Bring me the head of Diego Garcia...and the Mayor of Addu Atoll too!

[Alfred]

ORIGINAL: Cap Mandrake


Here is a test:

Imagine you are at a fancy Hollywood dinner party. Everyone there is a screenwriter or art director or actor or VP in some NGO. The conversation then turns to your hobbies. You are already suspect because the valet noticed your car did not have a Gore 2000 sticker or Save the Whales sticker.

Now...what do you tell them:

1) I am a civil War reenactor
2) I collect model trains
3) I play a turn-based compter recreation of WWII in the Pacific..oh and China, Burma, and India too.

In view of your "company" I would shame them by saying that rather than wasting foreign aid money which really mainly benefits consultants/industry of the donor country rather than the putative recipient country, you actually reduce trade barriers to exports from developing countries which benefits their citizens. When queried how you actually do that, proudly boast of your Mayan housekeeper and how you reward the export of Mayan labour exports to the USA.

Alfred

[Cap Mandrake]

Well, well, well....

[Cap Mandrake]

Lord Admiral Sprior (Most High)
2nd Runner Up, Colombo Dancing With the Stars Competition
Eastern Fleet HQ, Ceylon


Greetings from New Fiji. I just recieved your letter re. a defensive line in Portuguese Timor. I am here on a inspection tour and my aircraft is grounded due the proximity of Jap carriers so I decided to take a few minutes to respond.

I solidly concur with you plan and am able to comit the USN Wildcats and at least one squadron of SBD's to the Ambon, Lautem, Darwin position. Also, USS Boise and her escorts may continue to operate there as a surface security force. Chicao and Pensacola, of course, will have to return for repairs to Southern Australia. As long as we can build up a solid supply cache and keep the airfield open, I think Darwin is virtually invulnerable now to seizure. Unless Bataan or Singapore falls, I don't think the Japs can bring a ground force of sufficient force to defeat the brigade you propose at Lautem.

Warmly;

Admiral of the Fleet, and the ground troops for that matter
Cap Mandrake, certified Orange Belt, Jiu Jitsu and
Voted Most Likely to Go to Jail, 1928 Class,
Farmersburg High School, Farmersburg, Indiana

[Cap Mandrake]

...and I mean Biblically evil.

Let me explain. Stalker girl's Dell laptop got a case of the slows and locking up (I told her to use Firefox but she wouldn't listen). Anyway, so she takes it to this retired aerospace engineer who does computer repairs and drops it off. 10 d later she hasn't heard from him so she calls.

Computer guy: Yes, sorry, I haven't been feeling well...I think I have E. coli or something.

Stalker Girl: Oh, OK, take your time.

<3 days later>

Wife of Computer Guy on Phone: Hi, Stalker Girl?

Stalker Girl: Yes?

Wife of Computer Guy on Phone: I have good news and bad news and really bad news. The good news is your computer is ready. The bad news is I can't find your power cord and the really bad news is my husband died of a bowel perforation 3 d ago. [X(]

So Stalker Girl goes over to pick it up, consoles the poor wife for 2 hrs, pays her $75 and leaves without the power cord. Now she is out $75 for the repair and $90 to replace the transformer/charger....and...wait for it....the thing STILL doesn't work. It just makes a creepy purring sound when you turn it on. I am not going to touch the thing even though it has my last year tax files on it. My personal belief is it wants to be fed again.

[princep01]

DO NOT touch said afflicted computer with bare skin. At today's prices, a better solution is the Office Space solution .....remember the fax machine? Repairing computers is almost never worth it....recovery of hard drive data is easier and can be transferred to a new, unafflicted computer after a careful check for afflicated files. I'm sure your soul mate knows the dangers of downloading.

As to your 08 tax records...call the IRS and ask for your 08 return transcript. All your entries from 08 will be there. If you want a transcript off your 08 income (all sources), ask for a Wage and Income transcript for 08. Yep...free and they will fax, if you are at the fax machine. Don't call them on Monday. The hold time to get to a customer service rep will be too long.

