Bring me the head of Diego Garcia...and the Mayor of Addu Atoll too!

[sprior]

Please contact your local mental health professional. We have teams standing by.

[witpqs]

ORIGINAL: sprior

Please contact your local mental health professional. We have teams standing by.

Good heavens, read the whole thing in one day! If he survives he'll be confined for months.

[Cap Mandrake]

The young lad did not say he read it in one day. He might have a job, unlike some of you senior-living community residents. And, thank you Wargmr.


This brings up an interesting question. Admiral Lord SPrior, do you have a pleasant speaking voice..you know..like David Attenborough? We could do an audio version. You could do all the Engrish stuff, especially the Jackspeak, although you might have to tone it down a bit.

I can do pretty good fake, cartoonishly oversimplified Japan-mens speak.

[Cap Mandrake]

I can also do fake Russian and fake dropped out of 6th grade Mexican trying to speak-ah da Engrish. Anything else and it ends up sounding like Borat.

Can you do fake Free French? Or fake Dutch (whatever that sounds rike)?

[Cap Mandrake]

Who ordered all these damn Kingfishers?

[Cap Mandrake]

*************Office of CNO, D Ring Pentagon************


Admiral King: <looking at an investment portfolio report> Vought Aircraft, up 230%. Thank you M&M Investment Management.

[Cap Mandrake]

Just got an email from the hospital on "Medication Reconciliation" on the new EMR. Basically, this means ordering medications.

There is a branching flow diagram with half a dozen branch points. Even the most favorable one has 10 steps and 3 passwords per medication.

Please make them stop. Please.

It's almost as bad a Dec 7 Japanese turn.

[Cap Mandrake]

No turn last night so I got desperate enough to tear the couch apart to find the Netflix controller. I found it and binge-watched 3 epsiodes of Breaking Bad.

Saul Goodman (named after my Mexican gardener or the other way around)*: "Sometimes things don't go exactly as planned. We have a problem with Ted Beneke.

Skyler: <dramatic pause> He's.....Dead?

Saul Goodman (named after my Mexican gardener or the other way around): No, he woke up. [:D][:D][:D][:D]





*Curiously, both Sauls are non-Jewish.

[Cap Mandrake]

**********Mexican Restaurant near Mandrake household (all females order girls wear button up shirts but food is cheap)**********



SG Jr(12y/o): I have to get home to write up a short biography on Mohammed.

Me: Mohammed?

SG Jr(12y/o): Yeah, he was an orphan. Do you know who he was?

Me: Yeah, he's the reason I have to take my shoes off at the airport.

[Chickenboy]

ORIGINAL: Cap Mandrake

*************Office of CNO, D Ring Pentagon************


Admiral King: <looking at an investment portfolio report> Vought Aircraft, up 230%. Thank you M&M Investment Management.

Do you think it an accident that John Voight played you know who in a certain M&M themed movie?

[Disco Duck]

ORIGINAL: Cap Mandrake

**********Mexican Restaurant near Mandrake household (all females order girls wear button up shirts but food is cheap)**********



SG Jr(12y/o): I have to get home to write up a short biography on Mohammed.

Me: Mohammed?

SG Jr(12y/o): Yeah, he was an orphan. Do you know who he was?

Me: Yeah, he's the reason I have to take my shoes off at the airport.

Actually a short biography of Mohammed Ali might be interesting. [:D]

Ooops! You mean the other one. Make sure SG Jr mentions the fact that his wife was younger than she is. Toward Mecca of course.

[sprior]

An audiobook version for the hard of hearing? Yes, I can do the proper English, Indian (althought it might sound Welsh at times), jackspeak and French. Cap, if you do the oriental languages can we get someone to do version of English you lot speak?*

*No financial remuneration implied or warranted. All rights remain with The World's Worst AAR (tm) Ltd and M&M Enterprises Inc. Full T&Cs available from Messrs Sue, Grabbit and Runne.

[Chickenboy]

ORIGINAL: sprior

An audiobook version for the hard of hearing? Yes, I can do the proper English, Indian (althought it might sound Welsh at times), jackspeak and French. Cap, if you do the oriental languages can we get someone to do version of English you lot speak?*

*No financial remuneration implied or warranted. All rights remain with The World's Worst AAR (tm) Ltd and M&M Enterprises Inc. Full T&Cs available from Messrs Sue, Grabbit and Runne.

I can-ah do Amer-ee-cahn version of Engrish! Hai! [&o]

One-ah question, prease? Instead of working for T&C, prease to work for T&A? Domo. Hai! [&o]

[Mike McCreery]

ORIGINAL: Cap Mandrake

The young lad did not say he read it in one day. He might have a job, unlike some of you senior-living community residents. And, thank you Wargmr.


This brings up an interesting question. Admiral Lord SPrior, do you have a pleasant speaking voice..you know..like David Attenborough? We could do an audio version. You could do all the Engrish stuff, especially the Jackspeak, although you might have to tone it down a bit.

I can do pretty good fake, cartoonishly oversimplified Japan-mens speak.

I wouldnt say I was a young lad at 40+ but I guess that is relative. It probably took me the good part of a month to get through the whole thing. Learned alot of stuff about Mayan housekeepers, HOA's, wardrobe malfunctions, the IRS, and it reinforced once again the advantages of being single...

[Cap Mandrake]

My definition of "young" is when there is an active player (not coaches or owners[:)]) in the NFL younger than you.


Unfortunately for me, George Blanda retired.

[Cap Mandrake]

I fear Rord Admirar Nerson has been abducted for a smoke house ceremony. Probably they needed someone to chop wood.

[Cap Mandrake]

How did we lose so many P-40E's? I blame the staff.

We lose 3/4th of a C-47 every day to op losses.

[Cap Mandrake]

********Briefing Room, Tenth Air Force, Ledo************


Gen. Albert "Big Al" Hagenberger, CO, Tenth Air Force: <Speaking to the assembled C-47 pilots of Tenth Air Force>

Men...<dramatic pause>, today...<more pausing, a bit annoying if you ask me> May 15, 1943...<more pausing, OK, out with it, at least 95% in the audience know what day it is> three fourths of one of you is not coming back <men in the audience now stir uncomfortably wondering which 3/4th of a person it will be> I am here to say thank you to that three quarters of one of you.

Lt. Stokely: <sitting in back, whispers to his friend> What a ******* retard.

[zuluhour]

Do you think he means 3/4 by weight or has he worked out some kind of body part ratio? For that one guy, why bring back any of him? Pretty freakin gross if you ask me. He should at least send a zip lock with them, help with the mess.[:D] Perhaps he has been indulging himself.

[Chickenboy]

ORIGINAL: Cap Mandrake

We lose 3/4th of a C-47 every day to op losses.

One would think that keeping them intact at the front may reduce OPS losses, but what the heck do I know?