i really got a psychological problem

[gladiatt]

too much frustration is just killing the pleasure of game.
I can't stand frustration. I can't stand failure, wether it come from my stupidity or it come from bad luck (and i am unable to judge if i make stupid choice in game or if i have bad luck every time).
Player on this board usually give advice (at least i had a bunch of good advice on my AAR on the old Witp Forum), but it seem that even when i apply these advice, it don't give the expected results. Or i am too dumb to understand that i didn't made the things like i should. Or it can't always give good results.
But i have the feeling of only having BAD results; maybe another player wood see the good part of things; is it just me seing the wrong part, or is there really only wrong part ?
One could tell : take time, have a rest, you will see things on a different way in a day or two. First, i will then have to tell my opponant to wait, but for what reason ? Second, it does not allow me to see things better after a time of waiting.

Problem is that frustration don't come from Witp solely. I have many others game (only strategic games, i don't like others kind).
But i always end with frustration. And i usually play on the easiest level when facing an AI.
And frustration worsten (word ??) my day. And give me bad mood; and sometime lead me to be unbearable to my wife and to myself.

I sometime tried to stop playing, thinking about reading or looking TV (wrong choice, there is nothing interesting on TV). But in usually one or two days, i lost interest in the others things i try to do, willing to play to something.
Just imagine a little child of 2 or 3 years begging " i want to play" : it's me. Can't find interest in work, i think of my game; and then i come back home, and i get straight to my computer to play...and in a few minutes i get frustrated.

How to get free of this doomed addiction that Game mean ? Is there a psychological disease known about this ? Is there a way to cure ? A way to find interest in something else (to get free of this addiction, but still having something to do ? )
Does others peoples had this kind of thinking, or am i the only stupid dumb cretin having this kind of feeling ?

Now my opponant is waiting for my turn. And i don't wan't to reply. Or to just tell him that i give up....
Wife is looking at me in disarray, looking for some words to tell me, but even if i appreciate her support, it does not help.
Would like to become stupid enough to give up every games and just spend all my time on TV...

Don't know what to do.

[Grfin Zeppelin]

What is the usual source of frustration ? Making errors, forgeting something, a good plan goes wrong, geting a thrill because of the challenge or something else or all combined ?
From what you say I can only conclude you are prone to stress and you are geting into this state rather quickly if things dont go your way.Wich leads to the question is it only in games or are there other situations too ?

[gladiatt]

ORIGINAL: Gräfin Zeppelin

What is the usual source of frustration ? Making errors, forgeting something, a good plan goes wrong, geting a thrill because of the challenge or something else or all combined ?
From what you say I can only conclude you are prone to stress and you are geting into this state rather quickly if things dont go your way.Wich leads to the question is it only in games or are there other situations too ?

Interesting question. I would say: everything. I sometime make errors; i then feel stupid, but try to correct them. I often make plans and they get wrong , and then i say to myself: WTF, this was not worth the effort. I often (too often ?) feel i have bad luck. But this is my feeling, and someone else could say: a) the result is logical
b) the result is not that bad
c) you didn't made too much mistakes

Now, about life. Am i prone to stress: this is something i am unable to say; i should ask my wife/friends. Usually, people think that i am rather cool. I tend to think that this is GAME that make me react like this. Like if it's not a game but something much more important. I already had failed exam, i don't feel the same feeling. Younger, i had failure with womens (who didn't ?), and having less frustration failure. I just learned that my Human Ressource Departement refuse my upgrading for someone not having succeed in exam, that bother me but don't have the same frustration feeling.
Of course your question is much valid (and i don't feel offended at all, you had to ask it), but from my point of vue, the games are the MAIN (from far) sources of frustration.
And that's why i feel addicted in the wrong sense, and thinking i should get rid of and feel free (but , as said in first post, already tried).
Thanks for interest

[Grfin Zeppelin]

Hmmm hmmm well I am glad to hear it does not affect your rl, that a realy good thing

Ok, addict you say. Well if you go to work regulary and your wife (or children if you have) is/are pleased with your attention then its not somewthing to worry about, its simple as that.Dont get the self picture of a junkie because you play alot commpared to others.