Good luck, young Jedi. And have fun with your soulmate dropping the hammer on the evil machine with the green goo leaking out of it.

[Cap Mandrake]

Things are moving slowly right now because of that excruciating annual American "tradition" of tax preparation. I declined to participate in the past but then an IRS flunkie actually came to my door and gave me a special invitation. It is going to be excrutiating this year as Stalker Girl cashed in a 20K IRA beacuse she "needed the money"....doh.

There are now two carrier groups confirmed near New Scotland. The US carriers, will have to refuse combat until we have more information...that is...unless Halsey pops a cork and head over there on his own.

[sprior]

While JJ is busy over on Cap's side of the map we're loading up a brigade and a base force to send to Lautem. Reso arrives at Cape Town. Enola Gay is playing in the kitchen, I bet the kids are really getting on her nerves, they are mine.

[Cap Mandrake]

ORIGINAL: sprior
Enola Gay is playing in the kitchen, I bet the kids are really getting on her nerves, they are mine.

From what I heard, Mrs. Tibbits was quite a patient woman, though given to the occaisional melt-down and explosion when the neighborhood kids came over and a critical mass was reached.


Reader Poll:


The US carriers should:

1) Promptly attack the Westernmost Jap carrier group, while trying to avoid engagement with the SE group.

2) Sprint in and attack both groups, with the Ride of the Valkyries playing on the loudspeakers.

3) Move in a careful Northerly direction, hoping to attck the landing group

4) Exercise Brave Sir Robin option

[sprior]

As an employee of Westernallies (tm) am I allowed to take part?

[Grollub]

ORIGINAL: Cap Mandrake

ORIGINAL: sprior
Enola Gay is playing in the kitchen, I bet the kids are really getting on her nerves, they are mine.

From what I heard, Mrs. Tibbits was quite a patient woman, though given to the occaisional melt-down and explosion when the neighborhood kids came over and a critical mass was reached.

Reader Poll:

The US carriers should:

1) Promptly attack the Westernmost Jap carrier group, while trying to avoid engagement with the SE group.

2) Sprint in and attack both groups, with the Ride of the Valkyries playing on the loudspeakers.

3) Move in a careful Northerly direction, hoping to attck the landing group

4) Exercise Brave Sir Robin option

My vote;

Bravely bold Sir Robin
Rode forth from Camelot.
He was not afraid to die,
Oh brave Sir Robin.
He was not at all afraid
To be killed in nasty ways.
Brave, brave, brave, brave Sir Robin.

He was not in the least bit scared
To be mashed into a pulp.
Or to have his eyes gouged out,
And his elbows broken.
To have his kneecaps split
And his body burned away,
And his limbs all hacked and mangled
Brave Sir Robin.

His head smashed in
And his heart cut out
And his liver removed
And his bowls unplugged
And his nostrils raped
And his bottom burnt off
And his pen--

"That's... that's enough music for now lads,
*** there's dirty work afoot*** ???."

Brave Sir Robin ran away. ("No!")
Bravely ran away away. ("I didn't!")
When danger reared it's ugly head,
He bravely turned his tail and fled. ("no!")
Yes, brave Sir Robin turned about ("I didn't!")
And gallantly he chickened out.

****Bravely**** taking ("I never did!") to his feet,
He beat a very brave retreat. ("all lies!")
Bravest of the braaaave, Sir Robin! ("I never!")

[Chickenboy]

ORIGINAL: Cap Mandrake

ORIGINAL: sprior
Enola Gay is playing in the kitchen, I bet the kids are really getting on her nerves, they are mine.

From what I heard, Mrs. Tibbits was quite a patient woman, though given to the occaisional melt-down and explosion when the neighborhood kids came over and a critical mass was reached.


Reader Poll:


The US carriers should:

1) Promptly attack the Westernmost Jap carrier group, while trying to avoid engagement with the SE group.

2) Sprint in and attack both groups, with the Ride of the Valkyries playing on the loudspeakers.

