Worst war movie you've ever seen

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Heartland
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Post by Heartland »

Originally posted by degen:
For the gen-x or whatever generation they are now, movies are how they learn about history. In this respect, Kellys Heroes fails to have any redeeming qualities.
Yeah, but this is like judging Star Wars by how well Newtonian physics are portrayed in the ww2-in-space-dogfights (not at all) - a waste of time and beside the point. At least those gen-x people watching Kelly's Heroes may get a rough idea about what a Tiger tank is, for example, which they wouldn't have a clue about otherwise. With this kind of movie you take whatever historical accuracy that accidently slips in as an extra bonus, not as the basis on which to judge the whole enchilada.

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Post by The MSG »

Originally posted by Nikademus:
Kelly's hero's i consider more a comedy-drama set in wartime than anything else therefore i dont judge it based on "historical content"

But then again i'm biased...i loved Donald Sutherland in it.

"ITS A BEAUTIFUL TANK!!!!...."

the movie also sticks in my mind as i thought for a while there that i was looking at an actual Tiger tank staring as itself....till i took a closer look at the suspension. Image
My favourite Oddball(Sutherlands Char) comment is
-"You and your negative waves, man..."

Well, that Tiger is one of the best Tiger conversions I have seen... I saw this movie about Patton in Tunisia, where the role of Tigers was eminently played by M47 Pattons(if there EVER was a tank that DIDNT look like a Tiger...)!

Well, I dont know if one can class these movies as warmovies (they certainly arent WW2, but anyway), but what do you say about Rambo 2-3? Gotta LOVE that scene in R3 where Sly plays chicken with the Hind with his singlehandedly operated T-72...




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Post by Don Doom »

one- Kellys heros, funny movie,only good thing about it is the shermans!
two- I know it is not a ww2 movie but "Lion of the desert" aint hafe bad, funny ital's though.
three-Battle of the bluge- M47-48 for SDKFZ VIB(King Tiger)Give me a break.
four-The Bridge, Is not a bad movie.
five-TRL- I have not seen it, from what I saw in the previews, not going to either.
six- SPR- not on my list to see any time before my kids die of old age.
seven- desert rats,tank girl, sahara,tabruk,any john wayne war flicks,
This is enough for now.

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Post by troopie »

For non-WW2 movies, "The Green Berets". I first saw that in the late 80's with a couple of Vietnam Vets. You should have heard the swearing, derisive hoots, and sniggers. When Big John makes a sloppy speech and a doubter actually volunteers for combat, they were nearly shocked into apoplexy.

troopie

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Post by SARGE220 »

Originally posted by Ilja Varha:
And more:

Germans say small words like "Himmel, scheisse, engländer, führer..." in German and all other stuff they speak in perfect american english.

I would say the worst movie is Thin Red Line or the one about the war in Ardenned were the Chaffees kick the german Patton-Tiger ass 10-0... There are many others too...

Ilja
The movie your talking about is "The Battle of the Bulge" and the Chafees didn't win, they were wiped out, but the battle used up all the gas for the german tanks. there are things wrong with the movie but not what you claimed.
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Post by Bonzo »

In reverse order (&, sadly, in my video collection)
6) Edge of Darkness - Errol Flynn as Norwegian partisan in WWII. Is there anything else to say? Image

5)633 Squadron - Cliff Robertson as a Mosquito Bomber pilot. Laughable special effects, horrid script. Image

4) Up Periscope - James Garner as a frogman in the Pacific stealing a code book from a Japanese base. All the cliches from all the previous posts. Image

3) The Tanks are Coming - No name actors. generic tough sergent takes over tank crew after their beloved commander is killed. Leads them to victory by being hard as nails & ignoring the company commander. Image

2)The Battle of El Alamein - The "Spaggetti Western" of war movies. Think of the script writer for the "Trinity" westerns of the early '70's with fellow who chose the armour for "Battle of the Bulge", before he developed his fine knowlege of armoured vehicles. Image

and the worst of the lot.....

