Bring me the head of Diego Garcia...and the Mayor of Addu Atoll too!

[Chickenboy]

Today's Dr. Grumpy rescue from page 2 purgatory. I swear, Cap'n-the more I follow Dr. Grumpy, the more I am led that YOU are Dr. Grumpy:

Sunday, May 13, 2012
Weekend reruns
Let's take the Way-Back machine to the early-90's.

Dr. Grumpy is the medicine intern, on-call for Thanksgiving, at a large VA hospital (a veterans hospital for my non-U.S. readers, with consequently a primarily cantankerous elderly male population).

A peculiar thing about VA hospitals (at least back then, I haven't worked at one for 18 years) is that patients could sign out at the nurse's desk, and come back later (allegedly they were in the hospital because they were sick, but you need to work at one to understand this point). So the sheet was always full of notations that patients had signed out to go to McDonald's, or to buy cigarettes, or to smoke, or to visit friends at the homeless shelter, or to hold up a liquor store, or whatever.

Some bright businessman had opened a stripper club across the street from the hospital, I think it was called The Jaguar Room. So on Thanksgiving the VA ward I was covering was empty, as most of the patients had signed out to walk, wheel, or crawl over to The Jaguar Room for some female comfort and booze.

I was asleep in the intern's room when the calls began coming in. All of them from the bartender at The Jaguar Room. Questions about was it safe for my patients to be smoking through their tracheostomy tubes? Were the cardiac telemetry packs still transmitting from across the street? Was there a place at the VA where the patients could get more $1 bills, because they'd used them all up on the strippers?

And my favorite:

Bartender: "Can I give Mr. Veteran another beer?"

Intern Grumpy: "Um, what's the problem?"

Bartender: "He has one of those foley bags things, with the tube going up his dick. The bag is, like, REALLY full, and I'm afraid if I give him another beer it'll pop and send piss everywhere."

Intern Grumpy: "Send him back to the hospital."

Bartender: "Well, that's bad for business."

Intern Grumpy: "So is showering your clientele with piss."

Mr. Veteran was wheeled back over to the VA immediately, by a topless stripper no less, who waited while his bag was emptied and then pushed him back to the bar.

[witpqs]

In tribute to Dr. Grumpy.

[Cap Mandrake]

I did a VA stint too....in La Jolla..where you can buy a Theordore Geisel painting or a $12 Martini but you aren't going to find a strip joint.

Even so, the story about Vets smoking through their trach stoma is true. I have seen it.

Lap dance with a catheter bag in place. Oh dear. [X(]

I am terrible at getting lap dances myself. Even if I think about the Alou brothers I immediately sport wood and she has to whisper "This will have to be the last one." [:D]

[Cap Mandrake]

***********December 28/29th, 1942(c)***********


Darwin: A LYB carrier TF was spotted approaching Darwin from the NW on the afternoon of the 28th. Also, one day's let up in the airfield attacks convince JJ to move in more fighters and bombers to Darwin. As we were already ashore securely at Darwin (including CIC South Pac himself), abnd because the prvious days air battles had weakend and fatigued the F4F's on the carriers and at Gove...and because Maryland was out of main gun ammo and numerous capital ships low on fuel, I decided to pull back to rest, refuel adn rearm and to avoid a finesse attack on the carriers at extreme range from the LYB carriers.

[Cap Mandrake]

This left the fast BB's free to bombard..which they did at night with great effect.

Night Naval bombardment of Darwin at 76,124

Japanese aircraft
no flights

Japanese aircraft losses
Ki-44-IIa Tojo: 50 damaged
Ki-44-IIa Tojo: 5 destroyed on ground
Ki-43-Ic Oscar: 19 damaged
Ki-43-Ic Oscar: 4 destroyed on ground
Ki-30 Ann: 7 damaged
Ki-30 Ann: 3 destroyed on ground
D3A1 Val: 4 damaged

Allied Ships
BB Indiana
BB Washington
DD Dewey
DD Benham
DD Lansdowne
DD Buchanan

