A Hitchhiker's Guide to the Greater East Asia Co-prosperity Sphere

[Cap Mandrake]

Percieval is not going to be making California rolls in a breastaurant in Formosa is March 1943(d) if we have anything to say about it. And pretty boy better not try to escape to Palembang either!



I think Mr. Cheatham should have held out for the estate in Oxfordshire.

[Cap Mandrake]

**********Forward Operating Base Katana, Truk Ragoon, Dec. 8, 1941(d)*********

Captain Mandrake-san: Rook at this crap! 9 O'crock, Betty from Formosa spot Boise at Cebu, drop torpedo supposedry brow up Boise. 10 O'crock, frying boat from Parau spot Boise 120 mihrs northeast of Surawese, Ereven O'crock Kates from Ryujo attack Boise 120 mihrs East of Borneo, Boise firh sky with AA fire. 12 O'crock, another frying boat spot TWO Boise together, TWO. How-ah possibirh?

Jimmy "too tarh" Honda, (Yakuza guy on roan): Ummm....Captain Madrake-san, anarysis show Boise rearry, rearry fast.

Captain Mandrake-san: BURH SHIT! Boise not fastah than airpranes! Our pirots rike nervous womans. That-ah what rong.

[Cap Mandrake]

**********Forward Operating Base Katana, Truk Ragoon, Dec. 8, 1941(d), (rater)*********


Captain Mandrake-san: Hory crap! Boise arh ovah Goddman prace. Bettah postpone randing at Naga and Cagayan....maybe hord off on suppries for Kendari.....Oh, anothah thing..bettah get some rookouts outside in case Boise randing marines here.

[Cap Mandrake]

*****Forward Operating Base Katana, Truk Ragoon, Dec. 8, 1941(d)*********



Jimmy "too tarh" Honda, (Yakuza guy on roan): Message from Captain SPrior-san. He say, "You are doing China, right?"

Captain Mandrake-san: Am I?

Jimmy "too tarh" Honda, (Yakuza guy on roan): HAI!

Captain Mandrake-san: Hory crap! We are going to get asses kicked.

Jimmy "too tarh" Honda, (Yakuza guy on roan): HAI!

Captain Mandrake-san: Bettah get rawyer guy Cheatham to come in and give tarhk on prausibuh deniabirity for war crimes.

[zuluhour]

ORIGINAL: Cap Mandrake

**********Forward Operating Base Katana, Truk Ragoon, Dec. 8, 1941(d)*********

Captain Mandrake-san: Rook at this crap! 9 O'crock, Betty from Formosa spot Boise at Cebu, drop torpedo supposedry brow up Boise. 10 O'crock, frying boat from Parau spot Boise 120 mihrs northeast of Surawese, Ereven O'crock Kates from Ryujo attack Boise 120 mihrs East of Borneo, Boise firh sky with AA fire. 12 O'crock, another frying boat spot TWO Boise together, TWO. How-ah possibirh?

Jimmy "too tarh" Honda, (Yakuza guy on roan): Ummm....Captain Madrake-san, anarysis show Boise rearry, rearry fast.

Captain Mandrake-san: BURH SHIT! Boise not fastah than airpranes! Our pirots rike nervous womans. That-ah what rong.

I was at my desk chipping away at a pile of paper when I got to thinking about where the dang Jap CVs were after a sighting 48 hours ago, when the thought occurred to me to peruse some forum AARs and have a coffee. In walks a new customer, wants to do a scope review, I tell him to have a seat, I'll be done in a minute. It's at this point I get to the above post,.....I had to excuse myself.

[zuluhour]

I'm still not sure what the heck is so funny. I think I better have myself checked out.[:'(]

[Cap Mandrake]

ORIGINAL: zuluhour

I'm still not sure what the heck is so funny. I think I better have myself checked out.[:'(]

It's a classic genre, fog of war jokes.

Even so it is probably a good idea to take some time off and go outside under the great glowing orb..if you guys have that where you live. [:)]

[Cap Mandrake]

*******Amirar Togo Memoriar Conference Center, Truk, Dec. 9, 1941(d)*******


<Large sign in front reads>

"Thinking Outside of the 4 by 8 Cell: A New Paradigm for Risk Mitigation in the Crimes Against Humanity Arena---Mr. I Dunn Cheatham, Esq, D,C&H, LLC"


Mr. I Dunn Cheatham, Esq,:.......I'd like to now present some strategies to avoid the subpoena of documents or testimony from subordinates...next slide please.....right, I want you all to think about psychiatry...not for youselves of course..HAHAHAHAhahahaha <stops when he realizes nobody gets the joke> .....tough crowd..no, I meant for the radio operators and stenographers. <pauses for effect> IMAGINE!...Imagine every radio operator in the Imperial Japanese Army and Navy is a licensed psychiatrist. No Anglo-American tribunal, military or otherwise is going to force a psychiatrist to testify if he claims doctor/patient confidentiality.

Gen. Yamashita: <blurts out> I NOT WANT TO RIE DOWN TO GIVE ORDAHS!