3) Move in a careful Northerly direction, hoping to attck the landing group

4) Exercise Brave Sir Robin option

Tough call, Cap'n. I like the idea behind number 3, but you're in easy striking range of at least 4 IJN fleet CVs that can react into you if detected:

1. An attack on the Western group would certainly bring the Eastern group a'runnin'. Net: your 2 USN CVs versus JJ's 4 CVs. You get one or two of his, both of yours are goners.

2. An attack on both groups would certainly bring both groups down on you. Net: your 2 USN CVs versus JJ's 4. You get one or two of his, both of yours are goners.

3. A. You are detected and attacked when the Western group moves rapidly West and engages your CVs. Eastern group on follow-up attack 1-2 days later. Net: your 2 USN CVs versus JJ's 4. You get one or two of his, both of yours are goners.

3. B. You are not detected and manage to manuever North on the Eastern side of Australia. After a rapid swing East, you engage the landing force and cause significant carnage, gnashing of JJ teeth and a sharp increase in JJ existential ennui. Good on 'ya mate. The now angry JJ CVs (both groups) give chase towards the gap between P/NG and Australia. You (50%) get away at top speed or (50%) are chased down. Hilarity and battle ensue. Net: your 2 USN CVs versus 2-4 JJ CVs. You get one or two of his, both of yours are goners.

4. Ghormley! [:-]

[witpqs]

ORIGINAL: Cap Mandrake

The US carriers should:

1) Promptly attack the Westernmost Jap carrier group, while trying to avoid engagement with the SE group.

This one reminds me of a MacArthur complaint (from the movie):

"How do you bomb half a bridge?"

[Cap Mandrake]

ORIGINAL: Chickenboy
Tough call, Cap'n. I like the idea behind number 3, but you're in easy striking range of at least 4 IJN fleet CVs that can react into you if detected:

1. An attack on the Western group would certainly bring the Eastern group a'runnin'. Net: your 2 USN CVs versus JJ's 4 CVs. You get one or two of his, both of yours are goners.

2. An attack on both groups would certainly bring both groups down on you. Net: your 2 USN CVs versus JJ's 4. You get one or two of his, both of yours are goners.

3. A. You are detected and attacked when the Western group moves rapidly West and engages your CVs. Eastern group on follow-up attack 1-2 days later. Net: your 2 USN CVs versus JJ's 4. You get one or two of his, both of yours are goners.

3. B. You are not detected and manage to manuever North on the Eastern side of Australia. After a rapid swing East, you engage the landing force and cause significant carnage, gnashing of JJ teeth and a sharp increase in JJ existential ennui. Good on 'ya mate. The now angry JJ CVs (both groups) give chase towards the gap between P/NG and Australia. You (50%) get away at top speed or (50%) are chased down. Hilarity and battle ensue. Net: your 2 USN CVs versus 2-4 JJ CVs. You get one or two of his, both of yours are goners.

4. Ghormley! [:-]

Yes, very much how I see it. Any US carrier left disabled or slowed in an intitial contest will be dead meat. The Mavis's are certain to be out, either operating from Lunga or Shortlands. If I am chased West, there is no safe Australian port, even Sydney. I suppose I could try to run the Cortes Strait toward Darwin but there may be Betties at Port Moresby. I did have the fanciful idea I might pop up North of New Scotland, jump the transports, then head Northeast, but the refueling options would be limited.

If there were a safe way to be detected and not allow the wrath of 2 carrier divisions, I could draw them SE and try to sneak in the Surface force South of Fiji.

I am now leaning toward option 5....Fly off an SBD squadron to New Edinburgh, then head back to Oz to pick up one of the spare USN SBD squadrons, allow the landing, hoping to stall them on the landing beach, then use the carriers to bring in reinforcements after the Japs retire for refueling.

The thought of not having any US carriers left in the Pacific is too horrible to contemplate.

Sometimes Ghormley-types are right.

[Cap Mandrake]

ORIGINAL: witpqs

ORIGINAL: Cap Mandrake

The US carriers should:

1) Promptly attack the Westernmost Jap carrier group, while trying to avoid engagement with the SE group.

This one reminds me of a MacArthur complaint (from the movie):

"How do you bomb half a bridge?"