1) Battle of the Last Panzer - Image words fail me. that's all I can say. I'm ashamed to say I have it on tape...even more ashamed to say I PAID for it. Kelly's Heroes is a solid documentary taken entirely from unedited gun-camera footage next to this piece of @%##$&. 'nuff said. Nothing could possibly be worse and exist on tape without erasing itself out of shame. Image

bonzo

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Post by Bonzo »

In reverse order (&, sadly, in my video collection)
6) Edge of Darkness - Errol Flynn as Norwegian partisan in WWII. Is there anything else to say? Image

5)633 Squadron - Cliff Robertson as a Mosquito Bomber pilot. Laughable special effects, horrid script. Image

4) Up Periscope - James Garner as a frogman in the Pacific stealing a code book from a Japanese base. All the cliches from all the previous posts. Image

3) The Tanks are Coming - No name actors. generic tough sergent takes over tank crew after their beloved commander is killed. Leads them to victory by being hard as nails & ignoring the company commander. Image

2)The Battle of El Alamein - The "Spaggetti Western" of war movies. Think of the script writer for the "Trinity" westerns of the early '70's with fellow who chose the armour for "Battle of the Bulge", before he developed his fine knowlege of armoured vehicles. Image

and the worst of the lot.....

1) Battle of the Last Panzer - Image words fail me. that's all I can say. I'm ashamed to say I have it on tape...even more ashamed to say I PAID for it. Kelly's Heroes is a solid documentary taken entirely from unedited gun-camera footage next to this piece of @%##$&. 'nuff said. Nothing could possibly be worse and exist on tape without erasing itself out of shame. Image

bonzo

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Post by Randy »

My pick is Fireball Forward with Ben Gazarra.
I think it was a TV movie, and then they tried to make a series out of it. I came out after Patton. It had film clips from Patton,
and Battle of the Bulge. It was just plain stupid. The show was so pathetic, I'm
ashamed to even list it!!!! Image
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Post by Hortlund »

Ok, now I got curious. Please tell us something more about that movie..the last panzer.
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In its place we are entering a period of consequences..
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Post by Fabs »

Originally posted by troopie:
For non-WW2 movies, "The Green Berets". I first saw that in the late 80's with a couple of Vietnam Vets. You should have heard the swearing, derisive hoots, and sniggers. When Big John makes a sloppy speech and a doubter actually volunteers for combat, they were nearly shocked into apoplexy.


troopie

Possibly worse than "Green Berets" is "Go tell the Spartans", a Viet Nam flick featuring Burt Lancaster.

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[This message has been edited by Fabs (edited October 27, 2000).]
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Post by Fabs »

Kluckenbill said:

"Its been a couple of years since I've seen Stalingrad, but even that movie suffered (IMHO) from having a lot of combatants bunched together. Look how close everyone is and how close together the foxholes are in the scene where they are stopping the Russian tank attack."

Absolutely right. I have always felt that this is one of the least brilliant scenes of an otherwise remarkble movie.

What is at work here is the limitation of the camera lens. You have to bunch people together to make an interesting action scene.

Back to the point of how boring war movies would be to watch if scenes of combat in the open field were constructed realistically.

One would be reduced to shooting mostly from a helicopter, and even then it would be damned hard for the audience to understand what was happening.

It would be like watching a bunch of ants hidden around on the ground.

However, the "Factory storming" scene, the sewer scenes and the "broken truce" scene were IMO well represented.

You can use the camera to give the idea of the drama and horror of close range combat, where it is possible to show an overview including both sides and paste in individual shots of what happens to each side's men and their reactions.

In this sense, plaudits go to SPR for the carnage on the beach, although for the sake of the story line those Rangers get from the wash to the bunkers far too quickly. (In reality, I doubt that the guys that got to the top of the cliffs were among the first to land).

The duel with the MG nest is also well filmed, it is just in an odd context (solitary squad runs into solitary, unsupported MG nest protecting some sort of comms installation in the middle of nowhere?).

The duel between snipers is probably a more realistic scene, although again I suspect that such affairs took longer to play out in real life.

I also wonder whether a good sniper would have chosen such an obvious position, and stuck around in it after making one kill.

Snipers tended to prefer to stay alive, and did so by choosing their positions carefully, making sure they had plenty of escape possibilities and changing to carefully prepared alternative positions as soon as they felt that the current one had possibly been revealed, normally after taking one shot.

