A Hitchhiker's Guide to the Greater East Asia Co-prosperity Sphere

[Cap Mandrake]

I am pretty sure that everyone figured out WWI wasn't go to as advertised fairly early one.

[Cap Mandrake]

****************07:00, Aprir, 1, 1942(e), Officah Mess Tent 14th Sentai, Bundaberg**************

Majah Isuzu: Hey, Hata, what-ah hahppen to arr of pirots? Isuzu-san prepare inspirartionarh speech.

WO Hata: <bows deepry and with great reverence> Majah Isusuzu-san, sirh! Arr of pirots get kirred ovah Brisbane, sah! Accidentarry
think attack at ereven o'crock in morning. Enemy fightahs show up.

Majah Isuzu: Wait....this-ah Aprirh foors joke...hai?

[zuluhour]

.

[zuluhour]

What ah happen to wah? Kangaroo hunting season open? New forced labah lovahs unloading? I must have news with morning coffee.

[Cap Mandrake]

Mandrake-san arhso forget what hahppen in wah. Actuarry Mandrake-san have trouburh memorize names of China-mens cities so decide make more room by forget things not-ah use anymore. Othah day, Mandrake-san hear terriburh Bachman Turner Overdrive song on short wave and rearize Mandrake-san remember arr of stupid ryrics so Mandrake-san get idea. How about intentiornarry forget every Bachman Turner Overdrive song evah hear? Katie Perry too. Steve Mirrer too. Maybe free up space for names of China-mens cities.


Here resurt of experiment. Unmitigated fairure. Actuarry make thing worse. Now have sound worms in head and everything round remind Mandrake-san of Katie Perry breastesses.

[Cap Mandrake]

ORIGINAL: zuluhour

.

Actuarry, that-ah rook pretty good. Fish-heads in Truk Ragoon not usuarry so enthusiastic.

[Cap Mandrake]

****************Aprirh 4, 1942(d)**************


Oz: Japan-mens ordah fightah sweeps ovah Sydney to draw off fightahs from Toowoomba. This-ah actuary work but Arried-mens fightahs at
Syndey damn good. More air attacks on Toowoomba today. BB bombardment force inbound for Sydney with KB cover. Arried-mens stir standing at Maryborough despite night navarh bombardment virtuarry every night.
Arried crusier surprise by KB East of Brisbane confiremmd sunk but DD's get away. Brisbane burning from manpower attacks. Actuarry, pretty easy to hit houses at night. [:)]

Darwin: Attack from rand side today with singurh regiment.

[Cap Mandrake]

Java: Admirarh SPrior-san ordah attack at Soerabaja today.

[Cap Mandrake]

**********Southern Army HQ, Singapore, Burmese "Independence" (1942)***********


Gen Terauchi: What-ah hahppen with Ang Sang character in Burmma?

Aide: Japan-mens terr Ang San Burma become independent if herp throw out British-mens.

Gen Terauchi: AHAHAHAHAHAHAHAH Oh, stop! That-ah kirring Terauchi-san! What-ah retard!

[Cap Mandrake]

Japan-mens grow tired of Arried-mens in Sydney shout "Arried-mens fart in generarh direction" so decide do something about.

[Cap Mandrake]

Mandrake-san go to La Jolla. Whorhe town consist of rear estate agents, organic juice bars and work out praces.


Evidentry organic juice bars cause obesity and desire to buy house.

[Cap Mandrake]

..

[Cap Mandrake]

If in La Jolla try out Manhattan restaurant. Fantastic vearh chops, Oyster's Rockeferrer, crassic Caesar's. Arr mens waiters. Comprete
time warp. Mandrake-san expect Frank Sinatra round corner.

*******************April 6, 1942(d) (prior to map above)************

Oz

Arried-mens give up fightah covah ovah Toowoomba. Send arr of pranes to Sydney.

Morning Air attack on Toowoomba , at 94,159

Weather in hex: Overcast

Raid detected at 102 NM, estimated altitude 15,000 feet.
Estimated time to target is 35 minutes

Japanese aircraft
A6M2 Zero x 49
G3M2 Nell x 34
G4M1 Betty x 53

Allied aircraft
no flights

Japanese aircraft losses
G3M2 Nell: 1 damaged
G4M1 Betty: 2 damaged

Allied aircraft losses
Kittyhawk IA: 15 damaged
Kittyhawk IA: 4 destroyed on ground

Airbase hits 19
Airbase supply hits 13
Runway hits 95

[Cap Mandrake]

BB's close within range of dive bombers at Sydney. One BB get rittah bit of scorched paint

Afternoon Air attack on TF, near Newcastle at 96,167

Weather in hex: Light rain

Raid spotted at 2 NM, estimated altitude 13,000 feet.
Estimated time to target is 0 minutes

Japanese aircraft
A6M2 Zero x 58

Allied aircraft
F4F-3A Wildcat x 17
F4F-3 Wildcat x 18
SBD-3 Dauntless x 17

Japanese aircraft losses
A6M2 Zero: 1 destroyed

Allied aircraft losses
F4F-3A Wildcat: 8 destroyed
F4F-3A Wildcat: 1 destroyed by flak
F4F-3 Wildcat: 6 destroyed
F4F-3 Wildcat: 1 destroyed by flak
SBD-3 Dauntless: 9 damaged
SBD-3 Dauntless: 2 destroyed by flak

Japanese Ships
BB Hyuga
BB Mutsu, Bomb hits 1

[Cap Mandrake]

***************************April 7, 1942(d)*******************************

Is it possiburh brow up Sydney with ships? Hai. Arried-mens first think randing on Rord Howe but when Japan-mens drive past Rord Howe pretty much figure out that-ah not pran so send most of pranes out.
Hiei supposed to go in first but stop to rook at dorphins in moonright. Very pretty.