Mr. I Dunn Cheatham, Esq,: And you shouldn't have to, General. That's why we have prepared other options....think about sacred sacrament of Confesion........

[Chickenboy]

ORIGINAL: Cap Mandrake

*****Forward Operating Base Katana, Truk Ragoon, Dec. 8, 1941(d)*********



Jimmy "too tarh" Honda, (Yakuza guy on roan): Message from Captain SPrior-san. He say, "You are doing China, right?"

Captain Mandrake-san: Am I?

Jimmy "too tarh" Honda, (Yakuza guy on roan): HAI!

Captain Mandrake-san: Hory crap! We are going to get asses kicked.

Jimmy "too tarh" Honda, (Yakuza guy on roan): HAI!

HAI! [&o][:D]

China? What-ah this China you speak of? [Rooks at map] Hory Crap! You-ah forgot about China? [8|]

[Cap Mandrake]

Techincarry, Japan-mens onry forget about-ah China for 1 day, so, rike Chick Hearn arways say..."no harm, no fouwh"

I brame staff. Jimmy "Too Tarh" Arways prayig with brass knucres instead of staff works. Maybe hire good-rooking womans to remember things.

[Chickenboy]

ORIGINAL: Cap Mandrake

Techincarry, Japan-mens onry forget about-ah China for 1 day, so, rike Chick Hearn arways say..."no harm, no fouwh"

I brame staff. Jimmy "Too Tarh" Arways prayig with brass knucres instead of staff works. Maybe hire good-rooking womans to remember things.

Hai! Brame staff. New guy must atone to the emperor. You-ah wirr go through many staff before war over, I forsee.

What-ah are your prans for China, Captain-san?

[uncivil_servant]

"What-ah are your prans for China, Captain-san? "

I am guessing Monsignor Manlizard performs a reverse Brave Sir Robyn and pull back his forces to the Capital area, encouraging the Chinese to move east, across the river, and overextend their lines thus enabling a quick strike mobile force to punch through their thinner extended lines and begin a grand encirclement.

Why not - he was actuarry considering invading Tazmania......

[Cap Mandrake]

ORIGINAL: uncivil_servant

"What-ah are your prans for China, Captain-san? "

First Japan-mens attack British-mens irregah corony at hong kong then rest of Japan-mens wait for comedy tour to improve morahr

[Cap Mandrake]

************Dec. 9, 19419d)***********

Near Palmyra: The DD's very likely escorting one or both USN carriers run across I-22 about 200 nm NW of Palmyra.
Can't tell which way they are heading.

The KB is about 500 nm NNW between Midway and Johnston. The DD's need a drink.

ASW attack near Palmyra at 165,124

Japanese Ships
SS I-22

Allied Ships
DD Gridley
DD Maury
DD Balch
DD Fanning
DD Ellet
DD Benham

[Cap Mandrake]

Pearl: I-23 is lolling about on the surface 160 miles from PH? Crew will have to get a tan later. The Glen-equipped subs move East, hoping to spot a damaged ship being sent to the West Coast ports.

ASW attack near Lahaina at 183,106

Japanese Ships
SS I-23

Allied Ships
DMS Chandler
DMS Hovey
DMS Wasmuth

SS I-23 is sighted by escort

[Cap Mandrake]

Luzon: Arries surge their fighters over Clark. So far, so good.

Morning Air attack on Clark Field , at 79,76

Weather in hex: Heavy cloud

Raid spotted at 49 NM, estimated altitude 23,000 feet.
Estimated time to target is 16 minutes

Japanese aircraft
A6M2 Zero x 29

Allied aircraft
P-26A x 6
P-35A x 21
P-40B Warhawk x 22
P-40E Warhawk x 12

Japanese aircraft losses
A6M2 Zero: 1 destroyed

Allied aircraft losses
P-26A: 1 destroyed
P-35A: 3 destroyed
P-40B Warhawk: 6 destroyed
P-40E Warhawk: 1 destroyed


Nicely escorted Betty raid but either the fighters or the 20K foot altitude mean we don't hit much.

Morning Air attack on Clark Field , at 79,76

Weather in hex: Heavy cloud

Raid spotted at 21 NM, estimated altitude 22,000 feet.
Estimated time to target is 7 minutes

Japanese aircraft
A6M2 Zero x 27
G4M1 Betty x 30

Allied aircraft
P-26A x 5
P-35A x 3
P-40B Warhawk x 8
P-40E Warhawk x 3

Japanese aircraft losses
G4M1 Betty: 1 destroyed, 1 damaged

Allied aircraft losses
P-26A: 1 destroyed
P-35A: 1 destroyed

Runway hits 5

A second Daitai stops to paint their nails and get pounced upon. Crap.