So how serious do you play ? How much of your "lifeblood" is going into a game ? If a strategy game is serious business for you (nothing wrong about it btw) than its for example not a surprise at all if something going wrong causes stress. I guess one could even define his/her own (important)abilities from those games and henceforth very quickly geting am impression of failur or being unsatisfiet with ones abilities.

[DeriKuk]

Hey Gladiatt,

It sounds like you are a perfectionist and a control-freak. You believe that everything should have a desired outcome if only YOU do the right thing. These expectations are wound so tightly around you emotions that they are choking your enjoyment of life and games. Being aware of this condition is the first step towards breaking the cycle. Some will tell you to "lighten up", but it's never that easy. You can train your thoughts and your words, but it is a lot more difficult to steer your feelings . . . the insides that move you.

Here's the bottom line: You cannot control the world. You are not God. You are a little spectator who's come along for the ride.

Lie on your back on a clear evening and gaze out from our little blue planet into the magnificence of the infinite [I hate the limiting concept of "universe"]. FEEL your own insignificance in our limiting understandings of space and time. Make peace with that insignificance that unite all humans and life. Think about probability and the absurdity of life and awareness. I'm not asking you to become religious or believing . . . just aware of your ability to perceive the whole and the infinite. Now relax and see where this leaves your gaming experience.

When starting a competitive game there is an implicit contract that as much as you'd like to win, you should also be prepared to lose. It is a sad, sick opponent who thinks less of you for losing. While winning a game - especially one like WitP - according to the victory conditions is something you should strive for [It's someting you owe your opponent.], the real reward lies in playing . . . scheming, plotting, thinking, feeling.

It's not all about you. It's about playing. Have fun!

[Kwik E Mart]

gladiatt,
i empathize with your plight. i'm not sure how similar our situations are, but i think i know what you're going thru.

i am an avid golfer and carry a 3-4 handicap, so i think i know what i'm doing on the course most of the time. i recently went thru a stretch where i had what is known as the "yips". on the putting green, i would get an involuntary muscle twitch just before contacting the ball. the weird thing is that the closer to the hole i was, the worse it got - it was as if my body was "afraid" to hit the ball. i had trouble making one foot tap-ins. it got so bad that i considered quitting the game. i wasn't having fun anymore. i was embarassed around my buddies. i felt like i was wasting money by going out and playing.

i realized that i had to take a hard (and honest) look at myself if i wanted to continue my passion of golf. i realized that i was putting (pun not intended!) too much pressure on myself. i was so concerned about the "result" that my mechanics broke down completely. i literally had to forgive myself before the putt and give myself permission to fail. i know it sounds simplistic, but once i started doing that, i began making putts again.

my advice is to give yourself permission to fail when playing strategy games. after all, it's not a life and death proposition. perhaps you will find yourself making better decisions and improving your play. at the very least, you will have more fun! good luck.

[Kwik E Mart]

ORIGINAL: hjalmar99

Hey Gladiatt,

It sounds like you are a perfectionist and a control-freak. You believe that everything should have a desired outcome if only YOU do the right thing. These expectations are wound so tightly around you emotions that they are choking your enjoyment of life and games. Being aware of this condition is the first step towards breaking the cycle. Some will tell you to "lighten up", but it's never that easy. You can train your thoughts and your words, but it is a lot more difficult to steer your feelings . . . the insides that move you.

Here's the bottom line: You cannot control the world. You are not God. You are a little spectator who's come along for the ride.

Lie on your back on a clear evening and gaze out from our little blue planet into the magnificence of the infinite [I hate the limiting concept of "universe"]. FEEL your own insignificance in our limiting understandings of space and time. Make peace with that insignificance that unite all humans and life. Think about probability and the absurdity of life and awareness. I'm not asking you to become religious or believing . . . just aware of your ability to perceive the whole and the infinite. Now relax and see where this leaves your gaming experience.

When starting a competitive game there is an implicit contract that as much as you'd like to win, you should also be prepared to lose. It is a sad, sick opponent who thinks less of you for losing. While winning a game - especially one like WitP - according to the victory conditions is something you should strive for [It's someting you owe your opponent.], the real reward lies in playing . . . scheming, plotting, thinking, feeling.