Japanese ground losses:
284 casualties reported
Squads: 5 destroyed, 1 disabled
Non Combat: 22 destroyed, 8 disabled
Engineers: 4 destroyed, 5 disabled
Guns lost 7 (5 destroyed, 2 disabled)
Vehicles lost 6 (4 destroyed, 2 disabled)

[Cap Mandrake]

After seeing what they have at Darwin, the last minute reinforcement of the base, the absence of shore defence guns, the absence of a garrison on Wyndham, the disproportionate forces at Katherine and the attempts to mine the place right in the middle of the battle, I now think we achieved strategic surprise for the landing at Darwin.

They saw the buildup at Merauke and the repulsed assault at Dobo and assumed we were going North...which we are of course..e.ventually.

[Cap Mandrake]

Darwin, Wyndham, Saumlaki and Bathurst: The F4F's from Gove (level 2.5) sweep over Darwin. LYB CAp is pretty beat up after the BB's got done with the place.

Morning Air attack on Darwin , at 76,124

Weather in hex: Light rain

Raid detected at 21 NM, estimated altitude 31,300 feet.
Estimated time to target is 7 minutes

Japanese aircraft
A6M2 Zero x 1
Ki-43-Ic Oscar x 2
Ki-44-IIa Tojo x 2



Allied aircraft
F4F-4 Wildcat x 9


Japanese aircraft losses
Ki-43-Ic Oscar: 1 destroyed
Ki-44-IIa Tojo: 1 destroyed

No Allied losses

Then the B-17's from Merauke. Ann is the new girl ont he block at Darwin.

Morning Air attack on Darwin , at 76,124

Weather in hex: Light rain

Raid detected at 38 NM, estimated altitude 12,000 feet.
Estimated time to target is 11 minutes

Japanese aircraft
A6M2 Zero x 1
Ki-44-IIa Tojo x 1



Allied aircraft
B-17E Fortress x 19
B-17F Fortress x 8


Japanese aircraft losses
Ki-44-IIa Tojo: 1 damaged
Ki-44-IIa Tojo: 2 destroyed on ground
Ki-30 Ann: 3 destroyed on ground
Ki-43-Ic Oscar: 1 destroyed on ground
D3A1 Val: 1 destroyed on ground

Allied aircraft losses
B-17E Fortress: 1 damaged
B-17F Fortress: 2 damaged



Airbase hits 2
Airbase supply hits 2
Runway hits 12

[Cap Mandrake]

The B-24's fly over Wyndham after a small P-38 sweep. No CAP at all.

Morning Air attack on Wyndham , at 70,127

Weather in hex: Partial cloud

Raid detected at 39 NM, estimated altitude 13,000 feet.
Estimated time to target is 13 minutes

Japanese aircraft
no flights


Allied aircraft
B-24D Liberator x 54


Japanese aircraft losses
Ki-45 KAIa Nick: 6 destroyed on ground
A6M2 Zero: 2 destroyed on ground
B5N2 Kate: 2 destroyed on ground
A6M3 Zero: 1 destroyed on ground

Allied aircraft losses
B-24D Liberator: 4 damaged

Japanese ground losses:
5 casualties reported
Squads: 0 destroyed, 0 disabled
Non Combat: 0 destroyed, 1 disabled
Engineers: 0 destroyed, 0 disabled



Airbase hits 3
Airbase supply hits 4
Runway hits 9

LYB Sallys bomb the remnants of 503rd PIR at Saumlaki and USAAF B-25's bomb the LYB's on Dobo.

Bathurst turned green without any record in the combat replay. I guess the contract was satisfactory to Fr. O'Brien. Bathurst has abotu 800 tons of supplies but no engineers. Saumalaki has even less. We will have to go back after refueling.

[Cap Mandrake]

Allied bombardment attack at Darwin by about half the troops. Pretty effective. We can try an attack after a few visit by the BB's and air to ground attacks.

