pulication itself...oh...wait...that's right..none of us read it..well if Ernest Borgnine DID appear in both it would amount to plagiarism and it might constitute a cause for action on the part of the estate of Mr. Borgnine..oh...wait..is he still alive...well, never mind. Now, as to the so called "death panels", they never were in the bill, but just so voters wouldn't be confused , we took them out. God bless America. This concludes our statement.

I. Dunn Cheatham III, Esq.
Counsel for the Majority"

The Board also wishes to state in advance that any attempts to draw similarities between the persecution of officers engaged in confronting the enemy in the Philippines in 1943 and the current Special Counsel to investigate CIA interrogation techniques is specious and will not be tolera <poof>

[Moondawggie]

ORIGINAL: Cap Mandrake

Editor's Note, Anon.:

A number of readers have made inquiries asking if a recent account of the procedings of the Reparations Tribunal, Government of the Pillipines in Exile from July 1943 were intended to demonstrate the dangers of expansive government and the risk to infringement of personal liberty. It is the opinion of the Board that the contributor of that summary lacks the cognitive depth to intentionally embed hidden meaning in his work. We have contacted the office of Senator Max Baucus (D), Chairman of the Senate Finance Committee. His office provided a statement on the matter;

"To our knowledge, no member of the Finance Committee, or staff to the committee has ever read or become acquainted with a publication entitled "From Here to..Well..It SEEMS Like an Eternity". Any similarity to the current Senate healthcare reform bill is either coincidence or is plagiarism on the part of the authors of the publication in question. Speaking of plagiarism, it seems quite a coincidence to us that a character played by Ernest Borgnine appears both in the film after which the title is apparently taken and the pulication itself...oh...wait...that's right..none of us read it..well if Ernest Borgnine DID appear in both it would amount to plagiarism and it might constitute a cause for action on the part of the estate of Mr. Borgnine..oh...wait..is he still alive...well, never mind. Now, as to the so called "death panels", they never were in the bill, but just so voters wouldn't be confused , we took them out. God bless America. This concludes our statement.

I. Dunn Cheatham III, Esq.
Counsel for the Majority"

The Board also wishes to state in advance that any attempts to draw similarities between the persecution of officers engaged in confronting the enemy in the Philippines in 1943 and the current Special Counsel to investigate CIA interrogation techniques is specious and will not be tolera <poof>

LOL, Cap! [:D]

[Cap Mandrake]

Why didn't somebody warn me about the Viking Long Boat Ceremony? I have no time to myself and Stalker Girl is making fun of WITP. She is, however, highly vulnerable to counterattack, as she plays this on-line community farm thingy. She is not the least bit cowed about her avocation and frequently announces some strange guy is "plowing" (her field) her online. Should I be jealous?


*****Reparations Tribunal, Government of the Phillipines in Exile, Jolo, July 13, 1943******


Plaintiff's Atty: Please state your name and position to the court.

USAAF Col.:<Straightens his spine> James Fenimore Cathcart, Colonel, US Army Air Force, Commander 90th Bombardment Squadron, Medium.

Judge: Colonel, do not mock the Court.

USAAF Col.: Your Honor?

Judge: Your second name. You made that up.

USAAF Col.: Oh, no, Your Honor. I was named after my mother's great grandfather. He wrote Last of the Mohicans.

Judge: Then his name was silly too. And I have never heard of the Mohicans either. I won't have it.

USAAF Col.: But, Your Honor...

Judge: Ehhh...ehhh...ehh. Quiet! Colonel, do you want to make General, or not? I know people.

USAAF Col.: <hangs head> Yes, sir.

Judge: You may proceed, Carlito.

Plaintiff's Atty: Thank you, Tio....Colonel, can you tell the Court how many missions Captain Yossarian has flown?

USAAF Col.: Over 100, I suspect. The 90th has received 3 Squadron citations from General Dreedle for productivity.

Plaintiff's Atty: Productivity? Did that include destroying historic buildings?

USAAF Col.: <Stands in witness box> I OBJECT!

Judge: Colonel. Sit down. You can't object. You are a witness. Do I need to remind you about our agreement to excuse you from the named defendants?

USAAF Col.: <sits down and hangs head> No, your Honor.

I. Dunn Cheatham, Esq.: I object, Your Honor. Am I to understand the Court made a side agreement with a witness before the trial? That is most improper.

Judge: Isadore, you are trying my patience. I want these procedings done by luncheon. Sit down. You may procede, Carlito.

USAAF Col.: Thank you, Tio. <turns to witness> Colonel, please tell the Court about the Rules of Engagement for the 90th Bombardment Squadron....