It's not all about you. It's about playing. Have fun!

beat me by a couple minutes...very "cosmic" [8D]

[AW1Steve]

Eric, I just sent you an e-mail with a suggestion....let me know what you think![:)]

[gladiatt]

ORIGINAL: hjalmar99

Hey Gladiatt,

It sounds like you are a perfectionist and a control-freak. You believe that everything should have a desired outcome if only YOU do the right thing. These expectations are wound so tightly around you emotions that they are choking your enjoyment of life and games. Being aware of this condition is the first step towards breaking the cycle. Some will tell you to "lighten up", but it's never that easy. You can train your thoughts and your words, but it is a lot more difficult to steer your feelings . . . the insides that move you.

Here's the bottom line: You cannot control the world. You are not God. You are a little spectator who's come along for the ride.

Lie on your back on a clear evening and gaze out from our little blue planet into the magnificence of the infinite [I hate the limiting concept of "universe"]. FEEL your own insignificance in our limiting understandings of space and time. Make peace with that insignificance that unite all humans and life. Think about probability and the absurdity of life and awareness. I'm not asking you to become religious or believing . . . just aware of your ability to perceive the whole and the infinite. Now relax and see where this leaves your gaming experience.

When starting a competitive game there is an implicit contract that as much as you'd like to win, you should also be prepared to lose. It is a sad, sick opponent who thinks less of you for losing. While winning a game - especially one like WitP - according to the victory conditions is something you should strive for [It's someting you owe your opponent.], the real reward lies in playing . . . scheming, plotting, thinking, feeling.

It's not all about you. It's about playing. Have fun!

i understand much of what you said. Really. Is it just me that can't admit some thing ? I am insignificant, i know it. I can't admit it: people should know that i am the best player on world (of everything, except maybe poker and golf), the best writer (damn, my book should be edited so people could know), the best friend, the best historian guy, the white knight, the killer of godzilla, and so on....[8|][;)].
Yes, i have to admit things. Even loosing: this i know, i knew it since the beginning. Knowing is something. Admitting is something else. You are right and have the good point.
What is funny is that i can admit that i am not the best sportsman, the best worker, the most beautiful men, the most intelligent, and that i am not the most attractive lover. This, i know and admit.
As usual, it"s about game: i can't admit to loose. I have something broken in my mind.
Thanks for advice tough.

[gladiatt]

ORIGINAL: Kwik E Mart

gladiatt,
i empathize with your plight. i'm not sure how similar our situations are, but i think i know what you're going thru.

i am an avid golfer and carry a 3-4 handicap, so i think i know what i'm doing on the course most of the time. i recently went thru a stretch where i had what is known as the "yips". on the putting green, i would get an involuntary muscle twitch just before contacting the ball. the weird thing is that the closer to the hole i was, the worse it got - it was as if my body was "afraid" to hit the ball. i had trouble making one foot tap-ins. it got so bad that i considered quitting the game. i wasn't having fun anymore. i was embarassed around my buddies. i felt like i was wasting money by going out and playing.

i realized that i had to take a hard (and honest) look at myself if i wanted to continue my passion of golf. i realized that i was putting (pun not intended!) too much pressure on myself. i was so concerned about the "result" that my mechanics broke down completely. i literally had to forgive myself before the putt and give myself permission to fail. i know it sounds simplistic, but once i started doing that, i began making putts again.

my advice is to give yourself permission to fail when playing strategy games. after all, it's not a life and death proposition. perhaps you will find yourself making better decisions and improving your play. at the very least, you will have more fun! good luck.