I nearly ordered an attack on the Western group this turn when they were reported to be 4 battleships and six tankers [:D]

The last remaining Dodo bird told me not to.

[witpqs]

He sure loves them tankers - protects them solidly! [:D]

[khyberbill]

1) Promptly attack the Westernmost Jap carrier group, while trying to avoid engagement with the SE group.

2) Sprint in and attack both groups, with the Ride of the Valkyries playing on the loudspeakers.

3) Move in a careful Northerly direction, hoping to attck the landing group

If you dp any of these perhaps you should be playing "In the Hall of the Mountain King" instead.

[Cap Mandrake]

ORIGINAL: khyberbill

1) Promptly attack the Westernmost Jap carrier group, while trying to avoid engagement with the SE group.

2) Sprint in and attack both groups, with the Ride of the Valkyries playing on the loudspeakers.

3) Move in a careful Northerly direction, hoping to attck the landing group

If you dp any of these perhaps you should be playing "In the Hall of the Mountain King" instead.

Yes...I keep telling myself to cut down on the androgen shots.

I am decided...the USN carriers will slink away as I believe they are, as of yet, undiscovered. Uncertainty of their position is at least as much of a desirable thing as is killing Japs. The Marine aviation at New Edinburgh will have to go it alone for a bit.

I do have this question. Suppose I fly in a Navy SBD squadron and they take air frame losses. Can I then disband a Marine SBD squadron INTO the Navy squadron.

[Mynok]

Why am I having Bilbo vs Smaug flashbacks..... [:D]

[Cap Mandrake]

ORIGINAL: sprior

As an employee of Westernallies (tm) am I allowed to take part?

[:D][:D]

[Cap Mandrake]

******Office of the Intelligence Chief, Pacific Fleet, Oahu, 10:40, Feb. 5, 1942*****

Aide: Sir, we have a flash message from Noumea, in the clear.

Intelligence Chief: What do you just say Commander?

Aide: We have a flash message from....ummm...New Edinburgh?

Intelligence Chief: That is better. We need to set the example, you see. I want the code words used all the time. That is the point. So, let me have the message, Commander.

Aide: It reads, "Air raid, many enemy carrier planes New Edinburgh, over."

Intelligence Chief: Well, of course they are going to be OVER New Edinburgh, they are airplanes, what does the chap expect them to do, taxi up on the highway and open up with machine guns?

Aide: Sir, I think it was intended to convey the end of the message.

Intelligence Chief: Well then, perhaps he should more clear about it then, eh? After all, we are in the intelligence business, aren't we Commander?

Aide: Yes, sir, that is what I have heard.

Intelligence Chief: Well, as for New Edinburgh, this can hardly be unexpected. They might just be softening up the airfield and still plan to land at...oh...damnit....what is that other one called...you know..at the North end of New Scotland?

Aide: New Ullapool, sir?

Intelligence Chief: Yeah, yeah, yeah, that's it! Well, put that in the summary and send it up to CINCPAC. I am glad to hear they are using the approved code words.

Aide: Yes, sir, about that, a number of us were wondering.

Intelligence Chief: Yes, yes <looks up from papers slightly annoyed> Out with it son.

Aide: Well, sir, the Japs will know, of course, when their attack on New Edinburgh was going in.

Intelligence Chief: Yes?

Aide: And the broadcast was in the clear and contemporaneous with the attack?

Intelligence Chief: Yes? Of course.

Aide: And the Japs will surely have English translators.

Intelligence Chief: Yes, can't fault them for that.

Aide: And the code word was used in the open broadcast?

Intelligence Chief: Yes, as per my instructions. Can't very well have them saying you know what in an open broadcast. That is the whole point of code words. We want to confuse the little yellow bastards, most of them are like trained organ grinder monkeys, anyway. What is your point?

Aide: Well sir, won't the Japs be able to deduce that New Edinburgh is really..well..you know what. After all, they will have a map somewhere that says you know what.

Intelligence Chief: Hmmm....<looks lost, eyes searching the ceiling to his left> Deduce, you say?