[Cap Mandrake]

********Aboard USS Bunker Hill, 07:15, July 22, 1943, 650 nm SW of San Francisco********



Vice Adm. Halsey: <reviews decrypted message from CINCPAC..a smile comes over his face> Captain, signal CO of Task Force 1040. They are ordered to continue to Suva without carrier escort via safer Route L. We are to head into colder waters to employ Bunker Hill and Princeton on a mission for which they are more aptly suited. Warmaking. Make your course for Dutch Harbor.....




***********940 nm SSE Pearl Harbor, 07:20, July 22, 1943*********


USS Enterprise, Yorktown, Cabot and 8 escorts alter course to the NNW. A gap begins to open between the carriers and their previous charges, laden troopships and tankers.

[Cap Mandrake]

Allied reinforcements are being rushed to Northern Luzon to counter the two Jap divisions at Tuguegrao. More Jap troops are apparently landing in the Lingayen Gulf, though it could be an evacuation as well.

The Jap carriers may be at Saipan though nothing is known for certain.

[BrucePowers]

You said stalker girl is playing this on-line community farm thingy. Then you say she is "not the least bit cowed". Is this a play on words about farms?[:D]

[Onime No Kyo]

You can take the girl off the farm.......awww, skip it. [:)]

[Cap Mandrake]

ORIGINAL: BrucePowers

You said stalker girl is playing this on-line community farm thingy. Then you say she is "not the least bit cowed". Is this a play on words about farms?[:D]

One should never underestimate the wealth of material available in the barnyard to fuel sexual double entendres, charming colloquialisms and sports team names. This is why I always send a check to Willie Nelson when he is doing one of those FarmAid things.

[Cap Mandrake]

I went down to San Diego last weekend with Stalker Girl, my daughter, and Stalker Girl's teen daughter. I suggested we go down to the Embarcadero area, and, after a short time we were standing next to USS Midway (imagine that [:D]). I could see the aircraft on the deck. I had to wipe some drool off my chin.

"Hey look, this is only $12, you want to do this?"

"Nah, we want to go someplace with shops" [:@]

[BrucePowers]

That is so wrong.

[FeurerKrieg]

That sounds like grounds for a revocation of the Viking Longboat Ceremony outcome.

[BrucePowers]

It also sounds like 2 teenage girls. That probably isn't grounds..................

[Cap Mandrake]

****Reparations Tribunal, Government of the Pillipines in Exile, Jolo, July 14, 1943******

I. Dunn Cheatham, Esq.: Doctor, please tell the Court your opinion, in your own words, of Captain Yossarian's mental status.

Doctor Daneeka: What do you mean, "in my own words"? Whose words was I going to use?

I. Dunn Cheatham, Esq.: I mean simply that you should not use the words of those who have gone before you.

Doctor Daneeka: But I may use English or Latin, for instance?

I. Dunn Cheatham, Esq.: Yes, yes, of course.

Doctor Daneeka: To be precise, then, those words were invented by others before me, so I wouldn't be using my own words in that sense.

I. Dunn Cheatham, Esq.: Yes, I understand Doctor, but what I meant is that you should use your own thoughts.

Doctor Daneeka: Of course, I should use your own thoughts. Do you imagine I can read the mind of others?

I. Dunn Cheatham, Esq.: No, I don't imagine that.

Doctor Daneeka: Very well then. How am I to communicate my thoughts?

I. Dunn Cheatham, Esq.: Pardon me?

Doctor Daneeka: My thoughts? How am I to communicate them? They are inside my head. I shall have to use the words of others who have gone before me to communicate my thoughts, shan't I?

I. Dunn Cheatham, Esq.: Oh Dear God!

Judge: Isador! There shall be no taking the name of God in my courtroom.

I. Dunn Cheatham, Esq.: I am sorry, Your Honor. It won't happen again. Now, Doctor, I propose we start over. You may use your own words. You may use the words of others who have gone before. You may use Latin terms. You may use English words. You may use the Phoenecian alphabet, if needed. Is that clear?

Doctor Daneeka: Yes, of course.

I. Dunn Cheatham, Esq.: Splendid! Now, Doctor, can you tell the Court about your visit with Captain Yossarian on the day before the San Jose attack?

Doctor Daneeka: But that is a patient, doctor confidentiality. I will need the Captain's permission. Is that OK with you, Yossarian?

Tall, hirsute fellow:Sure Doc. Don't hold back.

Doctor Daneeka: Hmm...well. Let's see. As I recall, he asked to be taken off flight duty. He said the Japs at San Jose were trying to kill him.

I. Dunn Cheatham, Esq.:Was this the first time he asked to be taken off duty?

Doctor Daneeka:Oh, no. He makes that request all the time.

I. Dunn Cheatham, Esq.: Now Doctor, I am going to ask a difficult question. I want you to answer carefully. ...Don't you think it is crazy?