Hey, i don't know much about Golf, but it remind me of the time i tried Tennis. Of the time i tried Rugby. Of the time i tried cycling.
Of the time i tried Judo.
Yes, i must learn to fail, i must learn to have fun.
I think i have find what's get wrong (thanks to all who write here, they helped me remind what it is).
And that's coming from the deepest of my childhood. Damn, having some tears coming to my eyes thinking of it. I had forgooten it, and i thought i had made without it....and i was wrong, it have an influence on my whole life.
My two parents, each at a different time, always told me that i was unable to do something well, asking always more and more results (on everything: lessons at school,exams latter, sports, dexterity, and else), comparing me with my brother.
That's maybe some explanation....
Thanks for advice guys

[gladiatt]

ORIGINAL: AW1Steve

Eric, I just sent you an e-mail with a suggestion....let me know what you think![:)]

i think i must learn to swimm very quickly, because my ships will sunk and my sailors will drow [8|][;)]

[AW1Steve]

There is a very funny tounge-in-cheek book called "Winning through intimidation". The author jokingly says you should begin by trying to intimidate small children first, then older ones.

You might want to try "baby- steps". Shorter games, less experinced players.
Don't make the mistake I make, I generally challenge players who are far better than I am. So when they do whip my backside, I can console myself that I've learned from the masters. [:(][8|]

[gladiatt]

ORIGINAL: AW1Steve

There is a very funny tounge-in-cheek book called "Winning through intimidation". The author jokingly says you should begin by trying to intimidate small children first, then older ones.

You might want to try "baby- steps". Shorter games, less experinced players.
Don't make the mistake I make, I generally challenge players who are far better than I am. So when they do whip my backside, I can console myself that I've learned from the masters. [:(][8|]

No risk with me: i think you would soon discover that i am not as good as you. Or i would discover that i am not as good as you thought you would be compared to me wich was comparing to you wich thought i should expect to be better but was in fact worse than you pretend..... or something like that.

[gladiatt]

i see there are a few readers, and a few gave answer.
Thanks to all of you. You can of course still react, i will come to see (and maybe answer) tomorrow, now i am going to [>:] because i feel very tired ( emotion have this result).

Just to let you know i send back my turn to my opponant....but i am still not sure what to really do (end or not).

I really really must think of registering myself on the non-reliable player list [:o][:(][:@][8|]

(i like the smiley, if you didn't guess ).

[The Gnome]

ORIGINAL: hjalmar99

Hey Gladiatt,

It sounds like you are a perfectionist and a control-freak. You believe that everything should have a desired outcome if only YOU do the right thing. These expectations are wound so tightly around you emotions that they are choking your enjoyment of life and games. Being aware of this condition is the first step towards breaking the cycle. Some will tell you to "lighten up", but it's never that easy. You can train your thoughts and your words, but it is a lot more difficult to steer your feelings . . . the insides that move you.

Here's the bottom line: You cannot control the world. You are not God. You are a little spectator who's come along for the ride.

Lie on your back on a clear evening and gaze out from our little blue planet into the magnificence of the infinite [I hate the limiting concept of "universe"]. FEEL your own insignificance in our limiting understandings of space and time. Make peace with that insignificance that unite all humans and life. Think about probability and the absurdity of life and awareness. I'm not asking you to become religious or believing . . . just aware of your ability to perceive the whole and the infinite. Now relax and see where this leaves your gaming experience.

When starting a competitive game there is an implicit contract that as much as you'd like to win, you should also be prepared to lose. It is a sad, sick opponent who thinks less of you for losing. While winning a game - especially one like WitP - according to the victory conditions is something you should strive for [It's someting you owe your opponent.], the real reward lies in playing . . . scheming, plotting, thinking, feeling.

It's not all about you. It's about playing. Have fun!

/stands up
Hi, my name is Joe and I am a perfectionist and control-freak.

I'm in a life-long quest to beat my perfectionism, it really can be paralyzing. Just remember, never let the perfect be the enemy of the good. I just try to remind myself everything but God is inherently flawed (unless you're an atheist in which case flat everything is flawed) and not to be too hard on myself.

Many perfectionists, myself included, have their perfectionism drive them to inaction. Since everything you do will be imperfect, just do something, anything. Mistakes are a good thing, they help you learn, they lead to accidental discoveries.

Mistakes are good!

[patrickl]

The actual war in the Pacific during WW2 wasn't perfect. Lex, Hornet, Yorktown, Wasp sunk, Battle of Savo Island, etc. [;)]

[Rob Brennan UK]

Don't think of yourself as insignificant , else whatever you do in life seems completely poinless, You aren't insignificant relative to your loved ones, friends, family and even us long range/impersonal forum peeps.

