Need any playtesters?

[PoorOldSpike]

Hey developers, I've been helping develop and playtest computer wargames for free for over 30 years, so let me know if I can help playtest Armored Brigade..
I'm aged 60+ and retired so I can put in 8 hours of playtesting per day 24/7 without being interrupted by having to go out to work..
(PS- I'm a PC dummy and am no good at geeky technical stuff, I'm a pure playtester only)

[strykerpsg]

POS, you do realize the developers are using the same publisher you have a huge disdain for, right? You may want to clear the air about your disgruntlement with Matrix before asking one of their developers to be a beta/playtester.

PoorOldSpike Aug 10 @ 8:08am
Yes, when scrolling down the games listings at Matrix there's "discontinued...discontinued...discontinued" for game after game as game producers jump ship because they don't want to be associated with Matrix..

Steam link

Perhaps Dimitris can be a character witness for you (or this team) and get you the inside track to beta testing. Afterall, they repaired a bug you helped bring to their attention while "playtesting"...

PoorOldSpike Sep 21 @ 9:16am
Muchachos, we holy men tell it as it is- "I am the way, the truth and the life..", so regard my posts as sacred scripture on a par with the Dead Sea Scrolls and you won't go far wrong..
Remember in Gethsemane when the mob came to arrest Jesus, Peter drew his sword and whacked the high priest's flunkey across the head with it, slicing off his ear; but sadly ships in CMANO don't do that with their CIWS to missiles coming in on their blind spots, they just sail straight on without turning to open their CIWS arcs.
I told the devs about it 2 years ago, but they still haven't released a fix.
When they do, I'll be happy to organise choirs of angels to sing the praises of CMANO, but until then it stays on my shelf gathering dust..

And of course, Dimitris' reply:

Dimitris [developer] Sep 21 @ 1:42pm
Originally posted by PoorOldSpike:
I told the devs about it 2 years ago, but they still haven't released a fix.

This is incorrect.

As I stated in my original reply to you[www.matrixgames.com]:
We looked into this now. We had actually tweaked this behavior when it was first reported a couple years back, so we were curious to see what was wrong.

You originally reported the issue, 2 years back. Afterwards we fixed it, and the fix was included on the then-next update. Then it re-broke under a specific condition (the unit having a plotted course) because of an unrelated code change. If you're indeed a software developer then you're familiar with such predicaments.

After you reported the re-emergence of the issue, it was again fixed. The fix will be part of the next update release.

So the "I've been telling them for 2 years now and they haven't done anything about it" narrative is untrue.

Thanks.

CMANOs Metacritic rating discussion

So, I am confused, you never went forth and organized that choir of angels, but rather took the path of self immolation rather than being humble. How would that make you a likely candidate to beta test for a publisher you supposedly dislike? Not trying to be catty, but you certainly lack polish and finesse. By the way, your signature is ironic...

[PoorOldSpike]

As I've always said, my only aim is to help Matrix (and any other publishers) produce great games and I don't charge them a penny for my help because one of my life mottoes is-
"There is no more noble occupation in the world than to assist another human being, to help someone succeed"- Alan Loy McGinnis (1933-2005)

We holy men don't bear grudges, so I don't know why you think me and Matrix have fallen out. In fact they put me on their Press Reviewer List years ago and have been sending me games to review free of charge ever since because they value my fearless honest opinion..
Sure, I have to talk tough sometimes to get my points across, I'm over 60 yrs old and that's the way we grown-ups talk to each other, so if it upsets some younger immature players that's just too bad.
As regards CMANO, I was delighted to help them fix the "ships won't turn" bug even though it took them 2 years to do so, but we got there in the end. Perhaps the delay was because I might not have properly explained exactly what the bug was in the first place.
My offer to the Armored Brigade developers (and all other game developers) stands, namely I'll help you produce a fantastic game, because another of my life mottoes is-
"Just make up your mind at the very outset that your work is going to stand for quality... that you are going to stamp a superior quality upon everything that goes out of your hands, that whatever you do shall bear the hall-mark of excellence." - Orison Swett Marden (1850-1924)

PS- why don't you like my sig? Fighting with my brain has got me to the top of multiple wargaming ladders at different clubs over the years and has won me a silver trophy, so I must be doing something right..
Here's the 6-inch hallowed trophy sitting on a coffee table in my living room, carefully positioned so that it's the first thing guests see when they arrive, and I can keep steering the conversation towards it during the course of the evening-



I've also been Admin/Mod/Instructor/Tutorial writer/Tournament organiser at several clubs such as these-







BLITZ CLUB

[strykerpsg]

Glad to see your still humble, both here and to your guests, showcasing your life's crowning achievement as the first thing one see's entering your house.