Doctor Daneeka: The war, you mean? Oh, absolutely.

I. Dunn Cheatham, Esq.: No, I mean, Captain Yossarian's idea that the Japs are trying to kill HIM?

Opposing Counsel: Objection, Tio! Counsel is trying to establish an insanity defence. This is a civil proceeding.

Judge:You have an excellent point, Carlito, but I am going to allow it just out of curiosity. You may proceed, Doctor.

Doctor Daneeka: Thank you, Your Honor, I USED to think that, but I can now see his point.

I. Dunn Cheatham, Esq.: But the Japs aren't shooting at Captain Yossarian, they are shooting at his plane.

Doctor Daneeka: Yes, but he is IN the plane.

I. Dunn Cheatham, Esq.: But they are shooting at all the planes.

Doctor Daneeka: Sometimes they miss his plane.

I. Dunn Cheatham, Esq.: Doctor, that's crazy!

Doctor Daneeka: You haven't been in the 90th Bombardment Squadron as long as I. Crazy is relative.

I. Dunn Cheatham, Esq.: So you are saying OTHERS are crazy in the 90th Bombardment Squadron.

Doctor Daneeka: Oh, yes.

I. Dunn Cheatham, Esq.: Who?

Doctor Daneeka: All, I think...yes.

I. Dunn Cheatham, Esq.: Doctor, you mean you are letting crazy crews fly B-25's on missions?

Doctor Daneeka: Oh, yes. All the time. they would have to be crazy.

I. Dunn Cheatham, Esq.: Why don't you take them off duty?

Doctor Daneeka: Well, they have to ask, of course.

I. Dunn Cheatham, Esq.: What about Capt. Yossarian? He asked didn't he?

Doctor Daneeka: Ah, but when he asks, he reveals hismself to be sane. Catch 22............

[T Rav]

Captain,

I still come to the WITP forum despite my transition to AE for just two reasons... You and Cuttlefish make it a pleasure to log in every day and I always stop here before moseying over to AE.

Thanks,
T Rav

[Cap Mandrake]

Thank you sir!



*********90th BS(Medium) Officer's Club (Medium), Jolo, 19:40, July 13, 1943************


Tall, hirsute fellow:: Milo, you crazy SOB, what do you mean, "make them an offer"?

M.M.: I mean your guy is getting his Ivy League ass kicked. How did that insanity defence go?

Tall, hirsute fellow:: Not so well, but you hired him, you crazy, SOB.

M.M.: And you could do better? Yossarian, you provincial SOB, have you ever heard of Macaria?

Tall, hirsute fellow:: Macaria? Macaria? Is that in New Guinea?

M.M.: Hahahaha. New Guinea. Hahahaha. Yossarian, Yossarian, you crazy illiterate SOB! Hahahaha. New Guinea! hahahah.

Tall, hirsute fellow:: All right, Mr. Geography, where is Macaria?

M.M.: Not where, Yossarian, who. Macaria was the daughter of Heracles. She was sacrificed in order to protect Athens from an opposing king. YOU are Macaria, Yossarian, don't you see it?

Tall, hirsute fellow:: Yes, I have noticed Greek women can be quite hirsute.

M.M.: Hahahah, no Yossarian, you concrete-thinking SOB. Forget about body hair. It's an analogy. You are the Macaria of the US Army Air Force, the Southwest Pacific Command and the 90th Bombardment Squadron, Medium. YOU are being sacrificed, Yossarian.

Tall, hirsute fellow:: But...<furrows brow>

M.M.: Where is General Marshall? Where is General Short? Even Cathcart. How come you are the only remaining defendant?

Tall, hirsute fellow:: <mumbles>

M.M.: YOU are the human sacrifice, Yossarian! You are being sacrificed on the altar of political expediency. Cathcart wants to make General, Lt. Gen. Short wants to make Major General and General Marshall wants to make...Hell I don't know maybe President. But who are you, Yossarian? You are NOBODY, Yossarian! An old lighthouse got blown up and somebody has to pay. YOU are the payment, Yossarian! YOU are Macaria.

Tall, hirsute fellow:: Holy Mary mother of God! You are right, Milo, you crazy SOB. I AM Macaria!

M.M.: Body hair and all. Ugly as homemade sin. You are Macaria.

Tall, hirsute fellow:: Milo, you brilliant, crazy, SOB. You gotta help me. I don't WANT to be Macaria.

M.M.: I will see if we can properly align the motivations of all parties. Let me think on it a bit. But first, another round. <he holds up two fingers to the Chief who is stanidng on a stool behind the bar. Twin, ganged starter motors from "surplus" 2 1/2 ton trucks roar into life, instantly pulverizing a block of ice>