I see a career for you in freshman orientation lectures. [:D]
"Pre-hydration" [:D] That is so funny because you just reminded me that is Stalker Girl's theory. Technically, it is more one of "contemporaneous hydration". She always orders ice water with her adult beverage.
Me: What the Hell is the deal with ice water?
SG: I always order ice water. Never had a DUI either.
Me: That isn't going to work. Do you realize what your circulating blood volume is? The dilutional effect will be trivial.
SG: No, no, no, you stupid SOB. It's to slow down the drinking of the alcohol.
I had to admit it might actually work....a sort of "competitive inhibition".
I see a career for you in freshman orientation lectures. [:D]
"Pre-hydration" [:D] That is so funny because you just reminded me that is Stalker Girl's theory. Technically, it is more one of "contemporaneous hydration". She always orders ice water with her adult beverage.
Me: What the Hell is the deal with ice water?
SG: I always order ice water. Never had a DUI either.
Me: That isn't going to work. Do you realize what your circulating blood volume is? The dilutional effect will be trivial.
SG: No, no, no, you stupid SOB. It's to slow down the drinking of the alcohol.
I had to admit it might actually work....a sort of "competitive inhibition".
Stalker girl is right. Ice water in one hand. Irish whiskey (neat) in the other. Don't drink the latter for hydration purposes or to slake thirst. Don't drink the former for enjoyment or socializing. But put the two...two...two great tastes together to form one? Now you're talking.
The guy driving the port-a-potty pumper truck just drove up to the neighbor's house with the construction and the port-a-potty out front.
Did you ever wonder what the want ad for that job would say?
Sanitation Engineer: Be part of a vibrant team as a domestic sanitation engineer. PhD sociologists, Medieval studies majors particularly suited. Decerebrates welcome. Experience in politics a plus. Domestic travel required. Salary commensurate with experience. Attractive benefits package...yada yada yada...
Miss Fay Dingway: SEAC Headquarters, Kandy House, Miss Fay dingway speaking, how... no sir, I have to... no, please let me finish... sir... please... thank you... how may I help you? Yes, he is one moment please. (presses button) Simon, phone for you.
Admiral Lord Sprior VD, Scab, Scar and Bar (our hero): Miss Dingway, How many times must I tell you? It's "sir" or "admiral" when we're at the office. You never know when ffiona might be here for tiffin. What is it?
Miss FD: Sir, it's a Mr Churchy on the phone. I think he's a bit tiddly.
ALS: Mr Churchy, I don't know a Mr Churchy. Are you sure?
FD: Yes.. sir.
ALS: Do you mean Mr Churchill? Put him through woman. (thinks: she's going to have to go. But those legs...) My dear Winnie, soo good to hear from you... yes, yes the ointment worked fine... yes, Miss Dingwaty too... and ffiona... yes, yes you have sent us a lot of troops and ships... yes, some planes too... What are they doing? Well, they're training... these Japs are damned cunning you know, you'd think they'd been planning this war for years... yes, yes I know the 8th Army want the Aussies back but they bloody well can't have them... yes and you can tell Curtin to get stuffed too... they're in Perth... no Perth... no, south west Australia... remember I told you about Operation Otter... yes, yes, soon. Good bye.
Git.
"Grown ups are what's left when skool is finished."
"History started badly and hav been geting steadily worse."
- Nigel Molesworth.
Overall, I would say you handled it well but do you think it wise to tell the PM of Australia to "stuff it"...I'm just asking. Still, the us vs. them thing could be good for morale. Also, I think you threw him off his game as he evidently forgot to ask for one of the Adjective carriers back. Splendid!
Now, as to Miss Dingway, are you really going to let her go because she mishandled the PM's name? Couldn't you get some flash cards or something?
Miss Fay Dingway: SEAC Headquarters, Kandy House, Miss Fay dingway speaking, how... no sir, I have to... no, please let me finish... sir... please... thank you... how may I help you? Yes, he is one moment please. (presses button) Si.. er Admiral, phone for you.
Admiral Lord Sprior VD, Scab, Scar and Bar (our hero): Thank you Miss Dingway.
Winston Churchill (for it is he): Prior, you old scrote, how's things going? Any intel on Java or Sumatra yet? Recon, force dispositions, that kind of thng?
ALS: (Sighs) Not, not yet PM
WC: We've come up with a wizz-bang idea over here and our intel type chappies have asked for photos of the European coast from holiday makers and whatnot. Have you thought of that?