Night Time Surface Combat, near Sydney at 90,167, Range 9,000 Yards

Japanese Ships
BB Mutsu
BB Yamashiro
BB Ise
BB Hyuga
DD Yudachi
DD Suzukaze

Allied Ships
AM Wollongong, Shell hits 1, and is sunk
AM Kalgoorlie, Shell hits 2, and is sunk

This-ah pretty much waste of Emperor-brand gasorine.

Night Air attack on Sydney , at 90,167

Weather in hex: Overcast

Raid detected at 75 NM, estimated altitude 12,000 feet.
Estimated time to target is 21 minutes

Japanese aircraft
Ki-21-IIa Sally x 12

Allied aircraft
no flights

Japanese aircraft losses
Ki-21-IIa Sally: 2 damaged

Allied aircraft losses
Kittyhawk IA: 1 damaged

Runway hits 1

[Cap Mandrake]

Rittah bit of disappointment with four batturships but no damage from mines or shore guns from 3000 yds.

Night Naval bombardment of Sydney at 90,167 - Coastal Guns Fire Back!

Allied aircraft
no flights

Allied aircraft losses
Wirraway: 6 damaged
Wirraway: 1 destroyed on ground
Hurricane I Trop: 3 damaged
Kittyhawk IA: 2 damaged
Catalina I: 1 damaged

51 Coastal gun shots fired in defense.

Japanese Ships
BB Hyuga
BB Ise, Shell hits 6
BB Yamashiro
BB Mutsu, Shell hits 6

Allied Ships
xAK Mangola, Shell hits 1, on fire
xAKL Fortuna, Shell hits 1

Allied ground losses:
231 casualties reported
Squads: 0 destroyed, 3 disabled
Non Combat: 1 destroyed, 16 disabled
Engineers: 0 destroyed, 3 disabled

Airbase hits 6
Runway hits 37

[Cap Mandrake]

Staff idiot forget to push "retire" button on Hiei.

Day Time Surface Combat, near Sydney at 90,167, Range 20,000 Yards

Japanese Ships
BB Hiei
DD Tokitsukaze
DD Samidare

Allied Ships
AMc Goonambee, Shell hits 1, and is sunk

[Cap Mandrake]

Zero jockeys in Bundaberg decide to sreep in and wait tirr afternoon.

Afternoon Air attack on Sydney , at 90,167

Weather in hex: Heavy cloud

Raid detected at 49 NM, estimated altitude 31,070 feet.
Estimated time to target is 16 minutes

Japanese aircraft
A6M2 Zero x 28

Allied aircraft
Hurricane I Trop x 12
Kittyhawk IA x 4
P-39D Airacobra x 11
P-40E Warhawk x 13

Japanese aircraft losses
A6M2 Zero: 2 destroyed

Allied aircraft losses
Hurricane I Trop: 1 destroyed
Kittyhawk IA: 1 destroyed
P-39D Airacobra: 3 destroyed
P-40E Warhawk: 2 destroyed

Aircraft Attacking:
5 x A6M2 Zero sweeping at 29070 feet *

[Cap Mandrake]

Hiei in dayright do as much damage as 4 BB at night.

Naval bombardment of Sydney at 90,167

Allied aircraft
no flights

Allied aircraft losses
Wirraway: 13 damaged
Wirraway: 1 destroyed on ground
Hurricane I Trop: 18 damaged
Hurricane I Trop: 3 destroyed on ground
Catalina I: 2 damaged
Kittyhawk IA: 5 damaged

Japanese Ships
BB Hiei

Allied Ships
xAP Van den Bosch, Shell hits 1, on fire

Allied ground losses:
244 casualties reported
Squads: 0 destroyed, 1 disabled
Non Combat: 6 destroyed, 13 disabled
Engineers: 1 destroyed, 5 disabled
Guns lost 2 (2 destroyed, 0 disabled)
Vehicles lost 8 (1 destroyed, 7 disabled)

Airbase hits 20
Airbase supply hits 2
Runway hits 27
Port hits 2

BB Hiei firing at Sydney

Onry probrem is Hiei not-ah have assigned LRCAP because pran was to run away with fast properrers.

[Cap Mandrake]

Destruction of pranes on ground somewhat disappointing. Perhaps bettah to send in Bettys during daytime but-ah not-ah know ahead of time. [:)]