Mogami versus Goblin

[mogami]

Hi, June 1938 war breaks out between Poland and Czechoslovakia.

"There are known knowns. These are things we know that we know.
There are known unknowns. That is to say, there are things we know we don't know.
But, there are also unknown unknowns. These are things we don't know we don't know"

Polish defense minister begins his speech explaining war with Czechs.

"We have warned the Czechs many times but they failed to comply with our demands. If they want a war we will give them a war. They won't like the way the war ends. The Pilsner Beer Works must be ceded to Poland"

"Polish forces have crossed the border into Czechoslovkia, they are there to liberate the Pilsner Beer Works. We have faith in victory.".

[Goblin]

The Czechoslovakian Information Minister today...


"We have no Pilsner Beer Works. We have destroyed the beer works, so that none may have it. We have told the warmongering Polish this, yet they persist in their attempts to discredit our peaceful nation."

"We are now calling on our fellow nations to go on a Holy War against the Beer craving Poles. First it will be our alleged Pilsner, next it may be yours. With the evil Polish, no Pilsner, real or imagined will be safe!"

"We will confirm that the Polish Military has crossed our border. They have been sighted, and will be bathing in blood shortly."

CIM


Goblin

[mogami]

"Don't do or say things you would not like to see on the front page of The Warsaw Post The way to do well is to do well.
Polish forces are doing well as they advance deep into Czech territory. In a campaign of shock and awe."

"I will Learn to say "I don't know." If used when appropriate, it will be often. I don't know where the Czechs are hiding. We will find them. We will root them out. When we find them where ever we find them they will be rendered ineffective. We've advised all the Czech front line troops and leaders to do the honorable thing. Surrender and live to rebuild their country. The regime of Goblin is in it's final hours. Goblin is a dinosaur, soon he will be placed in a musem along with other failed regimes."

[Goblin]

Information Ministry press release:



"Their infidels are committing suicide by the hundreds on the borders of Czechoslovakia. Be assured, Czechoslovakia is safe, protected."

CIM


Goblin

[mogami]

"Polish forces advancing into Czech territoy encountered enemy forces. There were no losses on ethier side. Polish forces are rapidly securing their objectives.
Watch for the "not invented here" syndrome.
Beware when any idea is promoted primarily because it is "bold, exciting, innovative, and new." There are many ideas that are "bold, exciting, innovative and new," but also foolish.
The Czech military under their despotic ruler Goblin are on the verge of disaster. I can't say when where or how, but be assured operations are proceeding according to plan. It's a wonderful plan. If I was to reveal the details of the plan you would be amazed. But I'm not going to do that. Clearly operational security and the well being of the troops would be compromised. You won't hear it from me. "

[Goblin]

From The Ministry on recent fighting...

"Yes, the Polish troops have advanced further. This will only make it easier for us to defeat them"

""We have destroyed 50 tanks today. Thats 5-ohhh tanks" [while holding up his fingers]

CIM


Goblin

[mogami]

"Polish forces continue to advance. Further contact with enemy forces made. If you develop rules, never have more than ten. One of my rules is to not discuss casualties while the operation is in progress. I could only talk about a slice of the battle and you would not see the whole battle from that one slice.
Plan backwards as well as forward. Set objectives and trace back to see how to achieve them. You may find that no path can get you there. Plan forward to see where your steps will take you, which may not be clear or intuitive. We have a wonderful plan. I am confident in the plan. I can't reveal the nature of the plan except to let you know it's brillant and it's working. "

[Goblin]

To the Polish Leadership-



"That bastard the Polish Minister of Defense, and I won't say shamelessly, because they don't know what shame means. These are criminals. The whole word can hear the warning sirens. This criminal sitting in Warsaw is a pathetic criminal and his Defense Minister deserves to be beaten. These criminals lie to the world because they are criminals by nature and conditioning. They consider this a military site! Shame on you! You will forever be shamed! You have ruined the reputation of the Polish people in the most terrible way! Shame on you! And we will destroy you!"

CIM

Goblin

[mogami]

"We believe the Czech command and control has been seriously degraded. We say this because Czech military units do not seem to be operating in a cohesive manner. They are not behaving the way one would expect units to behave if they were actually receiving orders.
Arguments of convenience lack integrity and inevitably trip you up. So I won't make the convenient argument about superior Polish equipment, training and morale. You can lead a horse to water but the Polish army smells beer and is very thirsty. We have plenty of water. Don't get me wrong. The troops are well supplied and every thing is going according to plan.
It is easier to get into something than to get out of it. And the only way out the the present certain defeat is for the Czech regime to surrender with out conditions and turn over the Pilsner beer works. We know for certain it is still operating.