Compared to the universe (infinite or otherwise) our entire solar system is so so tiny that it seems insignificant on a cosmic scale. However we aren't wired right to really think in those terms and should concentrate on our own lives where we are anything but insignificant.

Anyhoo , thats my pop psyc tip for the day.

[aprezto]

There is also the point of realising that the other guy, be that an AI, doesn't want to lose either.

So many sports, or competitive environment personalities blame a bad outcome on the way they did things.

Remember the AI has been made to be challenging by a strategically minded person that wants to challenge and even beat you. A PBEM opponent more so.

I think the advice about recognising, and using a loss to learn, is very important - if somewhat difficult to take, advice.

You never really know the pure fantastic buzz of victory unless you are comparing it to the bitter pill of defeat.

[Razz1]

Sounds like playing the AI on easy setting is your problem, then expecting to play a human and win.

That's not goint to happen. Look up your local game store for board games.

Have them show you the ropes. A human touch goes along way.

Once someone guides you through a couple of stategy games you will get the hang of it.

They are basically all the same. Then you will know what level you are at.

Seek those players at your level. Then you will have fun.

Find a game you like where you can win easily.

Play that when you are frustrated. Find another way to relieve stress and still be constructive like weight lifting or bycycling.

[LoBaron]

ORIGINAL: gladiatt

Hey, i don't know much about Golf, but it remind me of the time i tried Tennis. Of the time i tried Rugby. Of the time i tried cycling.
Of the time i tried Judo.
Yes, i must learn to fail, i must learn to have fun.
I think i have find what's get wrong (thanks to all who write here, they helped me remind what it is).
And that's coming from the deepest of my childhood. Damn, having some tears coming to my eyes thinking of it. I had forgooten it, and i thought i had made without it....and i was wrong, it have an influence on my whole life.
My two parents, each at a different time, always told me that i was unable to do something well, asking always more and more results (on everything: lessons at school,exams latter, sports, dexterity, and else), comparing me with my brother.
That's maybe some explanation....
Thanks for advice guys

gladiatt it may be that this advice is completely off, but since I had a long phase in my life where
my experience was similar on many topics maybe what I write helps.

People view themselves and their interaction with their surroundings. There are those who view the world from inside out and simply asess the world outside,
and those who concentrate on the feedback loop and are very sensible to how the world interacts with them. (I paint black and white on purpose here)

Back in the old times I exclusively belong(ed) to the second group.

What the result of being one of the feedback loop guys is, is not so easy to explain but I´ll try: I am very sensible to emotional/situational changes
around me but combined with a high ammount of self awareness often concluded (wrongly) that these changes somehow originated from
me. This applied to situations of competition as well as moments of joy.
Its, so to say, a way of being ego-centric through tird party developers. [;)]

The problem though is, that as a result I was very fast to judge myself. When I did not stand back and tried to view a situation with some emotional distance
I happened to instinctively search for my fault, failing, or thoughtlesness that had "produced" an adverse situation.

That overdoing this is a bad idea only came to me on occasions where it really got hard to cope.
It took me a couple of bad experiences to find out that always seing yourself as the originator of everything is equally wrong as the "hey this was not my fault" departement.
I am not the centre everything revolves around. Insignificance is not the term I am searching for. Yes, you are insignificant compared to the size of the world, or, if you want, compared to
the universe. But you are NOT insignificant to those who are close to you. The funny thing is that not being insignificant is not equal to influencing everything.

What changed for me? I cut the feedback loop where I don´t need it.
If I have an opinion I voice it, if it does not suit everybody thats ok. If I like to do something I do it. If I don´t, I don´t. People who like me, like me because I am me.
People who dislike me or think I cannot live up to their expectations are welcome to do so, but this won´t change a notch of how I see myself and if they get on my nerves they can happily f*** off.
I am my hardest critic, this will probably never change. As long as I use this as a tool to improve when applicable and not as an emotional club to feel down
or worthless thats perfectly ok with me. [;)]