Morning Air attack on Clark Field , at 79,76

Weather in hex: Heavy cloud

Raid spotted at 4 NM, estimated altitude 23,000 feet.
Estimated time to target is 1 minutes

Japanese aircraft
G4M1 Betty x 20

Allied aircraft
P-26A x 3
P-35A x 2
P-40B Warhawk x 8
P-40E Warhawk x 3

Japanese aircraft losses
G4M1 Betty: 4 destroyed

No Allied losses

Airbase hits 4
Runway hits 5

Another Daitai on naval attack go after crappy China-mens AKL to crose to Manira. Crap!

Afternoon Air attack on TF, near Bataan at 77,77

Weather in hex: Light rain

Raid spotted at 11 NM, estimated altitude 11,000 feet.
Estimated time to target is 3 minutes

Japanese aircraft
G4M1 Betty x 9

Allied aircraft
P-26A x 4
P-40E Warhawk x 7

Japanese aircraft losses
G4M1 Betty: 5 destroyed

[Cap Mandrake]

First day of landing at Aparri goes well. No PT boats, no USN DD's. No action at Naga either. Boise not show up. Honestry, Japan-mens not know where Boise is.

[Cap Mandrake]

Suru Sea: Kaga pay visit out of courtesy and to cover randing at Cagayan in 2 days. Surprise.
[:)] These-ah expensive ships.

Morning Air attack on TF, near Basilan at 75,90

Weather in hex: Heavy rain

Raid spotted at 19 NM, estimated altitude 15,000 feet.
Estimated time to target is 6 minutes

Japanese aircraft
A6M2 Zero x 5
D3A1 Val x 17

Japanese aircraft losses
D3A1 Val: 7 damaged

Allied Ships
xAP Don Esteban, Bomb hits 2, and is sunk
xAK American Leader, Bomb hits 1, on fire
xAP President Madison, Bomb hits 1, heavy fires
DD Peary
AS Holland, Bomb hits 2, heavy fires

********************************
Afternoon Air attack on TF, near Basilan at 75,90

Weather in hex: Heavy cloud

Raid spotted at 9 NM, estimated altitude 12,000 feet.
Estimated time to target is 3 minutes

Japanese aircraft
A6M2 Zero x 5
D3A1 Val x 17

Japanese aircraft losses
D3A1 Val: 7 damaged

Allied Ships
DD John D. Ford, Bomb hits 2, heavy fires
xAP President Madison, Bomb hits 3, heavy fires, heavy damage
DD Peary, Bomb hits 1
xAK Cape Fairweather, Bomb hits 2, on fire

kates with no torps.

Afternoon Air attack on TF, near Puerto Princesa at 75,84

Weather in hex: Heavy rain

Raid spotted at 19 NM, estimated altitude 14,000 feet.
Estimated time to target is 7 minutes

Japanese aircraft
B5N2 Kate x 22

No Japanese losses

Allied Ships
AM Lark, Bomb hits 2, heavy fires, heavy damage
xAKL Don Jose
xAKL Paz, Bomb hits 3, heavy fires, heavy damage
AO Trinity, Bomb hits 3, heavy fires
xAKL Sagoland, Bomb hits 2, heavy fires, heavy damage

[Cap Mandrake]

Java: Japan-mens from Kendari find British battah-cruisers and Nerrs attack at extreme range....but onry thing browing up are barsa wood Nerrs.
I hope they get shot down by frak not some crappy Dutch 1920 prane.

Afternoon Air attack on TF, near Soerabaja at 56,104

Weather in hex: Severe storms

Raid spotted at 19 NM, estimated altitude 11,000 feet.
Estimated time to target is 7 minutes

Japanese aircraft
G3M2 Nell x 6

Allied aircraft
B-339D x 3
CW-21B Demon x 3

Japanese aircraft losses
G3M2 Nell: 4 destroyed

[Cap Mandrake]

Rabaul On a Rark, Japan-mens attack again at Rabaurh and it actuary work!

Ground combat at Rabaul (106,125)

Japanese Shock attack

Attacking force 4352 troops, 51 guns, 0 vehicles, Assault Value = 114

Defending force 1576 troops, 16 guns, 0 vehicles, Assault Value = 39

Japanese adjusted assault: 39

Allied adjusted defense: 19

Japanese assault odds: 2 to 1 (fort level 0)

Japanese forces CAPTURE Rabaul !!!

Combat modifiers
Defender: terrain(+), preparation(-), experience(-)
Attacker: shock(+)

Japanese ground losses:
334 casualties reported
Squads: 1 destroyed, 15 disabled
Non Combat: 0 destroyed, 2 disabled
Engineers: 0 destroyed, 0 disabled

Allied ground losses:
536 casualties reported
Squads: 9 destroyed, 11 disabled
Non Combat: 16 destroyed, 6 disabled
Engineers: 10 destroyed, 0 disabled
Guns lost 8 (1 destroyed, 7 disabled)
Units retreated 2
Units destroyed 1

Defeated Allied Units Retreating!

Assaulting units:
Kimura Det
Kure 1st SNLF
5th JNAF Coy
1st Naval Construction Battalion

Defending units:
Lark Battalion
A Coy/NG Rifles
Rabaul Base Force