New American Unit

Seth · Post by **Seth** » Thu Jun 01, 2000 10:07 pm

That's right, the Americans need the War Movie Squad! This would consist of:
1. The Gruff But Loveable Commander-John Wayne type tough guy who thrills to combat but loves his men like children. He's tough on them, but it pays off in the climactic scene.
2. The Idealistic Young Kid-He's new to the unit, barely old enough to shave, usually from a small Midwestern town. He tries to make friends, but they all reject him. Then his flamethrower explodes, or some other gruesome accident, and they feel bad for about five minutes. Then a new one gets posted to the unit. A liability for anyone standing too close, these guys die off like redshirts on the old Star Trek.
3. The Italian-He's from the Bronx, or Brooklyn. This useless wisecracker spends all his time talking about food, his girl, his car, and the Dodgers. Makes you wonder who rooted for the Yankees or the Giants. Also makes you wonder how we won. He later went on to a successful career in B-grade sci-fi.
4. Psycho Hillbilly-This guy truly enjoys killing, and often creeps out the other guys in the squad. He's almost always from the backwoods, and usually religious to boot. He's often featured shooting a German after he surrenders, but makes up for it later by giving some little French waif a pack of gum.
5. The Rich Guy-He's out to prove that the Boston intelligentsia are just plain folks. However, he always dies a heroic death by jumping on a grenade or somesuch, proving (sort of) that rank has its privileges, and making everyone feel bad for ribbing him about his collection of poetry. Not quite a standard character, you can buy him as a support unit for that pivotal scene where the squad is about to get taken out.

I'm sure other countries could have their own war movie teams, for example:
The Heroic Soviet Political Officer-Forever gazing toward the horizon, with the wind blowing through his blond hair, he performs such dubious feats as: Counterbattery fire by catching shells and throwing them back, killing 700 Germans with a toothpick, and paying East Prussian villagers for food.

Thank God the Swedes weren't in the war. We'd have movies where there was no action, and half the characters would commit suicide after 20 minute soliloquies about the pointlessness of it all.

[This message has been edited by Seth (edited 06-01-2000).]

Charles22 · Post by **Charles22** » Thu Jun 01, 2000 11:22 pm

Seth: You're cracking me up man. Hey, what if the squad you described were Russian instead? I mean, just think of it. Young Boris has found a stray dog which the death squads haven't eaten for dinner yet, and when everyone is asleep (which was always early in the war), he slips out little sips of vodka for the mutt. Tragically one day he awakes, to see his pooch chained to a stake, awaiting satchel charge duty.

Charles22 · Post by **Charles22** » Thu Jun 01, 2000 11:40 pm

Seth: In the Gerry or Russian movie, you also forgot about the soldiers who are throwing out the old leaders of a town, and setting up DEMOCRATIC replacements.

troopie · Post by **troopie** » Fri Jun 02, 2000 5:00 am

The British squad would have:
The Useless Officer: Has a title, incompetent but brave to a fault. Gets killed saving the:
Reformed Cockney thief: Can move silently, and will steal anything but only from the Gerries. Always talking about his poor mum and betting the horses, gets on the nerves of the:
Canny Scottish Highlander: Full of simple country wisdom. Says incomprehensible proverbs about farming, hunting and the land. Has impenetrable Scots burr, is friendly with the:
World Weary Sergeant: Was in "the last one". Has seen it all. Doesn't believe in anything any more but still does his duty. Tries to silence the:
Singing Welshman: Very religious, constantly singing Methodist hymns and quoting the bible. Saves the Squad by singing a hymn in German and fooling the enemy. Quarrels with the:
Midlands Trades unionist: Thinks the war is a swindle, but is a violent enemy of fascism. Preaches Labour Party doctrine to everyone, including the enemy. Gets drunk with the Useless Officer, and realises he is just people.

troopie

nikb · Post by **nikb** » Fri Jun 02, 2000 5:29 am

Troopie,

Any Kiwis in that squad? We seem to get dragged in somewhere along the line.

Nik

nikb · Post by **nikb** » Fri Jun 02, 2000 5:37 am

I think we could actually provide some decent help back in those days. Mind you...what is wrong with the 100 year old Sky Hawks...

troopie · Post by **troopie** » Fri Jun 02, 2000 5:44 am

I forgot these three:
The Athlete: Usually a New Zealander. Can run like a deer, swim like a dolphin and is strong as two oxen. Contemptuous of the Useless Officer and friends with the Reformed Cockney Thief. Is killed along with the:
Happy-go-lucky Farm Boy: Always talking about his girl, the beautiful sunsets on the farm, and his papa's old Vauxhall, which he can take apart and put together blindfolded. Gets killed shortly after opening credits. Befriended by the World Weary Sergeant and the:
Racist South African: (Only found in movies set in Ethiopia or Burma). Hates blacks, Asians and Irish. Never sleeps, can find his way through the jungle blind drunk and hooded, knows the ways of animals he's never seen before. Always gets killed saving the life of a black or Asian child.

troopie(who is none of those people)

Wild Bill · Post by **Wild Bill** » Fri Jun 02, 2000 6:13 am

Kinda sounds the Raider squad already..

The Kunel

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Wild Bill Wilder
Coordinator, Scenario Design
Matrix Games

Paul Vebber · Post by **Paul Vebber** » Fri Jun 02, 2000 7:15 am

You forgot my favorite! "The Scrounger" a young bronzed California looking kid, with a toothpick in his mouth at all times, often with a wad of gum.