ALS: Actually, no. Sounds like a damned good idea. ffiona was in the Dutch East Indies just least year.
WC: Djokarta?
ALS: No, she went by boat
"Grown ups are what's left when skool is finished."
"History started badly and hav been geting steadily worse."
- Nigel Molesworth.
*****Cocktail Party, Georgetown (the one near Washington not the one in Malaya), Sept.4, 1942*****
Admiral King, Commander-in-Chief, United States Fleet: Why, Royal! How are things in Norfolk?
Rear Admiral Royal E. Ingersoll, CIC, Atlantic Fleet: A bit stifling this time of year but fortunately, there is the Caribbean Squadron to inspect. Just got back with the misses last week. White sand, sea breezes, delightful.
Admiral King, Commander-in-Chief, United States Fleet: oh really, Jamaica?
Rear Admiral Royal E. Ingersoll, CIC, Atlantic Fleet: Nah..she wanted to go.
Right...that was my suspicion. Just because he lives at No. 10 is no reason to treat you like that?
Why don't we have something bad happen to him?
I do, however, like tourist recon idea. Right now we are in the dark. Maybe if Daly ever builds up to level 2 we can put some F5's there for a few days...nah...never mind...we don't have enough supply for drop tanks.
Let's just get some cheap cameras for the tourists and see how that goes.
Aide: Here is the new intel report on Soerabaja, sir.
Gen. MacArthur: Soerabaja? How on Earth did you get that? I just heard about the new tourist recruitment thing this morning.
Aide: No sir, the tourist recruitment idea will take a bit to get off the ground. This is a private contracter...<looks at notes> ..a certain M&M Enterprises, Recon Division. They are based out of Fiji.
Gen. MacArthur: <looks at paper> Hmmm...8 carriers, 7 battleships, 24 crusiers, 65 destroyers, 22 submarines, 180 Bettys, 220 Tojo fighters, 4 squadrons long range naval search..looks like the Imperial Guard division is there twice along with the Empire of Japan 1942 Boy Scouts Jamboree. These estimates seems rather ....robust....is this credible?
Aide: Yes sir. I thought the same thing so I checked into it. It seems the contractor had some trouble with the Javanese. They hate the Japanese but they still hate the Dutch too.
Gen. MacArthur: And we are allied with the Dutch..
Aide: Precisely, sir! So they needed a bit of coaxing.
Gen. MacArthur: Coaxing?
Aide: Yes sir. The reports are commission-based.
Gen. MacArthur: Commission-based? <he furrows his brow for a second..then seems to get it> Ah yes, I see your point. So it appears there may be a bit of a bias toward over-reporting?
Aide: Splendidly put, sir.
Gen. MacArthur: Yes, I do fear we may be like McClellan in the Peninsular Campaign, but let's distribute this with the over-reporting bias warning.
Aide: Yes sir.
Gen. MacArthur: And Colonel, check with this contractor. See if we can hire them to provide intel on OUR forces to the Japs...
I found an unopened bottle in the tree row of my yard when I was walking the dogs this AM. It was still in the liquor store brown bag. The contents were the color of Windex. It read..."UV Blue Bombsickle: One part UV Blue, three parts lemonade". On the other side it read "UV Blue Raspberry Flavored Vodka" [X(] Roger that, a raspberry flavored vodka mixed with blue food coloring (or Windex) and lemonade.
So I am thinking, who would buy something like that? Gotta be a teenager...probably trying to get his girlfriend or date drunk. And then I begin to reconstruct the kid's night. He goes to the liquor store with his older brother's ID and his hoarded lunch money and he SCORES!. Bingo! He is 2/3rd the way there! He's got the Escalade for the night. He's got himself a bottle of UV Blue Bombsickle, some plastic cups and maybe even some ice. He's got a Hip Hop "tune" cranked up on the amplifier and the bass turned way up so his doors and windows oscillate at about 40 hz. This is IT man!
Then he forgets to signal or perhaps he is going a bit fast or talking on his cell and he hears that sickening "WHOOOP" sound from behind. He barely avoids a bowel accident, but thinking quickly the passenger side window is down in a flash and the Bombsickle is out into the rosemary plants. His dreams are on hold, but perhaps he can salvage the night. His heart is pounding. His grifriend is white with terror. The Deputy approaches the window. It turns out it is only the trailer hitch blocking the license plate (this is a favorite trick of the Sheriffs to pull over teens just to be ass holes[:D]) All is saved! He accidentally hands over his older brother's ID.
