Bring me the head of Diego Garcia...and the Mayor of Addu Atoll too!

[witpqs]

ORIGINAL: sprior

Those awards in full:

The full list of 2013 Ig Nobel winners:

Medicine Prize: Masateru Uchiyama, Gi Zhang, Toshihito Hirai, Atsushi Amano, Hisashi Hashuda (Japan), Xiangyuan Jin (China/Japan) and Masanori Niimi (Japan/UK) for assessing the effect of listening to opera on mice heart transplant patients.
They are, after all, the littlest heart transplant patients. Unless they are working with shrews now.

Psychology Prize: Laurent Bègue, Oulmann Zerhouni, Baptiste Subra, and Medhi Ourabah, (France), Brad Bushman (USA/UK/, the Netherlands/Poland) for confirming that people who think they are drunk also think they are more attractive.
{Staring in mirror not listening.}

Joint Prize in Biology and Astronomy: Marie Dacke (Sweden/Australia), Emily Baird, Eric Warrant (Sweden/Australia/Germany], Marcus Byrne (South Africa/UK) and Clarke Scholtz (South Africa), for discovering that when dung beetles get lost, they can navigate their way home by looking at the milky way.
...candy bar. They follow the nearest Milky Way candy bar.

Safety Engineering Prize: The late Gustano Pizzo (US), for inventing an electro-mechanical system to trap airplane hijackers. The system drops a hijacker through trap doors, seals him into a package, then drops the hijacker through the airplane's specially-installed bomb bay doors through which he is parachuted to the ground where police, having been alerted by radio, await his arrival.
Parachute?

Physics Prize: Alberto Minetti (Italy/UK/Denmark/Switzerland), Yuri Ivanenko (Italy/Russia/France), Germana Cappellini, Francesco lacquaniti (Italy) and Nadia Dominici (Italy/Switzerland), for discovering that some people would be physically capable of running across the surface of a pond - if those people and that pond were on the Moon.
Assuming they could hold their breath while running.

Chemistry Prize: Shinsuke Imai, Nobuaki Tsuge, Muneaki Tomotake, Yoshiaki Nagatome, Hidehiko Kumgai (Japan) and Toshiyuki Nagata (Japan/Germany), for discovering that the biochemical process by which onions make people cry is even more complicated than scientists previously realised.
They should have joined the drinking group.

Archaeology Prize: Brian Crandall (US) and Peter Stahl (Canada/US), for observing how the bones of a swallowed dead shrew dissolve inside the human digestive system.
Spend enough time digging in a cave, any excuse to stay in the lab will do.

Peace Prize: Alexander Lukashenko, president of Belarus, for making it illegal to applaud in public, and to the Belarus State Police, for arresting a one-armed man for applauding.
More heroic than you might think. They had to keep him under constant visual surveillance to get the goods on him.

Probability Prize: Bert Tolkamp (UK/the Netherlands), Marie Haskell, Fritha Langford. David Roberts, and Colin Morgan (UK), for making two related discoveries: First, that the longer a cow has been lying down, the more likely that cow will soon stand up; and second, that once a cow stands up, you cannot easily predict how soon that cow will lie down again.
Predicting how soon that cow will wind up in my lunch hamburger is a snap.

Public Health Prize: Kasian Bhanganada, Tu Chayavatana, Chumporn Pongnumkul, Anunt Tonmukayakul, Piyasakol Sakolsatayadorn, Krit Komaratal, and Henry Wilde (Thailand), for the medical techniques of penile re-attachment after amputations (often by jealous wives). Techniques which they recommend, except in cases where the amputated penis had been partially eaten by a duck.
Those fowl ducks.

[Cap Mandrake]

Ah, the "beer goggle" effect extends to the perceived atttractiveness of the drinker?

I think that is new information though it has been known for a long time that it extends to members of the opposite sex (or perhaps even the same sex..not that there is anything wrong with that) in the vicinity of the drinker.

I am prettty sure that drinkers misperceive there own cleverness.

[Cap Mandrake]

Air losses from the 12th. Lots of TBF's lost but many Kates and Bettys too.

[Cap Mandrake]

Pranning. It might have been better to go South and increase the distance from Takao but the LRCAP in the Philippine Sea would have been much weaker,

[Cap Mandrake]

I give an even money chance one of our carriers will get hit. Could also be the end of the line for Soryu if they push it another day.

[witpqs]

Umm, dumplings! [:)]

[Cap Mandrake]

Wow, turn back already. That was fast. Pretty good day for the Arries. It seems the commander of the Soryu TF must have had some herbal tea and got hold of himself. No carrier fight. Anyone know if Aussie paras would have anti-tank weapons in May 43? PIAT maybe?

*************May 12, 1943(c)**************

Karenko (It sounds like it is Siberia but it's rearry in Formosa): JJ counterlands the 31st Tankette Coy. Later, they will bring in a nice new sofa and Ottoman. No chance that these boys could be prepped for Karenko so they will be in pretty bad shape. Cpl Sato drives a Type 97 into 15 feet of water. After his rescue he blows a .12. Some other Type 97's get anchovies stuck in their treads.

