ORIGINAL: Wicky
Nop, there's a gargantuan mistake in your logical pattern!
If some bully punches me in the stomach, I can either fight back or stand still and have the Option B to do nothing. As stupid as it sounds, but I can just stand still and wait for more punches. For example Ghandi, when the English were at war with the Indians, but the Indians were not at war with them. They just refused to engage in any resistance.
Nice job warping history. The Indians resisted plenty -- they just didn't use violence to do it. Since when was that a "war", anyway? I'm pretty sure the British saw it as policing their colonies; not fighting a war. Wars involve organised violence committed by opposing armed forces.
As for my logic, lol? You really think you have a choice when it comes to whether or not a state of war exists between you and another state? You can refuse to engage in hostilities and be a galactic coward, but a state of war is still going to exist whether you want it to or not. A state of war can be declared by a single party, but it needs an agreement between both the aggressor and the defender in order to return to a state of peace. It does not take the agreement of both parties in order to start a war, lol.
Your people are unhappy that they're at risk of having their homes bombed from orbit, or perhaps they're unhappy that their kin are being killed defending your worlds and you aren't doing anything to stop it. I've had my race drawn into plenty of wars, some of which last for years, and I haven't had any real problem with War Weariness. I'm a Teekan Democracy, for reference.
If war weariness is messing you up that badly then perhaps you need to sue for peace. Swallow your pride and give them whatever they want. I personally think that if you're not even striking back at the enemy then your war weariness should climb even faster as your people begin to wonder why on earth they're being made to sit there and take a pounding.
In summary, all I see in your posts is "The AI is beating me and I don't like it".