The fight for Ramelle (wonderfully portrayed for us in Wild Bill's two excellent scenarios) is, I'm afraid, pure Hollywood.

Great set and great re-creation of fighting vehicles, but not much to do with real combat.

The scenes prior to the fight reminded me of "The A-Team", when they sit in a garage making up the weird contraptions that they are going to use in the coming fight. Good old American ingeniousness at work! Image

The attacking Germans once again are shown as moronic suicidal maniacs, running around in the open and falling victims to the cross fires set up by our crafty American heroes.

German grenades are thrown at the Americans with plenty of time for them to pick them up and throw them out again (how brave!!!).

The Germans are represented as SS, when American troops in the early days came up mostly against Wehrmacht or Fallschirmjaeger, until Das Reich and Goetz von Berlichingen showed up. (SS wear more photogenic uniforms and make for more dramatic enemies).

Tigers are involved in the fight, while during the early part of the Normandy battles most Heavy Panzer units were employed against the British and the Canadians.

American fought mostly against infantry in the days immediately following the landings.

They were counterattacked by armor in places, but probably did not see any Tigers until July.

The fight is played out underscoring the "goodies" heroism agains impossible odds until all hope seems lost, at which point the "cavalry" arrives to save the day. How original! Image

The characterisation of the SS man that is taken prisoner and released, only to return to fight in the Ramelle assault, is usual Hollywood rubbish.

British and Canadian accounts (the Brits and Canucks fought the bulk of the SS divisions on the Caen front) of SS prisoner behavior don't bear out the movie character.

It is a shame that in a movie where the American men were so well characterized no effort was made to do the same for their German enemies.

Nazism, old European rivalries and German nationalistic militarism are very difficult themes to tackle, and even more difficult would be to superimpose the humanity of the men caught up in these historical circumstances and the various ways in which the combination pans out for different individuals, or groups of men.

If Spielberg had had the courage to explore these themes fairly and fully, he would have made a longer movie, shorter on action but as great a masterpiece as Schindler's list.

As it is, he missed that opportunity by a mile.

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Fabs

[This message has been edited by Fabs (edited October 27, 2000).]

[This message has been edited by Fabs (edited October 27, 2000).]
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Post by mogami »

Has no one who vists matrix boards never seen movie "Zero"? Was it my misfortune to be the only one subjected to the horror?
Someone make the nightmares stop and tell me I did not imagine the whole thing, please someone tell me they suffered through this disaster too. Image

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Post by Bonzo »

OK Panzerjaeger Hortlund, from the tape case.

"The Battle of the Last Panzer. In the spirit of Saving Private Ryan & The Thin Red Line, the Troma Team proudly presents the epic war drama Battle of the Last Panzer.

In one of world war II's most explosive battles, American forces dominate a squadron of German Panzer Tanks on the battlefields of France. Assuming the area has been secured and all the German forces have either surrendered or been killed, the Americans return to their base to celebrate the end of the war. Unbeknownst to them, one tank and 5 soldiers were salvaged. With a broken Panzer tank, depleted gas supply, and little food, these 5 fatigued Germans attempt to make it back home rather than surrender to the Americans.

Lead by the shell shocked Sergent Ernst (Stan Cooper) the German troop takes refuge in a small French town that had been ravaged by the occupation from both sides of the battlefield. The local physician, mayor, and his gorgeous wife (Erna Schurer) are taken hostage to protect the Germans from the local militia as well as show them the way back home. Struggling to lead his men to safety as well as keep his own sanity, Sergent Ernst is plagued by battle flashbacks and a yearnig desire for the mayor's wife.

Battle of the Last Panzer is an intriguing look at war through the eyes of the "enemy" and how for 5 soldiers one war begins when another ends."