Ground combat at Darwin (76,124)

Allied Bombardment attack

Attacking force 20490 troops, 465 guns, 314 vehicles, Assault Value = 1247

Defending force 16408 troops, 149 guns, 143 vehicles, Assault Value = 529

Japanese ground losses:
121 casualties reported
Squads: 1 destroyed, 5 disabled
Non Combat: 0 destroyed, 0 disabled
Engineers: 0 destroyed, 1 disabled
Vehicles lost 3 (3 destroyed, 0 disabled)


Allied ground losses:
7 casualties reported
Squads: 0 destroyed, 1 disabled
Non Combat: 0 destroyed, 0 disabled
Engineers: 0 destroyed, 0 disabled


Assaulting units:
2nd USMC Engineer Regiment
I Aus Corps Engineer Battalion
6th Australian Division
7th Australian Division
2/1 AIF Pioneer Battalion
6th Marine Regiment
1st Marine Regiment
632nd TD Bn /1
22nd Marine Regiment
2/2 AIF Pioneer Battalion
193rd Tank Bn /2
2/11th Field Regiment
16th USN SeaBees /1
South Pacific
2nd USMC Field Artillery Battalion
2/9th Field Regiment
134th Field Artillery Battalion
8th Marine Defense Battalion
2nd RAAF M/W Sqn /1
225th Field Artillery Battalion
21/22 Field Regiment
2nd Australian Hvy AA Rgt /1

Defending units:
21st Ind.Mixed Brigade
18th Tank Regiment
38th/A Division
4th Engineer Co
38th/B Division
52nd JNAF AF Unit
53rd JNAF AF Unit
22nd Ind.AA Gun Co
107th JAAF AF Bn
5th Div /2

[Chickenboy]

Wow.  Nice bombardments (naval and aerial).  Well done, Lord Admiral Sprior!

[Cap Mandrake]

Evidently the carriers were a bluff or they stayed out of range for our new positions.

[BBfanboy]

ORIGINAL: Cap Mandrake

This left the fast BB's free to bombard..which they did at night with great effect.

Night Naval bombardment of Darwin at 76,124

Japanese aircraft
no flights

Japanese aircraft losses
Ki-44-IIa Tojo: 50 damaged
Ki-44-IIa Tojo: 5 destroyed on ground
Ki-43-Ic Oscar: 19 damaged
Ki-43-Ic Oscar: 4 destroyed on ground
Ki-30 Ann: 7 damaged
Ki-30 Ann: 3 destroyed on ground
D3A1 Val: 4 damaged

Allied Ships
BB Indiana
BB Washington
DD Dewey
DD Benham
DD Lansdowne
DD Buchanan

Japanese ground losses:
284 casualties reported
Squads: 5 destroyed, 1 disabled
Non Combat: 22 destroyed, 8 disabled
Engineers: 4 destroyed, 5 disabled
Guns lost 7 (5 destroyed, 2 disabled)
Vehicles lost 6 (4 destroyed, 2 disabled)

Wow! Never saw so many aircraft destroyed or damaged in one bbdmt. Must have been wayyyy overstacked.
What kind of damage did it do to the [soon to be your] airfield and hangars?

[Gridley380]

ORIGINAL: BBfanboy

ORIGINAL: Cap Mandrake

This left the fast BB's free to bombard..which they did at night with great effect.

Night Naval bombardment of Darwin at 76,124

Japanese aircraft
no flights

Japanese aircraft losses
Ki-44-IIa Tojo: 50 damaged
Ki-44-IIa Tojo: 5 destroyed on ground
Ki-43-Ic Oscar: 19 damaged
Ki-43-Ic Oscar: 4 destroyed on ground
Ki-30 Ann: 7 damaged
Ki-30 Ann: 3 destroyed on ground
D3A1 Val: 4 damaged

Allied Ships
BB Indiana
BB Washington
DD Dewey
DD Benham
DD Lansdowne
DD Buchanan

Japanese ground losses:
284 casualties reported
Squads: 5 destroyed, 1 disabled
Non Combat: 22 destroyed, 8 disabled
Engineers: 4 destroyed, 5 disabled
Guns lost 7 (5 destroyed, 2 disabled)
Vehicles lost 6 (4 destroyed, 2 disabled)

Wow! Never saw so many aircraft destroyed or damaged in one bbdmt. Must have been wayyyy overstacked.
What kind of damage did it do to the [soon to be your] airfield and hangars?

