A Silly AAR Sillyflower (R) v Carnage's nazis. C welcome

[sillyflower]

ORIGINAL: carlkay58

So does your opponent realize that you have The One Ring on your task bar? No wonder he is having problems!

LOL

Comrade Stalin is all seeing and all knowing, unlike von Carnage who seems to have no real control over his forces[;)]

[sillyflower]

ORIGINAL: TulliusDetritus

I read Grossman's Life and Fate one year ago (from my sister's huge bibliotheque). It's the WW2 "War and Peace" if I well understood. I liked it but humm, I expected more [:)]

He was a newspaper journalist. He would never have dreamt of comparing himself to Tolstoy. The person who did, did VG no favours.

The book I'm reading and referred to above is essentially just a series of extracts from his notebooks, but will provide many useful quotes for this AAR if Carnage lasts long enough

[sillyflower]

T3 taken before russian moves for usual opsec reasons



Von C clearly remains obsessed by the risk of seaborne invasion. Perhaps he has been playing Hearts of Iron III. Massed forces remain around Koenigsburg. PZG 2 has preseen on regardless towards Vitebsk with scant regard to flank security. Maybe Guderian has got impatient with von C's dithering, or maybe just poor co-ordination by the Hitlerites

[sillyflower]

South



The Rumanians have clearly been so underwhelmed by von C's performance that they seem to be refusing to co-operate wholeheartedly with the Nazi plans.

There is a rumour that the Rumanian government may be hoping that, if they return Bessarabia peacefully, Stalin will let them off the hook. Soviet forces have been ordered not to interfere with the withdraw, but to follow up with care in case it is a trick.

Elsewhere in the south there has been some straightening of German lines following their Lvov disaster. Further futile attacks on B Litovsk continue to tie down PzG 2.

[sillyflower]

Von C has returned his T4. As you will see belo, what appears to be Guderian's PzG 3 conitues its advance to the east. He has widened the flanks a bit ((a lesson learned from the Lvov pocket) but the gallant defenders of Kaunas and Vilnius stand firm against his repeated assaults.

[sillyflower]

AGS effectively stalemated with neither side able to make progress. However in the far South, heroic and disciplined Russian troops advance into Bessarabia as ordered. Germans react by filling in the gaps left by retreating Rumanians.

[Baelfiin]

Hmmm I have that same ring on MY task bar, and I have it on good authority that its the real one!

[sillyflower]

I know you do, which is how I track your every move. IT people call it spyware I believe

[sillyflower]

In the North, Defence Minister Sillyflower pulls off her masterstroke, of course in large part thanks to Comrade Stalin's inspired leadership. PZG 3 completely surrounded. Map below shows picture of position at the start of the soviet turn.

Note the futile attempts by von Carnage's Hitlerites to break free. In accordance with Mongol doctrine, a weak point was deliberately left at one point in the pocket, in the South, to encourage the Nazis to try to escape that way: the fools! They took the bait which will only haste their doom as they run out of fuel and supplies



German armoured forces appearing on the outside of the pocket to the West appear to be from PZG1. No sign of von C weakening his defences around Koeningsberg.

[sillyflower]

In the South there were only small skirishes, although the unopposed advance into Bessarabia continues



It had been long beileved that the loss of even 1 city, let alone 2 cities, would lead to the collapse of the Rumanian government. For some reason, this has not happened.

Reports indicate that 2 nefarious advisors to the Rumanian dictatorship have strengthened their resolve and that now it will take the fall of Bucharest as well. The 2 counter-revolutionary elements have been named as 'Gary Grigsby' and 'Joel Billings'. They are said to have a Trotskyite fugitive and traitor ('Helpless') assisting them. All these names are too absurd to be their real names but whoever they are they will be hunted down and subject to appropriate programmes of self-criticism and re-education.

[sillyflower]

************KRASNAYA ZVEZDA EXCLUSIVE INTERVIEW WITH DEFENCE MINISTER SILLYFLOWER*************

Vasily Grossman: How is the war going?
DMS: Very well, as planned by Comrade Stalin

VG: What is your favourite recipe?
DMS: Chicken Stalin

VG: What is your favourite radio programme?
DMS: Comrade Stalin's weekly speech to the nation

VG: How did the ending of the Lvov pocket make you feel?
DMS: Fantastic. I'm so proud of all members of our glorious armed forces for supporting me through such an an exciting but testing episode.

VG: Who is your favourite dress designer?
DMS: Comrade Stalin. He has an incredible ability to create a real head-turner out of nothing more than brown serge.

VG Thank you Defence Minister

[sillyflower]

FANTASY GAME

Our agents captured the maps below from one of von Carnage's staff officer. it shows that von C is living in a fantasy world, reporting non-existent (and so obviously unreal advances by what he has called 'the end of german turn 7'

[sillyflower]

so-called southern front

[sillyflower]

In the spirit of enquiry, DM Sillyflower kriegspieled a turn, causing 3 panzer divs and 1 panzer HQ to run away.

For interest, though obviously not much, von Carnage's fantasy involves the following casualty figures after DM S did her 'turn'.

WARNING _ THIS 'GAME' SEEMS PROGRAMMED TO MULIPLY ALL SOVIET CASUALTIES BY 10 AND TO HALVE HITLERITE ONES.

[CarnageINC]

Von Carnage's forward command post....deep inside Russia....mawahahha

Staff Officer Hans: Excuse me sir, but a very import development has occurred

Von Carnage: What do you have for me Hans?

Staff Officer Hans: We finally captured one of those Soviet combat units that we thought existed.

Von Carnage: NO WAY HANS! Surely you jest!

Staff Officer Hans: No really, we caught one...err...well one and his...well...equipment sir.

Von Carnage: Well Hans, I must see this, lets go!

Staff Officer Hans: No need sir, here is a photo....



Von Carnage: Well....this is unusual Hans. What did you say this rabble was....his equipment?

Staff Officer Hans: We believe so sir, what function they serve has yet to be understood sir.

Von Carnage: Hans, have flyers distributed to the forward units, I want the soldiers to see this immediately!

[CarnageINC]

Front lines....deep inside Russia....mwahahahha....

Sgt. Fritz: Wake up Jons, take a look at this.

*Grunt Jons lites up a cigarette...

Grunt Jons: What do ya want Sarge?

Sgt. Fritz: Higher ups sent us this pamphlet, I thought you should look at it so you know what your looking for.

[Baelfiin]

I love it !!!

[sillyflower]

ORIGINAL: CarnageINC

Front lines....deep inside Russia....mwahahahha....

Sgt. Fritz: Wake up Jons, take a look at this.

*Grunt Jons lites up a cigarette...

Grunt Jons: What do ya want Sarge?

Sgt. Fritz: Higher ups sent us this pamphlet, I thought you should look at it so you know what your looking for.

As you can see from the progress reports, this shows that Niles Crane ( I assume it is he) is more butch than anything the Wehrmacht has to offer. This is somewhat unexpected.

[sillyflower]

BACK TO THE REAL GAME

The Hitlerites continue to suffer. Attempts to rescue PZG 3 fail as some of them continue to fall deeper into DM Sillyflower's trap.
In the AGS area, transfer of PG3 to the North has meant the infaantry has had to fall back under heavy Soviet pressure

[sillyflower]

T7 real game not von C's disturbing (disturbed?) version