The Secretary of Defense is not a super General or Admiral. His task is to exercise civilian control over the Department for the Commander-in-Chief and the country and I'm doing a whale of a job. Just look at the plan for invading and taking the Pilsner Beer works. Well you can't but trust me it's a super duper plan."

[Goblin]

In answer to the Polish Defense Secretary, from the Czechoslovakian Information Minister:


"I can assure you that those villains will recognize, will discover in appropriate time in the future how stupid they are and how they are pretending things which have never taken place"

"We have no Pilsner Beer! We destroyed the Beer! We complied with the wishes of the Beer Drinking dogs, and they lie and throw soldiers at us."

"The world laughs at their military 'prowess'. "

CIM

Goblin

[mogami]

"Fierce fighting in several areas. Polish troops consolidate their positions according to plan. I Look for what's missing. Many advisors can tell a President how to improve what's proposed or what's gone amiss. Few are able to see what isn't there. I don't see the Czech defense as more then a few fanatical beer hounds who realize their running out of time.
I Don't 'over-control' like a novice pilot. I Stay loose enough from the flow that I can observe it, modify, and improve it.
You'd see the beauty of my plan unfolding, if you knew the details of the plan, which I can't reveal to you just yet."

[Goblin]

More from the Minister...


"I have detailed information about the situation . . . which completely proves that what they allege are illusions . . . They lie every day."

"They (the Poles) are deceiving their soldiers and their officers that aggressing against Czechoslovakia and invading Czechoslovakia will be like a picnic. This is a very stupid lie they are telling their soldiers, what they are facing is a definite death."

CIM


Goblin

[mogami]

"Think ahead. Don't let day-to-day operations drive out planning.
Thats what I tell my commanders in the field. They have responded brilliantly. The plan continues to amaze the world. Who would have thought the Czechs would be crushed so rapidly? Except for a few fanatics Czech organized resitence has ended. Every where Czech units are running for the border. We can see the stacks of the Pilsner Beer Works. Still belching smoke as the Czech regime tries to squeeze a few more cases out.

Napoleon was asked, "Who do you consider to be the greatest generals?" He responded saying, "The victors." He knew what he was talking about.

[Goblin]

More of the Truth:


"They fled. The Polish louts fled. Indeed, concerning the fighting waged by the heroes of Czechoslovakia today, one amazing thing really is the cowardice of the Polish soldiers. we had not anticipated this."

The Polish forces continue to attack us, while we valiantly defend the Baby-Formula factory that they say is a Pilsner Beer Works. We will fight on.

CIM

Goblin

[mogami]

"I can't tell you if the use of force in Czechoslovakia today will last five days, five weeks or five months, but it won't last any longer than that.
The government of Poland would like to warn the neighbors of Czechoslovakia not to give any assistance. Polish troops have found German and Swedish identity cards on many of the dead enemy. These poorly disguised and badly mistaken people have perished in a worthless cause. The Czechs had a chance to avoid war. They selfishly choose war rather then part with their beer works. We have reports of German beer mugs and tall boot looking glasses being shipped over the border. This must stop.
Goblin is to blame all the responsibly for this destruction rests on his head. A head that will soon part company with the remainder of his worthless hide."

[Goblin]

Information Ministry Enlightenment:



"They think we are retarded - they are retarded. Their forces committed suicide by the hundreds.... The battle is very fierce and God made us victorious. The fighting continues."

Why do they wish to destroy a Factory that makes food for small babies? They are evil thugs, and bandits.

CIM

Goblin

[mogami]

"Polish forces are repelling a mass attack by foreign troops wearing Czech uniforms. (We know this because before they die they call for Mutter).
Everything is going according to plan. We anticipated this mass last gasp of a dying regime attack. The Goblinite forces are being decimated. Where ever we find them we eliminate them. Others eliminate themselves attacking our well prepared defense.
I've sent the following guidance to our unit commanders "If in doubt, don't. If still in doubt, do what's right." This seems to have helped."
Don't think of yourself as indispensable or infallible. As some French guy said, the cemeteries of the world are full of indispensable men. Soon Goblin will become dispensable."

[mogami]

Sorry,

[Goblin]

"God will roast their stomachs in hell at the hands of Czechs."

They will find no Brewery of Mass Production. We have no beer. Their war is unjust. They are criminals.

CIM

Goblin

[mogami]

"Polish forces are engageing in heavy combat to eliminate the remainng Czech military units protecting the Pilsner Beer Works.
The Beer Works are to be renamed the Mogami Beer Generating Facility.
It isn't making mistakes that's critical; it's correcting them and getting on with the principal task. Not that I've made any mistakes. Just letting you know how I feel on that subject.
Remember where you came from, I come from over there.
Want to know where Goblin is headed? Hehehe we're going to put whats left of him in a pickle jar and put it on display.
When someone with a Czech accent says, "I don't know much about war," zip up your pockets. "