Since you already are on Matrix's Press Reviewer List, I suspect you will indeed not need to volunteer to the developers.

And, how about that promised choir of angels singing praise for CMANO? Is it me or are the crescendo of crickets chirping getting louder here.....

By the way, I don't hold grudges either, just dislike panhandling and dishonesty.

To the developers, as a long time player of SPMBT, WINSPMBT, Steel Panthers and an expanding list of military tactical games, I offer my services too. The difference I offer is real world tactical experience, common sense, tech savvy and humility to the team. I also won't gloat about trophies.....though have them too for service to my country if they are needed to round out one's resume for beta testing.

[PoorOldSpike]

We holy men don't do "dishonesty" mate! If developers want a yes-man, I'm definitely not their boy because we holy men tell it as it is..-
"The Lord made my mouth a sharp sword,an arrow in his quiver" (Isaiah 49:1/2)

As for CMANO, when they fixed the "ships won't turn" bug earlier this year I immediately deleted my "thumbs down" post at Steam, and haven't said a bad word against CMANO since..

PS- Regard my earlier post in this sensational thread simply as a list of my "credentials", it's nothing to do with bragging.
In fact I was also developing wargames 30 years ago (including the ones below) when I was on the payroll of Cases Computer Simulations, I've been around..-

[strykerpsg]

Well, something to consider: Remember all that you write, good, bad and indifferent, stays on the web forever and ever, unless deleted by moderators. You've got quite the list of less than humble statements and while everyone is certainly entitled to an opinion, few developers will want someone lacking maturity and finesse in their thoughts and deeds representing their labor of love. When one person flames on you, they are most likely misunderstanding you. When many people disagree and label you collectively, chances are there's some credibility in their statements and one should consider there being some truth to the collective statements.

Best of luck POS. Glad your imagination has made you bigger than life....

[PoorOldSpike]

Speaking of immaturity, when I made some comments in the CMANO thread this year, some kiddies blew their tops and started yelling "Don't listen to POS, he's a disrupter and troll!"
Perhaps they were people I've beaten in wargames and they've held a grudge ever since..

By contrast, here's some of the feedback I get from sensible wargame opponents-
Geordie-"As a player PoorOldSpike is top notch and his file return rate is amongst the best I have encountered..his tactics work"
RocketMan- "PoorOldSpike is great guy to learn tank tactics from with unsurpassed file return times (it is like he is an AI or something with him returning files any time of the night or day).."
MrBadExample- "PoorOldSpike is excellent player, good guy and gets turns out quickly! Highly reccomended .."
Enigma- "PoorOldSpike is great tactician, superb return rate and some really wonderful comments with them too. Well worth playing! Also a great teacher in helping you improve your own gameplay and a really good playtester.."
Fredrock- "PoorOldSpike is interesting Tactician, good player, really great Banter,got to give him a try.."
British Tommy- "PoorOldSpike is a very good tactical player, well worth playing against.."
Von Schwendemann- "POS is excellent player with an outstanding return rate. If you haven't played him you are missing out. Have fun.."
Neubaufahrzeug- "Played twice in mirror mode against POS and he is a fair, competent and fast player. CM is living with such guys - let´s go on.."
Koen- "PoorOldSpike I must admit that you're crazy and something's totally wrong with you but you're honest and straight to the point.."
Mad Russian- "To give PoorOldSpike his due, he does good CM support..Every single time POS and I have played each other he is a grand opponent. His return rate is better than ANYBODY's!!!"
Hirr Leto- "PoorOldSpike is deranged, crazy and full of fight. POS will bring it like no other... tactically sound player and yes, 'very' dangerous with armour.”
Lord Bane quote- "I have been playing the game for many years but have learned quite a bit about the game by reading your fantastic tactical posts."
The Coil- "PoorOldSpike is great when you want to understand the mechanics of the game"
Wardog- "PoorOldSpike you are a tough little f*cker to play against"

PS- I've logged over 2000 hours on the Armed Assault III King of the Hill multiplayer servers over the past 18 months and have reached the exclusive level 116 and amassed over a million spending points; here's me leading some human members of my 'Iron Men' squad, I tell them-
"Stick with me if you want to live"..