Amphibious Assault at Karenko (87,64)

TF 85 troops unloading over beach at Karenko, 87,64

Japanese ground losses:
Vehicles lost 5 (1 destroyed, 4 disabled)

Type 97 Tankette lost overboard during unload of 31st Tankette Co /2

[Cap Mandrake]

Bay of Bengal: The amphibious group unloading at Port Blair successfully fends off 2 dozen Nell sorties without a hit but a fresh IJN cruiser is headed North. Not much doubt where they are headed.

ASW attack near Phuket at 48,70

Japanese Ships
CA Myoko
DD Mochizuki
DD Hibiki
DD Kosugiri
DD Yukaze

Allied Ships
SS KXIV

[Cap Mandrake]

Luzon and the Ryukyus: Helens attack Horycrappo-jima and destroy a 20 gallon container of sauerkraut at the German cultural center, terryfing Frau Bluher at the same time.

Ineffectual raid over Batangas with 2nd stringers.

Oscar sweep over Batan Is goes badly for the Empire.

First appearance of suicide subs at Batan. We sink one.

After air raids, good attack at Aparri. We should have done this earlier. Apparently the Wapiti Regt (or whatever they are called) are paper antelopes.

Ground combat at Aparri (82,73)

Allied Deliberate attack

Attacking force 3796 troops, 76 guns, 69 vehicles, Assault Value = 255

Defending force 5294 troops, 85 guns, 0 vehicles, Assault Value = 98

Allied engineers reduce fortifications to 2

Allied adjusted assault: 84

Japanese adjusted defense: 25

Allied assault odds: 3 to 1 (fort level 2)

Allied Assault reduces fortifications to 2

Combat modifiers
Defender: forts(+), preparation(-), fatigue(-), experience(-)
Attacker:

Japanese ground losses:
1082 casualties reported
Squads: 22 destroyed, 70 disabled
Non Combat: 6 destroyed, 21 disabled
Engineers: 1 destroyed, 23 disabled
Guns lost 27 (12 destroyed, 15 disabled)

Allied ground losses:
189 casualties reported
Squads: 0 destroyed, 17 disabled
Non Combat: 0 destroyed, 1 disabled
Engineers: 0 destroyed, 2 disabled

Assaulting units:
3rd Marine Rgt /1
2/10th Armoured Rgt /1
II Aus Corps Engineer Battalion
637th TD Bn /1
2nd British Div /9
640th TD Bn /1

Defending units:
Kure 7th SNLF
5th Makapili Regiment
4th JNAF AF Unit
40th JAAF AF Bn
22nd JNAF AF Unit
178th JAAF AF Bn

[witpqs]

If their squads upgraded. Check what squads they have, then look them up in Tracker (Devices).

[Cap Mandrake]

Here are the lads at Karenko. Looks like basic Cdo squads. We tried to get 1st Marine Raider ashore by APD last night but they were scared off by the LYB PB's. Part of 4th Marine Raider Bn. is 2 days out by landing craft.

Karenko is a mountain hex. Pretend I have not read the manual but I am predicting some significant boost for the defense. We can air drop the other 260 men of 1st Aus Para tomorrow if they don't LRCAP the place and I think we can get in the better part of the two USMC Raider Bn's with some DD's as escorts. We will need something more substantial if 10K LYB's walk in from Taihoku.

[Cap Mandrake]

By ra way. There is a tremendously written and exciting recounting of an ambush with a PIAT of Japanese barges on the Irrawaddy in Quartered Safe out There.

[Cap Mandrake]

Hory Crap! A whole page of edge-of-your seat storytelling has been lost by the data center crash. Next time they should get waterproof servers.

Damn, it was brilliant, too. [:)]

[Argos]

No doubt; a cruel twerk of fate...

[zuluhour]

I blame it on the peanut smugglers screwing around with the budgie pirates.[:D]

[witpqs]

ORIGINAL: zuluhour

I blame it on the peanut smugglers screwing around with the budgie pirates.[:D]

'Blood peanuts' - I knew it!

[Chickenboy]

ORIGINAL: Cap Mandrake

Hory Crap! A whole page of edge-of-your seat storytelling has been lost by the data center crash. Next time they should get waterproof servers.

Damn, it was brilliant, too. [:)]

Yes-we must have missed its posting then. In spite of my regular visits here, I certainly haven't seen any brilliant war-fighting prose in the past 24 hours.

Must be because of the data center crash. [:'(]

[sprior]

Raising the Oklahoma

[sprior]

ORIGINAL: Cap Mandrake

Hory Crap! A whole page of edge-of-your seat storytelling has been lost by the data center crash. Next time they should get waterproof servers.

Damn, it was brilliant, too. [:)]

Our intricate, beautifully planned offensives to clear Burma, the PI and Taiwan lost forever. We should have taken a copy. Now we'll just have to go back to battering head-on.

[Cap Mandrake]

ORIGINAL: sprior

ORIGINAL: Cap Mandrake

Hory Crap! A whole page of edge-of-your seat storytelling has been lost by the data center crash. Next time they should get waterproof servers.

Damn, it was brilliant, too. [:)]

Our intricate, beautifully planned offensives to clear Burma, the PI and Taiwan lost forever. We should have taken a copy. Now we'll just have to go back to battering head-on.

Yes, quite! Wait till we sail up to Tokyo Bay with Yorktown and 18 SBD's. They will die of fright!