I bought this sight unseen from Amazon.com. For an idea about the quality of this film, check out the makers site www.troma.com

truly horrid

Bonzo



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Post by troopie »

Originally posted by Mogami:
Has no one who vists matrix boards never seen movie "Zero"? Was it my misfortune to be the only one subjected to the horror?
Someone make the nightmares stop and tell me I did not imagine the whole thing, please someone tell me they suffered through this disaster too. Image

You probably imagined it, Mogami. No flick could be as bad as you described Zero as being. People would burn the bioscope down.


troopie


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Post by Don »

I just saw "Battle of the Bulge" the other day for the first time, but before I could even think about all the things that were bad about it I saw "U-571". This movie makes "B in the B" look good! Horrible casting, wooden dialogue, a far-fetched story that is completely made up made me want to
Image

On the other hand, I just got "Stalingrad" and "Cross of Iron", neither of which I have seen. Can't wait to see them!

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Post by Peregrine Falcon »

Originally posted by Bonzo:
OK Panzerjaeger Hortlund, from the tape case.

"The Battle of the Last Panzer. In the spirit of Saving Private Ryan & The Thin Red Line, the Troma Team proudly presents the epic war drama Battle of the Last Panzer.

Troma? Oh boy...Well that was Real Surprise.
What you should expect from the guys that made "Toxic Avenger" & "Class of Nuke' Em High"? Image

Troma - King of Trash-movies Image
Never liked them myself...



[This message has been edited by Peregrine Falcon (edited October 28, 2000).]
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Post by Lou »

Originally posted by troopie:
German units are officered at a rate of six officers for every 3 enlisted men.

Slapping a coward's face will make him a hero.

John Wayne can't be killed. (Except for in "The Fighting Seabees"

Every Russian partisan is a crack shot.

You don't need to be able to speak German to impersonate a German officer, a German accent will do. If you can't do a German accent, a cultured English accent will suffice.

45mm Anti-tank guns will knock out the heaviest German tanks, and shoot down aircraft too. See "Days of Glory" for this one.

Every German tank is a Tiger. Just once I'd like to hear, "That's a PzKpfw IVc!"

troopie
The Duke: Didn't he die in the Sands of Iwo Jima?

Tanks: I believe it's impossible to be a military history afficinado (sp?) and not cringe during the tanks scenes of any war movie outside of Saving Private Ryan. Usually, the German tanks are Russian T-34s or American Pattons with crosses painted on them. Wasn't in the in the movie Patton where U.S. M-47s were fighting against German M-47s? Oh well...budgets are budgets.

What about the best t.v. show about the military? My vote goes for Combat with Vic Morrow. "Lt. Why do we have to take that house?" "Because battalion wants it." Perhaps my memory is fogged by the mists of nostalgia, but I LOVED that show when I was a kid.

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Post by Randy »

I'll vote for Combat as the best military
TV show. Sometimes you can still find it on
some local TV channel in Orange County. I even still remember the different shows. What about Rat Patrol? The Germans in the M-3 half track and the M-7 Priest SPG. I guess
those two jeeps won the war!
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degen
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Post by degen »

Originally posted by Lou:
The Duke: Didn't he die in the Sands of Iwo Jima?

That's correct, it was just when his troops were starting to like him.

Tanks: I believe it's impossible to be a military history afficinado (sp?) and not cringe during the tanks scenes of any war movie outside of Saving Private Ryan. Usually, the German tanks are Russian T-34s or American Pattons with crosses painted on them. Wasn't in the in the movie Patton where U.S. M-47s were fighting against German M-47s? Oh well...budgets are budgets.

It's too bad that there are not more of the WW2 era tanks around. Someone else on a post mentioned that only one Tiger exists now. Seems like someone would have thought to preserve more of the German tanks since they were of such good quality.

What about the best t.v. show about the military? My vote goes for Combat with Vic Morrow. "Lt. Why do we have to take that house?" "Because battalion wants it." Perhaps my memory is fogged by the mists of nostalgia, but I LOVED that show when I was a kid.

Combat was great! When I was a kid, the only station that had it was about 200 miles away. The reception was bad, so I was only able to see it at a friend's house or when we went to LA.

Louis


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Post by Dave S »

er,just because so many Americans (of all generations)choose voluntary illiteracy as a method of historical research doesnt mean Kellys Heroes wasnt a great romp. Worst war movie Battle of the Bulge Best war movie Dr Stranglove "We`ll meet again dont know where dont know when..."

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