[strykerpsg]

LOL, I am confident you can print that, laminate it and place next to your singular 6" hallowed trophy. My experiences are real, lifelong, earned and respected by real Soldiers and Leaders, conducted in the real world. Funny how you continue to showcase hours played and trophies earned, just be humble POS, stop trying to impress with numbers and trophies. It makes you look petty and small.

There will always be someone that disagree's with you. It's how one confronts and handles that action that in real time that establishes one's legacy later on.

[VilleYrjola]

Please just stop, both of you, this thread is getting more retarded by each message posted.

[strykerpsg]

[Lobster]

No please. Let the girls fight. Not much to do some weekday evenings. This is a nice distraction.

[strykerpsg]

ORIGINAL: Lobster

No please. Let the girls fight. Not much to do some weekday evenings. This is a nice distraction.

LOL, I can assure you, I am 100% confident in my manhood and gender, just dislike hypocrites that think they are un-noticed with their content and lacking accountability. However, glad you enjoy the distractions.

[PoorOldSpike]

Gentlemen I'm deeply flattered that you've made pilgrimages to this divine thread; indeed my tutorials are like holy writ all around the internet and are as famous as the Dead Sea scrolls, so the least I can do is to give you a few wargaming tips.
Firstly here's more of my credentials-





I tell my recruits- "Follow the tips below so I can watch you racing up the ladders and can proudly think 'That's my boys, you're soldiers now!"..

TIP 1- NEVER FEAR TO USE INSANELY MASSIVE OVERKILL, LET THE FEAR BE YOUR ENEMIES!
TIP 2- DON'T WORRY IF YOU'RE A NOOB, BECAUSE WHEN YOU LAY YOUR CROSSHAIRS ON THE TARGET AND PULL THE TRIGGER, THE SHELL WON'T KNOW YOU'RE A NOOB AND WILL STILL FLY AT A ZILLION FEET PER SECOND WHICH MAKES YOU VERY VERY DANGEROUS!
TIP 3- DON'T TRY TO WINKLE OUT THE ENEMY FROM A VILLAGE, SIMPLY COLLAPSE THE BUILDINGS ON TOP OF THEM WITH MASSIVE ARTILLERY AND TANK FIRE, AS THE ENEMY POSE NO THREAT IF THEY'RE MUSH!
TIP 4- TRY TO DEVELOP THE FAMOUS 'POS SWAGGER' AND BE CONFIDENT TO THE POINT OF ARROGANCE AS IN THIS TUTORIAL VID OF MYSELF (play fullscreen for maximum dramatic effect)-

https://youtu.be/QaArap_NpnI

[btd64]

ORIGINAL: Lobster

No please. Let the girls fight. Not much to do some weekday evenings. This is a nice distraction.

Plus 1. I, for one, don't like show off's. Want to impress me POS, How about a game of "War in the Pacific AE".[8D] ....GP

[PoorOldSpike]

ORIGINAL: btd64

..I, for one, don't like show off's. Want to impress me POS, How about a game of "War in the Pacific AE".[8D] ....GP

Thanks mate but sorry I haven't got WITPAE, Matrix rate it 'Expert' complexity and I tend to go for smaller faster-moving games.
For example in the ladder above I played 146 games of 'Combat Mission' over a 25-week period which works out at about 6 games per week.
As I tell my wargame recruits- "Make war like you make love, quickly, brutally, decisively!"
Currently the only games I play regularly are Armed Assault III, Napoleon Total War, Empire Total War, Fleet Command and Panzer Corps.

As regards show offs, they're natural-born WINNERS (think Patton and Montgomery) because shrinking violets have the wrong mindset and are their own worst enemy!
When starting a game with them they say "You'll probably win, I always seem to have bad luck", so I reply- "That's loser talk mate because with an attitude like that you're already beat! We make our OWN luck!"

"Luck comes out of the barrel of a gun"- POS
"Luck has a peculiar habit of favoring those who don't depend on it" - Anon
"A person does not seek luck, luck seeks the person" - Turkish proverb
"I deserved my good luck" - Margaret Thatcher
"Luck is when opportunity knocks and you answer"-Anon

PS-I'm on the 'Towards Berlin' development team, but like I say I'm always happy to help any other developers produce great games and become millionnaires!

[Simulacra53]

“Why be a king when you can be a god.”
Eminem

[&o]

[mccartyg]

Hilarious thread.