In the middle of a battle, in the middle of nowhere, "Scrounger" gets sent to find a replacement water pump for the tank, and returns an hour later with the water pump, and extra set of fan belts "cause they were looking kinda worn", 2 extra boxes of .30 cal ammo, 2 bottles of Champagne, 1 of bourbon and lipstick on his collar

Spartacus! · Post by **Spartacus!** » Fri Jun 02, 2000 7:41 am

You guys crack me up.

[This message has been edited by Spartacus! (edited 06-01-2000).]

Bing · Post by **Bing** » Fri Jun 02, 2000 8:12 am

Oh, I can't resist:

Troopie, you described the Welshman rather well, except for one personality trait: There is almost always a faint odor of spirits about him, and I do not mean the holy kind, either. He would not be a Welshman if that were not the case.

Otherwise, you got a classic,

Byron Inglesh

nikb · Post by **nikb** » Fri Jun 02, 2000 8:58 am

Classic Troopie

Hell, a very honorable description of us Kiwis. The SA description is right on the button (just jokes for any South Africans out there - getting psyched up the the Tri Nations!!)

Nik

Recon_slith · Post by **Recon_slith** » Fri Jun 02, 2000 4:59 pm

What about-

The Weasel: Black marketeer, money lender and ass kisser. Befreinds the new arrivals and fleeces them at cards. Invariably killed by booby trap when looting enemy body. Oh, the Irony.

The Coward: Prone to whimpering, talking obsessively about home and cowering at the bottom of a foxhole. Either is snapped out of it and saves the whole squad with a feat of selfless heroism (and dies after prolonged dying speech) or fails to snap out of it and is horribly killed anyway but at least the audience is spared his nauseating last words.

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Wait for Death. There's a choice?
Recon

Wild Bill · Post by **Wild Bill** » Fri Jun 02, 2000 5:01 pm

There is somewhat of a choice. Death is coming, but I ain't waitin' on it. It's gotta catch me first

I'll continue to move and stay active till the spector catches his breath and hunts me down.

No waiting! Find me if you want me

The Ancient Kunel

------------------
Wild Bill Wilder
Coordinator, Scenario Design
Matrix Games

Recon_slith · Post by **Recon_slith** » Fri Jun 02, 2000 5:34 pm

Actually, my handle is not only a comment on the nature of existance but is also a comment on the outcome of any battle where you neglect proper recon. and therefore might as well be waiting around for death.
Hide those Recon units on the flanks of likely lines of advance and they will be worth ten times thier cost.
Sit around without such and.........

------------------
Wait for Death. There's a choice?
Recon

Seth · Post by **Seth** » Fri Jun 02, 2000 7:24 pm

Here's another few, lest the rest of the commonwealth feel left out.
The Canadian: The RAF movie equivalent of the Idealistic Young Kid (Manitoba, Iowa, what's the difference?), his bomber explodes in flames with screaming on the radio, while Group Captain Trevor Howard shakes his head and says 'Poor Lad'.
The Faithful Indian: Only featured in Eastern Theatre flicks, he's a loyal subject of the crown, eager to serve his enlightened (and lightened) masters, with everything from bringing the Crusty Old Officer his Pym's to killing Japanese with some truly ghastly native weaponry. They all pretend to like him, and when he invariably dies they seem to be sad. (Probably wondering where their clean linens are going to come from now.)

BTW, the nauseating speeches some of these guys make remind me of the time in high school when my mom and I rented 49th Parallel, a hideous propaganda film. As Sir Laurence made his dying speech after being shot by one of the German submariners, my mom cried out: 'For Christ's sake, shoot him again!' We were pulling for the Germans the rest of the movie.

Charles22 · Post by **Charles22** » Fri Jun 02, 2000 7:36 pm

Ah, and then there's always the commando. His arms are the size of elephant's legs and always has a cigar stub in his mouth which he never smokes. With such a wide body, you would think he would make a larger target, but somehow all the bullets never have his name, no matter how many rounds are fired, no matter how good the marksman. He's one of these guys who never gets shot, but always seems to receive injuries by other means, such as snakes. If only the enemy instead of shooting at him, would throw snakes, he'd be knee-deep in trouble. He also carries a virtual Batman's untility belt on him, which is liable to produce such things as rare Arabian swords for chopping the underbrush. He also sweats profusely, but always seems to have an unlimited supply of pure linen to wipe his face with.

kliest · Post by **kliest** » Fri Jun 02, 2000 7:39 pm

Bill, I think Matrix needs to make "World war II: The Movie" You can go from squad to squad as they fight it out all over the globe. You'll have to get some Japanese gamer to come up with some sterotypes for their side, otherwise you've got the whole movie already writen....

Charles22 · Post by **Charles22** » Fri Jun 02, 2000 7:40 pm

Seth: Would that faithful Indian also scream "AIEEEE" when shot, like the guys on Jonny Quest?

troopie · Post by **troopie** » Sat Jun 03, 2000 2:08 am

Support Units you can buy:
The Fatherly Irish Chaplain: (American) Father Pat, or Mike, or Joe, inspires the men to heroic deeds with little homilies about nothing in particular. No stick-in-the-mud he, he plays pool with the men and poker with the officers. Followed around by a choir of angels. Talks about the Man Upstairs.
The Gruff Doctor: (British) Often a semi-alcoholic, he can cure anything with a stiff drink and a stern lecture.
The Idealistic Doctor: (Russian) Young doctor, hates war, dreams of the day socialism will abolish it. Went to the same medical school as the Gruff Doctor, since he can cure anything with a stiff drink and a stern lecture.

troopie

BTW I once knew an ex-British army doctor whose main cure was a shot of whisky and a lecture.