I have noticed that "damaged" claims often seem to be highly exaggerated. Perhaps they represent the same aircraft being damaged more than once (and thus more seriously) or are just highly inflated.

[Cap Mandrake]

*************Bali Hai Club, Perth, Dec. 29, 1942(c)************


Young man in fine linen slacks (with Cuban cigar): <on phone> Yes, General, I completely understand. The Tojo is very expensive....


Yes, yes, and Japan has limited economic resources....


Well, General, I don't think that is quite fair. Our agreement states that we will notify you when a strike is taking off from Alice or Merauke. the US Navy was NOT in the scope of the contract....

I think you are on thin ice there General. I ran this by DC&H already.....

General, regardless, if you desire prior warning for naval bombardments we will have to negotiate a rider....

No, not that kind of rider, it is an appendix to the contract....

Very well, I will have Mr. Howe get right on it. Now, General, to help you to reduce the element of chance..and to preserve your rank, I am going to suggest you consider investing in aircraft damage futures....

No...aircraft....damage...futures. In this fashion, with a small fee, the risk to the Empire of Japan can be spread to tother investors.....

[Chickenboy]

I'm buying the January 1943 IJA put in Darwin. Katherine is way too much a spec play, I don't care what the premium.

[Cap Mandrake]

Wait...do you mean an option to purchase control of Darwin at price X on or before Jan 31?

I don't think we, as the Arries, are going to pay much for that.

I suppose you are speaking as a JFB investor?

[Cap Mandrake]

ORIGINAL: Argos

<Mayan discarding small figurine with broken ankle>

She knew before you did...

[:D]

[Cap Mandrake]

One of my colleagues, who is about 6ft 1, kinda hunched over, maybe 140 lbs., late 50's, 2 hair comb-over and never met a photon he liked...a non-threatening physical specimen....went down the street to get himself an In-and-Out burger at lunch...finished his burger and was sitting in his 4 year old white Camry reading a paper...


So far so good, right?


That is where you would be wrong. It seems the poor bastard decided to park in front a jewelry store and the owner called the police to report someone "casing" his establishment. [:D][:D]

Three police cars converge on his car without sirens...draw their guns and then one of them yells..."Get out of the care mother-fucker, keep your hands where we can see them and put both hands on the roof of your car...NOW!"

[:D][:D][:D]


Someboy has been watching too much television.

[Cap Mandrake]

Meanwhile in Burma:


Night Air attack on Mandalay , at 59,46

Weather in hex: Overcast

Raid spotted at 40 NM, estimated altitude 6,000 feet.
Estimated time to target is 15 minutes

Japanese aircraft
no flights


Allied aircraft
Liberator II x 14
Wellington Ic x 10


Japanese aircraft losses
A6M2 Zero: 1 destroyed on ground
Ki-43-IIa Oscar: 2 destroyed on ground
A6M3 Zero: 2 destroyed on ground

Allied aircraft losses
Liberator II: 2 damaged

Japanese ground losses:
6 casualties reported
Squads: 0 destroyed, 0 disabled
Non Combat: 0 destroyed, 2 disabled
Engineers: 0 destroyed, 0 disabled



Airbase hits 8
Airbase supply hits 1
Runway hits 27

Quite an effective raid...from 5000 ft no less.

Several Hurricane sweeps over Shwebo seem to break in our favor.


Somewhere (not quite sure where): Ground combat at Ansi (80,23) we lose the town. Hope it wasnt too important.

[witpqs]

ORIGINAL: Cap Mandrake

Somewhere (not quite sure where): Ground combat at Ansi (80,23) we lose the town. Hope it wasnt too important.

They are cutting your northern supply route to China. They'll be hell to pay when Mrs. Chang can't get her deliveries of new fashions.